{"id":423,"date":"2017-02-03T00:03:06","date_gmt":"2017-02-03T00:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hippy.com\/hip\/uncategorized\/comedy-cocaine-and-cable-tv\/"},"modified":"2019-04-10T16:28:14","modified_gmt":"2019-04-10T16:28:14","slug":"comedy-cocaine-and-cable-tv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/drugs\/comedy-cocaine-and-cable-tv\/","title":{"rendered":"Comedy, Cocaine and Cable TV"},"content":{"rendered":"
by Robbie Jones Saturday Night Live\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
producer Marci Klein SNL<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sara Seth glanced up at the marquee <\/em>on west 68th from the inside of the Hilton Hotel.<\/em> 10 minutes to show time! Famous <\/em>comedian famous comedian am I said she to the empty <\/em>\u00a0bar.<\/em> She watched as the <\/em>stepladder was placed in front of the marquee \u2013 the workman in <\/em>white<\/em> pulling each letter from the metal marquee. New film, new star.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/div>\n

\nEvery Friday a new picture.
\n<\/em><\/em>\u00a0\u201cFilm star, all of us could be film stars.. I just know it \u2013 SARA <\/em><\/div>\n
IF YOU WOULD TRY HARDER \u2013\u201c Sarah sipped at a coke and <\/em><\/div>\n
Bacardi rum to the end sucking nosily. Her Mother\u2019s voice echoing.<\/em><\/div>\n
Try harder. Do better. Useless all of you except for Sara. Sara did a<\/em><\/div>\n
show and brought in 50$. Mrs. Seth lighting a cigarette and shifting<\/em><\/div>\n
in the heavy upholstered chair. Her pudgy face turning as she shook<\/em><\/div>\n
her dark hair.\u00a0 \u201cI just want what\u2019s best. For all of you.\u201d She inhaled<\/em><\/div>\n
and looked around at her handsome husband and daughters. She<\/em><\/div>\n
dismissed Shelly and called for Sara to sit with her. Lesley left and<\/em><\/div>\n
the other arm went around Sara.\u00a0 There was nothing to do at this point<\/em><\/div>\n
except to hear the crickets and kids playing from the open window at their <\/em><\/div>\n
New Hampshire home.\u00a0 It was late. Sara had gotten a gig doing stand up.<\/em><\/div>\n
Shelly her Dad had found a 5 day job bricking up a wall at a rich neighbors home.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/div>\n

Lesley had handed over her babysitting money to her Mother, reluctantly.<\/em><\/div>\n
All the cash was in her hand as she counted and recounted. Everyone<\/em><\/div>\n
had to hand over their cash to Mrs. Seth.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cBaby do you need something?\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Sara nodded yes and stared out the window to the trees, the roads<\/em><\/div>\n
to town, the night sky with a star shining. Her long brown hair was parted <\/em><\/div>\n
to the side and her face was small and handsome. Everyone said she <\/em><\/div>\n
resembled her father with his \u2018handsome movie star looks\u2019 and it was true Shelly <\/em>was the most handsome man in town. As Sara had grown up and watched as <\/em>woman after woman threw themselves at Shelly. \u00a0She had also watched as <\/em>he, at times had indulged in some back seat fucking behind his wife\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/div>\n

Sara had learned one thing. Women would do anything for sex from a handsome man. \u00a0<\/em>And the more he played them, the more they wanted it.<\/em><\/div>\n
Shelly always had his pudgy devoted wife and in the New England town<\/em><\/div>\n
on Fridays and Saturdays while they were all at the movies or the <\/em><\/div>\n
Lakeshore diner he escaped his drab life in a 20$ hotel room with <\/em><\/div>\n
a bar maid. \u00a0Or in the backseat of a car with the wife of a friend<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cBaby do you need anything?\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cMommy I want 25$ half from my gig. Please.\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cYou were funny?\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cHe said I\u2019m really funny and I rocked the house. I did Mommy.<\/em><\/div>\n
I can do another show next Friday. I get a free drink and a meal\u00a0$50\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re kidding me-\u201c<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cNo Mommy he hired me- I want my 25$\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cDarling you got hired?\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
A huge grin appeared on her face and her pudgy arms wrapped<\/em><\/div>\n
around her daughter in a hug. \u201dHired. 50$ every Friday. Finally!<\/em><\/div>\n
One of you has some guts. I knew you were a somebody.<\/em><\/div>\n
Lesley will never amount to anything! Shelly is shit. You<\/em><\/div>\n
my angel, are something.\u201c<\/em><\/div>\n
Sara rocked in her Mother\u2019s arms. The room exactly the same as it had<\/em><\/div>\n
been since she was a child. Same chairs, same bookcase with <\/em><\/div>\n
scattered chipped teapots and cups and plates. A framed photo on the wall.<\/em><\/div>\n
A lumpy sofa at the wall. The window open to a New England summer night.<\/em><\/div>\n
Sara had sex with the manager after her show. It was over quickly.<\/em><\/div>\n
And he had hugged her in much the same way her Mother was now.<\/em><\/div>\n
He was handsome and married but he gave her the gig and <\/em><\/div>\n
looked and looked at how beautiful and smart she was. He <\/em><\/div>\n
had kidded and joked with and hired her to bus tables and host.<\/em><\/div>\n
It all ended up in \u00a0back room\u00a0with a single bed and creaking bed springs.<\/em><\/div>\n
It didn\u2019t matter it was job security and she knew she was funny and the<\/em><\/div>\n
crowd at the bar had actually liked the show. Goodbye cleaning hello affair<\/em><\/div>\n
with a married man and hello stand- up comedy.<\/em> \u00a0The Friday before her<\/em><\/div>\n
Mother had slapped her face hard when she mentioned money. Sarah Seth<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0 was making it. 35$ \u00a0100$ Hiding it, giving her Mom some and feeling better.<\/em><\/div>\n
New shirts, a new skirt.\u00a0 Cologne. Anything seemed too expensive. <\/em><\/div>\n
Shelly had finally admitted he had spent all his money on food & beer.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cHired. A real comedian.\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cYes Mommy \u2013 and I want 25$\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cSure kid here.\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
Her Mom folded the twenty and five into her hand and kissed her.<\/em><\/div>\n
Hugged her again. Finally her Mother wasn\u2019t angry every day.<\/em><\/div>\n
The old 3 bedroom home was paid for and it was just <\/em><\/div>\n
utility gas and food they needed. Sara was seventeen and had<\/em><\/div>\n
a closet of clothes. Her sister had the same but her Mother had<\/em><\/div>\n
been beyond angry all week. Finally she was happier.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
\u201cCome on baby, let\u2019s have a drink an celebrate\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n
Sara stood and looked out the window. Her Mother led her to<\/em><\/div>\n
the back kitchen and pulled her inside, softly locking the door.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
The marquee back on 68th street was changed to HippyLand.<\/em><\/em>Same as she called her summer house in New Hampshire.<\/p>\n

Pot, hot tubs, bring your little brothers and sisters up.<\/p>\n

All welcome and all of us best friends. Forever Hippies.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

The new poster up and the ladder being turned. Sara Seth was<\/em><\/div>\n
looking out the window. Her Mother had died earlier that month. <\/em><\/div>\n
Lung cancer and a fight over some bags of pot on the table.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
A lump on her neck, a\u00a0<\/em>tumor\u00a0<\/em>behind. Her Father Shelly had died as well.<\/em><\/div>\n
As soon as she started dealing they had gone. \u00a0Dead. \u00a0Sara thought quickly of a joke.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Mommy, what zodiac sign smokes the most. Cancer. She smiled and<\/em><\/div>\n
laughed. Finished the Bacardi and shook the ice. 11pm and showtime!<\/em><\/div>\n
Let them wait a few minutes.\u00a0 Sara Seth was always funny. <\/em><\/div>\n
Her show always rocked the house.\u00a0 The Marquee had changed<\/em><\/div>\n
and her Mom was gone.\u00a0 Woodstock and now HippyLand..<\/em><\/div>\n
A new star, new film every Friday.\u00a0 Sara looked at her list<\/em><\/div>\n
of ten jokes and quickly left the empty bar.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
********<\/em><\/div>\n
Sara Seth glanced up at the marquee <\/em>in Vegas 10 minutes to show time! Famous comedian famous comedian am I said she <\/em>to the empty bar.<\/em> She shook her hair back and ordered a quick rum & coke. The <\/em>bartender winked at her and she\u00a0<\/em> looked at her list of ten jokes. Winner winner winner \u2013 <\/em><\/div>\n
talk while – look at room – winner winner winner talk winner winner winner \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
annnnd end joke. \u00a0Holy shit Vegas\u00a0crowd! Sarah shrugged.<\/em> Sarah Seth was <\/em><\/div>\n
always funny. She thought back earlier that day up in her hotel room. <\/em><\/div>\n
She woke up at 12 ordered breakfast, ate and went to the pool and wasted an afternoon <\/em>on the phone and looking at the staff. Ordering anything and everything. More ice, colder <\/em>glass,<\/em> another water – keep them busy Sarah thought. Vegas Vegas Vegas. Ooooh <\/em>babyyy playing thumping in background. \u00a0She looked at her ten jokes. Play this crowd \u2013 <\/em>play<\/em> them same as the Comedy Cellar crowd. \u00a0Deb her waitress was near. Deb Mimosa!<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
For awhile<\/em> I thought that was her name. \u00a0Sara looked at the email from Sydney. \u00a0Her <\/em>screenplay was being done.<\/em> Compromise, some days we play Abba some days we play <\/em>Neil Diamond. We must all melt a bit and <\/em>\u00a0not be so cold . \u00a0Sydney always said <\/em>that. \u00a0Later Sydney. As she looked at her fragile face in her hotel mirror <\/em>she had thought of her early days in comedy. So happy walking down Macdougal street <\/em>in Manhattan.<\/em> To all the comedy clubs and cafes. Everyone out, couples everywhere.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\u00a0She got gig at the<\/em> cellar right off, shaking hands and talking her way in. <\/em><\/div>\n
No back rooms it was just be funny. <\/em>\u00a0It was always crowded at the cellar and a strict 2 <\/em>drink minimum kept it busy. <\/em>\u00a0Pressured to perform she took the stage\u00a0and bombed with <\/em>her first joke and just kept talking. <\/em>\u00a0The crowd hardly noticed and finally she said <\/em>something funny. A wave of laughter rocked <\/em>\u00a0her and she got right back on.\u00a0Dirty jokes.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Fine got them and she just kept on. She had her guitar <\/em>\u00a0and could always\u00a0play a bit and <\/em>talk to her crowd but it was crowded. They wanted to laugh <\/em>\u00a0and she always\u00a0knew a few <\/em>dirty jokes. Two minutes into it she relaxed and kept being sexy dirty and\u00a0<\/em>quick. Laughter. Applause. Laughter. They loved her and finally the host waved, set done <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
and<\/em> she waved and applause. A moment to savor and she stood and grinned. Hopped off <\/em>the stage.<\/em> Asked for a free drink at the bar. \u00a0Got a draft beer and went to the back.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Got it. Got it.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
On the phone and a call to her Mother. Mom. How was it baby? Come home tomorrow. <\/em>Mom. The years had gone, gone where. Seven years later in her hotel room in Vegas <\/em>thinking of the comedy cellar. Looking at a stranger in the mirror. Sara Seth.<\/em><\/div>\n
Her face was hard. Her eyes pools of black. Shark eyes. \u00a0So much had happened.
\n<\/em><\/div>\n
Her face was \u00a0hard. My Mother is dead. She said aloud. Shot in the head. I should<\/em><\/div>\n
have stayed in bed. She looked around. View. Cool breezy Vegas. Big bed<\/em><\/div>\n
and towels on the floor. She had the cash and could have a party later that night.<\/em><\/div>\n
Her hand hurt. She had thrown a glass in anger earlier. Sure. A party.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
She looked again at the stranger in the mirror. Forget it. She smiled and<\/em><\/div>\n
took a deep breath. Sara Seth was always funny. The marquee said headliner<\/em><\/div>\n
and she was making good money. \u00a0Funny. That was done. She had learned that <\/em><\/div>\n
way back at the comedy cellar. Seven years gone. Gone where.<\/em><\/div>\n
*******************************<\/div>\n
Sydney this is so funny you wrote this?\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
But yes, of course. Really?<\/em><\/div>\n
It’s so funny – it’s hilarious. Did you get your bonus?<\/em><\/div>\n
Totally.<\/em><\/div>\n
Sydney Lewis waved her check at her co-worker at the silicon valley start up.<\/em><\/div>\n
A program built in Gerard’s parents basement went to 3 people working in his garage <\/em><\/div>\n
shrink wrapping<\/em> packages to a 200+ company with Gerald in sunglasses constantly <\/em><\/div>\n
talking on the phone and his<\/em> high school friend Sydney marketing itune APPS<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0to teens in California. Text to Guru Gerard,\u00a0<\/em> let’s do a Mork and Mindy APP.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0And a POPE APP. \u00a0SOAP ON A ROPE WITH THE POPE<\/em> Sydney Happy APPY <\/em><\/div>\n
Lewis. \u00a0Annnnnnnnnnnnd\u00a0Send !And Sydney pulled her hair back into a <\/em><\/div>\n
pony tail and pulled on a worn sweater\u00a0over her button down shirt. A tan skirt and <\/em><\/div>\n
Birkenstocks. <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Outside to the warm California evening. It was a long day, they had done it. <\/em><\/div>\n
They had sold the company.<\/em> All the meetings and handshaking and meetings<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and phone calls paid off. \u00a0Meetings and meetings!<\/em><\/div>\n
A thirteen million dollar sale and Gerard was happy driving off to meet his<\/em><\/div>\n
masseuse whom Sydney was sure was gay and Gerald well, he built the program.<\/em><\/div>\n
If he wanted a massage from a blonde surfer guy – for sure. Gerard was so lonely.<\/em><\/div>\n
All he did was work and Sydney was happy he had a friend. Everyone in the<\/em><\/div>\n
company had gotten a bonus from the sale and it was over. Namesdomain Inc.<\/em><\/div>\n
was over. Swallowed up acquired by large looming shark Ashton-Tate. \u00a0Emails to <\/em>everyone. All Gerard’s friends back from MIT in Boston. \u00a0The ring<\/em><\/div>\n
bearer has fulfilled his quest! \u00a0My kingdom for windows DOS! \u00a0All the worlds<\/em><\/div>\n
a stage and we are just world of warcraft players. What did Diana Ross say to<\/em><\/div>\n
her tech support team- where are my back ups! \u00a0All Sydney did all day long at the <\/em>hippy computer company was make jokes. Jokes riddles puns limericks long rambling <\/em>jokes<\/em> short witty remarks – as if it were Wisecracks Inc. all day. Sydney had a strange <\/em>ability to get<\/em> people laughing so hard tears came. They fell off chairs and sometimes<\/em>\u00a0they laughed so<\/em> hard they peed. \u00a0It was a unless talent in the software industry <\/em>\u00a0but it was also becoming<\/em> apparent Sydney would rather be writing jokes than device <\/em>driver code and answering<\/em> never ending tech support calls.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0This is funny. You should be in comedy. <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0They always<\/em> said that and she just always smiled and looked down. <\/em><\/div>\n
Comedy. The big C. Laughter,<\/em> like a tumor it was, humor. \u00a0Mary Tyler Moore moments, <\/em>joke books and all <\/em>\u00a0the\u00a0television.<\/em> Sydney had watched every sitcom ever.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0The green backyard at <\/em>her Mom’s house with it’s<\/em> sliding glass doors. <\/em><\/div>\n
The television room and a tv guide. <\/em>\u00a0Peaceful and tranquil for\u00a0devoting\u00a0herself to <\/em>watching, detailing, analyzing every\u00a0sitcom <\/em>\u00a0ever. Newhart \u00a0Sanford and Son <\/em>\u00a0Maude \u00a0 The Jefferson\u2019s \u00a0Mary Tyler Moore Rhoda <\/em>\u00a0Sonny & Cher Good Times <\/em>Faulty\u00a0Towers Benny Hill <\/em>\u00a0Mash \u00a0Barney Miller <\/em>\u00a0Facts of Life \u00a0Family Ties <\/em>\u00a0Prince of Bel Air \u00a0The Courtship of Eddy’s Father<\/em> Bridget & Bernie \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
One Day At A Time \u00a0Donny & Marie \u00a0The Smothers <\/em>\u00a0Brothers \u00a0Laugh Inn.<\/em><\/div>\n
Every cheap and cheesy thrown\u00a0together or perfectly produced show <\/em><\/div>\n
that had aired Sydney had seen most of.<\/em> Most episodes.\u00a0TV dinner I am there! <\/em><\/div>\n
Her Mother read all the time, her Father traveled with an executive job <\/em><\/div>\n
and\u00a0Sydney had only two sisters\u00a0and they kept busy with boyfriends and<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0high school teams.<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Boring, banal, hours upon hours of nothing but television and cups of tea, <\/em><\/div>\n
soda, coffee, a large open patio<\/em> with crickets to walk and take a break and <\/em><\/div>\n
then back to it. More tv. Episodes of Twilight Zone. Late night<\/em> Mary Hartman <\/em><\/div>\n
Mary Hartman. \u00a0Johnny Carson. \u00a0His guest hosts including Joan Rivers. Hilarious!<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0A cat curled up near Sydney. And of course SNL every Saturday night. \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
WPIX channel 11 news<\/em> with it’s harrowing accounts of New Yorkers braving <\/em><\/div>\n
everything! \u00a0Hookers in Times Square,<\/em> junkies in the village, dow market <\/em><\/div>\n
crashed again! The same newscasters, same hair, suit tie coats<\/em><\/div>\n
and 11:29 pm channel 4 NBC the peacock and those tense moments. <\/em><\/div>\n
A bowl of popcorn near.<\/em> Is Saturday Night Live on? Is it a good one? A rerun? \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Moments and then Chevy on stage and laughter<\/em> a pratfall and Live From New York! <\/em><\/div>\n
It’s Saturday night! Theme music and the not ready for prime<\/em><\/div>\n
time players! Garrett Gilda Jane Larraine Chevy John Dan Bill Murray! <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0And Don Pardo announcing\u00a0<\/em> your host for this evening is Buck Henry! <\/em><\/div>\n
He hosted all the time and usually had a funny crawl in his<\/em><\/div>\n
monologue. Hello I’m Buck Henry da da da da and then these words would <\/em><\/div>\n
start on screen – ‘ a crawl’<\/em> on the screen saying totally opposite of what he was<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0saying. ‘Oh tonight’s show the actors are such<\/em> and such and really you wouldn’t<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0believe the lunch they gave us today’ on and on and on – so funny.<\/em><\/div>\n
Saturdays were important to Sydney. Starting early in the morning with <\/em><\/div>\n
every Bugs Bunny cartoon, <\/em>\u00a0Daffy Duck, Tweety Bird, Elmer Fudd, Speedy Gonzalez <\/em><\/div>\n
and Wile E.\u00a0Coyote and Road Runner\u00a0episode she could cram in. <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Then helping her Mother with shopping. A drive to the supermarket<\/em><\/div>\n
and walking around talking and picking up TV dinners and cereal, milk butter eggs salads <\/em><\/div>\n
having fun and shopping. Her Mother was so popular and she let Sydney watching TV <\/em><\/div>\n
all the time.<\/em> Later on Sydney had seen an ABC\u00a0television ad jokingly saying\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
8 hours day of television a day, <\/em>\u00a0that’s all we ask – and \u00a0Sydney had agreed. \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
There was no such\u00a0thing as too much television if anyone had ever asked Sydney<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0growing up. If anything, more cheesy Solid Gold Dancer shows.<\/em><\/div>\n
Television! Her childhood had been a summers at a tennis & swim club, <\/em><\/div>\n
playing cards & picking<\/em> blackberries, frisbee and endless pizza parties. <\/em><\/div>\n
Year after year with the same kids same friends<\/em> same parents same blackberry <\/em><\/div>\n
bushes near the same swim club. Her bike parked with the others, never locked.<\/em><\/div>\n
The white stone wall of the club and entrance. Sydney knew almost everyone at the club. <\/em><\/div>\n
She\u00a0went alone or with her family and there was always something to do.<\/em><\/div>\n
Ping pong. Cards.<\/em> Swim team. Sitting with the diving team and throwing <\/em><\/div>\n
tennis balls at the boys. Everyone was<\/em> friends and there were rows and <\/em><\/div>\n
rows of lawn chairs. Everyone in a swim suit. Relaxed.<\/em> Smoking. Reading the paper. <\/em><\/div>\n
Tennis gear out. Reading magazines. It was a mellow club.<\/em> Mostly Jewish but<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0with a few Scandinavians and Italians and us leprechauns\u00a0Sydney thought<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0with a\u00a0laugh.<\/em> Riding down the path near the grass and past the back drive<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0chain and up the hill to her Moms home.<\/em> Hair wet and a towel around her neck. \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Bike in garage and door to playroom to walkway to patio<\/em> her Mother<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0siting reading a\u00a0book, smoking and a smile as she entered. How was the swim club?<\/em><\/div>\n
Sydney’s mother was always happy. A sexy Sagittarius with dark hair to her<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0shoulders, in shirts and a short<\/em> skirt. She had escaped Ohio with a good marriage<\/em><\/div>\n
bought a home with 10,000$ down 200 feet from<\/em> an elementary school and <\/em><\/div>\n
had three kids. Done. She played tennis, swam, shopped at Lord & Taylor<\/em><\/div>\n
and did an occasional acting part at the Sterling farms golf theater. She had <\/em><\/div>\n
stenography training<\/em> growing up and could memorize a short book word<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0for word. Sydney’s Mother was sensible and funny.<\/em> She loved her husband, <\/em><\/div>\n
her daughters and that was it. She graduated high school and had the<\/em><\/div>\n
steno thing wrapped up. Everyone liked her she waved to everyone in<\/em><\/div>\n
the supermarket and<\/em> flirted when she cashed checks at the supermarket office, <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0talking with the men. They<\/em> all laughed and she waved and shopped and <\/em><\/div>\n
drove away. A actress who had somehow<\/em> skipped ahead and went right to <\/em><\/div>\n
a happy home in Connecticut. Always smoking and laughing.<\/em><\/div>\n
‘How was the swim club Sydney? and a hug and cups of Lipton tea everywhere.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Regina.\u00a0 Twenty years later Sydney looked at the Malibu coastline as she <\/em><\/div>\n
took PCH up to Topanga.\u00a0 The bus was empty except for\u00a0some spanish workmen <\/em><\/div>\n
and one surfer. 8000$ and free. Her Mother had \u00a0passed away from lung\u00a0cancer <\/em><\/div>\n
years back. \u00a0All those cartons of Benson & Hedges. Lighters and ashtrays. <\/em><\/div>\n
Sydney had joked\u00a0in her stand up routine ‘Lung Cancer – it’s the way! <\/em><\/div>\n
You can smoke to the very last day and it keeps<\/em> you thin. Here\u2019s my ashtray <\/em><\/div>\n
\u2018I’ll quit tomorrow!’ Sydney had smoked and then stopped. California was<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0so healthy and there was wheatgrass everywhere. A few shots and the <\/em><\/div>\n
craving was gone. After three days she just let it go.<\/em><\/div>\n
And she kept busy Sydney had always worked in offices. She got into computers.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Her sisters had married <\/em>\u00a0and her Father re-married\u00a0briefly before lung cancer<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0got him as well. Sydney thought of a joke. <\/em><\/div>\n
If only you had watched more\u00a0television Dad. \u00a0The Malibu coastline loomed, <\/em><\/div>\n
beautiful and wild. <\/em>\u00a0She was living with a guy she\u00a0was designing a front end for. <\/em><\/div>\n
His program was getting noticed and <\/em>\u00a0his Father had put up some seed <\/em><\/div>\n
money\u00a0for his on-line dating site. Sydney had a knack forgetting things done quickly <\/em><\/div>\n
and smartly. She had free\u00a0rent from him. A sofa near the window. She talked over <\/em><\/div>\n
the design with him and they worked beautifully<\/em> together and Neil was aiming <\/em><\/div>\n
for a big sale and needed a coach. Sydney was a pretty good coach and\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
had a knack for telling jokes and being mellow and not clingy. She had finally <\/em><\/div>\n
found a coffee bar in Santa Monica <\/em>\u00a0where she\u00a0pushed herself on stage and got <\/em><\/div>\n
through 10 jokes with her friend Cynthia at the bongos. <\/em>\u00a0The crowd laughed\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
she had re-enacted an episode of Hawaii 5 O. Book ’em Danno was her last joke.<\/em><\/div>\n
It got laughs\u00a0and applause. Done. \u00a0Sydney had a coffee after with a shot of tequila in it. <\/em><\/div>\n
Comedy comedian <\/em>\u00a0comedy.\u00a0She was drifting into it and liked it. Software <\/em><\/div>\n
was a breeze and there was a job offer up in San Francisco.<\/em> Sydney would fly up,<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0book into a youth hostel. 25$ a night breakfast included. Find a cute guy from <\/em><\/div>\n
the Netherlands <\/em>\u00a0or Australia and get laid. Have dinner with him and everyone at the <\/em><\/div>\n
communal table later and never say a word about it.<\/em> Go out to the pub crawl<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and talk with Europeans and complain, laugh joke and stay up all night.<\/em><\/div>\n
Adios LA. \u00a0Hello beautiful Swedish accents, cable cars and long breakfast at <\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
11 am or 12. \u00a0I’m<\/em> a night owl honey – I sleep all day long. A Carly Simon sketch. <\/em><\/div>\n
Carly would love the hostel!<\/em> For sure Carly would. Comedy. Sometimes Sydney<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0thought of New York. She had met a extra on SNL<\/em> and written sketches for him.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0She dated him and loved his name, Evan a 6 foot tall African American.<\/em><\/div>\n
He was funny and young and Sydney had even thought what a good couple they <\/em><\/div>\n
were walking in sheep\u2019s meadow Central park. She fell sort of in love with him <\/em><\/div>\n
and his funny t-shirts thick black<\/em> glasses and New York preppy aggressive style. <\/em><\/div>\n
She wrote him into some sketches and they were good.<\/em> She knew it. And they got <\/em><\/div>\n
along so well she just thought, marry this guy totally! Well, sort of err yes.<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
He had liked acting and then some neighbor told him all sorts of things about Sydney<\/em><\/div>\n
and the whole thing was swept away by a flight he took to LA. He just went with another <\/em><\/div>\n
woman.<\/em> The sketches were left. Sitting there ready and waiting for SNL. <\/em><\/div>\n
Funny, printed, neat.<\/em> They lingered in her west village flat until her last day<\/em><\/div>\n
before the flight.<\/em> She had gone to Rockefeller center on a lark and gone ice <\/em><\/div>\n
skating all day. Then took the flight back.<\/em> Wondering. \u00a0Comedy. Well, computers <\/em><\/div>\n
were stable. Everyone had a Mac the internet<\/em> would go on forever and she <\/em><\/div>\n
had\u00a0called the company in San Fran and was interviewing this week. <\/em><\/div>\n
Travel. Fly. Up in the sky. Bye. A fly guy. Try. Yet Sydney wondered. <\/em><\/div>\n
She looked a list of 10 jokes.<\/em> Had worked it down to ten. Rambling on in the <\/em><\/div>\n
middle about Stonehenge and druids. How many<\/em> hobbits does it take to screw<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0in a light bulb? One but you need a wizard air freshener. \u00a0Were there<\/em><\/div>\n
any blacks in the Hobbit? Just a Tolkien black. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Sydney printed her boarding<\/em> flight and went outside and sat in a lawn chair. <\/em><\/div>\n
Night sky and a Pepsi near. \u00a0Neil inside up<\/em> all night coding. A 30ish hippy <\/em><\/div>\n
with a beard and long hair and hidden bags of pot. Yet it<\/em> worked. Sydney cleaned up<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and coached his design. \u00a0The TV flicked on in the home.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Live from New York and opening sketch. Sydney looked at it, the simple\u00a0bizarre\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
SNL humor. She had been watching the show since Chevy and Gilda days.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Live from New York.<\/em><\/div>\n
Sydney sighed and shook the ice in her drink. Comedy. Comedy on the rocks, neat.<\/em><\/div>\n
**************** \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Who do YOU THINK YOU ARE?<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 Another night with Mrs. Seth and Sara was hiding near the back wall<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0of the\u00a0kitchen. Her sister<\/em> Lesley got the brunt of the Who Do You Think You Are lecture <\/em><\/div>\n
followed by the Not One Of You Has<\/em> Anything Going For you lecture followed <\/em><\/div>\n
by the You Are All ShitHeads theory and then a grande<\/em> finale of \u00a0If You\u00a0Were A Somebody <\/em><\/div>\n
You’d Make It lecture. \u00a0Then some tears and Mrs. Seth hugging\u00a0<\/em> after all the <\/em><\/div>\n
screaming and sometimes\u00a0hitting. Sara always moved her face and quickly said<\/em><\/div>\n
‘Stop it stop stop it Mom – STOP!’ But Mrs. Seth was a big woman and heavy <\/em><\/div>\n
and strong.<\/em> She had her hands around Sara’s throat at some point and shook her <\/em><\/div>\n
hard. \u00a0Fucking bitch!<\/em> Fucking bitch! Get OFF! A lamp thrown. Shelly yelling <\/em><\/div>\n
and Lesley crying in the corner.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Shelly leaping onto them and it was comical and Sara would laugh\u00a0out loud.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Her Dad<\/em> tackling Mrs. Seth and then uuufph – it was comical and tears and hugging <\/em><\/div>\n
and some laughter.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
It’s alright it’s alright Shelly come here baby –<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Saturday night to Sunday then Roman Catholic cross on the wall and mass<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and Sara in confession.<\/em> Confessing she wanted a flight to Miami and a new <\/em><\/div>\n
Mother. And 6 hail\u00a0Mary\u2019s, not a hundred.<\/em><\/div>\n
Father O\u2019 Brother. \u00a0Long sigh. \u00a0Sara in her worn sweater and white polo shirts <\/em><\/div>\n
and\u00a0<\/em> brown cords and boots. Her brown hair at her shoulders and cups of coffee.<\/em><\/div>\n
Her Mother<\/em> getting into it with the Church janitor and Shelly getting in the<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0middle of their on-going<\/em> name calling every Sunday. Lesley talking to a guy<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and laughing and then running to the\u00a0<\/em> Chevy everyone getting in and the old car<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0creaking back to their house. Shutters falling<\/em> apart the roof with\u00a0grey shale pulled off.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0Hands in pockets and eyes down Sara went inside<\/em> away from the constant back <\/em><\/div>\n
and forth with Mrs. Seth and Shelly. He was spitting at me.<\/em> He didn’t he did not!<\/em><\/div>\n
He said we were behind on our payments. So what! He gets paid<\/em> after we get paid. <\/em><\/div>\n
They found the bottle of Jack Daniels hidden behind the alter. Shit.<\/em> That bag of <\/em><\/div>\n
pot was mine from bingo. That Fucking Priest. Free dinners on Friday nights, thank God.<\/em><\/div>\n
Free booze from the booziest parish to ever hit New England. Father O’Tequila and\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
his margarita mix and Fridays were good for the Seth family. Poor but honest.<\/em><\/div>\n
Drunk but sober.<\/em> Laughing but crying. \u00a0Sara shaking her head and making a <\/em><\/div>\n
margarita for herself at age ten.<\/em><\/div>\n
Lesley dancing with the church deacon. Shelly laughing and Mrs. Seth selling <\/em><\/div>\n
phony raffle tickets<\/em> to men all night smoking and drinking away the weekends. \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Mass on Sunday and they’d haul<\/em> out Monsignor Guam a Filipino man who spoke <\/em><\/div>\n
in a high tranquil voice and brought tears<\/em> to everyone eyes. Have faith! <\/em><\/div>\n
Kindness is the way! Simple sermons and his tender voice covered\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
everyone and protected the parish. You felt relaxed and free after his Sunday <\/em><\/div>\n
mass. Lighting a few<\/em> candles, stuffing a few dollars to the poor. Monsignor talking <\/em><\/div>\n
and hugging. Friday dinners with\u00a0<\/em> real plates, glasses, round tables and <\/em><\/div>\n
terrific baked yams, fish, corn. Cobb salads.<\/em> Crispy fried chicken, baskets of <\/em><\/div>\n
warm bread with butter, plates heaping with food and<\/em> Sara ate and drank <\/em><\/div>\n
50 cups of coffee, talked and had unseen margarita after margarita.<\/em><\/div>\n
The grassy\u00a0courtyard and sometimes a band, a movie with popcorn for everyone.<\/em><\/div>\n
Sleepy kids on their moms shoulders drifting off to station wagons and Volvos.<\/em><\/div>\n
All the local family together for a night and then\u00a0night time New England crickets and<\/em><\/div>\n
driving home. Upstairs to bed and pajamas, reading late at night or just staying up.<\/em><\/div>\n
Mrs. Seth in a good mood. Shelly happy. \u00a0Other nights Sara watched as Shelly took\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
a single woman behind a shed at the dinners and fucked her quickly and without much<\/em><\/div>\n
effort and then both of them walking back inside as if they had just had a cigarette.<\/em><\/div>\n
Mrs. Seth had started an affair with the church janitor. All to get his keys and his job.<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0It was the seventies and la dolce vita, the good life. \u00a0He was coming over in the day when\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
Shelly was at work and Sara and\u00a0Lesley at school. Only Sara came home at 1 o’clock to <\/em><\/div>\n
watch All My Children and saw them getting stoned all the time\u00a0and smiling and laughing.<\/em><\/div>\n
It worked and he was fired for drinking on the job and Shelly got his keys and access to<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0their goal<\/em> all along. The poor box. An extra 150$ every month and freebies <\/em><\/div>\n
from the church kitchen.<\/em> Mrs. Seth had finally figured out a somewhat honest <\/em><\/div>\n
way to live. She just figured, they were the poor.<\/em> Let us have the money and there, <\/em><\/div>\n
everyone was sort of being good. She didn’t know what else to do.<\/em> Thanks to the boxes <\/em><\/div>\n
set\u00a0strategically\u00a0around the church and a devoted parish they always had some money. <\/em><\/div>\n
Cash in hand.\u00a030$ 40$ 20$. They had everything but they always\u00a0went to bargain<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0basements, thrift stores. <\/em>\u00a0She had begged her Mom and got a few comedy tapes<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0hidden in her bedroom. \u00a0Lilly Tomlin, Flip Wilson, <\/em>\u00a0Monty Python, Benny Hill. \u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
She practiced routines out loud and in front of a mirror. \u00a0She<\/em> read books on comedy<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0and books of jokes. Actors monologues and plays. \u00a0She brooded<\/em> over it and <\/em><\/div>\n
then stomped through the house and found her sister and talked and talked\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n
and talked to her until she made her laugh and laugh and was standing up <\/em><\/div>\n
making<\/em> all of them laugh. Shelly and Mom. Lesley all laughing and Sara<\/em><\/div>\n
going on and on.<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Twenty years later Sarah looked in the mirror in Vegas. It was 3 am and the party had gone <\/em><\/div>\n
on after her show.\u00a0She had cash and was wearing a 600$ blazer & t shirt & slacks and a \u00a0five <\/em><\/div>\n
thousand dollar Rolex wristwatch. 3 AM the boozy coked up hooker was looking at her<\/em><\/div>\n
after kissing a guy with a Mercedes Benz t -shirt on and a bathing suit. Hey honey Sara get me<\/em><\/div>\n
a drink – and that was all it took. Sara hit her to the ground and pounded her. The guy<\/em><\/div>\n
kept swearing and saying Yeah yeah get her ! and Sara ended with a punch in her<\/em><\/div>\n
\u00a0weeping face.<\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
She went to the wet bar and made a drink and threw it at her.
\n<\/em><\/div>\n

Posted by:
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by Robbie Jones Saturday Night Live\u00a0 producer Marci Klein SNL Sara Seth glanced up at the marquee on west 68th from the inside of the Hilton Hotel. 10 minutes to show time! Famous comedian famous comedian am I said she to the empty \u00a0bar. She watched as the stepladder was placed in front of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drugs","category-guest-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=423"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9440,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions\/9440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hipplanet.com\/hip\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}