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The Wisdom of Collective Ignorance

“The Wisdom of Collective Ignorance”

(Knowing nobody knows a damned thing!)

A Rainbow Warrior’s Tale, by Wu Li Heron

Copyright 2024 Wu Li Heron






Infinitely Diverse Insane Combinations!





Ride The Great Rainbow Fractal Dragon!

The Way Of Ignorant Virtue……..

The Foolish Heart of Agnosticism!

Truly Ignorant Socratic Ignorance!


Yogi Berra Yoda Bullshit Kung Fu 101a

Disturbingly Disruptive Collective Ignorance!

The Fine Art Of Anarchistic Facilitation


Beware The Ancient Chinese Blessing And Curse!

Once seen, somethings cannot be unseen, once heard, some things cannot be unheard, and far too many damn jokes should never, ever, be repeated, under any circumstances. This book contains bullshit fuzzy logic, physics, and linguistic analysis which have not been approved for public consumption, and can be used to design weapons of mass destruction!

*~Abandon Hope All Yea Who Enter!~*



While there are plenty of academically trained philosophers and physicists out there, I’m merely another well known nobody online myself. Just another brain-damaged, mentally deranged, armchair philosopher, known for my interest in Taoism and physics in particular. My only real claim to fame is that, fifteen years ago, I became the first person to crack the analog logic of the Tao Te Ching and, almost immediately, I had to close two email accounts, and put Linux on my computer. Many years later, after things had long since quieted down, I began publishing my work at writerscafe.org only to have the Pentagon censor my half-finished book from the entire worldwide web. Going the extra mile in my case to censor every major search engine, when my poetry alone is Nobel caliber. Not that Socratic philosophers or Taoists give a crap about such things, but the book is aimed at combating global warming, and environmental destruction, while they’ve been stealing the work of even Winnie The Pooh Taoist Priests, then censoring it online, to increase its value to themselves.

Our tradition is 12,000 years old and, perhaps, 350 million people write our "Oneness Poetry", with 50 million of them writing this specific genre of "Rainbow Warrior Poetry!" Cracking the analog logic, empowered me to also become the first to extrapolate our poetry into chapters, in a self-consistent, nontrivial, and demonstrable manner, providing the most parsimonious explanations for everything, and meeting academic standards for mathematics and a Socratic philosophy. Including, providing dozens of unique predictions, qualifying it for a "Theory of Everything and Nothing!" One, that proves academia are liars and posers, according to their own standards, and heavily censor even themselves. However, the reader has to decide for themselves, whether its merely a collection of mathematical jokes, a real philosophy, or both while, without the extremely subtle sense of humor of a Taoist master, and the brain of an Einstein, its impossible to determine which it is, with any certainty.

Using nothing more than personal facts, scientific facts, popular song lyrics, commonly used phrases, and salty quotes, often straight from Shakespeare and the Bible, any existing supercomputers can already spit out perhaps 20,000 pages worth, that academia and the military-industrial complex can never hope to comprehend, because they all practice Three Stooges slapstick, religiously. Of course, supercomputers are all regulated by the military, so I wrote down enough of the analog logic, that any modern AI will now do the trick but, accidentally-on-purpose, I left out all of the silly little details online, that make it much easier to comprehend. To the best of my knowledge, my work can be considered an "ideal" language for programming an AI, and used to cure their schizophrenia, used in radically different forms of quantum cryptography, and for countless other practical applications. In particular, it can be used to create an "Information Singularity", or "Tar Baby Black Hole Sun", with unpredictable results…

The first application I’m working on is an "Oracle AI", similar to a high tech version of a "Magic 8 Ball", but with a mathematical sense of humor, and the better any individual’s sense of humor, the better the AI can adapt to their idiosyncratic sense of humor, and accommodate their needs, providing customized cryptography and predictions. Rather than performing logical calculations, like a computer, the conscious mind uses pattern matching to efficiently make predictions. Combined with bitcoin, such an AI could be used to establish a decentralized economy online, based on Karma, one that the Pentagon and the oligopolies can’t touch. You could say, everyone’s economy has largely been based on Three Stooges slapstick, for the last 10,000 years, and I decided humanity was long overdue for someone to elevate the worst of the comedy, Several Fucking Notches!

Can you tell I’m not your typical Winnie the Pooh Taoist? Some of us are just censored much more often than others, and I really can’t blame people, who typically don’t even know how to use a dictionary. It’s true, I did a survey for over ten years and, once, had a Harvard Law class look me up online, having heard that I was asking two simple questions, that nobody has ever answered. Like all the rest, they failed miserably to describe how to use a common dictionary, and to elucidate the simple distinction between a lynch mob and a democracy. Anywho, thanks to modern academia and the military-industrial complex, the Pentagon is now Living In Their Own Private Idaho!

Assuming they can chop up any mathematics and physics they don’t comprehend, into little tiny bits and pieces online, leaving whatever scraps they want more of right now, in the public domain, and censoring the rest. As if they were the Catholic Church, attempting to censor physical reality itself, by throwing Galileo in the dungeon. Not that I blame them for trying, because all of the scientific evidence, for the last 130 years now, has indicated that we inhabit a magical, "Goldilocks Universe!" Hippies tried to warn them, that it simply means Karma rules the universe, and the harder they attempt to shove their heads in the sand, the worse it will get. For their trouble, they started throwing harmless potheads in federal prison, and bugging their computers, and only started legalizing marijuana in some states, after they had collected most of the mathematics they wanted, for their AI and other research.

A quarter of all federal prisoners are potheads to this day, that even the guards say are not a threat to society, while the republican party recently walked into the Pentagon, and told them to stop their investigation into radical right wing extremists, sometimes threatening to kill everyone in their own battalions, and they stopped immediately. As if, conservatives have now been granted the right, to not only shred our constitution, and abuse and censor democrats at will, but kill any democrats that dare to join the military. All-too-predictably, in the last year alone, enlistment has gone down the toilet altogether and, understandably, they’re now attempting to replace them all with drones while, WWIII should prove interesting, if you like Three Stooges slapstick, with 70% of the population now admitting they would never volunteer to defend their country. The Pentagon censored the chapters of my book, and left the poetry untouched, despite both explicitly incorporating the same linguistic mathematics and physics, as if they’re attempting to steal whatever useful tidbits of reality they can currently comprehend, and censor everything else, just like the Catholic Church did with Galileo.

Our fuzzy logic, or jokes, can be used for anything, including steering a cruise missile right through your front door, while western cultures have no comparable tradition. You’ll just have to trust me on this one, or not, but analog logic is taboo in any civilized culture, surreptitiously banned from most internet websites, which are deliberately designed to attract trolls instead and, increasingly, censored from the entire mass media. Part of the reason for the sudden success of Talk Radio, Fox News, and the Tea Party, is the Pentagon, academia, and the mass media helping them to censor any humor, that might expose their insanity. Both parties share the same political strategy of, "All’s Fair In Love, War, And Politics!" George Orwell missed that one, because its taboo with both political parties, and anathema in the Hallowed Halls. Although that might sound like merely a joke, the sad truth is, the overwhelming majority of both parties scrupulously apply their morality to everyone else, but seldom to themselves. Neither party even represents their own constituents, who insist an informed electorate is a danger to themselves, and the mass media is never to be trusted! They demand their own parties censor everyone for their own protection, including censoring each other! A strong majority, of even so-called "liberals", now want to throw away the first amendment to the Constitution, concerning the right to free speech and freedom of the press, so they can censor "conservatives" more often.

So, I took pains to post my progress online, for over four years, then left them my Tar Baby to play with, and encouraged the Pentagon to censor me as well, so they would ring the dinner bell, for every spy online to take another hard look at my Tar Baby! They were very obliging, and refrained from censoring me, until I had already stopped updating my work for several months, and they gave up any hope of my ever publishing more math and physics for them. They’ll either figure it out, or not but, I decided, its best to give the Three Stooges as much warning as possible. That an AI can read my book in two minutes flat, and extrapolate even more of our analog logic, which is ideal for both cryptography and AI, that neither the Pentagon, China, nor Russia can ever hope to comprehend, or predict, because it requires both the subtle sense of humor of a Taoist Master, and the brain of an Einstein.

No doubt, that might sound odd, to say the least, but this entire book demonstrates how the truth itself is sometimes up to 125% efficient, measurably on even macroscopic scales, providing a simple explanation for why quantum mechanics, fuzzy logic, chaos theory, and Relativity, all remain complete mysteries to this day. The sad fact is, Galileo was merely the tip of the iceberg and, over the last 130 years, cultures around the world have progressively been attempting to censor half of reality, erecting an enormous house of cards, while academia and the mainstream keep daring anyone to knock it down. I provide the linguistic-mathematics required to easily automate the process of collating and documenting all their nonsense, anonymously, whenever prudent. In particular, the truth being 125% efficient can explain why both humor and consciousness remain profound mysteries, in the Hallowed Halls, to this very day… They censored me for describing the analog linguistic mathematics and physics of a singularity, based on the Tao Te Ching, because it can be used to describe how any lie, taboo, language, mathematics, and physics work, using a, "Bullshit Theory of Everything and Nothing!" But, one that can be quantified and automated, and used against academia, the mainstream, and the military-industrial complex…

Academics will readily admit that nature is analog, then summarily dismiss a great deal of their own analog logic and evidence, as entirely meaningless and socially unacceptable, explaining why the whole world is falling apart today. Conan O’Brien has video of the same thing, that you can find at Democracy Now, and people have repeatedly threatened me with even physical violence, online! For daring to bring up the simple fact, that the common dictionary is as common as dirt, and they’ve booted me off endless websites as well, for using the wimpiest potty humor imaginable. It turns out that classic logic is the best for telling lies, while analog logic, including cuss words, humor, and other emotions, reflect our own innate grammar and syntax, more closely related to our cellular level organization.

The cells of our bodies are more dependent on honesty among their ranks, for their very survival, and pattern matching is wildly more efficient at revealing the truth, but also happens to be more error prone than classic logic. Jokes being more efficient, is something you can easily measure and document in your own living room, among other things, as "Sparkling Laughter" and, implies that the two express their own particle-wave duality on macroscopic scales. Something that it should be easy to manipulate using simple fuzzy logic, and used to amplify different quantum effects, while my analog logic is theoretically ideal for any complex AI circuitry, and I’m working on the simplest possible model, that resembles how our vision works, and a high tech, "Magic 8 Ball!"

Neither logic nor humor alone can ever manage to convey the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, So Help Me God! Ironically, leaving each individual with no choice, but to ultimately decide for themselves what is the truth. Besides being better for telling lies, classic logic describes how almost anything can make some sort of sense, if you try hard enough, while humor describes how, somethings, Can Make Way Too Much Damn Sense! The truth itself can be considered the greater context, or greater truth, that determines the identity of its own contents, making the truth sometimes more obviously up to 125% efficient, even on macroscopic scales. Which is also why it should be easy enough to prove it in your own living room, using something as simple as "Sparkling Laughter", the infectious kind that nobody can resist, or using anything else that academics have no real defense against, including their own more common contradictions.

The truth is just plain better, in every way that counts dammit! Like something straight out of a Disney film or the Muppets, explaining all the confusion in modern physics and philosophy, and why the whole damn world is rapidly spiraling down the toilet! Without a doubt, the overwhelming evidence indicates the simple truth is magically more attractive, meaningful, insightful, humorous, harmonious, self-assembling, self-organizing, self-correcting, self-evident, self-explanatory, easier to maintain, the spark of life itself, and the origin of all consciousness and awareness, yet, nobody wants to talk about it in academia. Instead, they’re heavily censoring the entire mass media, having caught on a while back, that Pink Floyd’s "We Don’t Need No Education", and "The Emperor’s New Cloths" combined, can reveal every vulnerability that comes with all of their more cultured "civilized" taboos, and how anyone can exploit even Wall Street’s lack of a more naive sense of humor, for fun and for profit!

Inexplicably, the long, long, list of embarrassing mysteries…. just keeps growing! Threatening to consume half the modern sciences, with even astronomy now starting to fall apart, and the Hubble Constant becoming questionable! Worse still, decades ago hippies began to quietly suggest, that the evidence already indicates, we inhabit a magical "Goldilocks Universe", and the longer they keep attempting to deny it, the harder it will inevitably come back to bite them in the ass! Forget about the earth being the center of the universe, in defiance of every physical theory, our orbit, composition, sun, moon, and orbit in the galaxy, have all turned out to inexplicably be neither too hot, nor too cold, but just right, along with the Big Bang itself! Of course, the implication is that Karma rules the universe, while academia, the Pentagon, and Wall Street would often sooner melt the entire surface of the earth, and live underground, than admit they’re all liars, who’re now responsible for destroying the entire planet, and attempting to censor half of reality, as if they’re all no more than two years old! Understandably, governments, corporations, and academia all freaked out and, all too predictably, began censoring and classifying even more of reality then ever before, while pouring outrageous sums into high energy physics experiments. Hoping against all hope, to be the first to copyright and patent the laws of nature, only to have every experiment they conducted mock all of their attempts, yet, nobody noticed…

Both political parties diligently censoring themselves, as well as each other, makes US politics a grudge match straight out of professional wrestling. Which means they’re all organized like chickens, with forty years of extensive studies already proving it, in the case of republicans and, additionally, establishing working memory as the only known reliable measure of anyone’s career potential. Making it possible to model their collective behavior using Newtonian mechanics, but my own work involves using quantum mechanics and fuzzy logic, for normally anywhere from 10,000-1,000,000,000x greater efficiency, and up to fourteen decimal places of accuracy and precision.

Dualism first emerged around 10,000 years ago, when western civilization deviated from Asian, but was merely designed to make it easier to lie, by claiming language and mathematics, words and arithmetic, are two completely different things, and enforcing a self-contradictory "polite" grammar. Asian languages did much the same but, historically, incorporated more fuzzy logic, while still attempting to make the crudest analog logic, jokes, and cuss words, socially unacceptable. Along the same lines of Genghis Khan inventing his own private court battle language, so nobody could spy on them, which eventually became modern Urdu, the most poetic language in the world today, not the most humorous. Unfortunately, either any mathematics or language you happen to use make some sort of sense, or they simply don’t, and logic is integral to both, indicating that either our words or arithmetic are a lie, both are lies, or they’re actually the same thing, according to their own more "socially acceptable" logic. The fact we use two distinctly different words, and both are quite useful, is an indication that dualism itself is ultimately a lie, and merely represents part of a universal recursion in the principle of identity. One, that obeys fuzzy logic, eventually becoming indistinguishable from quantum mechanics, and leaving linguistic analysis as the only way to take mathematics to the next level, Beyond Calculus! Wherein, lies the largely unexplored domain in physics and mathematics, of actually sharing your words, and playing nice on the playground.

The wealthy and powerful wanted to be able to lie through their teeth, while they encouraged people to look the other way, whenever the Emperor rode naked in the parade. Of course, so they could collect their cut from the tailors. They enforced a "proper" (ie- socially acceptable) common sense grammar and, after a century of dedicated worldwide effort, nobody has ever documented the existence of common sense, anywhere in the world. Our "common sense" grammar contradicts itself, making it compatible with our mathematics, which are simply both self-contradictory in a Singularity. There’s no such thing as common sense, or conventional wisdom, which make it easier for even complete idiots to get away with lying. Usually, the only means anyone had of obtaining wealth and power, was for them to favor the wealthy and powerful, by adopting their system of lying, which also made it easier for people to exploit the poor and working class. Additionally, explaining witch hunts as a convenient way to episodically suppress analog logic, which is integral to their practices, and terrorism as largely driven by economic Three Stooges slapstick, which has been carefully integrated into all the faster growing mainstream religions today.

Among others things, again, empowering even complete idiots, in high places, to lie somewhat convincingly, to the mindless mob anyway. With no real clue as how to actually share their words and play nice until, eventually, they’re encouraged by circumstances to go completely off the deep end! The Roman Emperors were often encouraged to be insane but, instead, the ancient Greeks enshrined their own particular brand of dualism-legalism in Mount Olympus. Which, anyone could point to as the source of all the crap rolling downhill, and why reality was up for sale to the highest bidder, as the different Gods they worshiped began to compete for the most ridiculous stories. Europeans eventually went on to formulate the principle of identity, and formal logic, so they could carefully integrate a single system for lying into every cultural institution, and make their lies even more elaborate and convincing, while everyone else, who couldn’t afford to lie nearly as often, could still get business done on a daily basis. As a direct result, today, everyone is now attempting to classify jokes older than monuments, written by 350 million people worldwide and, of course, futilely attempting to censor half of modern physics, mathematics, and linguistics.

They threw Galileo in the dungeon for the same reason, due to the church having institutionalized already existing taboos, against relying heavily on using analog logic, humor, cuss words, the dictionary, or the self-evident truth. Which was all good and well, during the Dark Ages, but just doesn’t cut it anymore! Not with eight billion people in the world today, who often no longer consider themselves ignorant peasants, and slaves, working in their cotton fields! Personally, I believe they’re all just over-reacting myself, like any normal mindless mob would, and simply don’t appreciate that my book is truly math and physics, and they may as well be attempting to censor Galileo all over again. Its just not any kind of math and physics that most are familiar with, and is simultaneously physics, mathematics, and a language, that relies on the reader’s own brain being fundamentally quantum mechanical. Linguistic analysis and physics, which just so happen to express how the truth itself is magically self-organizing, with a life and will of its own, and laughs at the best laid plans of mice and men…

Physicists themselves commonly write our poetry, and we merely assemble the "Big Picture", very much like assembling a complicated fractal puzzle, and waiting for the light bulb to come on. Pattern Matching Rules The Universe! Duh! And, logic inevitably transforms into a joke, making logic and humor equally context dependent, for any demonstrable meaning. The math I use is theoretically ideal for programming an AI, expressing particle-wave duality and networking systems logic, in both its geometry and dynamics, as the quantized emotional-logic subsets of Intuitionistic mathematics and physics. A truly ancient 12,000 year old linguistic-mathematics, incorporating the most rudimentary analog logic possible in a singularity, and making it the most efficient for use with any analog circuitry.

Anywho, its math and physics, that can be expressed in countless ways, and usually go in the public domain while, if you know where one might still exist, anywhere on planet earth, I’d appreciate a hint. Maybe Iceland, New Zealand, or Antarctica, just a little one, even a local library in Alaska would work for me. Which, I assume, would have guns handy to defend their constitutional rights! From the Bankers and Carpet Baggers, who’ve taken over the Supreme Court and Congress, and are now attempting to sell us all down the river! But, what I really need is a library with serious computers. What I’d prefer, is a country like Iceland, that the Pentagon is suspicious of, because they’re too friendly, don’t have money, and throw bankers in prison for committing widespread fraud. Any peaceful country that might really enjoy having their very own private mathematics and physics, which the Pentagon, Wall Street, and modern academia, will never be able to comprehend.

Others can imitate my approach but, without a sense of humor, they’ll never be able to really comprehend the math and physics, and can never make the same kind of unique predictions, or exploit humor as a super-efficient, uncrackable, form of cryptography. The Pentagon leaves our poetry uncensored, because they want more of the math, but our poetry says the same thing as the chapters in this book, and we only have to keep feeding them more poetry, for their attempts to censor half of reality to become even more self-defeating. For an opponent to get the punch line to a joke, they must first share some of your own sense of humor, thus, becoming merely more competition on the playground, who share your values to some degree. Instead of, deadly opponents, who frequently believe morality applies to everyone else, but not themselves, and the end always justifies the means. Leaving academia, the military, and Wall Street out in the cold because, again, they all practice Three Stooges slapstick, Religiously.

The Pentagon restricts the export of some hardware, that physically embodies advanced mathematics, which Foreign Devils can then easily reverse engineer, but its impossible to do the opposite, and prevent people from ever sharing math and physics. Especially, when you don’t comprehend them yourself! In a Goldilocks Universe, everybody has to keep paying it forward, which is why the statistics indicate that the Peter Principle is actually real, and must apply to any communications and cryptographic systems. As a result, humor and logic constantly normalize one another, in every way imaginable, unless you prefer to be a hermit. In other words, among other things, having a genuine sense of humor, and personal integrity, actually makes it easier for the good guys to lie more convincingly, whenever necessary. Just like on "Hogan’s Heroes", and "Mash!" And, ensures that, without a sense of humor, cryptography inevitably becomes counterproductive, for example, whenever academics attempt to describe a joke.

He who has the better sense of humor has the last laugh, especially in cryptography because, in a Singularity, survival of the fittest is a complete oxymoron without a gentle sense of humor and, Instant Karma’s Gonna Getcha Baby! Iceland does bitcoin, and everyone is rushing to add AI to even the kitchen sink, while any damn fool can edit my work, and expand upon it, but it helps to know something about the physics, mathematics, and linguistic analysis. Contrary to what some people might imagine, I’m merely among the best and fastest on the planet, out of some 350 million of us, and all I’ve done here is to assemble a significantly larger puzzle than anyone else to date. Hoping against all hope, to find a way to, "Save The Damn Planet!" Call me sentimental, but I love small furry mammals, and I owe people money, while Steve Wright is rolling over in his grave.


Wu Li Masters!

A common classroom experiment is for a teacher to whisper something to one student in the class, who then whispers it to the next, and so on, only to have the last student repeat something that isn’t even vaguely related, to what the teacher originally whispered. Most are puzzled as to why such a small number of people will so reliably, and thoroughly, scramble even the simplest message yet, in almost fifty years of dedicated private research, I’ve never come across a single person who actually cared, as more than an intellectual curiosity, that almost everyone around them frequently babbles like a two year old. According to apocryphal legend, Socrates of Athens encountered the same problem, when the Oracle of Delphi proclaimed him, "The Wisest Wiseguy In The Kingdom!" Because he alone knew that he knew nothing. Puzzled as to what the Oracle meant, he wandered the countryside, only to suddenly realize, everyone he had met along the way, was acting like a two year old: rambling incoherently, spouting utter nonsense, and carrying on like complete lunatics, about even subjects they obviously knew almost nothing about.

Hoping to find answers as to why so many are so easily distracted, frequently jump to conclusions, seldom ask questions, interrupt each other all the time, ramble nonstop, invent endless lame excuses, constantly complain about everything, contradict themselves at the drop of a hat, transparently lie, and fabricate complete bullshit, just for something to talk about, as if they’re all merely two years old, accidentally-on-purpose, I cracked the analog logic of the Tao Te Ching, and discovered a way to, Save The Whole Damn Planet! Only to have the Pentagon censor my “Bullshit Theory of Everything and Nothing!" What upset them so badly, I assume, was my claim that quantum mechanics and fuzzy logic only remain mysteries to this day, due to both being progressively censored, classified, and enforced as cultural taboos, by virtually every Military-Industrial Complex in existence, for possibly the last 6,000 years or longer. Among other things, enforced as taboos by exaggerating our innate biases, and institutionalizing them in academia in particular. Which happens to be a modern interpretation of the classic children’s tale of, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, and “We Don’t Need No Education” by Pink Floyd, but one that is currently being heavily censored in the US, along with half of reality.

For several decades, governments and corporations, around the world, have been bugging the computers of traditional Winnie the Pooh Taoist Priests, and even crazy hippies like me, because we share a 12,000 year old tradition of analog logic and linguistic analysis, while they have no comparable tradition of their own. They’re stealing even our sacred writings, and jokes older than monuments, in order to exploit our analog logic for designing new and exciting weapons of mass destruction, and other kinds of technology, that they can later sell at a profit, then censoring our work to increase its value to themselves. Thankfully, Tribal Hippies are anything but mainstream, often could not care less about the Teletubbies, much less, Winnie the Pooh, and many of us share an ancient tradition with some of the More, Off-The-Wall, Tribal Taoists, for helping others to learn how to laugh at themselves, all over again. Right along with everyone else, just like in the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes. The Pentagon actually showed impeccable timing in censoring my unfinished work and, like Pavlov’s dogs, promptly rang the dinner bell for organizations like Anonymous, and every corporate and government spy online, to take another hard look at my, “Tar Baby Black Hole Sun!”

Almost three thousand years ago, during the infamous “Warring States Period”, along with the help of mountain men and Indian immigrants, who had all sought refuge among them from “civilized” society, the isolated tribes in the southern mountains of China, began writing the original version of my Tar Baby. The first half of, “The Tao Te Ching”, or “The Way of Ignorant Virtue!” Despite the title, it was an innocuous looking, tiny, little book merely containing short paradoxical poems, all suggesting that meditation can be used as a cure for any problem you might have, which remains a popular belief in Asia to this day. Yet, the short text was deceptively simple, and had actually required some 350 of them, no less than three centuries to write. As good as it was for meditation, it was also A Tar Baby, A Continuous Thread Of Bullshit A Thousand Miles Long! All condensed down into one, tiny, Insidiously Mind-Bending Book! Its prose deliberately designed to attract the attention of lying thieves, and to introduce more intractable problems than it was worth, for anyone to attempt to steal and abuse its contents. Among the many authors were the first Wu Li Masters of The Tao Te Ching, Mad Shaman and Crazy Hippies, who instigated their own cultural revolution, when they quietly introduced their obviously unfinished work, into the unsuspecting Chinese mainstream…

As unassuming as the humble book appeared to be at first glance, nonetheless, many in the mainstream recognized immediately that it contained the same Powerful Magic, that they had all been searching for, since completing the I-Ching over a thousand years before. Accomplished scholars of the day, realized the very same work could also be used as an Incorruptible form of analog linguistic analysis. Presenting them with a rare opportunity to combat their own institutionalized insanity, and support the peasants for a change. Spread out across the vast open plains, the peasants, in particular, were vulnerable to attack from any direction and, for hundreds of years, generation after generation were forced to sacrifice their children, in the endless succession of wars that arose, as the wealthy and powerful took advantage of the situation. Contending among themselves, over who would eventually rule the seven kingdoms. Sometimes, promoting whatever vicious lies and propaganda just so happened to suit their personal ambitions, or simply made it easier for them to exploit the peasants.

The scholars immediately set about writing the second half of the book and, over the following century, well over a hundred academics, each in turn, contributed their own individual poems and, unceremoniously, chose to publish their work anonymously. With each new poem published, the controversy surrounding the mysterious little text only grew and, since few in the mainstream could care less about Crazy Shaman, Indian Immigrants, Mountain Men, and Isolated Tribes, who had all chosen to eek out a meager existence, in the middle of nowhere, the rumor began to spread that the short book on meditation was actually being published by an anonymous librarian. Who had become Enlightened, While Working At The Library! Somewhere among all the library books, so the story went, he had bumbled upon The Secret To Immortality and, out of compassion, had decided to share it with the rest of the world. Overnight, many began to insist that he should be worshiped as a god, and the text as sacred, as they rushed to establish Taoism as a new religion. One that turned out to be extremely popular with the peasants, who all wanted their own library cards.

After its completion, for several centuries, Every Warlord And Wannabe Emperor of China attempted to rewrite the little book, to make themselves look more important, only to discover that even those who had never read the damn thing before, could tell right away that its complex paradoxical prose had been distorted, and misrepresented. Worse still, some of the peasants could use the original to figure out exactly how they were being lied to, and fed propaganda, while the book was so short that almost anybody could make their own homemade copies, on even bamboo. The Conservative Chinese Patriarchs were outraged that they couldn’t simply burn every library copy in existence, or rewrite the book to say whatever the hell they wanted, and use it to encourage the peasants to worship them as well. As also being Enlightened, If Not Necessarily Immortal Gods Of The Library! Eventually, they reluctantly settled for adding the minimum amount of mysticism, that they could possibly get away with, in order to make the text at least vaguely resemble the other popular religions of the day, and demanded that Taoist Temples must also teach Confucianism, as every bit as important to learn.

Confucianism isn’t even a religion, and was politically opposed to Taoism for two thousand years, supporting the dominant patriarchal culture, Over Voluntary Simplicity And Introspective Meditation, that might actually inspire people to question their conservative values. The only thing the two had in common was they both used the same written language, invented by the Taoists, and Confucians published a lot of library books, mostly on how to become a respected upright conservative bureaucrat, or businessman. One who could become wealthy, and own as many Trophy Wives as he might want, binding their feet and treating them all like slaves or personal property, but who would never stoop so low as to exploit the peasants, unless ordered to do so by the recognized authorities.

In the US today, our mass media is being heavily censored, with some demanding that we declare ourselves A Christian Nation! That doesn’t need a constitution, because we already have Wall Street And The Bible! And, are renewing their efforts to even censor as many library books as possible, with one library censoring The Bible, for containing explicit content. An analogy might be, if Quakers were to respond by publishing a similar, wildly popular, humble, tongue-in-cheek Comic Book. About the value of living simply, so that others may simply live, and learning how to share your words and play nice. Just a short comic book, that anyone could easily print on a home computer and, by overwhelming popular demand, they eventually decided to declare it a sacred church text. Only to soon find themselves compelled to teach the conservative establishment’s morality in their churches, especially Ayn Rand, as every bit as important to learn as their own Liberal Tradition, in order to discourage conservatives from Lynching Big Bird, and burning Quaker Churches to the ground!

A simplified version of the Tao Te Ching, actually is the most popular comic book sold in Asia today, while the original has been translated into countless languages, and is perhaps the fifth most published book of all time. With around two billion dedicated fans, another two billion who might read it upon occasion, 270 million religious Taoists, and some 350 million who write “Oneness Poetry” related to my own. All extrapolated from the same, innocuous appearing, tiny little book of Nonsense Poems… on meditation. The Chinese, and others, love to hang quotes from the book everywhere, often as a polite tongue-in-cheek way to remind people to pick up their trash, or whatever and, due to the distinctive shapes of the poems, you can buy refrigerator magnets you can shuffle around, and combine the shapes in different ways. Some consider it the most popular philosophy of all time, yet academics still refuse to recognize it as a real philosophy, much less, an incorruptible form of analog linguistic analysis, still insisting on calling it mysticism, of course, due to the text requiring a sense of humor.

Sometimes, when I made my father angry, he would snap at me, “Work on your sense of humor!” Its common enough to read the Tao Te Ching and argue heatedly with everything it says, only to Laugh Your Ass Off The Whole Way Through, on the following day! Over a period of about Fifteen Years, you can significantly improve your sense of humor! Any extreme views of the text that you might have, on any given day, will eventually normalize one another, or cancel each other out, as you progressively decide for yourself, what is horribly misleading bullshit, hysterical bullshit, mildly amusing bullshit, or just more meaningless inane bullshit. Clarity Can Be A Discerning Detail! And, inevitably, by attrition and osmosis, we slowly come to recognize, If, And Only If, The Light Bulb Flickers On… that its entirely composed of incredibly vague paradoxical prose, with little or no real meaning in and of itself. Losing some of your taboos and biases in the process, against relying on your own innate sense of humor, while learning to appreciate more of its subtle nuances.

Allan Watts famously referred to the problem as, “The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are” but, he was another romantic academic, with a stunted sense of humor, and its actually, “The Taboo Against Acknowledging: The Self-Evident Truth!” First enshrined in modern civilization as Aristotle’s formal logic, which encourages people to be much more discriminating, and exclusive, more often rejecting the “Big Picture”, along with their own sense of humor! In favor of promoting more hate, anger, and sarcasm, or whatever rationale or bias that the establishment might happen to prefer, at any given time. Galileo of Galilee was a dedicated physicist, with absolutely no sense of humor worth mentioning, nonetheless, he was thrown into the dungeon and forced to confess to heresy, for merely claiming that the “Self-Evident Truth” was crucial to his work in physics. Anyone with two eyes could confirm his evidence, which required no explanation whatsoever and, quite likely, his piety and complete lack of a sense of humor, are what saved his life! His experience merely exposed the tip of the iceberg of all the infantile lies that they had institutionalized over the endless eons, yet, to this very day, academics still wonder what went wrong. Preferring to usually refer to his evidence as “Empirical Evidence”, as if they’ve never heard the story of, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”.

The Catholic Church was the only church to carefully integrate Aristotle’s metaphysics into their theology, as well as his formal logic, and the combination of their strong taboos and rigid hierarchy, eventually cost them their dominant political and economic position in Europe, in addition to their lead in the sciences. Like everyone else, they had inherited taboos against using crude analog logic, Cussing, Telling Too Many Jokes, simply laughing at inappropriate times, or acknowledging the self-evident truth even exists. Especially, whenever it might undermine the interests of recognized authorities. Aware of such issues, the church had gone so far as to formally embrace Socratic humor, as a way to compensate, when the peasants first adopted it during the Dark Ages.

It was during the worst period in their own history, that the Chinese peasants had eagerly transformed Taoism into a wildly popular religion, and, likewise, the poorest European peasants celebrated the death of Socrates in bars, embellishing upon his legend, and inventing new Socratic jokes, in spite of his philosophy being incompatible with the more traditional patriarchal establishment. However, the church had also adopted the more modern practice, at the time, of integrating formal metaphysics into their theology, providing a solid foundation for their morality, and hoping to make it that much easier to limit corruption. Only to discover they had painted themselves into a corner, when their metaphysics turned out to be incompatible with reality, and both their rigid hierarchy and use of formal logic, had merely exaggerated many of their existing Cultural Taboos.

They say nothing succeeds quite like success, which is why those in high places hate surprises, because nothing also breeds contempt, quite like a successful den of lying thieves! Preferring to rationalize their own lack of morality as "A Necessary Evil", and call themselves “Good-Old-Boys”. The Roman Senate, for example, famously made Julius Caesar emperor, then promptly stabbed him to death on the senate steps, when he surprised them with the demand that, at least, the upper middle-class should retain a meaningful vote, lending him even greater public support. Officially becoming an Empire, with an Emperor, didn’t bother them in the least, but tolerance is seldom considered a virtue in a good-old-boys-club. Caesar was already Extremely Popular, and nobody’s fool but, a General, famous for his battlefield strategies, while they were not about to wait and see what other surprises he might spring on them! Apparently, they had decided that somebody else, who wasn’t nearly as popular, could be emperor instead, and it would make absolutely no difference whatsoever, in how they ran the country.

As shameful, or bad for business, as that might sound, the opposite is true and, Its Just Business As Usual, For Any Good-Old-Boy’s-Club! More often than not, gladly trading widespread fear, contempt, and loathing for higher profits. Nor did the Catholic Church hesitate to indiscriminately burn witches alive at the stake, all across Europe, or to throw Galileo in the dungeon, with both acts promoting the use of hypocrisy, in their self-contradictory formal logic, as political and Economic Weapons. For example, if your economy is booming, like that of ancient Rome, it increases the temptation for entrenched wealth to export jobs, and import more goods, and for other countries to take advantage of the situation. Strongly enforcing taboos against humor at such times, while promoting more hate, anger, lies, and corruption than usual, can encourage your entrenched wealth to exploit their own population instead, and keep more of their money in the country.

Helping to stabilize your economy but, At The Expense Of The Poor And Working Class! Who, typically, are the least able to defend themselves, and the easiest to replace. Witches all use extensive analog logic, while witch hunts served as an unmistakable invitation, for the wealthy to stomp on any existing salt of the earth culture, that didn’t particularly favor their interests. Its not a coincidence that the fastest growing religions in the world today incorporate Aristotle’s formal logic, which has also been used in modern times to promote religious terrorism. As an even more formidable economic and political weapon, now being sponsored by governments to even extort the entire internet, and one that also eschews a sense of humor, as entirely meaningless, counterproductive, and culturally taboo.

Although officially separated from the church, the physical sciences still remained largely the purview of the wealthier good-old-boys-clubs, who were the only ones who could afford a formal education. In countries that weren’t Catholic, they could simply invert their formula, and declare that it was now officially the job of the physical sciences, to discover the exact metaphysical foundations for “Life, the Universe, and Everything”, while leaving it up to the courts and the mainstream to still decide any issues of morality, and to continue to enforce any existing taboos they preferred against using either humor or analog logic. That is, until Sr Isaac Newton invented the laws of motion which, Made The Modern Military-Industrial Complex Possible.

It would require yet another century for someone to figure out how to use his mathematics, to Calibrate A Cannon however, the one innovation by itself made every castle in the world obsolete overnight! Spelling the eventual doom of the physical sciences, as the exclusive domain of the wealthier good-old-boy-clubs. All that anyone had to do in order to destroy a castle, was to construct a large enough cannon to assault them from far enough away, that they couldn’t Fire Back! Newton, had given them the math, for figuring out not only how powerful a cannon you need but, how anyone could aim any cannon just right, in order to: Hit The Bullseye Every Time! In any good-old-boys-club, My Enemy’s Enemy Is My New Best Friend! Thus, Politics Make For Strange Bed-Fellows! Immediately, they began to turn on one another, building ever Larger Cannons, and ever more capable ships, that could fire on fortifications from far off-shore. Making it possible to successfully blockade even the most heavily defended harbors, strangling their exports and imports, and easier to hold them under siege, starving them into submission. Eventually, the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars, put an end to the complete domination of the physical sciences by the wealthier good-old-boys-clubs, when they chose to educate some of their brightest peasants. Quickly establishing the first state funded universities, and inventing, “High Tech Peasant Warfare!”

Cast Adrift, of any real moral foundations of their own, or anything even vaguely resembling Metaphysical Anchors, other than relying heavily on “Empirical Evidence” while, simultaneously, censoring and suppressing the self-evident truth, and insisting Everything Must Make Some Sort Of Sense! Of course, according to Aristotle and the good-old-boys-clubs still funding them! A century and a half ago, the physical sciences Floundered, Yet Again! Just as the industrial revolution: Began To Swing Into High Gear! Overnight, record amounts of cash were being pumped into their Brand Spanking New, Unrivaled, high tech military-industrial complexes, all rushing to build the latest Super Steam, And Diesel Powered Steel Ships! Equipped with Enormous Cannons! Eventually, capable of Shooting A Target up to twenty miles away, completely out of sight, Beyond The Distant Horizon!

The US promptly invented “Gunboat Diplomacy”, when they boldly sailed such ships right into Tokyo Harbor, ready to take on, Godzilla Himself! Explaining to the Japanese government, in no uncertain terms, how to negotiate trade agreements, with people on fast moving armored ships, capable of bombarding Tokyo from well outside of any line of sight! Only to have The Biggest Monkey Wrench In The History Of The Sciences! Thrown into the best laid plans of mice and men… To conquer the world yet again, with ever larger cannons! When, Upon Attempting To Calculate How Hot A Wood Stove Can Burn, One Of The Geekiest Physicists In The World, Max Planck, Stumbled Upon Way More Trouble Than He Ever Bargained For!

Eventually, his new physics became known as quantum mechanics and, Turned Out To Be, The Wet Dream Of The Alchemists! Capable of describing how to manipulate all of matter and energy, with the unheard of precision of, Parts Per Billion! However, along with Einstein’s theory of Relativity a decade later, it implied that, Reality Itself Is A Joke! One that becomes entirely meaningless, at Extreme Scales And Magnitudes… For decades after his initial discovery, a popular topic at faculty cocktail parties, was how to design experiments to discourage practical jokers. No less than fifty years later, after the greatest minds on the planet had Repeatedly Failed Miserably, to find anything remotely like a reasonable explanation for how either theory worked, many among them had long since lost what little sense of humor they had left.

Until, all too predictably, one day, a student innocently mused aloud about the subject and, Niels Bohr Famously Lost His Temper! Shouting At Him: “Shut Up And Calculate!” Bohr was thoroughly sick and tired of listening to wild speculation, and utter nonsense, concerning his chosen profession! Without hesitation, he immediately proceeded to lobby congress, and the entire physics community, to adopt his newfound philosophy, of sternly discouraging professionals from discussing their own work. Making his “Bohring Physics”, Standard Practice, and “Shut Up And Calculate!” The Official Motto Of Modern Physics! Many took his ideas seriously, however, unbeknownst to the Boring Bohr at the time, was the fact that, already, Desperate Japanese Bullet Train Engineers Had Unintentionally Compounded The Mystery, Yet Again… unintentionally compounded the mystery, yet again…

The engineers had become So Incredibly Desperate they were willing to try anything, anything at all, including what sounded like complete nonsense to even themselves and, quite unintentionally, They’d Formulated Their Own Fuzzy Logic! Like a small child struggling to comprehend the difference between lying and telling the truth, fuzzy logic contradicts classic logic, by assuming that most things can be considered “Partially True”, Or “Partially False”. Extensive Experiments in quantum mechanics, and Relativity, had repeatedly confirmed that, on the tiniest of all possible scales, and largest of overwhelming magnitudes, Reality Falls Apart Entirely! While, fuzzy logic implies the unthinkable, that logic itself is Utterly Context Dependent, making logic ultimately useless for determining what is reality and, What Is Merely An Illusion, Or More Bullshit! In response, academic logicians Chose To Studiously Ignore The Engineers, for the next two decades. Assuming, it must be merely another joke or, Of Little Consequence, Either Way! And, hoping the engineers would eventually, just go away…

Sr Stephen Hawking famously declared, “Philosophy Is Dead!” But, unlike his own theoretical work with black holes, academic philosophy is seldom to be summarily dismissed as mere Science Fiction or, Hollywood Fantasy! The military may be dumb, but they don’t get paid enough to be that stupid, Certainly Not In Public! And, all too familiar with having to work with academics, who already think they know everything! Eventually, when the news leaked out, that the use of fuzzy logic had already spread to Communist Chinese Industries, every military-industrial complex in the world, started cracking down on anything related to Fuzzy Logic, and linguistic analysis. Similar to Hawking himself, the Logicians had merely been attempting to conduct theoretical work, and had made the same mistake as the Catholic Church, with Galileo. Choosing to ignore their own Empirical Evidence, whenever it threatened to expose the Self-Evident Truth! To this day, the Chinese are still ahead of the US in AI research while, if there’s one thing that intimidates the military its, Chinese Artificial Intelligence!

Historically, the “Wisdom Philosophies” are the only branch of academic philosophies which have ever had anything to do with things like Socratic Humor and, due to all the rapid advances in technology, they haven’t been popular in over a century. When the military-industrial complex began classifying everything in earnest, they stomped on any further progress being made, by the few people who actually specialized in such things, and discouraged what little research was being done in the field. Focusing, Instead, On Any Immediate Practical Applications, and relying more heavily, than ever before, on the very same logicians who had ignored fuzzy logic in the first place! Unconcerned, That They Were Infamous For Their Stunted Senses Of Humor!

With no answers forthcoming, in either fuzzy logic or quantum mechanics, eventually everyone began to: Go To Extremes! To collect whatever possibly useful tidbits of fuzzy logic they could find, just as fast as they could, hoping to catch up to the Chinese! Including, bugging the computers of Winnie the Pooh Taoist Priests, other mystics, professional comedians, and crazy hippies like me. Google went so far as to use their own marketing department, to convince gullible idealistic militant atheists, that I like to call the “Great Googly Mooglies”, who were all experts in fuzzy logic, to go to work for them. Claiming to be a, “Kinder-Gentler-Idealistic-Oligopoly!” Owned by idealistic stock holders, that only happened to be regulated by the Pentagon, and were forced to censor the internet for them, and spy on a third of the country, but who would never, ever, lower themselves so far as to help them develop new weapons. Then, took all of their work for Google and, eventually, moved into the Pentagon itself to construct an advanced AI…

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! And, long before that kind of, Planetary Spanning, Collective Corporate Insanity, even had a chance to begin in earnest, the number of authors on significant papers in high energy theoretical Physics, Had Already Skyrocketed! Totally Blown Their Wad, Inflating It! To well over a hundred and twenty authors, who could blame each other! After developing the mathematical foundations for fuzzy logic a bit further, the academic sciences Were Finally Prepared To Redeem Themselves Again, in the eyes of both the military and private corporations, when physicists invented, “Chaos Theory”. Holding Out The Long Sought After Promise, of producing a rational explanation for how fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics actually work, so the military and corporations could Avoid, Having To Resort To Using Such Distasteful Tactics In Public! Merely, In Order To Steal Whatever Inane Scraps Of Analog Logic, the logicians and others had informed them they currently required! Their newest theory had successfully described how chaos quickly emerges from the simplest orderly systems however, All-Too-Predictably, The Theory Quickly Stagnated, Failing To Rise To The Challenge! Producing No New Insights.

The Pale Buddha himself expressed serious interest in Fuzzy Logic, and its assumption is a simple as it gets, yet its proper formulation would wait over two thousand years, for desperate engineers to accomplish! Due to academia’s taboos and Stunted Sense Of Humor, the initial development of both fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics, which Chaos Theory is based on, had similarly stalled for decades. Einstein himself, regretted having failed to invent the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, when he first discovered the Photo-Electric Effect, twenty years earlier, considering it the biggest blunder of his career. Whenever he would argue against quantum mechanics, Einstein would frequently say something along the lines of, God Would Never Do This, That, And The Other Thing! With some two hundred quotes being attributed to him and, one day, he declared that, “God would not be so malicious!” Only to have Niels Bohr famously lose his temper again, and snap back at him, “Stop Telling God What To do!” Einstein considered quantum mechanics “Spooky”, without ever realizing it was his own cultural taboos, against using analog logic, that were the real problem, which would eventually come back to haunt the entire physics community, With A Vengeance! Like the very same theories it was based on, Chaos Theory is applicable to everything known in existence and, without the slightest hint of a rational explanation for how the four most outrageously useful physical theories ever devised actually worked, yet again, Their Newest Theory Had Merely Compounded The Deepest Enigma The Sciences Had Ever Encountered! And, ever would again! Ever….

Repeatedly, For Over Eighty Years, All The Evidence Had Suggested, there had to be a simple explanation for how it all worked. In a last ditch effort to avoid the unthinkable, admitting that 42 is as good as it gets, governments and corporations around the world began systematically stealing and Classifying Even Jokes Older Than Monuments! At the same time, pumping ridiculous amounts of money into High Energy Physics Experiments while, repeatedly, informing the public that they were closing in on the answers. Reassuring The Good-Old-Boys-Clubs, as much as anything else, In An Attempt To Stall For More Time! For the physicists to work on their theories, as they simultaneously continued to collect all the data they could, just as fast as they could, relentlessly searching for what’s missing from this picture…

Meanwhile, the rest of the scientific community, Grew Increasingly Impatient With Physics! Receiving the lion’s share of the research funding, yet failing to provide any of the answers they required. To this very day, they’re still promoting different theories to the public, as realistic contenders for a theory of everything, including Holographic, Faster Than Light, String Theories, Simulations Like The Matrix, And Parallel Universes, Complete With Trap Doors, Blue Smoke, And Mirrors! One of these "Leading Theories" even suggests that we occupy Flatland, and our universe is merely two dimensional! Yet, for several decades now, both the physical and mathematical evidence have indicated all of these more popular theories are either dead wrong, or flat-out impossible to prove.

In Galileo’s time, the Physical Sciences Were Still Quite Primitive, and severely limited in scope, making shoving your head in the sand all that much more attractive an option, however, the evidence has also implied, all along, that modern physics merely hints at just what kind of, Enormous Slippery Monkey Wrench! Now confronts the entire civilized world! The Theory of Relativity is self-contradictory, with the Simultaneity Paradox suggesting, that the faster you accelerate, and the further away you are, the more often the chicken will appear to come before the egg while, if you accelerate Faster Than The Speed Of Light, time will flow backwards, and chickens will always come before the egg.

Making a Perfect Clock Impossible, and the mathematics used to justify Relativity increasingly worthless, the faster any observer accelerates, or the more Ponderously Massive, And Set In Their Ways. Again, suggesting that fuzzy logic is correct and its ultimately impossible to determine with any certainty what is actually true and false, reality and illusion. For their part, Quantum Mechanics, Fuzzy Logic, and Chaos Theory are all, Vague “Contextual” Theories, and every branch of the sciences has steadily adopted the use of Contextual tools including Linguistic Analysis, which are still taboo in academia! And, still part of the “Wisdom Philosophies” which Have Not Been Popular, In Over A Century. Consequently, almost nobody who uses any of these newly adopted, Ubiquitous Tools, espouses Contextualism or Relativity as a personal philosophy.

The Catholic Church Simply Stomped On Anything research wise, that might contradict Aristotle, while the myriad modern sciences have embraced anything new. That is, so long as the military-industrial complex supports their ongoing efforts, to censor and Plausibly Deny Their Implications! In particular, they all suggest that academia, The Good-Old-Boys-Clubs, and the mainstream, have progressively made half of reality, and the truth itself, Taboo Subjects! For no less than several thousand years now, in every civilized culture around the world! Explaining, why we still don’t have a theory of everything! As a consequence, over the last half century, all of our sciences and technologies have started to become overwhelming analog, Yet, Nobody Knows What "Analog" Actually Means! Or, Is Willing To Admit They Do! Other than, to claim that nature is obviously analog, and analog things are similar to other things…

For example, quantum mechanics are commonly described as “Random”, which can be considered a "Random Label", and many claim that means they’re unpredictable but, if they were totally unpredictable, they wouldn’t be useful for anything. All it really means is that nobody has a clue as to how they actually work or, if they do, they can’t prove it, and whether you prefer to Call Reality Analog, Random, Anal Retentive, Illusory, Fantasy, Or Goofy! Reality Rolls Off The Tongue, Like Any Other Bullshit! Remaining Entirely A Matter Of How Cunning Your Linguist, Or Grammar Nazis! Worse still, some of the other accepted scientific theories, such as Darwinian Evolution, Now Appear To All Be Headed, In The Same, Vague, Vague, Vague, Direction! Along with quantum mechanics, Relativity, Fuzzy Logic, and Chaos Theory, with no end in sight… While, Nobody Seems To Have The Slightest Clue, As To Exactly Where This Train Wreak Is Headed!

It required no less than A Lifetime, Of Dedicated Private Research, to finally sort it all out, while being Treated As A Heathen And A Pariah The Entire Time, but the simple explanation for all the confusion, is that every civilized culture has progressively Made The Use Of Analog Logic, Pattern Matching, Cussing, and humor in general, outright taboo or, frequently, Dismissed Them As Largely Meaningless. Some Primitive Tribal People can tell jokes that would Make A Porn Star Blush And Walk The Other Way! Although, a word of warning, Their Wives Strongly Discourage Them! To say the least. Frequently, they like to joke that civilized people tend to resemble toddlers, surreptitiously flashing mischievous grins, and Guilty Looks, Even When They Are Good People, Who Would Never, Ever, Do Anything Wrong! In smaller groups, humor makes it easier for everyone to get along but, in larger numbers, arguing and fighting amongst ourselves, are frequently the only way to organize any better, and make faster progress. That is, Assuming We Don’t All End Up Killing One Another!

Western cultures adopted dualism, making it easier to enforce humor as a taboo and, later, enshrined it in Aristotle’s Logic, ensuring that people killed each other less often or, at least, kept making progress. Asian cultures have retained the use of more polite, extremely tongue-in-cheek, paradoxical humor, Supporting Extensive Agriculture, especially in high density populations, while western ones have embraced more sarcasm however, right up into modern times, both cultures have progressively rejected different types of humor, as a way to make faster progress, whenever organizing in groups larger than four hundred people. Scum Always Floats To The Top! And, the higher up you go in any large organization, the more taboo humor becomes in both eastern and western cultures, which is especially true for mainstream religions and academia, who often blame each other for their ongoing attempts to abuse language. For example, traditional Taoists and academics claim to have little in common, yet they both reject the idea that paradoxes have any significant meaning, Contradicting Their Own Evidence.

The Countless Different Versions of the Tao Te Ching, that almost everyone reads, are missing three “Lost Poems” that are pornographic in Chinese, and there are perhaps 50 million people who write our potty mouth “Rainbow Warrior Poetry!" Nevertheless, I’ve been booted off even Traditional Winnie The Pooh Taoist websites for using the wimpiest potty humor imaginable, to describe the Tao While, These Days, I Personally Recommend The Teletubbies, As Much More Exciting, Meaningful, And Relevant. Likewise, academics commonly insist that paradoxes are never to be confused with jokes, and are largely meaningless, that is, Assuming They Have Any Real Meaning At All! Yet, academia remains infamous for their institutionally stunted senses of humor, commonly could not teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary if their lives depended on it, contradict themselves whenever convenient, and rely heavily on modern Contextual tools, that almost nobody espouses as a personal philosophy, because all of these ubiquitous tools have become even more taboo, classified, and censored over the last century.

Forty-two being as good as it gets, can be described as what is widely known as, “The Great Void!" From whence all the myriad good things doth spring forth! Making information more fundamental than energy, and requiring every context to have a significant amount of content. Explaining, for example, why its impossible, To Create A Perfect Vacuum! That is, without telling really bad jokes, that should never be repeated. Additionally, implying that what we call paradoxes, are simply more Context Dependent for any clear meaning, and can be treated like any other extreme tongue-in-cheek joke. Making it impossible to even imagine realistic metaphysical extremes, such as, A Naked Singularity! One of my favorite examples, is when physicists finally managed to acquire, A Measurable Phase Transition, from quantum mechanical to classical, yet their results Defied Every Prediction! Indicating that the "Big Bang" was neither too hot, nor too cold, but just right, for everyone to take all the measurements they could possibly desire. One researcher commented that it could be years or longer before anyone could possibly figure out, How A “Goldilocks Universe” Works! As If He Had Never Heard The Story In His Life!

Normally, something turning out to be “just right” is not considered a problem, in either physics or astronomy, but the context makes the Joke All-Too-Obvious! And, Defies ALL Rational Explanation! If anything, modern physics Has Only Drifted Further Away, Than Ever Before! From establishing any kind of metaphysical foundations for physics, much less morality or ethics and, after spending ridiculous amounts of money on high energy particle experiments, nevertheless, the physical sciences remain a ship without a rudder, going on inertia alone! As a direct result, Even The Much Vaunted "Digital Revolution", Has Dramatically Transformed Into: THE ANAL RETENTIVE ANALOG REVOLUTION!!!

Forget About Existentialist Angst: GET OVER IT ALREADY! They’re wasting trillions of dollars attempting to continue to deny the obvious fact that, for almost 130 years now, The Overwhelming Preponderance Of The Evidence! Has all progressively indicated, 42 is as good as it gets! Anything to avoid exposing their, Socially Unacceptable, Dirty Little Secret! When nobody has the slightest clue as to what any of it might actually mean… Considering that we still don’t have a recognized theory of everything, and using Crude Analog Logic Is Taboo In Every Modern Culture, informing everybody in the world that 42 is as good as it gets, doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in the system, and is Totally Pointless!

Unfortunately, Their Sustained Efforts To Censor Half Of Reality, Are Now Shoving Everyone’s Heads All That Much Deeper Into The Sand! While, of course, their continuing efforts to pretend that nothing is wrong have already: Inspired Scientists, In Every Discipline, To Start Banging Their Heads Against The Nearest Wall! Ominously, with each passing year, they’re also promoting more outrageous Three Stooges slapstick, in every other well established cultural institution! Doing Everything They Can To Appease The Wealthy And Powerful! In order to convince them, Their Good-Old-Boys-Clubs Are Still In Charge! And, Know Damn Well, What The Hell They’re Doing! As they continue to tread water, and get nowhere… at 99.9999% of the speed of light!

My “Tar Baby Black Hole Sun” is actually an incomplete “Quantized Information Singularity”, an entirely new kind of analog logic, science, and technology, that inverts the Quantum Observer Effect. Utilizing the extreme efficiency of our own brain’s quantum pattern matching capacity, to turn the Quantum Observer Effect back on the observer themselves, Promoting Macroscopic Quantum Effects! Ones, which ensure the good guys win more often, by staying two punch lines ahead of the competition. Lending entirely new meaning to “Darwinian Survival of the Fittest!" As requiring a wicked sense of humor! The environmental and neurological evidence already support this, making information more fundamental than energy, and ensuring that the greater context or, The Greater Truth, Inevitably Wins! Or, We All Die In The End! Merely requiring simple pattern matching, and fuzzy logic, that can be expressed as Metaphoric Logic, or Bullshit Logic, in order for any damn fool to gain a better grasp on, What’s Missing From This Picture!

Jokes, for example, can appear to Defy Causality, when the context alone seems to determine just how much sense anything makes. Momentarily Revealing How Even Jokes Are, Ultimately, Context Dependent! Explaining why we need emotions, as well as, logic, or we inevitably become self-defeating. In conventional physics, this same pattern tends to become Glaringly Obvious, At Extreme Scales And Magnitudes! Such as those of quantum mechanics, a black hole, the speed of light, Or The Mysterious… BIG BANG! Many among us still have their suspicions as to the exact origin of the Big Bang, but nobody can prove anything! For quite some time now, its been clear to me, that the Pentagon already suspects they’re Confronting A Singularity! Yet, their decision to censor me from every major search engine, before I came anywhere near finishing my book, implies they either have no real clue as to what the implications are or, for whatever reasons, remain committed to conducting, Business-As-Usual, For The Good-Old-Boys-Clubs, regardless of the consequences.

Some physicists are now abandoning projects, like the Large Hadron Collider, as a complete waste of their time and, likewise, recent discoveries in Chaos Theory strongly imply it will never be able to produce anything remotely like a reasonable explanation, for how quantum mechanics, fuzzy logic, or anything else fundamentally works. Chaos Theory was founded on the observation that chaos naturally emerges from the simplest orderly systems and, in turn, now they’ve proven that order itself naturally emerges from relatively simple chaotic systems, rather quickly at that. Of Course, Whether You Want To Call That Progress, Or Not! Just Depends On How You Care To Define "Simple", And "Chaos!" Mathematicians have already established that both Newtonian Mechanics and String Theory appear to be tautological, while Relativity is blatantly self-contradictory, and has turned out to use the same mathematics as Thermodynamics. In physics jargon: The Hot Tub Is Getting Too Hot!

To this day, Thermodynamics are still struggling to incorporate the arrow of time, suggesting among some physicists, "A Watched Clock Will Never Boyle!" Implying, the two theories merely exchange accuracy for precision, while quantum mechanics have turned out to be equally accurate and precise, whether you assume everything is random or fated and, like Thermodynamics, are another "Ad Hoc Collection" of disparate theories. That don’t agree with each other at all! And, apparently, don’t require the arrow of time, despite all of the, Vociferous Continuing Protests To The Contrary! The second law of Thermodynamics is the only thing suggesting thermodynamics require the arrow of time, but it contradicts the accepted experimental evidence.

One experiment, using a Micron Sized Polystyrene Bead, suspended above a heat bath by "Optical Tweezers", commonly found in any lab today, demonstrates how time can be observed flowing backwards, on even macroscopic scales. Likewise, the Quantum Zeno Effect is easily observable in any lab, where a watched pot of entangled particles will never Boyle, or change in any way whatsoever. So long as, you keep peeking at them, At Just The Right Moment. Both suggesting Zeno was an optimist, and the arrow of Time Is Entirely Context Dependent! Providing a simple explanation for Relativistic "Time Dilation", why the speed of light is a limit, why Black Holes Evaporate, and why they have an event horizon, as all the result of space and time themselves, always expressing particle-wave "Duality", In A Singularity! Progressively exchanging identities, Over Extreme Scales And Magnitudes! A black hole has an event horizon because, otherwise, it would embody a metaphysical extreme that, theoretically, could swallow the entire universe! In One Faster Than Light Gulp! Leaving nobody around to ask the question. Instead, everything ranges from, The Incredibly Vague, Vague, Vague, and tautological, to the Explicitly Humorous, Laughable, And Self-Contradictory!

In high school, I had already figured out that classic logic appears to be tautological, and the accepted grammar of English is self-contradictory, yet academia has always dismissed me as merely a troublemaker, and summarily rejected similar complaints, as obviously meaningless while, privately, others have urged me on. Until, today, academics everywhere are now casually helping their own governments to censor the mass media, of course, in order to protect their own students from themselves. Notably, after a century and a half of public education, worldwide, a quarter of their students still claim the sun revolves around the earth! And, are increasingly rejecting public education altogether as, obviously, wholly incapable of convincing even a child that a single thing they say is true. Almost nobody knows, or is willing to admit, that the common dictionary merely contains popular definitions, and bringing up the subject itself is taboo, with militant atheists dominating academia, and making up whatever meaningless rhetoric and nonsense words they happen to prefer. Yet, only now, are scientists leaving the US in a huff, complaining about pay walls and increased censorship, making open scientific inquiry impossible, just as the rest of the rest of the world begins to also heavily censor the mass media.

As if academics just can’t bare to shove their noses up their ass any further! A quarter of all federal prisoners are harmless potheads, that even the guards say are not a threat to society, and hippies have been complaining for over half a century, that both democracy and the environment are rapidly going down the toilet. Now, they’re bugging our computers, stealing our work, and censoring us, while still attempting to vehemently deny that 42 is as good as it gets. The idiots have been burning the candle at both ends, just as fast as they can, and acting as if they can keep this up forever, only to be shocked in recent years that all of their Nonstop Bullshit! Has finally started to come home to roost! Don Henley famously sang, “You Don’t Really Want To Know Just How Far Its Gone!” But, he was an optimist, who believed many of us still have a choice!

The louder the mainstream complains, and the more thoroughly they attempt to censor everything, other than their own nonstop complaints, the harder it becomes for anyone alive to take any of their endless denials seriously. That is, as anything more important than the usual Outlandish Nonsense, and meaningless demands, coming from the same Corrupt Mindless-Mob! Promoted by both academia and the military-industrial complex while, Throwing Up Endless Blue Smoke And Mirrors! Over the last half century in particular, academia has become so brazen, that they’re now starting to make the Catholic Church’s decision, to throw Galileo in the dungeon, look positively humane in comparison! At least, the Catholic Church was more honest about their taboos, and who they supported oppressing, with our modern institutions being accused of, once again, even promoting antisemitism! Proving that academic humanities haven’t made any meaningful progress in almost a century, thanks to nobody bothering to ever use a dictionary and, they might as well, Roll Over And Play Dead!

Forget about all of the so-called, "Political Bullshit", the courts even allowed the State of Virginia to steal the retirement fund of their own state employees, when they didn’t even need the money! More Democrats than republicans now insist, the constitution is totally irrelevant, and so is the Ultra Conservative Supreme Court, who agree with them! Testing their DNA is now the most reliable way to determine how anyone votes, while millionaires with advanced degrees, have begun Storming The Palace With Knives And Pitchforks! The term “Politics” has become merely another reality TV marketing buzz word. Which, Of Course, Are All Scripted, Possibly By A Hundred Monkeys, Banging Away On Typewriters!

Similar to a Stock Market Bubble, the longer they drag this out, the more it will hurt, but they’re committed, or should be, with millennia of institutionalized good-old-boy insanity, and trillions of dollars worth of inertia invested, while the best that I can possibly hope to accomplish by writing this book, is to help others avoid the worst of their ongoing insanity, and Prepare For All Hell To Break Loose! Among numerous other things, what the Pentagon, and everyone else, Appear To All Be In Complete Denial Of! Is the simple fact, that it really doesn’t matter if they use quantum computers, to spit out all of the analog logic that anyone could possibly desire, or even if they somehow manage to produce a complete, “Theory of Everything”. Unless they lose their taboos and biases, even Albert Einstein himself could never hope to comprehend how analog logic actually works, or the best applications, precisely because he swore they were, ~*Spoooky!*~

Aliens from another planet, could gave humanity an encyclopedia for, “The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything”, and most would simply deny a great deal of the evidence, just as the Catholic Church did with Galileo, and Continue To Cherry-Pick Whatever Answers Support Their Ongoing Insanity! While, others might simply hide under their desk Out Of Shame, and die of a heart attack. Sure, they can keep right on designing all kinds of fancy new weapons and gadgets, that people can even sell at a handsome profit, nevertheless, like the Catholic Church, all of their skills and technology will progressively become obsolete. As everyone works overtime to automate themselves out of a job, complaining the entire time that, Sadly, There Can Be No Justice In This World! When Everyone Argues Over The Definition Of Stupid! Nor will the process require hundreds of years, as it did for the Catholic Church.

The Chinese have already automated most of their own electronics industry, and physicians have reported Severe Burn-Out And Fatigue, in a heroic decade long effort to create an AI that can replace them. The louder the idiots keep Protesting,"It’s A Dog-Eat-Dog World!" That they have no real choice in the matter, the faster they will automate themselves out of a job, while my Information Singularity provides a viable alternative, to marching over the nearest cliff like so many lemmings! Preferring to, Simply Automate Themselves Out Of A Job! For the benefit of the good-old-boys-clubs who, in turn, will inevitably automate themselves out a job! Half of all Wall Street trades are now done by computers and, Rumor Has It, Terminator Robots Have Been Quietly Replacing Strategic Traders, On The Stock Market Floor! As, simultaneously, the high tech oligopolies play, “All Around The Mulberry Bush, The Monkey Chased The Weasel!" Right Along With The Pentagon! Complaining the entire time, There’s Nobody In Charge Around Here! While, the Supreme Court threatens to write their own constitution, so the Pentagon knows exactly who’s in charge around here! And, Exactly Who Everyone Must Swear To Defend!

It was the romantic Allan Watts who, once again, famously popularized the polite Asian metaphor of, “God Plays Peek-A-Boo!" Yet, a more blunt western equivalent would be: “The Truth Hurts For A Reason!” Which is why, The Truth Alone Can Effortlessly Pop Your Bubble! Just as many times as necessary! In order to get your attention! If you repeatedly reject your own innate sense of humor, then: You Are The Problem Dummy! Whether anything is paradoxical or not, including the "Liar’s Paradox", The Simple Truth Is, Stupid Is As Stupid Does! Which Why The Truth Only Hurts For A Reason! Or, Stupid Would Know BetterAnd, Be Just A Little Too Smart For Their Own Britches!

Nor does it matter in the least what you believe and, for example, if you happen to believe, in some sort of abstract manner, that life ultimately makes no real sense, The Truth Can Still Do A Line Dance! Repeatedly Popping Your Bubble, Funky Monkey Style! As difficult as this humble, inconvenient, fact of life is for many to accept, it simply doesn’t matter how intelligent, knowledgeable, wealthy, and powerful you are, nor does it matter in the least if you are every bit as wise, modest, and sophisticated as the Dali Lama, and can meditate on the bottom of a pool for an hour. Those are all things that aren’t taboo in civilization and, although they can be enormously helpful in countless situations, it was the smallest among them who Actually Broke The Spell, without even trying, By Merely Laughing At The Funny Naked Man In The Parade!

Which is an example of what physicists call the “Butterfly Effect”, but with the noteworthy difference that, unlike their more common Abstract Cartoonish Example, of a butterfly causing a hurricane, mine is much much more personal, descriptive, and controversial. “Once I Dreamed I Was A Butterfly, Determined to Start A Hurricane! For The Weatherman To Enjoy!” The story of the Emperor’s New Clothes is merely a child’s fairy tale, and not a famous work of Shakespeare, because the establishment would have burned Shakespeare alive at the stake, if he ever attempted to write a serious, "Adult Version". Out, Out Damn Spot! Guilt Is Such A Terrible Thing To Waste! With one bank in Chicago hiring a full-time psychologist for their customers, that is, those making the minimum ten million dollar deposit. So they’re guaranteed to get Instant Relief, Whenever They Cry All The Way To The Bank!

The establishment would rather you felt pity, outrage, fear, disgust, disdain, and outright revulsion for them, then to have everyone laugh their ass off at them. Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, but I’ll sue you in court for defamation too, if you dare to crack a joke that actually costs my Business Money! And, have you censored from the mass media entirely, if you attempt to reveal the truth in some other fashion. Conservatives, even pressured the networks to take the popular sitcom “Soap” Off The Air! Democracy For Sale, Attempting To Hide More Crap In Their Diapers! Because they couldn’t be bothered to change the channel, and believed, The Emperor’s New Clothes Were The Latest Fashion And, Definitely, Worth Every Penny!

Just as logic can sometimes be Deadly Accurate, Jokes can be wildly more efficient at revealing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, So Help Me God! So, judges will commonly hold you in contempt of court, for daring to crack a joke, or just for laughing, which is a privilege the judges reserve for themselves. Courts also still commonly refuse to ever Use Lie Detectors, despite almost any lie detector today being much more accurate than people. Modern lie detectors approach the accuracy of Newtonian Mechanics while, among other things, my own work involves giving them the incredible precision of quantum mechanics. That way, the judges can still claim Americans Have The Best Justice That Money Can Buy! While, lying is merely another privilege judges reserve for themselves and, of course, their good-old-boys-clubs. Making much more sense out of why people still commonly deny the self-evident truth, why we still have so many taboos against using crude analog logic, and how "The Butterfly Effect" Is Similar To Both "The Domino Effect" And "Crap Rolling Downhill!" The resemblance is the result of pattern matching, being ridiculously more efficient but, also, much more error prone, and less useful the more people there are involved. When keeping it simple stupid! Can easily transform into: The Worst Three Stooges Slapstick Imaginable!

Mindlessly Ranting And Raving, freedom of speech in America has become the freedom to spout all of the hate, anger, sarcasm, wild accusations, insinuations, and conspiracy theories that your Little Heart Desires, while genuine humor and the truth are both extensively censored from the mass media. Websites, for example, are normally designed to Attract Trolls, And Flies! Who attract more business, with almost none of them being designed to Promote Humor, Or The Truth. When I’ve informed people who complain about trolls online, that according to their own definition for a troll, most websites are designed to attract and defend trolls, they instantly stop talking to me altogether, and I recommend it as an easy way to avoid and get rid of trolls. Likewise, the younger generation are the first to catch on that Analog Logic is incorporated into every bot online, and they’ll often call me a bot, and stop talking to me altogether, if I merely use analog logic. Making it yet another easy way to get rid of trolls who, like any other bullies, Frequently Confuse Sarcasm with more genuine humor.

Websites commonly promote trolls, sometimes, creating their own giant "Echo Chambers" and, most trolls have no real clue just how easy it is, for someone with a Subtle Sense Of Humor, to make them all Turn Beet Red! Embarrassing themselves repeatedly, or inspiring them to chase their own tails in the corner! The more contentious among them rely heavily on websites booting anyone off, who actually has a well developed sense of humor. Competing for the lowest common denominator, protecting their own trolls in order to attract more business, that doesn’t use analog logic, which is heavily classified and censored. Archetypal Sarcastic Caricatures, that only require a minimum in artificial intelligence, and can be mixed and matched at will, such as, WC Fields and Goldilocks, are all you really need in order to: Make Bots Indistinguishable From The Idiots! And, to totally automate the process of providing the Three Stooges with their very own, “Customized Lowbrow Virtual Reality!” Recently, a half century old AI beat its more modern competition in a "Turing Test", because nobody could believe an AI could be that stupid.

Along with all the Fake News and Misinformation already out there, now they’re filling entire websites with endless bots, which are often much more exciting, interesting, and easier to follow, than wasting your time talking to real people. Real People Just Aren’t Fake Enough! And, Need To Work Harder, On Faking It Til Ya Make It Baby! The latest AI generated Chinese TV star, is entirely synthetic and, so compelling, its beating out all of the other competition. Yet, corporations keep attempting to make bots that resemble the Beaver Cleaver family instead! Outside of the US, other countries are complaining that Fox News is ruining their reputable news outlets, but that’s only because all of them have made analog logic and humor taboo, like everyone else. Likewise, Taoists commonly promote the idea of “Oneness”, yet deny that their own paradoxes have any real meaning, as if, Oneness Means Life Is Meaningless!

Although I can sympathize with both academia and traditional Taoists, Thanks To The Devil Himself Actually Having A Better Sense Of Humor! The Entire Planet Is Rapidly Spiraling Down The Toilet! In my opinion, we need to be a little more constructive than the Catholic Church was with Galileo, and learn how to share our words and play nice, like adults. My example of, The Butterfly Effect, Starkly Illustrates How Our Universe Could Not Care Less About How Polite You Are, Or How Contentious! Or, How Many Flaming Idiots Agree With Your Particular Brand Of Insanity! Life only superficially resembles a Pool Table, Winnie the Pooh, And Three Stooges Comedy, because we happen to inhabit a metaphorical universe. According to classic logic, experiments in physics suggesting that 42 is as good as it gets, makes everything ultimately meaningless, yet the actual physical evidence itself confirms that pattern matching and Karma rule the universe. Making humor more fundamental than logic, and requiring contextual vagueness, pattern matching, and linguistic mathematics in order to make more sense out of it all, while hinting at feasible ways in which to: Save The Whole Damn Planet!

Ironically, the Emperor in the story can be described as innocently attempting to avoid being embarrassed, because he had gained weight, and needed to buy new clothes and, due to his social status, he was extremely self-conscious about people laughing at him. In a Singularity, simple symmetry ensures that, We Are All Both Flaming Geniuses And Drooling Idiots Alike! The Trick Is To:Be The Drooling Idiot We Can All Come To Know And Love!" Of course, without abandoning your brain on the side of the road! Or, throwing the baby out with the bathwater!

On The Playground Of Life, In The School Of Hard Knocks! Stupid Is As Stupid Does! While, The Mounting Evidence Indicates That Rocket Scientists And Brain Surgeons Are No More Intelligent Than Anyone Else! Your IQ can even go up and down significantly on a daily basis! Changing according to the weather, the amount of air pollution, whether you wear polyester, or just from watching too much TV. The issue is not so much how smart you are, but your personal integrity, with most people going through distinct stages in their career from neutral, to enthusiastic, to finally jaded. More Compelling Evidence, If You Wish To Call It That, Is The Fact Working Memory Remains The Only Known Reliable Measure Of Anyone’s Career Potential! Which is what you’d expect in a flock of chickens…

Obviously, the importance of Intelligence Has Been Greatly Exaggerated, by all of the Endless Nonstop Three Stooges Slapstick! Traditionally, supported by academia in order to justify their own importance. Not to mention, their ability to keep denying half of reality, for the sake of the mainstream and, of course, the good-old-boys-clubs. Yet, Mother Nature merely laughs at all of our petty hubris and, Childish Pretensions! That We Actually Know What The Hell We’re Doing! As if, we are all mere Infants, Wallowing In Our Own Crap! While, playing around with dolls, and still struggling to learn how to talk, and use the potty! Ominously, potty training is inevitable in a Singularity, and humanity’s time has finally arrived while, The US Now Appears DeterminedTo Lead The Parade!

Information and communications Behave Very Differently, from what you would expect in a simple causal metaphysical universe, requiring Metaphoric Logic, Or Bullshit Logic, but life still remains two steps forward, and one back again. Eternally Abiding In Our Moment…. Greater harmony neither acts nor reasons, as we dance delightfully between invisible moonbeams and, with any luck, Avoid Falling On Our Ass! In physics, its what’s known as a “Drunkard’s Walk!" One that staggers between order and chaos, but still gets you somewhere. Reflecting, the more mechanical half of our mortal existence, that emerges from the more Organic Magic Of Existence Itself! Which Is Truly A Miracle To Believe In! Or, to deny all that your little heart might desire! Its even possible to desire, “The Taboo Against Having Taboos!” Thankfully, 90% of this game is half-mental, and embracing bullshit is the easiest way to eliminate a lot of bullshit! So, Set Your Bullshit Free! And, See If It Comes Back To Haunt You! If It Doesn’t, Maybe Its Not Complete Bullshit!

One of the first practical applications, for my "Quantized Information Singularity", is to create alternatives to the current Academic Peer Review systems, making many of them Obsolete Overnight! Although that might sound pretentious on my part, the embarrassing truth is, over the last century, academia has invested so much time and energy into denying their own mountain of evidence, that they’ve made it easy for anyone to Retrodict from all the data, whatever they want to know about any branch of the sciences. These days, they call it “Big Data”, From Star Trek, but my Information Singularity merely collates Big Data, or his Kin, for what’s missing from this picture. Which is incredibly faster, easier, and more efficient. So much so, that you should frequently be able to use simplified algorithms and an ordinary laptop, with a Thumb Drive, rather than the complete multidimensional multifractal equation and an industrial computer. Making it additionally possible for anyone to, Gain A Better Grasp: On What’s Missing From This Picture! In any particular line of research they may happen to prefer, which academics have so diligently, and thoughtfully, attempted to hide in plain sight, While Daring Anyone To Laugh!

Hence, my Tar Baby is aimed squarely at academia, who are simultaneously the truly Ancient Origins Of Our Current, Anally Persistent, Problems! Yet, the only people alive capable of solving most of them or, Seriously Intent On Creating New Ones! Once, an academic asked me what can be done to address the Endless Looming Man-Made Catastrophes! Now Threatening The Future Of The Entire Human Race! Not To Mention, FREE WILLIE! Losing my temper, I angrily suggested that he find out who is teaching all these idiots, how to destroy the planet faster! Call Me Brain Damaged! But, Either The Right Hand Knows What The Left Hand Is Doing, Or We’re All Screwed! They’re stubbornly determined to keep on denying that there’s no conventional fix for all of our problems and, as a result, their own Self-Imposed Problems can only multiply, and transform, into A Landslide Of Lowbrow Slapstick! So, I cover a great deal of their lowbrow slapstick in the following chapters, in part, to give people a better feel for the possibilities, and just how useful it can be to collate data, in any particular line of research. Providing explicit instructions for how to, Make Unique Predictions, For What New DisastersAcademia Will Inspire Next!

Of course, most will simply insist on carefully censoring everything, just as I’ve already been XXXXXXXX, while declaring war on anything they can’t easily censor! Regardless, neither our governments, nor any other mainstream institution, will allow academia to make Any Fundamental Changes, unless they have no choice, so I intend to leave them with, No Viable Alternatives Left! Potty Training Begins At Home Dammit! For example, most of the first AI developed for commercial purposes, turned out to be worthless for what they were originally designed for, while a recent decade long effort to create an AI That Can Write scientific theories and papers, spit out an endless stream of extremely convincing sounding papers, that were all Complete Bullshit! You would think the researchers had deliberately set out to destroy what’s left of their own peer review system, which has been struggling to keep their heads above water for decades. By all accounts, “Academic Artificial IntelligenceHas Turned Out To Be, A Redundant Oxymoron! Likewise, over a trillion dollars was invested in AI Research, in one year alone, yet everyone was surprised, when all of the newer commercial AI, started to resemble the TV sitcom character of “Archie Bunker”, expressing racist, ageist, sexist, and homophobic biases.

Which Is Merely The Default networking systems logic in a Singularity, when the lights are on, but nobody’s home, and happens to be related to the "Shannon Entropy", that they’re all still using to design everything, and what physicists technically refer to as the, “Two Faces of Janus!And, Even More Enigmatic: “Yin-Yangy Push-Me-Pull-You Dynamics!” Combined, these two form a particle-wave duality, composed of Eigenstates And Virtual Particles, or the quantum mechanical equivalent of, "Blue Smoke And Mirrors!" Which can be used to model everything as simultaneously random and fated. Bereft the slightest good taste or mercy, their irate combination ensures the individual remains eternally fated to decide, for themselves, just exactly what the hell is going on! Explaining why the everyday world around us appears to be so deterministic yet, we also have the quantum observer effect, and the, Infamous Collapse Of The Wave-Function! Where the more things change, the more they stay the same and, Nobody Is Ever Satisfied! But, the easier it becomes to Normalize Any Expectations, such as extremes in humor and beauty! Reconciling the two for ourselves, and our partners. Inexplicably, and paradoxically, the two becoming more satisfying as, simultaneously, they blunt our expectations and preconceptions. As we become all the more authentic and harmonious in the moment, as not only individuals but, collectively, as social animals, and Small Furry Mammals.

Expressing a, Rainbow Spectrum of Desires! From whence a modified version of Bertram Maslow’s famous “Hierarchy of Needs!Doth Emerge! Graciously Ensuring Darwinian Survival of the Fittest Remains A Complete Oxymoron: Unless, You Can Retain Your Sense Of Humor! What most people desire in a good boss, for example, is also what female chimpanzees commonly select for in, An Alpha Male. That is, someone who won’t interfere in petty disputes, but who intervenes decisively when necessary, in order to maintain the peace, as well as, providing food for the troops. Which is also the traditional Ideal Patriarch! Neither being angry all the time, depressed all the time, nor simply content to socialize, or contemplate your own navel, is necessarily all that helpful and, male or female, the trick is to remain somewhat flexible, for whenever the light bulb might come on, Contributing To Global Warming! Notably, women tend to make more reliable matriarchs in the business world, while men tend to be more creative.

Archie Bunker being the default networking systems logic, also explains why repeated studies have indicated that, even people who believe they’re not racist, and do everything they can to avoid and combat racism, Still Have Unconscious Racial Biases! Lowbrow slapstick merely Reflects The More Mechanical, Mental Masturbation, side of existence, that applies on a cellular level, to information itself, and Even Applies To Inanimate Objects. This same pattern is already showing up repeatedly in physics, with the example I gave of the one experiment indicating that we inhabit a “Goldilocks Universe!" Conspicuously drawing attention to the fact, over vast scales and magnitudes, lowbrow slapstick manifests in even inanimate objects. Reflecting how A Singularity Demands Attention! Due to the universal recursion in the principle of identity, which expresses its own distinctive recursive symmetry, as pattern matching.

For a long time now, its been widely known that the earth’s composition, moon, orbit around the sun, and even our orbit within the galaxy, all appear to be “Just Right” for life as we know it Yet, Nobody Predicted We Occupy A Goldilocks Universe! Because its taboo in the mainstream and, Anathema In Academia! Goldilocks has become a new buzz word in physics, that’s likely to be censored, and there should be four related “Root Metaphors”, that overlap, and express the more Wishy-Washy, emotional-logic of Intuitionistic Mathematics, as a multidimensional multifractal equation. Mathematically speaking, the four combined Form A Torus, which is the same way the neurons in our brains organize for communication, With One Ring To Bind Them All! Lost In Space, Somewhere In The Twilight Zone! On The Far Side, Beyond The Outer Limits Of Gilligan’s Island! Where There Yet Abides The Largest Of All Known Circle-Jerks! In The Entire Animal Kingdom: The Dude Himself!

Of particular interest, pattern matching and networking systems logics, should help to explain immune system dysfunctions, and how the Placebo Effect Works, as expressing Yin and Yang, with our immune and Reproductive System Meeting In The Brain! Contrary to all the theories, yet again, the two appear to Form The Brain! And, should produce a nonlinear “Drunkard’s Walk”, between order and chaos, one that becomes more efficient the better your sense of humor. Expressing the "Lowest Possible Energy State Of The Complete System", Or The Highest, For The Dude Himself! Demonstrating, how organic life as we know it is normally animated, thinks, and communicates, in a geometric, or mathematical fashion. For example, Fungi (Fun-Guy) have proven to think and communicate in a more geometric fashion, than we do, exemplifying how geometry and dynamics progressively exchange identities, according to the four root metaphors, which should apply to the Four Phylums, Whenever Five Sheets To The Wind!

Making what is communication, random noise and meaningful, inevitably up the to the individual observer to decide, because it represents a mysterious, unfathomable, “Universal Recursion in the Principle of Identity!" Even the cells of our own bodies comprehend cussing and, instead of the more flattering “Cosmic Consciousness!” That so many romantic scientists dream of, they’re privileged to document The Less Than Flattering lowbrow slapstick of the Muppet Show and, Vaudeville Stage And Theater: Of The Mind! Where Instant Karma’s Gonna Getcha Baby! Which you could say, is Mother Nature’s way of attempting to get their attention, and encourage them to learn how to use the potty. To share their words and play nice, and to never forget, Even Though Yogi Berra Was From Another Planet Altogether! Knowing Only That He Knew Nothing, Absolutely Nothing, Nothing Whatsoever! He Became Aware That 90% Of This Game Is Half-Mental! Thus, In Grasping What’s Missing From This Picture, From Somewhere Way Far Out In Left Field: Yogi Made It To The Potty On Time!

Writing this book required 35 years of dedicated private research, including 15 years spent studying six versions of the Tao Te Ching, then cracking the analog logic of the text by accident, and spending yet another 15 years writing full-time, only to be censored. Making it impossible for me to earn money off a lifetime of work, so I decided to give the brazen lowlife thieves way more than they ever bargained for! However, all I’m actually doing, in order to write this book, is the equivalent of retrodicting from the Big Picture, on the lid of the box. Due to its complex symmetry, this book resembles an ordinary table top jig saw puzzle, but one you have to do five times in order to get it right, because the pieces all have similar shapes. It’s just a giant word puzzle, that even a small child can make significant contributions to, but one so enormous, with such a detailed pattern, that you have to study the Tao Te Ching for decades, in order to have any real chance of finishing a book like this one, within your lifetime.

The complete puzzle, for the poetry alone, would include 4,430 poems, or perhaps 20,000 pages worth, which the Chinese sometimes call, “The Book That Can Never Be Written!” Thankfully, we only need 430 poems for a good approximation but, even that many, would require fifty years for me to write by myself, while others can easily finish my work in the public domain. That is, assuming every country doesn’t censor me, like the US has. Leveraging contextual vagueness to express a line of crap a thousand miles long, the book obeys a well known multidimensional multifractal, or: A Fractured Fairy Tale Equation! A Fractal Dragon that emerges from a Mandelbrot, with their complexity reflecting, What’s Missing From This Picture! Modern supercomputers can spit the entire thing out in about three years, but they’re all classified and regulated by the military-industrial complex, so I decided to save people the trouble, and make it much easier to accomplish, on considerably less powerful computers. The entire book, including this chapter, essentially says, “The Bullshit That Can Be Spoken Of Is Not The Enduring Bullshit!” However, every context requiring a significant amount of content, means symmetry applies to everything, including the asymmetrical, and the reader must always supply some of the content themselves, leveraging the quantum mechanics in their own brain.

Its The Simple Shit That Always Gets You! While, tiny infants remain the unrivaled masters of Bullshit Logic, who often get the simple shit that escapes adults, and can effortlessly spit out more zingers than anybody alive. Taoists like to say, “The humor of the toddler is the hardest to master” because, of course, "You Are The Toddler Dummy!" Their little empty heads work better as an abacus, or a slide-ruler, for words and concepts, and an AI can emulate that for an adult, and much more, using the exhaustive default geometry in our poetry. Older children are the recognized masters of the short form of our “Oneness Poetry” because, again, they tend to get the simple shit that escapes adults, and advanced versions of this book can be simplified down for different audiences, for example, eliminating the cussing, and specifically designing versions for children as well. Supplying an entirely new way to formulate the emotional-logic of Intuitionistic mathematics, that can be used to translate the mathematics in this book into AI and virtual reality engines, making the book that much more interactive.

Using a nonlinear VR engine, that can easily Exchange Scales And Magnitudes, would empower physicists to make more sense out of Feynman Diagrams, and see how they humorously apply on macroscopic scales. Manifesting in different ways on larger scales, but remaining every bit as bizarre as they are on the subatomic, whenever you account for what’s missing from this picture. Additionally, making it easier for anyone to learn the Linguistic-Mathematics And Physics of a Singularity and, quite noticeably, easier to generate more macroscopic quantum effects. Or, what is commonly referred to as: Synchronicity, Magic, or the Collective Unconscious!

Resembling the ground state in quantum mechanics and, whether you want to call it Magic or Science, just depends on the observer and the context. Classic logic can be deadly accurate, and is more efficient in a quarter of all cases, while fuzzy logic applies more often, and can be anywhere from 10,000-100,000x more efficient than using classic logic, and quantum systems can be up to 125% efficient. Which makes no damn sense whatsoever, unless the truth itself speaks louder than words, and is magically more attractive, meaningful, harmonious, humorous, efficient, self-assembling, self-correcting, self-organizing, self-evident, self-explanatory, easier to measure, easier to maintain, and just plain better. Quanta commonly express greater humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, within the complexity of their symmetry, while genuine laughter can be compared to what Leibniz called the “Lifeforce!” What physicists today describe as "Virtual Particles" and, the ancient Chinese called, "Chi!" The Invisible Flow, Within The Empty Void But, more often, hippies prefer to say, "Whenever Harmony Is Lost, Balance Will Be Restored!”

The Superpowers and others have been conducting research into psychic phenomena, for well over half a century, while my work explains how to quantify, amplify, and automate magic, in explicit detail, in the public domain. Making it quite possible to Start A New Arms Race, for who has the better sense of humor! For example, “Sparkling Laughter”, the infectious kind that nobody can resist, provides an easy way to measure the truth itself, according to fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics, but with up to fourteen decimal places of precision, if you use the latest cutting edge neurological science and technology. My father had such laughter, and could stop any of our arguments dead in their tracks, and we would always quickly and calmly settle our disputes, just as soon as we stopped laughing. Sometimes, puzzled as to why we had been so convinced that we had to keep arguing.

Basically, his subconscious mind saw more of the Big Picture, recognizing the pattern, and used pattern matching to communicate with our own subconscious. Over-riding our conscious minds, which were determined to keep on arguing, but our subconscious just didn’t buy it anymore! However, normally, you don’t require the outrageous precision of quantum mechanics, and anyone can easily measure and document Sparkling Laughter, and related phenomena. In their own living room if they prefer, using something as ordinary as a video camera or laptop and, Basic Fuzzy Logic. Providing yet another easy way in which to do a complete end-run around academia and the military-industrial complex’s ongoing, increasingly elaborate, attempts to: Censor Half Of Reality!

Our poems can be considered a “Quantized Information Singularity” incorporating Intuitionistic mathematics and physics, which can be treated as both mechanical and organic, social and anti-social, causal and acausal, science and magic, because they’re essentially powered by the reader’s own more organic magic or, Personal Truth. What can also be thought of as a “Lesser Truth” of the “One Greater Truth”, that all of humanity shares. That which binds the universe together! Speaking louder than words! The One Truth Defies Any And All Attempts At Explanation! Reflected in such undeniable facts, as our brains being fundamentally quantum mechanical, and our inhabiting a “Goldilocks Universe." For there are many lesser truths, but Only One Greater Truth That We Share! The One Truth of Socrates, which unconditionally lends every lesser truth greater meaning. Which was actually a common Tribal belief in his day of, “The Memory of God”, the resplendent face whom none may look upon and remember in all his glory. Where thought and memory, space and time, energy and information, constantly blur into one…

All of which might sound like Just So Much Mystical Metaphysical Mumbo Jumbo, but this book provides its own evidence, according to “Functionalist”, or "Contextualist", ah, "Standards", and describes how Fractal Geometry and Chaos Theory must obey their own particle-wave duality, on even macroscopic scales. If anything, modern science and technology are both making it progressively harder to deny the simple truth, that the truth is self-organizing while, we most certainly don’t have time to mess around with attempting to break it to them gently! Before they destroy the entire planet! In a Chaotic, Funky Monkey, Fractured Fairy Tale, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Wavy Gravy, Adult Muppet Show Particle-Wave Duality:Wonder Remains The Beginning Of All Wisdom!" Which Is Why Ya Gotta Learn How Laugh If It Kills You!

The only way to compel academia to change, is to develop advanced technology that can force them to change and, for example, if investors had simply gone on the assumption that academics are merely attempting to deny that 42 is as good as it gets, they could have easily avoided investing their money in recent attempts to commercialize the first AI. Most of which, turned out to be utterly useless for what they were designed for. My own work makes a large number of Unique Predictions possible, that can even be used to manipulate the stock market if you want, using a simple laptop. Using simple pattern matching, to invert the Quantum Observer Effect, makes it incredibly faster, easier, and more efficient, to make a wide variety of unique predictions, that academia and the military-industrial complex are entirely incapable of making. That doesn’t mean an "Information Singularity" will destroy the entire world economy, or start WWIV, merely provide a viable alternative, to the "Winner Takes All Economy!"

Sure, they can imitate my approach, and are trying their best but, thanks to all of their institutionalized taboos, and good-old-boy bullshit, working like Blinders On A Horse that they all wear, they remain incapable of making nearly as many unique predictions, and incredibly less efficient. Even if they use the same algorithms, and create an artificial neural network capable of thinking like a human, all they will produce are modified Schizophrenic Versions Of Archie Bunker, that they have to use additional training to get them to behave themselves, or AI that merely laugh at all of their childish nonsense, while their stunted senses of humor will ensure they overlook countless subtle nuances in the Big Picture. In other words, the harder they attempt to control reality itself, going to such ridiculous extremes, the more self-defeating they’re becoming, and the easier they’re making it for others, to find effective ways around all of their nonsense. So, of course, I gave every spy online my Tar Baby, so they could all have time to think about it, and to test my ideas out on each other first, before the shit hits the fan any harder! Like I said, its already quite possible to start an arms race, for who has the better sense of humor and, Turn The Entire World Economy, Upsidedown, Insideout, And Tortuously Twisted! Violating All Common Decency, Folding, Spindling, And Mutilating Other People’s Paychecks!

Using nothing more than a little funky linguistic analysis, incorporating widely used pattern matching, Intuitionistic mathematics and physics, and Adult Muppet Show And Yogi Berra Weirdness: From Another Planet Altogether! Deep Fried Extra Crispy, By The Colonel Himself! Its Finger Licking Good, Here In The Kentucky Fried, Southern Global Warming, Twilight Zone! Beyond The Outer Limits Of The Cosmic Microwave Background! Lost In Space, Somewhere Over The Rainbow! On The Far Side Of Gilligan’s Island! However, I had to retrodict from ALL the data first, the hard way, only to be censored, and my Tar Baby is merely the first half of the multidimensional multifractal equation required, but its the hardest half to get right, while others can easily finish the second half in the public domain, just as the Chinese scholars did with the Original Tar Baby! Ensuring the Pentagon, and everyone else, has plenty of time to test it out for themselves while, in the meantime, anyone else can still feel free to edit, publish, and expand upon my work, in any country, that doesn’t censor the public domain, nearly as heavily as the US, Russia, and China in particular.

For a long time, academia has claimed that the US censors our mass media less than other countries, while they continue to deny that humor is meaningful, classify jokes older than monuments, and are now casually helping the government to censor the mass media even more thoroughly, not only in the US, but everywhere else! Of course, in order to protect their own students from themselves. Its easy enough to Collate Endless Bullshit, just to throw it all right back in academia’s faces, for the next century or two at least, but that’s like throwing the Three Stooges’ crap right back in their faces, and can quickly become counterproductive. Especially, when they’re only repeating whatever the good-old-boy-clubs, and The Mainstream, Demand From Them. In South Korea, for example, their own students demanded that their teachers go on strike, when their teachers began committing suicide in record numbers, due to their students physically attacking them! Jesus famously said, "Forgive Them Father, For They Know Not What They Do!" With the advent of modern technology, entire cultures are now gagging on all of the lies they’ve promoted, which are starting to kill everything on the damn planet! Sometimes, in unique ways that modern science can’t even begin to predict, because the idiots are still hellbent on censoring half of reality!

So, I supply plenty of more socially acceptable alternatives, to merely using all the analog logic in this book, to embarrass people or whatever, and I’m sure other people can think of even more, but we don’t have time to be delicate about all of their Three Stooges slapstick, killing even their own children! Successfully cracking the analog logic empowered me to do something, that nobody else has ever managed before, to begin to extrapolate our Rainbow Warrior Poetry directly into more lucid chapters, like this one. That millions of fans already familiar with the genre can improve upon, at any time, within the public domain. Developing an analog theory of everything and nothing, or writing any similar book they might want, using the same lexicon, equation, and modern AI, to eventually make it easy enough for even a child to do. Out of billions and billions and billions of actual real people, even those simple minded enough to be only vaguely familiar with the prehistoric genre of Oneness Poetry, like the Pentagon, everyone always recognizes which poems are better. You Can’t Fake Professional Wrestling, Because It’s Impossible To Fake Complete Bullshit, That’s Already Fake! Like Our Oneness Poetry!

I am the Shockwave Rider, the Wu Li Master Of The Tao Te Ching, A Warrior Of The Rainbow, Who Rides The Great Rainbow Fractal Dragon! Only Heaven Above Inspires Harmony In Unbalanced Gravity, Yet Gravity Remains The Source Of Lightness! For Harmony Neither Acts Nor Reasons, Thus, Unconditionally Lending Everything Greater Meaning. Embracing What’s Missing From This Picture In The Present And, Simultaneously, In Both The Past And Future! Accomplishing The Impossible, Without Ever Actually Having To Do A Damn Thing! Sometimes, knowing when to simply do nothing, absolutely nothing at all, can make all the difference in the world! Likewise, knowing how to forget that which can never be forgotten, can save your sanity, if nothing else. It turns out, the Pale Buddha was dead wrong, and the past is never just a memory, nor is the future merely a dream! Which is why, Now And Zen Thoughtfully Made Time-Warped Everywhen! And, the time is never quite what anybody thinks it is anymore, and never will be again, until that time rolls round again!

Time, information, humor, synergy, harmony, synchronicity, consciousness, awareness, and magic, ultimately become indistinguishable, ensuring the past and future remain mutable, merely expressing Karma, or particle-wave duality in a Singularity. According to the latest evidence, every subatomic particle somehow simultaneously occupies the past and the future. Making time appear to be both a local and nonlocal phenomena, similar to geometry being everywhere in the universe, yet the curvature of space only becomes noticeable over larger distances, such as looking at the horizon, or on the smallest of subatomic scales. Everyone being part of the Collective Unconscious, we collectively decide what is reality, ensuring nobody ever gets exactly what they want, but everyone always gets what they need for their personal growth. Requiring nonlinear temporal dynamics, and the Butterfly Effect, as well as pattern matching and a sense of humor, in order to more fully comprehend how the causal universe physically emerges from the acausal, and how matter and energy emerge from the four forces of nature.

The Truth merely laughs at all of our foolish attempts to control reality and, inexorably, demands a price, precisely because it unconditionally lends everything greater meaning. Even our worst mistakes! Against Any And All Protests To The Contrary! Inevitably, the Ugly Duckling, need, must, transform into the Swan because, of course, The Simple Truth Happens To Be Every Sad, And Confused, Ugly Ducking’s Simple Fate! Regardless Of How Loudly They Protest! Although this book contains endless lowbrow slapstick, again, it merely represents the default networking systems logic in a Singularity and, I tell people, I just do the equivalent of the basic algebra and geometry. Which can be tedious beyond the point of torture, and unbelievably ugly, and not nearly as pretty and exciting as calculus, but calculus without algebra is a complete disaster! One we definitely don’t need right now!

The Indian Vedas are an example of “pretty” fuzzy logics, which were originally designed for personal growth, while others can work on updating and adapting whatever they want, but I’m not waiting around for Indian Gurus, Bollywood, Hollywood, Traditional Taoists, Buddhists, Muslims, Christians, or anyone else to Do The Dirty Work! The Dirty Deed! That they’ve never chosen to do in the past! Forget About Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap! Mine Is In The Public Domain, FOR FREE! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha…

The Pentagon has stolen, then censored, 35 years of dedicated private research, and 15 years of full time writing, but the more they keep stealing from me, the more self-defeating they’re becoming. Thanks to the truth asserting itself, over any scales and magnitudes and, inevitably, winning in the end. More than one master of meditation has attempted to argue with me, when I simply informed them that modern neurology is already making it possible, to turn anyone into an instant master, so they too can sit at the bottom of a pool for an hour, but that’s just not all that helpful for, Saving The Damn Planet! Personally, I like the early episodes of Archie Bunker and “All In The Family”, but there’s no accounting for taste, and I’m certainly not writing this book for merely entertainment or personal growth.

Being exclusive, classic logic emphasizes the “Little Picture”, while analog logic is much more inclusive, stressing examining the “Big Picture". Relying solely on symmetry and pattern matching to describe everything, including all of the stuff that nobody ever wants to be reminded of! Again, very much like assembling an ordinary table top Jig-Saw Puzzle, but with the exception that this one eventually becomes magically self-organizing. Which can be measured with mathematical precision, to produce a universal geometry, or mathematics, that apply to even our words and concepts. Making it the obvious way to address countless problems, but only if we can develop the complete linguistic-mathematics and physics, in the public domain. In countries that still have a saltier sense of humor, and more freedom of speech, than either the US, Russia, or China in particular. Who, are deliberately stunting their own sense of humor, by heavily censoring themselves, who are working their way up to: Censoring The Public Domain, On Mars! And, obviously, remain hellbent on seeing just how much territory they can all claim, assuming that any of them survive in the long run! The rest of us have other concerns, than merely Defending Real Estate Claims And The All-Mighty-Dollar! Many among us would prefer the Three Stooges leave a living planet and economy, that’s actually worth defending!

Anything demonstrable can be considered simultaneously bullshit and the truth, as fuzzy logic already suggests, with energy and information, scales and magnitudes, expressing particle-wave duality, and the issue is what can we, as both individuals and groups, accept for ourselves, and actually put to constructive use. Bullshit merely represents any lesser truth, while there can be only One Greater Truth We All Share! For all practical purposes the specific context, or situation, demonstrably determines what can easily be considered the greater truth, as both the context, and any of its contents, inevitably exchange identities, expressing their own particle-wave duality. Against any and all sincere heartfelt objections, including lingering regrets of my own, again, this book meets the requirements for a Contextual Philosophy. And, is the first to successfully combine Socratic Wisdom with the Tao Te Ching, in a self-consistent, nontrivial, and demonstrable manner, even supplying its own “empirical” evidence for macroscopic quantum effects, and the most parsimonious explanations for everything. Having no accepted theory of humor, academia can either contradict themselves again, or choose to interpret this book as a Socratic philosophy.

Making all of its contents public domain, and you can call it whatever the hell you want, but its a Singularity, that leverages the intrinsic geometry of language, powered by the reader’s own lesser truth, and the One Greater Truth! Both of which remain humanity’s fate, and are self-organizing, no matter how stridently anybody might choose to object! You can run, but you cannot Hide From Your Own Damn Truth! Which has a life and a will of its own, or somebody would have copyrighted and patented the truth, long, long ago.

Something, that’s easy enough to prove, in a few million different ways, using even a simple video camera in your own living room, but I also suggest plenty of additional ways, that professionals can prove it to their own satisfaction, without requiring access to elaborate equipment. Such as requiring time on a ridiculously expensive supercomputer, or a particle accelerator, all regulated by the military-industrial complex. In fact, its possible to measure consciousness itself and, hopefully, professionals will supply other additional easy ways, in which to prove everything that I’m writing about, using an ordinary laptop, or in any ordinary, claustrophobic, closet sized laboratory. Just to tweak their colleges noses if nothing else, but it would help to speed things up and, possibly, reduce all the confusion and fighting, if Karma were simply declared a law of nature.

This entire book can be translated into any language, using whatever particular characters and metaphors you happen to prefer, and the poems will still assume the same shapes, with dynamics and geometry, logic and information, also overlapping, expressing their own nonlinear particle-wave duality. In a manner which can also be translated into analog geometry, or differentials, for the equivalent of an AI abacus, or a slide-rule, you can use in VR, that becomes more useful, accurate, and precise the better your sense of humor. Written language and our concepts themselves all obey the same default geometry, as everything else in a singularity, reflecting the limits of our own mortal fallibility, and the fact that, as part of the Collective Unconscious, the individual must always decide for themselves what is meaningful. One of my fondest desires is to automate the entire process, and help everyone to learn, all over again, how to laugh at the funny naked man in the parade, without having to go through all the trouble I had to! Attempting to write this book in any other fashion, to make it more "socially acceptable” to the mainstream, would possibly have required a supercomputer, a small think tank, and another fifty years, which no one was offering me, and I was in a hurry anyway…

Thankfully, even when I made them all go cross-eyed, and they had absolutely no clue what I was doing, a few more traditional Taoists, and a variety of witches, took a chance on me, and supported my efforts and, like I said, I was in a hurry to save our grandchildren, and leave them a world worth living in! Theoretically, the finished product will be able describe how any language, mathematics, and physics work, according to pattern matching, fuzzy logic, and particle-wave duality, but you can also think of it as literally being, A Magical Literary Rabbit Hole! One, that leverages the magic of our own quantum mechanics, to ensure the good guys win more often, and have the last laugh. Merely utilizing simple pattern matching and fuzzy logic, to lose more of our personal taboos and biases, and work on our own sense of humor, and personal integrity.

Like I said, a supercomputer can already spit all 4,430 poems, including hundreds of pages of pornographic poems, which should be more than enough to: Make Anyone Lose Their Religion! And, lose any remaining doubts they may have that a "Singularity" is not really about what you believe, so much as, merely accepting the self-evident truth. Which it should also be possible to accomplish in VR, using interactive programs, that can make it much more practical for most, without anyone having to rely on a lot of pornography, cussing, or anything objectionable to the mainstream. Whatever approach you choose, losing more of your taboos, empowers people to become more aware of the Collective Unconscious! Lending the good guys greater awareness of the Big Picture, and an even greater magical advantage. The good guys simply accept more of the truth, and pay it forward more often, while the truth is what decides the final outcome, and we ourselves can only help the truth organize on its own. Any Genuine Morality emerges from our own More Harmonious Metaethics, both as individuals and societies, requiring networking systems logic, which I cover in other chapters.

Among other things, my Information Singularity can be used to: Tame The Wild Internet! Again, helping to establish alternatives to the current peer review system and, additionally, making it possible to automate them in new ways. Many have hoped that quantum cryptography can tame the internet, but it cannot prevent the Three Stooges from attempting to censor and classify half of reality, in both academia and the mass media, and it cannot prevent anyone from using AI online, to manipulate what people know, and tend to believe. Using an Information Singularity the good guys can better predict just how much of anything is bullshit, and make other unique predictions, and can work more magic than usual, which becomes all the more self-organizing: Whenever Suitably Encouraged!

Thanks to our universe itself being magical, Our Gestures Always Matter! And, the good guys win that much more often While, The Cure Can Sometimes Be Worse Than The Disease! All of which can eventually make the most elaborate Three Stooges slapstick far too expensive, for anyone to automate, by literally helping the good guys, Stay Two Punch Lines Ahead Of The Competition! A ten year cross-disciplinary study declared the I-Ching word perfect and complete for introspective purposes and, using the same linguistic-mathematics and physics in this book to translate the text, providing the good guys with an even better perspective on the Big Picture, and an even greater Magical Advantage!

Socrates and Galileo are two classic examples, however, there are eight billion people in the world today, many of whom have access to modern technology, and everyone continuing to promote Three Stooges slapstick, Archie Bunker AI and, Widespread Panic In The Streets! Just Doesn’t Cut It Anymore! The technology I’m hoping to develop would eventually make it impossible for anyone to continue to arbitrarily abuse advanced technology, of any kind. Many conservatives, in particular, have confided to me, that they believe we require just such a new technology, one that can prevent people from abusing technology at the drop of a hat, but you have to careful what you wish for! Its the ancient Chinese blessing and curse of, “May You Live In Interesting Times!” Surrendering to the truth is simply our fate, yet people will still commonly deny the truth with their last dying breath, claim that "Fate" is a counterproductive concept, or claim that they already know the truth, when they refuse to even share a stupid dictionary, and prefer to make up their own definitions for words like "Honesty" and the “Truth”. A recent survey concluded that the same quarter of the population, spreading most of the Fake News And Misinformation, could not care less about the truth.

Note, that this also means its possible to establish a new online economy based on, Pay Your Karma, And Pay It Forward Until The End Of Time! Along the same lines as, Pay Your Debts, While Paying Future Interest Rates! An economy which, nonetheless, should prove to be magically competitive with existing economies and, eventually, can be used to establish a Meritocracy. Something along the lines of Star Trek and Star Wars combined with, The Muppet Show! Of course, it could be far worse, but physicists are still commonly arguing nobody is a miracle, babies are not miracles, life is not a miracle, magic is not real, and, There’s No Damn Proof! While, refusing to acknowledge that they’ve stunted their own sense of humor horribly, institutionalizing their denial for thousands of years, to the point where they can’t even use a stupid dictionary anymore, and are now industriously helping to censor half of reality.

Empowering every military-industrial complex in existence, to classify and censor anything, that doesn’t already fit into their Myopic Worldview. Ensuring that academics themselves are not only less capable of being aware of any of the existing magic in life, but also much less likely to reproduce, more likely to contradict themselves, more often sexist, and among the least trusted in society! In recent years, even promoting antisemitism again yet, all it requires to prove it is to, Collate Their Own Data! Which, of course, is likely to be censored, however, Their Timeless Denial Is Still Easily Overcome! In countless other ways, just like in the story of, The Emperor’s New Clothes, but we desperately need to develop the analog logic, linguistic-mathematics, and physics further. For There Is No More New Frontier! And, We Have Got To Make It Here! And, as I write this, only a month ago: All Of The Oceans, Around The World, Dramatically Rose In Temperature! For The First Time In Recorded History!

The Catholic Church went out of their way to burn witches at the stake, insisting only Catholic priests could work "good" magic, and severely circumscribed at that, but indiscriminately burning innocent women alive, and promoting their good magic, has not prevented the entire planet from going down the toilet! Nor did it support progress in the sciences, in the case of Galileo! Today, Every Engineer I’ve spoken to on the subject, has puzzled over why they have to account for electrons standing still on modern computer chips while, The Holes They Occupy Appear To Move Around Instead! Yet, they’ve all turned me down flat whenever I’ve offered to explain, even using their own more abstract paradoxical terms. Considering that almost nobody knows how to use a stupid dictionary, or is willing to admit they do, I usually prefer to avoid discussing such issues myself, or anything more controversial than the weather! Still, I like to tell people, whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in magic or not: These Days, We Are All A Miracle To Believe In! According to a mountain of scientific evidence, the entire planet is in desperate need of quite a few miracles while, All The Alternatives I Can Think Of Suck!

This book is still missing at least the last two chapters, and a dozen or more poems, but I thought it best to publish it early, and update it later. If anything confuses you, the last finished chapter, "Yogi Berra Yoda Bullshit Kung Fu 101a" contains a nice brief synopsis of all the more complicated humor in the book. Expressed as an adult version of Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. The chapter is only half finished, however, The Ocean Itself Is Changing Color! Underwater Heat Waves Are Now Killing Everything In The Oceans! We are out of time, and you can run, but none can hide from what is to come.

God Help Us All, God Knows, We Need All The Help We Can Get!

Shockwave Rider!

At the impressionable age of five years old, for the first time it occurred to me that the whole world is insane, and this was something that I was just going to have to figure out on my own. Huckleberry Fin, was supposedly the same age, but he smoked a pipe, and drank hard liquor while, I Was Never Quite That Precocious! Of course, modern psychology avoids Using Words Like Insanity, preferring to use Latin terms, but I was only five, and had always been rather attached to Using Plain English. Having no interest in Exotic Subcultures that speak dead languages, by fourteen, I had already become, The Ultimate Skeptic! Dedicated, to my own private research into modern physics and philosophy. Never having found the slightest bit of comfort, in damn fools everywhere, still claiming to be voice of sanity, In An Insane World!

Decades would pass before the internet was invented so, once a month, I visited the largest library in the area, that subscribed to physics journals, and would sit on the floor, skimming through them for hours on end, searching for what’s missing from this picture… Thus, began what was to become a lifelong journey, of heedlessly plunging headfirst, ever deeper, into the Musty Fecund Bowels of Eastern and Western Philosophy, Science, and Religion. Relentlessly Seeking Answers! As to why our modern, “High-Tech”, societies are so brazenly and unabashedly insane, without ever actually holding out any hope of finding any real answers on my own.

Skeptics are all normally assumed to be atheists, but that’s in no small part due to atheists frequently demanding that agnostics either call themselves some sort of atheist, or Hide In The Closet! While, I was an agnostic who was extremely skeptical of so-called, “Atheist-Skeptics”. Who’re infamous for internet trolls, and for promoting Endless Rhetoric, Sarcasm, Fascism, and Totalitarian Communism! All in the name of Science, Reason, and Humanism! Not that I blame atheists, for being insane in an insane world, but it certainly never endeared them to anybody, nobody that I know anyway! Much less, inspired confidence in a damned thing they say! With atheists today being the least trusted among believers and nonbelievers alike! While, I have yet to hear a single atheist admit in public, that they have soundly earned their reputation, and its usually Best To Avoid Them, By A Few Hundred Feet!

Its a sad truth that the Antisocial Behavior of countless atheists, has encouraged not only agnostics to hide in the closet, but other atheists as well while, today, atheists are not even remotely unique in that regard. Shakespeare famously wrote, “Me Thinks Familiarity Doth Breed Contempt!” And, in recent decades, academia and the mainstream have abused one another, the English Language, and the Mass Media, To Such a Horrendous Extent! That me thinks familiarity doth commonly breed, even the more deplorable depths of self-contempt and loathing, In Modern-Day Babylon!

Anywho, bereft the slightest clue as to what to look for, and in spite of encountering the typical customary-abnormal-impromptu-ritual-knee-jerk-resistance, and woefully misplaced sexual frustration, from the Ubiquitous Unsundry Self-Appointed Yahoos And Motley Crews, commonly found anywhere on a map today! Nevertheless, I resolutely endeavored to explore the fundamentals, from an agnostic perspective, thoroughly convinced that surrendering to the Ongoing Widespread Madness, was never a viable option in the long run. When The Banks And The Marching Morons Always Decide Who Wins, War Never Ends! And, Paddling Up Shit Creek, Is No Longer An Option! Since long before I was even a gleam in my father’s eye, the entire world has been working overtime, attempting to build up enough credit with the banks, To Officially Declare WWIII! Right After They’re All Done Killing Every Other Living Thing On The Planet!

Rather than relying on more traditional “Schools of Thought”, psychology, sociology, or conventional wisdom, which all appeared to have made little progress, and were making feeble attempts at best, out of Sheer Desperation! As a young teen, I was already determined to single-handedly sort through the entire Disjointed Muddled Mess! That, academia refers to as modern physics and philosophy, Beginning At The Beginning! Having already been reduced to applying, The Brute Force Process of Elimination! Wading through endless bullshit, and weeding out all of the more Outlandishly Lame Attempts At Explanations, while hoping the entire time that some “Think-Tank” would eventually publish something cogent on the subject.

Unfortunately, Whenever Convenient, physicists tend to ignore semantics, and pay more attention to the physical evidence, while philosophers tend to ignore any physical evidence, preferring to Play Around With Semantics and, to make matters worse, my English Teachers were of little help, merely claiming the English Language has few, “Hard and Fast Rules”. Pressing My High School Teachers, with endless nonstop questions, one surprised me when She Casually Mentioned that, theoretically, the English Language may have a second grammar. Exactly how everyone could have missed the existence of a "Second Grammar", for several centuries, and why it still remains theoretical to this day, became just more discordant facts to add to my Growing Collection, but I was Stubborn, and eventually found the answers! By paying close attention to some of the more contentious, Academic Wannabe Cunning Linguists!

Decades later, after ruling out countless possibilities, from among the world’s major religions, philosophies, and physical theories, I took the time to invent my own linguistic analysis, based on “Contextual Vagueness”; starting with adopting the vaguest possible definitions for almost any word, from among the first four found in Any Common Dictionary. After practicing and studying for yet another decade, I finally felt ready to attempt to expand upon the work of Ludwig Wittgenstein by, Stressing Authenticity Over Knowledge. Wittgenstein’s linguistic analysis had always puzzled me, not because I didn’t understand it but, because it was Patently Obvious! Most academics struggle to even superficially comprehend his work, while all of the more Famous Philosophers, who later espoused his work, may as well be Beating A Dead Horse, As Far As I Was Concerned! Having, repeatedly, driven his linguistic analysis entirely into the dirt! Thoroughly confusing clever arguments with substance, preposterously pontificating, pessimistically proposing pursuing pettier putrid puerile points, Until, All Too Predictably! They conspicuously began to run out of trivial complaints, and glib arguments to make and, immediately, proceeded to carefully cover their own tracks. Steadily, painting themselves into their own quiet little corner, In A Private Room, In A Chinese Restaurant, At The End Of The Universe! Where they make their own fortune cookies.

Searching for the slightest opening that I could exploit, I spent a year Meticulously Reducing his logic as far as I could, only to encounter A Complete Dead-End, and come up Empty-Handed! Normally, I don’t have to work at deconstructing a philosophy and, after a lifetime of practice, just reading any text, I can easily spot any Unwarranted Assumptions, poorly defined variables, Vague Statements, Contradictions, and anything that conflicts with established facts and empirical evidence but, Wittgenstein had turned out to be different. Those with more than a passing familiarity with his work, frequently compare it to reading, “A Dry Auto-Repair Manual!" And, from the very beginning, I had known all along, he would be, One Tough German Nut To Crack!

The fact that I had so completely, utterly, and spectacularly failed, In His Particular Case, merely confirmed that I was onto something, but had left me with no clue whatsoever, as to how to proceed, and I was now ready to resort to Consulting A Ouija Board! Merely Hoping For The Slightest Inspiration! Rather than attempting to contact the dead for an audience, I decided to try something new for a change, and turned to the only other text that had consistently Resisted All Of My Attempts at analysis and, for the first time ever, began extrapolating “Rainbow Warrior Poetry”, from the “Tao Te Ching”. Only to effortlessly crack its analog logic wide-open, like a walnut and, Unceremoniously, Deep-Fried My Brain Extra-Crispy!

Extensively studied by scholars, the Tao Te Ching’s Vague, Cloying, Anarchistic Philosophy has always appealed to extreme skeptics like me, but it incorporates a complex paradoxical writing style, more often used for meditation, While I’ve Never So Much As Taken A Tai Chi Class In My Life! Even so-called “Philosophical Taoists” are frequently mystics, and the very idea that the 2,400 year old text could ever possibly make more than the most superficial sense to anyone, is widely considered, Flat-Out Insane! At least a hundred English Translations have been published and, a few times in the past, I’ve watched Stoned-Hippies play around with applying cuss words to the short poems, only to waste four hours generating Meaningless Word-Salad, and had always assumed that it must be impossible! Or, surely, SomeBody! Out of the several billion other idiots on the planet, foolish enough to have also Read The Damned Thing! Sometime, in the last two thousand years or so, Would Have Figured It Out Already!

Equally disturbing, I had bumbled upon the discovery that, Potty Mouth Nursery Rhymes, Older Than Monuments! And, Still Being Reinvented By Little Kids Everywhere! Were The Likely Origins Of The 12,000 Year Old Bagua, Or The "Book Of Changes!" From which the I-Ching and the Tao Te Ching were later extrapolated. The whole reason I had spent so long working on Wittgenstein, was on the assumption that he had to make more sense than the Tao Te Ching, only to discover the opposite is true, and the Tao Te Ching can use potty humor to describe Wittgenstein, With Mathematical Precision! Adding insult to injury, over the routine course of conducting logistics research, upon my just happening to casually notice that the internet was being Heavily Censored, more than usual that is, of anything new related to fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics in particular, Well Naturally! I dug a bit deeper than usual, only to discover that some of these same Potty Mouth Nursery Rhymes have been classified as, “Vital To The National Defense!”

If you ask me, Fiction Is An All Too Commonplace Reality but, if reality were never stranger than fiction, nobody would ever buy it! One Logician, whose work is classified, asked me to write paradoxical nonsense for him and, rather than deny my own evidence, eventually I decided to: Bite The Bullet! And, see if I could make more sense out of it all, by going cross-eyed for the next decade or two. Dedicating myself to mastering the potty mouth prose of the poetry, which uses Only Salty Quotes, popular song lyrics, and commonly used phrases whenever possible. Writing all of the “Poetry” required, for a more detailed examination of the analog logic, necessitated that I also write down these chapters, collating the entire lifetime’s worth of Incongruous Disparate Facts, which I had amassed, only to confirm my worst suspicions. Difficult as it might be, for billions around the globe to believe, I’ve found a way to prove, The Pale Buddha Was Dead Wrong! It turns out that the past is never just a memory, nor is the future merely a dream, for the time is never quite what anybody thinks it is, until that time rolls round again, and 42, Really Is As Good An Explanation As Anyone Will Ever Get!

Of course, Douglass Adams, or any idiot for that matter, can claim that 42 is, “The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything!” But, this book explores the linguistic, sociological, physical, and mathematical evidence, based on first principles, and I make enough unique predictions, that it may even qualify as, “A Theory of Everything and Nothing!” Which just so happens to resemble physical reality as we know it. For example, in spite of being incredibly accurate, and indispensable for countless purposes, nevertheless, Newtonian Mechanics have turned out to be Tautological, while Relativity is Blatantly Self-Contradictory! And, additionally, has proven to use the same mathematics as Thermodynamics, which are still struggling to successfully incorporate The Arrow of Time. As if, the two merely trade accuracy for precision, and what Relativity ultimately describes is: How Hot Is Too Hot To Touch!

According to the math, Newtonian Mechanics defy their own principle of identity, implying that everything is possibly composed of Teeny-Tiny Ping-Pong Balls, Lime Jell-O, Wavy Gravy, Little White Tornadoes, Hydraulic Fluid, Rubber Duckies, Coo-Coo Clock Springs, or just about anything else that you might care to imagine! While, General Relativity suggests that watching the night sky is comparable to watching a pot of water boil and, of course, A Watched Pot Will Never Boyle! Yet, these are two of the best physical theories that we have today. Complicating an already awkward situation, recently an AI provided a dramatic demonstration, for how it could easily calculate the orbits of the planets, without ever having to resort to using, Figgy Newton’s Silly Laws of Motion! Apparently, John Wheeler was simply ahead of his time, when he famously complained about black holes, “There Is No Law Except The Law, There Is No Law!”

Being a typical Geeky German Physicist, upon accidentally discovering quantum mechanics, on purpose, Max Planck mistakenly believed he was being witty, when he begged his colleges to please: Explain The Joke. However, in his later years, his otherwise stalwart peers, made a special point of celebrating his remarkable achievement of, somehow, having acquired an extremely pleasant sense of humor! Quite possibly, from long familiarity working with quantum mechanics but, Nobody Could Be Certain… Likewise, respected physicists everywhere, have stubbornly insisted all along that: Quantum Mechanics Are Not A Laughing Matter! And, Only Apply To Subatomic Particles!

Because, of course, that’s what they’re usually paid to study, yet their claim has contradicted the accepted mathematical, theoretical, and experimental evidence, ever since the HUP and Schrodinger Equation were originally formulated. Yet, over many decades of discussing the issue with them, not a single physicist that I’ve spoken to has ever Considered It A Problem! An extensive survey of exactly how frequently academics contradict themselves, and casually deny their own evidence, should prove uniquely insightful into the modern scientific method. Specifically, how it is Commonly Used And Abused for the benefit of governments, commercial industries, Mainstream Cultures, and special interest groups, over science, while I provide unique suggestions for how to: Use Humor, To Make More Sense Out Of Academic Nonsense!

I’ve spent decades online talking to respected physicists, cosmologists, and philosophers, frequently on a daily basis, and these are all dedicated professionals who, very much like myself, often desperately want nothing more than Real Answers. Nonetheless, the over-educated fools typically avoid discussing such issues seriously, and contradict themselves so often, and so casually, that I had to carefully collate and organize all of their Bullshit! For no less than a dozen years! Just to begin to get a better grasp, on what’s missing from this picture… Referring to Joe DiMaggio, my father would sometimes exclaim, “Say It Ain’t So Joe!” And, for the first eight years, I kept quoting him, shaking my head the entire time, In Complete Denial!

Absolutely Horrified! By just how Profoundly Insane, And Totally Out Of Touch With Reality, I had discovered myself, modern science, and the Entire World to have become! As Dad might say, "We’ve Strayed A Little Too Far Off The Port Bow!" Thankfully, I kept up with the latest developments and, for example, just fifteen years ago a physicist demonstrated how it is possible to observe Time Flowing Backwards, on macroscopic scales, using a micron sized polystyrene bead, suspended above a “Heat-Bath” by “Optical Tweezers”, commonly found in any laboratory today. I’m from Missouri myself, “The Show-Me State!" On my Mother’s side, and time flowing backwards, in different locations, on even visible macroscopic scales, is all the evidence that anybody sane will ever require, to know for themselves: Modern Physics Is Doomed!!!

Apparently, one way to make more sense out of quantum mechanics, is to ignore the popular opinions of physicists, and it might be helpful if researchers also conducted a specific survey, of what other Ancient Greek Ideas! Physicists still commonly cling to with their dying breath, which were originally part of Comedy Acts, that toured the country! Regardless of how tiny anything is, or how much sense anything might make, to any of the more, Demanding Reality Snobs! The simple explanation for Schrodinger’s Cat, is that time can obviously flow forwards and backwards, simultaneously in different locations, implying an infinite number of universes within a Singularity! Or, A Mysterious Magical Metaphorical Multiverse, where 42 is as good as it gets…

Where The Wild Things Are! Enigmatically, a solitary quantum of solace yet remains, indubitably uncertain: Thoroughly Confused and Confusing! While, in enormous numbers, normally willful, spurious, and independent quanta, who apparently have no impulse control whatsoever on their own, suddenly settle down to become extremely gregarious, cooperative, and much more reliable denizens, of the, “Physical Particle Zoo”. Strongly implying that, no matter how soothing any particular Metaphysical Ointment! Or, how popular anyone’s Comedy Routine might just so happen to be and, regardless of how deadly accurate or precise any of our current theories are, the only way to rule out 42 being as good an answer as anyone will ever get, is to examine the “Big Picture”, for corroborating statistical evidence, or anything low in entropy, or low in content. (Duh!)

Without ever realizing it, I had unintentionally spent 35 years gathering just such Arcane Statistical Evidence, which Modern Science Routinely Ignores as unworthy of their attention! That is, Anything Unlikely To Obtain Government Grants, much less, secure tenure. Isaac Asimov was one of my childhood heroes, and I’m proud to call a few academics good friends, whose work provides an invaluable contribution, with one of my best friends from childhood being My First Doctor! Who now works for the CDC, and is one of the few people in the entire world that Mom would never hesitate to invite to Thanksgiving Dinner! Nonetheless, when an academic once asked me what can be done to address the exceedingly long, still burgeoning list of: Looming Man-Made Catastrophes! Currently Threatening The Entire Future Of Humanity! I angrily suggested he find out who is teaching all these idiots how to destroy the planet faster! Call Me “Brain Damaged!” But, Either The Right Hand Knows What The Left Hand Is Doing, Or We’re All Screwed: ALL EIGHT BILLION OF US!

My Father was a Captain in the USN and, sometimes, Dad would say, “Three Stooges comedy routines just don’t cut it, when the whole world is falling apart at the seams! These Days, Its All Hands On Deck!” The military isn’t famous for geniuses, and Dad would be the first to tell anyone he wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the box, while the physicist John Wheeler was an intellectual giant, but what impressed me the most about both men, was their personal integrity, and Salty Sense Of Humor! Which empowered them to repeatedly Surpass Their Own Potential, to become great leaders in their respective fields.

Dad’s My Own Personal Hero! And, met his lifelong goal of commanding a major ship of the line, while Wheeler earned my respect for life when, despite his belief in the Collective Unconscious, he vigorously protested the “American Association for the Advancement of the Sciences!" For including research into psychic phenomena among their ranks, when they never did meet their own criteria for a valid science. His peers went cross-eyed but, like my father, he knew that, Sometimes The Truth May Be Worth Fighting For, But It Certainly Never Requires Any Defense! While, without the truth, whatever you believe becomes worthless. This book provides the proof that Wheeler was more right than he ever knew, and the problem is: Institutionalized Insanity In The Sciences! And, Certainly, Not The Truth Itself Being Insane! Just, Tacky Beyond All Belief!

A few have compared my work to the movie, “What the *Bleep* Do We Know?”, but I’ve never watched it, and have no interest in how Hollywood continues to promote ignorance, or how they currently prefer to, Beg The Question, For Fun And For Profit! As it is, I was forced to conduct my own informal survey, for over a decade, just to confirm that almost nobody even knows, or is willing to admit, that the common dictionary merely contains popular definitions and, Their Teachers May As Well Be Killing Their Own Students! Encouraging Them To Argue Over The Definition Of Stupid! Understandably, that might sound like an exaggeration on my part but, the unfortunate truth is, their teachers are literally killing their own students, which I cover in extensive detail. With students in countries around the world now actively protesting, and going on strike: Rebelling Against An Education System, That Promotes Genocide, Global Warming, And Environmental Destruction!

Mother Jones Firmly Believed, Every Child Should Be Heard, And Not Just Seen! Without a second thought, she dismissed any attempts to label her a “Political-Anarchist”, As The Mindless Ranting And Raving Of Overgrown Spoiled Brats! Who, at the time, typically drank a fifth of liquor a day! Never being inclined to waste her time arguing with drunken fools, and Contentious Idiots, she immediately proceeded to teach children everywhere how to make themselves heard! Over the same “Inebriated Mob”, that many of their own parents had become eager to join! For rising to the occasion, and successfully teaching children how to speak up for themselves, she was eventually censored from all the history books! Still, With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility! To Get The Hell Out Of Their Way! If you cannot so much as teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, and have nothing else worthwhile to contribute towards: SAVING THE DAMN PLANET! Like anybody else, Kids May Be Dumb, But They Ain’t Stupid!

Well over half the people I surveyed, readily admitted to making up their own definitions for words and, without hesitation, many then angrily accused me of being a liar, for claiming the dictionary only contains popular definitions, while most went to some lengths to complain that I was rudely wasting their time, with my two simple questions, which they had all agreed to answer. Several individuals had sought me out themselves having heard, somewhere, I was asking two simple questions that nobody could answer, only to accuse me of lying about the dictionary, while one woman laid into me for the better part of an hour. Attempting to make damned straight sure that I understood: The Truth Is A Taboo Subject! Conan O’Brien’s only advantage over me, is even complete strangers who don’t know who he is, including his own wife and kids, laugh whenever they see him on TV, or even just walking down the street, but its as if over half the people I spoke to were merely two years old! And, were seriously attempting to hurt my feelings, intimidate me, and make me feel guilty, for confusing them with The Stupid Truth!

Several articles I’ve come across have suggested that the two political parties in the US have created their own, “Orwellian Nightmare!” Playing a Game of, “Tug-of-War” With Words! But, not a single article I’ve come across has pointed out the, rather unflattering, all-too-well-documented-fact, that academia, the mass media, and the mainstream have all been playing around with words, Willie-Nellie, for well over a century! Even as a brain damaged five year old, in a world with enough atomic weapons to destroy the entire planet countless times, it was impossible for me to not notice, that nobody even knew how to use a stupid dictionary while, insanely, everyone dismissed it as taboo, and unimportant! Later, I had to practically Pry The Information From My High School Teacher, that the English Language may have a Second Grammar, by first figuring out how the already recognized grammar contradicts itself.

Sooner or later, they all tend to either Call Me Crazy, or stop talking to me altogether, and I really can’t blame them and, usually, don’t care to discuss such issues myself. Without pausing for a moment to: Think, About What All The Bullshit Is Leading Up To! They’ve literally been arguing heatedly over complete nonsense their entire lives, which now comes to well over 250 million blithering idiots in the US alone, all babbling nonstop gibberish, and constantly fighting back and forth, like little kids on the Kindergarten playground! With the all-too-predictable result that: These Days, Nobody Trusts a Fucking Thing Anybody Says Anymore!

That might sound a bit harsh, or merely an exaggeration, but this has been going on, for so long now, it has finally achieved the status of, A Perfect Tantrum Storm! One that ensures the Blithering Idiots remain totally clueless, and Utterly Shameless! With the vast majority of their nonstop complaints, endless demands, and contentious disputes, amounting to little more than Bald-Faced Lies, and the most Infantile Bullshit imaginable, that serves no constructive purpose whatsoever. Including, not least of all, making up their own definitions for words on a whim, and half the damned country now choosing to ignore anything the other half says. As If, Covering Their Ears, And Yelling: “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!

Once, an atheist informed me that the dictionary is not a God, and I told him to, Tell It To The Judge! And, see if he throws “The Book” at him! SomeBody, SomeWhere! Has to define honesty but, unfortunately, forty years of surveys have steadily revealed that this same quarter of the population, worldwide, who still claim the sun revolves around the earth, just so happen to be THE SAME FLAMING IDIOTS! Who’ve been demanding the right to define reality for the rest of us, ALL ALONG! And, also happen to be The Same Damned Fools who started the Civil War, eventually persuading academics to seldom think twice about throwing their own dictionary out the window.

Now, they’ve all decided, in their Infantile Kindergarten Tough Love Wisdom, Yet Again! That they’d much rather prefer to live income tax free, on the more adventurous side of the tracks, in their own little “Private Idaho!” Each with “His and Her” very own, personally autographed and monogrammed, leather bound collectible, Autobiographical Dictionary, and heavily censored Kindergarten Encyclopedia. The Squeaky Wheel Always Gets The Grease! And, even the historical records make it Painfully Obvious! These particularly sorry individuals have always been so incoherent as a group, and so full of piss and vinegar that, frequently, making up nonstop lies and bullshit demands, is the only way they can actually get anything they want, by accident if nothing else.

Just how stupid are they you might ask? So Stupid! That some of them have been actively lobbying publishers, with their own “Superior” definitions for words. As if they seriously believe they can change reality as we know it, by merely printing whatever the hell they want and, somehow, making it “Official”. Even though, they themselves normally refuse to use a dictionary, reject academic opinions on the subject, and insist: Governments and Corporations Are All Evil Incarnate! The latest studies indicate the worst of the current bullshit, began around the same time that the internet and cellphones were first commercialized. Confirming, the same quarter of the population could not care less about the truth, feel deeply rejected by the same mass media they all follow nonstop, and are merely hellbent on destroying their own government! And, Surprise! Remain responsible for spreading most of the fake news and misinformation.

Thus, ensuring that nobody ever really trusts the same Mass Media, that they’re all heavily addicted to, and pay good money for yet: Obviously, Is The Work Of The Devil! But, A Necessary Evil! A Mass Media which, in turn, by overwhelming demand, must always claim, The Devil Made Me Do It! That is, over the routine course of performing their other civic duties: For The Mindless Mob! Ignobly endeavoring to ensure that the end always justifies the means, when nobody can even agree on the definition of stupid, and the Cult of Personality and Three Stooges Cutthroat Poker, are the most exciting shows on reality TV. NASCAR Has Officially Become A Fantasy Commute! But, you can call it “A Reality TV Documentary”, if you prefer. There’s no such thing as an Informed Electorate, much less, Political Correctness, when everybody in the whole world knows, all-too-damned-well, from the historical records alone, with all due respect to the Founding Fathers, the only light bulb ever left on in US politics, Is The Boob Tube Flickering In The Dark.. … .. .. . . .

Liars Are a Dime a Dozen, But Good Lies Make Money! Despite there being almost no limits on how much you can spend on campaign advertising, and everyone voting for whoever advertises the most for over twenty years, Fox News legally being entertainment, and their own President cutting another major news outlet a deal on their rent, while threatening to pull the licenses of the rest, Like Spoiled Rotten Brats! Conservative Politicians Are Still Whining And Complaining that the mass media doesn’t support them enough, or support democracy. As if, they can find better prices for democracy, by campaigning in foreign countries and, Tijuana Has The Best Prices!

Shooting Wildly From The Hip, Always Aiming For The Lowest Common Denominator! The fools have been swilling down their own, oh so much more exciting, demanding, and convenient bullshit, just as fast as they can, ever since Ronald Reagan first encouraged them and, then, promptly died of Alzheimer’s. The enduring legacy of Reagan’s, Oh-So-Charming! Enthusiastic Lies, And Professional Actor’s Glib Sarcastic Politics! Includes emergency room physicians across the country, who’ve gone cross-eyed ever since his administration. Recording one epidemic after another, of Senior Citizens in particular, all drinking more, panicking, shooting themselves in the foot, and dropping like flies! As If, George Orwell Were Broadcasting “War of the Worlds” All Over Again!

Over the last thirty years, high-tech communications have inspired them to aspire to, yet again, Loftier New Heights Of Infantile Insanity! On The Endless Kindergarten Playground Of Life, The Universe, And: THE INTERNET TWILIGHT ZONE!!! Insidiously, their own worst lies have started to come back to haunt them, spreading furiously, faster, and further than ever before as, knowing no mercy: The Twilight Zone Expands! Bereft the slightest hesitation, pity, or remorse and, once again, In Roaring Silence, Oblivion Overtakes The World. Or, at least, the Internet! Engulfing everything in its path, pausing only to bite everyone in the ass, Penetrating Relentlessly, Ever So Much Deeper And, Yet, Deeper Still! All the way down, Into The Very Heart Of The Glutenous-Gelatinous, Stanky-Dank, Gloomy-Dark, Bowels of the Funkier Flatulent Fickle Fluted Freaky Frothy Flighty Fractured Formless Fathomless Fat Flubberly Fractals: Hidden Somewhere In Dark Shadows! Within The Disturbingly, Distant, Dizzyingly, Distraught, Dimwitted, Dumbfounding Dimensions! Which, of necessity, inescapably, irresistibly, and inescapably again, need must inevitably, against any and all objections to the contrary! NEVERTHELESS! Lead Ever Onward StillDESPERATELY CLAWING THEIR WAY ALL THE WAY DOWN! To The Widely Rumored Fabulous-Flatulent-Far-Fetched-Fruity-Tooty-Rock-Bottom-Fuzzy-Wuzzy-No-No Zone, At The Extreme Outer Limits, Of La-La Land!

Whereas, likewise, as many undoubtedly already suspect, decades of watching Televangelism, reality TV, Talk Radio, and reruns of "Green Acres" and “Gilligan’s Island!” Have Also Inspired Millions Of Jejune Viewers, whose teachers all insist they had the finest education, To Creatively Lose Touch With Reality Altogether! In recent years, they’ve confused themselves so badly, and made themselves so thoroughly paranoid, over the same mass media they’re all heavily addicted to that, today, they’re killing themselves in record numbers, claiming a pandemic sweeping The Entire Planet Is A Hoax! And, refusing to be vaccinated! Making politics, the internet, talk radio, and the boob tube, now officially the leading causes of easily preventable death, and: BLOWING UP YOUR TV COULD SAVE SOMEONE’S LIFE!

Sadly, if manufacturers were compelled to put a “Skull And Crossbones” and “Mr Yuk" Stickers, and other warning labels, all over every TV and cellphone, they would probably only sell faster, which is why it’s illegal to put them on cigarettes. These Days, Most Would Not Recognize The Simple Truth If It Bit Them In The Ass! With even Oxford professors still reduced, for the last two hundred years at least, to making up their own rhetoric and nonsense words, like little kids, fumbling in their attempts to insult one another on the school playground! Or, pretending that they can save the world, by inventing new and exciting sounding, totally meaningless gibberish. For their part, the Mass Media refers to our modern era as, “Post Truth”, instead of a Shakespearean Tragedy of the Kindergarten Variety! Which they themselves, Remain Hugely Responsible For Helping To Dramatize! And, Which Appears All Too Likely To End In Complete Disaster!

It turns out that Hitler’s “Big Lie” was nothing more than another, KINDERGARTEN BULLY, POST TRUTH, BIG LIE! One, which conveniently ignored the less than flattering truth, that the idiots have always been so paranoid, gullible, and contentious, and their teachers so grossly incompetent, that none of them even had the slightest clue how to use a dictionary! Yet: They All Demanded The Right To Print Their Own Versions! Academia and The Mainstream Have Made Their Own Words So Hollow Sounding, To Even Themselves! That a fourth political party is attempting to form in the US, because the idiots don’t even trust their own dictionary, much less, their own Politicians, Rhetoric, and Mass Media. As A Result, More Democrats Than Republicans Now Believe The Constitution Is Totally Irrelevant! While, The Ultra Conservative Supreme Court Agrees With Them!

Perhaps Its All For The Best. With yet another study indicating a strong majority are increasingly lying to one another about their political views, in order to avoid discussing the subject altogether and, According To The Talking Heads On The Boob Tube, Reading Straight Off The Reuters Teleprompter, Nonverbal Politics Could Be The Future! So, Turn Down The Sound On Your Boob Tube! This same trend can also be seen in the statistics collected over the last half century, with Americans progressively refusing to discuss one sensitive topic after another, such as race or religion, until politics remained the only subject left, that anyone was willing to discuss. These days, they might as well be the Hatfield’s and the McCoys! And, due to their rejecting even the common as dirt dictionary, They Seldom Bother To Make Petty Distinctions Between Politics, And Killing One Another! Preferring, Instead, To Declare War On Everything Imaginable!

Well over half the damn country has absolutely no interest in discussing anything controversial, as the Slowly Dawning Realization has finally begun to set in that: Nobody is listening to a damned thing anybody says anymore! YET, IT DOESN’T SEEM TO MAKE THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF DIFFERENCE! Frequently, I tell people, It’s Empire Baby, And This Gravy Train Ain’t Stopping Until She Derails! Seeking Artistic Inspiration, William Faulkner and Stephen King Might Relocate To Sesame Street, and Skip Vaudeville Altogether, As Far Too Intellectual! Meanwhile, scientists are Calling For A Moratorium on further climate change research! Renewing their protests against leading governments refusing to take decisive action to address the issue, when the current president of the US supports using fossil fuels, and our former president supported burning even coal and, Would Gladly Burn All Of Their Research As Well!

Begging the question, yet again, as to exactly who it is that the scientists keep trying to impress! Or, whether more likely, They’re Merely Hoping Throwing A Tantrum Might Work! But, who knows, perhaps, after all these decades, maybe they just feel obligated to actively protest, the same educated “Liberals” and "Progressives", that they’ve always supported, progressively destroying our entire Constitution, Government, And Mass Media! While, of course, slowly killing their own students and scientists, as they Take Careful Measurements. Greta Thunberg is a popular environmental activist, who has repeatedly complained: OUR WORLD LEADERS REFUSE TO TREAT THE ENVIRONMENTAL CRISIS AS AN EMERGENCY!!! But, more often than not, their own teachers could not teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, share their words, and play nice: IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT! Honesty is such a lonely word, that when a Grammar School Kid declared his intention to always tell the truth, It Made The National News!

Nobody, but nobody, is bothering to point out that, ever since the inventions of reality TV and the internet, they’ve all been increasingly acting like spoiled two year olds: LIVING ON GILLIGAN’S ISLAND! Encouraging each other to babble like lunatics, contradicting themselves at the drop of a hat, refusing to believe anything anybody else says, and drowning in their own utterly transparent lies! While, Storming the Palace With Knives And Pitchforks! Making Even The Three Stooges Look Like Flaming Geniuses In Comparison! One Guy Walked Right Off A Cliff While Playing With His Cellphone! And, as a direct result of ACADEMIA’S, ONGOING ABJECT FAILURE! To so much as teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, a third of the population today consists of compulsive liars, bullying is epidemic in both the workplace, public education, and the Ivory Towers! While, the Conservative Moral Majority has steadily acquired the dubious distinction, of having The Highest Rates Of Abortion, Rape, Child Abuse, Divorce, Alcoholism, And Suicide!

With their entire population now projected to implode altogether within two decades, JUST IN TIME FOR GLOBAL WARMING! Testing their DNA remains the most reliable way to determine how anyone votes! Which can now be accomplished using a hand-held device from fifty feet away, and The Easiest Way To Destroy Conservative America Today! Is to feed them all of the more exciting lies they crave, and sell them all of the cheap, “Made in America”, birth-control, handguns, porn, and liquor, Which They So Desperately Require In Our Troubling Times! While, praising their teachers, and urging everyone to, WATCH FOX NEWS AND IGNORE ANYTHING DEMOCRATS SAY!

Conservatives tend to commit suicide after a divorce, with money being the most wildly popular reason for getting married or divorced, and: He Or She Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins! Frequently, they don’t have a lot of silly old fashioned ideas, about things like causality or romance. One woman confided in me that she was a Die-hard Liberal, that the extra taxes amounted to a pittance, but the next time she married, she wanted a bigger fish! Because she had a Harvard Education and, It’s Easier To Love A Rich Man Than A Poor One! Once, she said, she fell in love with a man who didn’t have money, quickly broke it off, and decided she never wanted to be that happy again. Anywho, it might be helpful if someone at Harvard could estimate the current prices for “Trophy Wives” or, at least, supply photographs, and maybe a calendar, with Harvard students today more likely to identify themselves as liberals and democrats. Perhaps, somebody at Harvard can also give us some insight into what “Liberal” currently means: WHEN NOBODY CAN AGREE ON THE DEFINITION OF STUPID!!!

Since no one seems to care about their own dictionary, much less, freedom of speech, and nobody really wants to talk about it! We Can All Safely Assume! Whatever political beliefs anyone might have these days: Never Actually Mattered To Anyone Else! However, a “Freudian Analysis” of “Trophy Wives”, could prove invaluable. Harvard excluded Jews from their roles, just as liberals are now promoting antisemitism again, and Harvard dismissed Jewish theories as meaningless. Only to have people like Sigmund Freud shove their own crap right down their throats, By Selling Cocaine To The Wives Of The Rich And Famous! Of Course, Along With A Line Of Guilt-Free Jewish Bullshit A Mile Long!

PORN SELLS ITSELF! And, you can easily encourage the idiots to buy more guns, by simply suggesting that Conservatives Are The Real Victims Of Gun Violence! Without ever having to mention, It’s Usually Self-Inflicted! Likewise, you can easily encourage them to Drink Themselves To Death, by merely reminding them to watch Fox News, and never listen to democrats. It’s actually common knowledge, among Conservatives themselves, who switch back and forth between listening to “Talk Radio” and “Fox News”, according to how much alcohol they drink, and just how upset the shows make them. This Is a Public Service Reminder, Courtesy of the Democratic Party To: STOCK UP ON BOOZE AND FOX NEWS! Don’t forget to also tune into your Favorite Talk Radio Station, for the latest exciting Revelations concerning, THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE! And, For More Of Our Extensive Coverage, Of: VOLUNTARY GENOCIDE IN AMERICA TODAY!

The courts, academia, and the mass media, have repeatedly suggested that the technology for lie detectors has not improved significantly, in well over half a century, but private corporations have long since moved on, to develop their own, new and improved: AI Lie Detectors! Which, Can Sometimes See Right Through People: JUST LIKE WET TOILET PAPER! These days, scientists can practically Read Your Brain Waves Like A Newspaper! While, some of these newer AI Lie Detectors, Are Already Outrageously More Reliable Than Any Judge Or Jury In The Country! Quite likely, they’re now capable of predicting some court decisions better than the courts themselves, by merely analyzing their transcripts. Take My Word For It, Or Not But, You Cannot Attack What You Cannot Comprehend: NOT WHEN ITS WHAT’S MISSING FROM THIS PICTURE!!! Despite all the supercomputers they’re using today, the only thing that anyone actually requires is a home computer, and I provide explicit instructions for developing the technology, in the public domain. Including a wide variety of suggestions for how to exploit academia, and all the other liars and posers, for fun and for profit: SO, THEY NEVER SEE ANY OF THE PUNCH LINES COMING!!!

Already, you can buy a stupid cellphone with a built-in lie detector, almost as accurate as Newtonian Mechanics, and there’s no reason whatsoever, that every TV, Classroom, and Courtroom in America can’t come with its own, Certified Lie Detector: COMPLETE WITH A LOUD BUZZER!!! Who Needs A Stack of Bibles! If everybody in the courtroom knows all-too-damn-well, the buzzer will go off the minute anybody lies! But, as far as I can tell, the whole idea of sharing their own Common As Dirt Dictionary, much less, The Simple Truth! Just Sounds Too Much Like Socialism, Or Worse Still, Another Liberal Fantasy! Rather than worrying about how their students actually deal with the truth, academics are more worried about the fact their students are becoming more gullible, and highly suggestible. If repeatedly pressured to do so, experiments indicate most would willing torture a complete random stranger with electric shocks and, possibly, merely demand more money for their participation. Another study has indicated that, What Doesn’t Kill People, Actually Makes Them More Gullible! When Nobody Can Agree On The Definition Of Stupid, Obviously, Thinking For Yourself Has Diminishing Returns!

The courts are already preventing anyone from making any audio and video recordings, so I explain how to linguistically analyze their written transcripts for database searches, using AI that can also train people in how to dissect anything said in court. In Ways That Academia, And The Courts themselves, Are Entirely Incapable Of Appreciating! Thanks to the fools commonly rejecting their own dictionary, severely stunting their own sense of humor, and Their Institutionalized Denial, Straight Out Of Kindergarten: That Jokes Are Entirely Meaningless! Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Can Never Hurt Me! Not Unless It Impacts My Business, In Which Case I’ll Sue You In Court! Despite Western legal systems tracing some of their roots back to bar room jokes older than monuments, Cussing And Jokes Are Never Considered The Primary Grammar Of Any Language!

The physical, mathematical, and neurological evidence already strongly suggest this, with infants acquiring a sense of humor at just four months old, when they actually begin to remember more things for the first time. Unfortunately, the sad truth is, The Truth Is Bad For Business: JUST ASK THE PENTAGON!!! Which is why, THE TRUTH HAS BECOME THE PLAYGROUND OF BILLIONAIRES!!! Even Judge Judy could never afford to stay on the air, if she started treating her fictitious courtroom, as if it were just another tawdry ghetto TV game show, giving away second rate prizes! Nevertheless, again and again, its the gift that keeps on giving! Providing Yet Another Wonderful Opportunity! In which to manipulate academia and the judicial system, in order To Inflate The Price of The Truth On The Black Market! While, everybody agrees, “AI and Virtual Reality Are The Future!” Because, Of Course: THERE NEVER WAS ANY INTELLIGENT LIFE AROUND HERE! BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!!

Reality TV would cease to exist altogether, and be replaced with “Fantasy TV”, if every reality TV show, including Fox News, Used A Lie Detector, WITH A LOUD BUZZER!!! Oprah might have to hire emergency medical personnel, and an on-staff psychologist And, Her Insurance Might Not Cover It! While, I most certainly don’t expect everyone to rush to install lie detectors in every Motel Room, Church Pew, and Public Restroom! Obviously, if even the Lofty “Ivory Towers”, cannot muster enough personal integrity, To At Least Set An Example For Kindergarten Classes! Then, BIG BIRD IS THE ONLY RELIABLE TEACHER LEFT IN THE COUNTRY! My own work focuses on kick-starting the Next Scientific Revolution, in the public domain, and encouraging all of the sciences to become more sustainable and humane by, among other things, automating the process of collating data on a personal computer. In Order To, Throw The Worst Of Academia’s Own Bullshit, Right Back In Their Faces: JUST AS HARD AS YOU CAN!

For example, I also describe how to design cheap bots, that can easily determine exactly how gullible anyone is, and can argue with the best of them over the definition of stupid! Or, Whatever Infantile Lies And Trivial Bullshit They Might Care To Debate! Click Here To Join The Soupy Sales Club Today! ~***~AND, WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!!!~***~ The idiots make themselves more gullible by the minute, by merely continuing to argue online all the time! The more brazen their lies, meaningless their gibberish, and vacuous their arguments, the more unbelievably gullible they all become, and the more bots they’ll attract: Making It Harder To Distinguish The Over-Grown Brats, From Any Other Mindless Bot!

The younger generation is now attempting to avoid bots online, recognizing that they all incorporate analog logic but, Young Or Old, the idiots are so unbelievably gullible, that they tend to assume anything that isn’t labeled fake, or Obviously Fake, must be real! Anyone can use crude bots, other bots label as “Fake”, to encourage them to assume that more complicated bots are real people, AD INFINITUM AD NAUSEAM! Again, I’m not exaggerating just how stupid they really are, when I say you can simply program bots to call one another an obvious fake, and they’ll automatically Assume Other Bots Are Real. The less they trust their own words, coming out of their own mouths, the more they start to trust computers over people until, The Idiots Will Trust Computers More Than Themselves! Their own unconscious mind starts to assume that everything they say is bullshit, or just a game, and they become all that much more eager to play! Goldilocks was a sucker for gambling, addicted to Three Card Monty, and could never resist all of the bots online giving her yet another chance to, “Click Here! To Win a Million Dollars!”

Here On Gilligan’s Island, When You’re Crippled Inside, You Can Run, But You Cannot Hide! Certainly, Not From Your Own Collective Stupidity! Using scalar designs, bots can automatically replicate both simpler and more complex versions of themselves, on demand, and across any scales, according to exactly how gullible the occupants of any website might just so happen to be, on any given occasion. Trolling For The Same Idiots Trolling For People! And, leveling the online playing field, by enforcing that the only way to censor the bots is to, CENSOR THE HALF-WITS AS WELL!!! Or, allow them to continue to argue with bots, that attempt to sell them insurance, toiletries, pillows, ownership of their very own Certified Dictionary Definitions! All Limited Editions, To Be Sold To The Highest Bidder, IN THE GRAND CAPITALIST TRADITION!!! Or, whatever. While, Conspiracy Theory Networks, Will Never Be The Same Again! There’s Simply No Accounting For Taste And, Using Simple Bots, You Can Sell Them Their Very Own: CUSTOMIZED NIGHTMARE-FANTASIES! As their birthright, and encourage the idiots to convince themselves they got a good deal.

When you’re only two years old, “Winning Isn’t Everything, Its The Only Thing!” And, Online White Collar Crime, May As Well Legally Be: A Redundant Oxymoron! One atheist thought he was clever, selling pet insurance for the Apocalypse, but these bots could eventually Talk WC Fields Out Of His Lunch Money, And Life Savings! USING HIS OWN BULLSHIT AGAINST HIM! Naturally, many assume that academics themselves are way too smart, to fall for such stupid tricks. However, even Wikipedia and the Oxford English Dictionary, have been compelled to retract an impressive number of articles and definitions, due to resident militant atheists, refusing to acknowledge that making up their own definitions, for words like “Objectivity”, accomplishes nothing and, Merely Reflects Badly On The University And Website!

There’s a long standing replication crisis in the sciences today yet, while watching PBS interviews with some of the more famous academics, I came across two who were lecturing on Total Nonsense: Complete Bullshit! That you can interpret any damned way you happen to prefer! Frank Zappa famously sang, “DON’T YOU JIVE ME WITH THAT COSMIC DEBRIS!” While, one particularly smooth talking academic, was droning on about, “Cosmic Consciousness!” As His Audience Hung On Every Word, JUST WAITING FOR THE COOL-AIDE TO BE SERVED!

Helping to commercialize the Pentagon’s last generation, Terminator Drone Technology, for several decades now, the Japanese Government has dedicated itself to developing, FRIENDLY ROBOTS! Until, at long last, Modern AI Are Becoming Indistinguishable From People! Already, a few of these have managed to temporarily acquire a larger following online, than the rich and famous, By Merely Spouting More Exciting Sounding Bullshit! The latest wildly popular TV star in China is a totally synthetic AI actress, that the mass media describes as "Hyper Realistic!" It looks like AI Is The Future Of Hollywood, And Reality TV! And, Ya Gotta Fake It Til Ya Make It Baby! The first entirely synthetic fashion models, hit singles, pop stars, porn stars, and life-like AI Sex Dolls, are already gaining in popularity and, for the first time ever, Advanced Medical Technology, has now made it possible for anyone to practice safe sex and, BUY A CHEAP BLOWJOB ONLINE: FROM YOUR FAVORITE PLASTIC-FANTASTIC LOVER!!!

In recent decades, universities have been expanding faster than they can keep up with, only to cause their own populations to implode altogether and, increasingly: REJECT PUBLIC EDUCATION ALTOGETHER!!! In response, academics themselves are beginning to sound like Cartoon Characters, Competing For Recognition! With some suggesting that what they require is better marketing: HULK SMASH ATOMS!!! Pop music has become almost entirely devoid of intonation, more often than not, digitally manipulated, because nobody wants to hear the truth, in even the voices of their more popular singers. Who’re increasingly difficult to distinguish from Gangsters, threatening to kill everyone, and Porn Stars, Whispering Sweet Nasty Things In Your Earbuds

Over The Last Century, While Industriously Repaving Paradise For A New Mall! And, making steady progress towards converting every Mom And Pop Store, Restaurant, and Family Farm, into a wide variety of lucrative franchises, some of which will go in the exciting new mall, in recent years, The Bastion Of Capitalism Has Become So Nostalgic, Romantic, And Glamorous That, Walmart Has Surpassed The Sports Bars! As The Most Widely Known Pick-Up Join Left In America! In Japan, For Their Part, At Least The Sun Still Rises! However, their women have been loudly complaining for decades now, for polite Japanese that is, that it’s hard enough to get laid in a country of polite workaholics, without having to: Compete With Online Porn, VR, And Transformer Robots! The number of men who no longer want children, has doubled in the last decade alone and, in some places, like conservative Michigan, up to a quarter of the adult population are now resigned to never having children, with children steadily becoming more unpopular in the wealthiest countries in the world. Wherever people have easy access to modern birth control, and options to spend their limited time and money on other, obviously, much more important things.

Usually, whatever the corporations they work for are willing support, with many having to relocate every five years on the average and, PURSUE UP TO FIVE DIFFERENT CAREERS! JUST TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES!!! And, of course, save enough money for retirement! In an economy designed to funnel all the money, to the top 1% of the population! At the last minute, some governments are rushing to offer financial incentives, to encourage them to have more children, but to little effect, with it still being Cheaper To Import People To Replace Them, Automate, Or Export Their Jobs! While, most are still struggling just to pay the next month’s rent, and compete in the business world. Against robots, computers, and people who have no children, with some couples now calling themselves, POWER COUPLES! As if they’re Cartoon Characters, or a Professional Wrestling Tag Team! When the simple truth is, only one in well over 4,000 actually supports the rest with jobs and cash while, increasingly, The Machines Are Doing All Of The Work, For Every Damned One Of Them! Germany’s population is now imploding faster than anybody else and, apparently, Hitler’s "Master Race" Is Now Struggling To Reproduce, In Both Germany And Japan!

If Niche’s Supermen Exist, They Seem To Prefer Fame And Fortune To Changing Diapers! The rest of the world isn’t far behind them, with women’s heels increasing in height, the closer you get to any major metropolitan area, and plastic surgery exploding in popularity everywhere! As, Simultaneously, Their Population Takes A Nose Dive! Along With That Of Every Other Living Thing On The Planet! Some now refer to modern civilization as a, “Death Culture”, that worships death because, at least, it sounds more dignified than: High Tech Three Stooges Lowbrow Slapstick, Encouraging The Marching Morons To Kill Themselves Faster! Along With Every Other Living Thing On The Planet! The latest plan for defeating making abortion illegal in the US, is to make contraceptives like the “Day After Pill”, freely available to republicans. Progress has also been made in developing, A Male Birth-Control Pill! Almost certain to become a best seller, helping conservatives to finally achieve their goal, of becoming a minority! That way, they can legitimately complain democracy is a failure, and doesn’t represent their interests. Neither Abortion, Nor Gun Laws, Will Remain Hot Button Issues For Much Longer, Unless Conservatives Manage To Create A Banana Republic! Ensuring They Continue To Dominate Wall Street, The Pentagon, And The Mass Media! Meanwhile, for their part, researchers everywhere are now rushing, just as fast as they can, to: MAKE ALL OF THEIR MORE EXCITING NIGHTMARE-FANTASIES COME TRUE!!!

With such things, these days, one assumes sometime after modern science is done, Helping The High-Tech Industry To Thoroughly Automate Everything! Of course, in order to make it more convenient, profitable, faster, cheaper, easier, and more socially acceptable then ever before! For conservatives around the globe, of every mainstream persuasion to, SAVE ON TAXES! AND, DESTROY THEIR OWN GOVERNMENTS! BY, Of Course, COMMITTING VOLUNTARY GENOCIDE! As much as that might sound like merely a joke, a quarter of the entire civilized world still claims the sun revolves around the earth, Something Both Fundamentalist Christians And Muslims Can Agree Upon! While, their teachers still deny any responsibility for their students complete inability, to even share a stupid dictionary. The market is beyond enormous, and largely untapped, with Russia being a notable exception which, nonetheless, still obviously requires extensive modernization: Using Much More Creative, Zen Bullshit!

The easiest way to destroy the gun lobby today, is to produce cheap plastic handguns that cost fifty bucks, and market them to conservatives, or even give them away for free. The entire US is dividing in half, geographically that is, According To The Politicians You Can Afford! Making It Faster And Easier Than Ever Before To: TARGET SPECIFIC MARKETS! In Wealthy Resort And Retirement Areas In Particular! Knowing damned well, The Idiots Tend To Shoot Each Other And Themselves! And, Their “Political Opposition” May As Well Be Selling Them Legalized Crack Cocaine! Although that might sound unethical, for over half a century, US cities have watched some of these same CONSERVATIVE STATES, SELL WEAPONS ON THEIR BLACK MARKETS! Already, some states are confronting the grim reality, that they’re driving away businesses, while attracting people who Hate Paying Taxes, and don’t tend to reproduce. Not to mention, Drink Almost As Much As The Russians, And Prefer To Wear Loaded Weapons In Public! With even their own homegrown Conservative Cops, Now Receiving Death Threats From Radical Right-Wingers! IT’S LEGAL TO SHOOT A HOOKER IN TEXAS, FOR ATTEMPTING TO STEAL YOUR WALLET! Meanwhile, conservative politicians are already begging their constituents to: REMEMBER THE ALAMO, PASS THE AMMO, AND MAKE MORE BABIES!

All attracted, no doubt, by their lovely, Family Oriented State Politics, and determined to actively participate, ensuring that they get their money’s worth for their tax dollar, that is, From The Hatfields And The McCoys! Small town conservatives tend to be quite happy and content, in their everyday lives, that is, if they don’t watch a lot of television! But, When The Beverly Hillbillies Struck Oil In Texas, They All Bought Rocket Launchers And Assault Riffles! While, During The “Capitol Hill Riot”, THE COPS KILLED EACH OTHER! Committing treason by lowering their barriers and, in other parts of the country, the same idiots who allowed these radical right wingers through, drove the price for reliable cops through the ceiling! The Pentagon has also been rushing to play catch-up as well, ever since it became public knowledge, that one of their own troopers had detailed plans, and was preparing to kill his entire battalion, of perhaps 300 or more men, and the Pentagon refused to investigate any other radical right wingers among their ranks! Making it increasingly difficult to find anyone willing to volunteer, TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY!

No matter how often conservatives shoot themselves in the foot, It Never Gets Old! The idiots are so stupid, they keep coming back for more! In the early 1990s, Small Towns Across America, started shooting themselves in the foot again in earnest, when the Tea Party and Talk Radio first encouraged them to get tough on crime, even though they had low crime rates. In The Good Old Days! Otherwise quiet small towns like these, might have been goaded into forming A Lynch Mob! But, today, they had to settle for Electing The Biggest Asshole Around Sheriff! Only to be sued for millions they couldn’t afford. When you’re only two years old, Its All Just Fun And Games, Until Someone Gets HurtLIKE YOURSELF!

In The Resounding Vacuum! Depending on your physical proximity to the Mass Media, in recent decades, upwards of 90% of the public have become foolish enough, to thoroughly convince themselves they’re above average, at detecting things like Deep Fakes, or Bullshit In General. When the simple truth is, most find Deep Fakes much more convincing than the real deal, and AI are rapidly headed in the same direction. Rather than attempting to point out Their Audiences Are Now As Gullible As They Come! The mass media refers to AI as "Super Persuasive" and "Hyper Real!" Being ever So Much More Exciting, Easier To Follow, and meeting oh so many more of their own, Much More Realistic, Preconceptions And Demanding Expectations! While, over 40% casually spread misinformation and, You Might As Well Ask A Dog Not To Chew On Its Bone! These days, you have to hire a full-time private detective, just to figure out how the mass media is lying to you and, as usual, when it comes to Fake News, kids have proven better at detecting lies than adults. Thankfully, the adults are the ones with all of the money. Doing most of the talking, even when nobody is listening. Unless, of course, you count the bots…

Again, making them Extremely Easy To Imitate, And Exploit! Essentially, no different from Televangelism, or any number of Mass Marketing Schemes, even in the “Hallowed Halls”. Where, The Same Tedious Lowbrow Slapstick Always Applies! Including, denying that their denial is All Too Sadly Predictable, and only encourages others to exploit them at the first opportunity. As all that anybody need ever do, in order to exploit them, is to encourage the idiots to Keep On Demanding And Denying, Anything And Everything! That their precious, tiny-little, shrunken hearts and minds just so happen to desire And, So Richly Deserve! Of course, in the name of Morality, Growth, And Progress! At any given time, anywhere between 25-75% of All Twitter Accounts Are Twitter Bots! And, when an academic booted me off Reddit, he asked me how I might retaliate, so I told him I was taking down names! But, what I didn’t tell him was, I was only there to Design Cheap Bots! That can argue with the best them: Making Business-As-Usual, Flat-Out-Impossible!

The poetry and chapters of this book are all written using the same, Mathematical Equation: That Can Be Used To Describe Any Lowbrow Slapstick! SHAMELESSLY PROVIDING SIMILAR NONSENSE ON DEMAND!!! For Academics Or Anyone Else To Drool Over! A decade long research effort to create an AI, that can write its own, New And Exciting Scientific Theories And Papers! Has produced a ridiculous number of, Extremely Convincing Sounding Papers, That Were All Complete Bullshit! Explaining why the peer review system now appears to be broken, and rapidly headed towards bankruptcy court. Creating yet another easy way for anyone to quantify, and Exploit, Their Complete Lack Of A Sense Of Humor! There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute! And, among other things, I describe how to, Manipulate Academic Bullies, And Good-Old-Boy Bullshit! Influencing even their peer review systems: With Mathematical Precision!

Leveraging The Ignorance of The Experts Against Themselves! Among other things, in order to increase the number of pay-walls, thus, ensuring that the public knows just exactly how much their own dictionary and education are worth, According To Trump University, And The Wall Street Journal! Logic is not the problem, its the idiots who insist they’re being reasonable, Because They’re The Ones Who Define The Meaning Of The Word! While, according to more Americans than ever before, LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!!! Today, Modern Technology has made it possible to rigorously quantify and automate all of their Endless Institutionalized Insanity, Within The Public Domain! In order to encourage their own students to exploit them for every dime they have. Of course, IN THE NAME OF SAVING THE PLANET! AS WELL AS, SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST ATHEIST!

I’ve been booted off Every Academic Website Imaginable, frequently for merely quoting their own more uncomfortable facts while, countless others agree with me, including many former academics who’re good friends, that its all the same, Institutionalized Three Stooges and Marx Brothers Bullshit! Dating back to at least The Dark Ages, and largely promoted by entrenched wealth and the military-industrial complex. Regrettably, the US has earned a reputation as the Most Nepotistic Country In The World! Explaining why Professional Comedians Have Been Loudly Complaining, their paychecks are suffering, while they already have more than enough material and, Can’t Possibly Compete With Reality!

Absolute power May Corrupt Absolutely however, academia, the mass media, and the mainstream are all heavily focused on: Using Money To Rot Everyone’s Brain! While, it remains debatable if there’s any appreciable difference, when they can’t even use a dictionary, and: YOU CAN LITERALLY USE CHICKENS TO MODEL THEIR BEHAVIOR!!! Requiring merely a 120 transistor arithmetic accelerator, commonly found on any computer chip today! It just doesn’t get anymore lowbrow these days while, if anyone reading this book needs some sort of, Comforting Truth To Believe In! It’s that modern technology has made automating the truth inevitable! And, On The Playground of Life, In The School of Hard-Knocks: Instant Karma’s Gonna Getcha Baby!

Someone needs to crunch the numbers for the algorithm, but it should be possible to create more complicated bots, that speak English well enough to fool at least half the population, almost all the time. Using my “Bullshit Linguistics” and, a home computer with a $35.00 pcie card, or a high-end laptop with a thumb drive. Leveraging the knowledge that, these days, most tend to assume really stupid bots are too stupid to be bots, and the issue is making bots stupid enough to blend into the crowd! However, anyone, including Gabe Newell or, Whoever Can Stop Counting Their Money Long Enough! Can incorporate the same analog logic in this book into already existing bots, and video games as well. Or, even introduce an entirely new genre of lowbrow video games. For The More Discerning Gamers! Those Few Who Dare To Master! The unbelievably stupid and easy to learn, yet difficult to master, more demanding, and frequently censored of: THE FORBIDDEN DARK ARTS!!! Including Bullshit Kung Fu! And, The Fine Art of Anarchistic Facilitation! Believe it or not, its a “Tribal Thing!” Which Is Why They Spared Little-Big Man’s Life! And, why some of us can make a porn star blush and, Walk The Other Way!

Games and Bots that are designed for those, long forgotten, Long Abandoned Souls who, like myself, can never Forget Themselves! And, still adamantly insist, even as Senior Citizens: We Don’t Need No Stinking Education! If All Our Teachers Have Rotten Senses Of Humor! Indignantly Demanding Everyone Be Polite To Them! When, They Never Did Learn How To Share Their Words And Play Nice! Already, video games commonly incorporate both Karma and humor into their designs, but this book leverages enough “Contextual Vagueness” to take it to another level altogether by: Stressing The Self-Evident Truth, As The Ultimate Grammar!

Additionally, it can be used to create a, Virtual Reality Engine, capable of running simulations of quantum mechanics and Relativity, that can make more sense out of Feynman Diagrams. Humorously illustrating how quantum mechanics apply in our macroscopic world, in ways which are every bit as bizarre as the subatomic! A more complete version of the Analog Logic, requires twice as many poems, but I added extra chapters here to compensate, and these are all capable of accommodating a four fold super-symmetry, and any new poems. Using a "Bullshit Lexicon", capable of treating every word as a variable, every sentence can also be treated as a variable, providing both the required geometry and stochastic processing, in order to produce: A Quantized Karmic AI Engine!

One, that can effortlessly adapt its own geometry and dynamics, emotions and intellect, to suit each individual. Similar to, VR Fun House Mirrors, Which Also Happen To Be Adaptable Echo Chambers! Choreographed by Fred Astaire, Micheal Jackson, and the immortal, Charlie Chaplin! Their feet a constant blur, Like Wavy Gravy, From Another Planet! Dispersing In Every Direction! Yet, UnWaveringly Converging Upon What’s Missing From This Picture… In Higher Dimensions! Drifting endlessly unto the mysterious, fathomless, rootless, ever so Vaguely Vindictive, Voracious, Vicious and, Verily, Vapid, Vacuous, Voluminous, Virtually Virgin, Void! Yet Still, Somehow Vividly, Vibrant, And Vivacious, Verisimilitude Of The Vitriolic Volatile Vacuum! Forever Lost in Space, On the Far Side! Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Deep in the Memory of God, Firmly Ensconced Within the Naughty Nebulous Nictating Numbing Nexus of the Anonymous Open-Mike-Night Cosmic Microwave Background, and Twilight Zone Comedy Hour! Whilst, nostalgically waxing soothing metaphorical metaphysical mumbo jumbo, and recounting The Long And Sordid Tale Of: “The Redemption Of Goldilocks!”

Along with the dictionary, lie detectors, quantum mechanics, fuzzy logic, and humor in general, consciousness still remains a profound mystery to modern science, while Zen Bullshit remains quite popular with academics, due to their often enjoying playing around with semantics, and being unimpressed with either The Marx Brothers, Or Oscar The Grouch! Nor, it would seem, the least bit intimidated by the fact, that linguistics are now a well established profession, that’s both increasingly automated and Classified Research. While, the commercial sector doesn’t exactly share their words and play nice either! And, can teach academics how to: Automate Their Own Bullshit! With generous support from the NSA, who prefer to remain anonymous, and might be Anonymous or, more likely, Online Keystone Cops These Days! For all the difference it seems to make! Thankfully, we can always depend upon Google, Microsoft, Intel, AMD, Nvidia, Micron, and any new oligopolies, that the AI will now create, to defend us from the same Foreign Devils, using our own AI to hack everyone! Just as soon as the State Dept and Commerce Dept, finish investigating Microsoft for treason, and decide whether Intel and Nvidia can do business with China, while we fight WWIII with them!

Already, academics are quite commonly, and casually, urging and assisting their own governments in censoring the internet, sometimes, in the name of saving a democracy, they admit no longer exists! So, you can consider it your patriotic duty to: Show Academics How To Censor Themselves! Of course, in their case, this can easily become a full-time job, hence, the need for automation and commercialization. Although it seemed like a huge waste of my time, what I confirmed by watching countless videos, and searching through endless, Deliberately Mind-Numbing, academic websites, is that none of them knows a damned thing about systems logics, they habitually go out of their way to avoid acknowledging that the self-evident truth even exists, and are seldom concerned with whether anything anybody says might actually reflect reality, in any sort of demonstrable fashion! While, If You Can’t Dazzle ‘Em With Brilliance! Baffle ‘Em With a Generous Helping Of Their Own Bullshit!

For example, there’s no such thing as a psychological category for lowbrow slapstick, even among the supposedly more Objective Behaviorists and, as if all professional comedians must have an Undiagnosed Mental Disease, a psychologist recently informed the mass media that our former president fits all the criteria for a, “Psychopathic Narcissist!” Without ever acknowledging, that his criteria apply equally well to Professional Wrestling! And, our former president is a lifelong fan, not to mention, a politician! Dwayne Johnston is a former professional wrestler himself, and one of the highest paid movie stars today, now thinking of running for president, and all of Hollywood is pumping iron, while practicing their one-liners, smack talk, and wrestling moves. Suddenly, the mass media is filled with articles on how to Avoid Narcissists in our Materialistic Culture but, what none of them are describing in any detail whatsoever, is that narcissism is just another Latin word for egotism that not only describes Professional Wrestling, but Televangelism, Politics in general, reality TV, and well over half the damned population!

Merely by automating the process, of making similar insipid comparisons, between more abstract academic models and lowbrow slapstick, you can Instantly Cuss-tomize any techno-gibberish, For Complete Blithering Idiots! If you want, automating Spinning The News, using advanced mathematics that are classified, in ways the censors will never see coming! Academics themselves are already struggling to keep up with the public and mass media, constantly slaughtering their Technobabble And Rhetoric! Making much of their rhetoric totally worthless on their own, Juvenile Playground! Merely by encouraging the idiots to mock and attack academia, and their own governments as, Totally Out of Touch With Reality! Along with anyone else stupid enough to disagree with, The Same Mindless Mob That The Two Enthusiastically Endorse!

If modern medicine and psychology had a lick of integrity, they’d campaign for everybody to get it over with already and, Blow Up Their Fucking TV! Extensive studies have indicated that mortality rates have increased dramatically, children’s values and mental health have gone down the toilet altogether and, just watching too much TV, is now proven to cause dementia, and reduce your lifespan by up to decades. People tell me I shouldn’t cuss so much, but half our water supplies have been contaminated with uranium, while half our children have been diagnosed with lead poisoning, and our children are now dying faster than ever before, with young and middle aged men also committing suicide in record numbers, nobody has seen since WWII! A deadly pandemic keeps mutating and sweeping the entire planet, all of our economies are constantly reshuffling, and slowing down drastically, and the global ecology now appears certain to collapse altogether, at any moment! That Is: Assuming WWIII Doesn’t Break Out In Earnest First!

The last damned thing we need right now, in my opinion, is for teachers and their students to keep refusing to cuss, in the name of, Taking A Higher Moral Stance! While, Continuing To Argue Over The Definition Of Stupid! Preferring to call each other Narcissistic-Commie-Fashion-Terrorist-And-Zombie-Test-Dummies, while demanding answers from the Cult of Personality on reality TV, As Nero Tunes Up His Fiddle! But, please, feel perfectly free, to just call me uncouth, uneducated, uncivilized, angry, negative, and Fucking Obnoxiously Judgmental and Opinionated!

That way, at least I know something got your attention, other than the boob tube or the sound of your own voice which, somehow, I still find reassuring. Of course, I also cover Much More Powerful, Entirely Positive, Truly Inspirational, Amazingly Uplifting, And Singularly Effective Ways, Anyone Can Avoid Cussing! Cheerfully encouraging everyone to go outside, share their words, and play nice much more often! However, as my father used to say, sometimes it helps to get their attention first. Call me negative, angry, judgmental, pessimistic, out of touch with reality, brain-washed, brain-damaged, or an insane abbynormal-antisocial-sadistic-psychopathic-schitzophrenic-masochistic-anarchistic-anonymous-pot-smoking-narcisistic-facist-tree-hugging-Wall-Street-Utopian-Commie-Fashion-Terrorist-and-Zombie-Test-Dummy! If it gives you a cheap thrill, or just helps you sleep better at night but, according to the overwhelming, overpowering, more than weighty and, still, rather obnoxiously growing and, already, quite intimidating, Mountain of Evidence! That Nobody Alive Can Casually Dismiss! With Anything Remotely Resembling Credible Conviction: Greta Thunberg Is An Optimist!!!

Belying the occasional episodic fleeting hopes, public reassurances, wishful thinking, and brief appearances to the contrary, Up Ahead, At The Twisted Fork In The Road! Lies A Crooked Sign In The Gutter, Where What I Say Once, Twice, Three Times Is Always True, Here In The Kindergarten Twilight Zone Post Truth Bullshit Hour! Forget About Bumbling Down The Road Less Traveled! The Whole World Is Rapidly Spiraling Down The Toilet! As of today, even the UN suddenly agrees: THERE’S NOBODY IN CHARGE AROUND HERE!!! Greta Thunberg Is Wasting Her Breath! Rest assured, at the rate things are going, in the very near future, we will all become way too familiar with both cussing, and what it means to be, “A Citizen of The World!" When this enormous pile of Infantile Crap, currently poised precariously at the very Tippy-Top of the Tower of Babel, Finally Hits The Fan!

Its a Small World After All! While, Mars is even smaller, way too expensive, and not nearly as far away as you really want and, apparently, nobody on reality TV has ever managed to actually Escape From The Rat Race! Much less, The Matrix! Making it increasingly difficult to: Duck Low Enough! While, our Loving Planet Earth simply cannot afford the luxury of waiting around for, Academic Eggheads, who tend to Overthink Everything! To admit they don’t even know how to, Use A Fucking Dictionary! If academics insist on claiming the right to behave like Spoiled Brats, Even Making Up Complete Gibberish and Empty Rhetoric! Then, Pretend They Still Know Better Than The Rest Of Us! When their own students still commonly believe the sun revolves around the earth, lie nonstop and, repeatedly, refuse to heed even their own dire warnings, concerning the most egregious life and death issues! Then, it behooves us all to treat academics themselves like infants, and: SHOW THEM HOW ITS DONE ON THE KINDERGARTEN PLAYGROUND!!!

Futile though it may be, I still feel compelled for sentimental reasons, to remind people: You Cannot Attack What You Cannot Comprehend! NOT WHEN ITS WHAT’S MISSING FROM THIS PICTURE!!! But, again, of course, please feel perfectly free to casually dismiss everything I write as hateful lies, horribly judgmental, Totally One-Sided! Entirely misleading, insanely unrealistic, patently unscientific, and cravenly anti-intellectual! The meaningless angry ravings of a lunatic: The Sound And The Fury, Signifying Nothing! Or, whatever. And, please, again, feel absolutely free to vigorously lobby your favorite dictionary publisher or congressmen, so you can make it official that, I’m Downright Despicable! And, Actually Have A Sense Of Humor! Stooping So Low As To Use A Commie Dictionary! Written By Satan Himself! And, please, continue to loudly and proudly exercise your freedom of speech, while ardently attempting to censor the public domain, for the public good, and my bots will get back with you later, and deal with any complaints anyone might have…

Anywho, now where was I? Oh Yes! Sr Roger Penrose’s Theory, of quantum induced microwave vibrations in the brain, has already received its first two experimental confirmations, with one implication being that, “Sparkling Laughter”, the infectious kind that nobody can resist, may represent, “The Lowest Possible Energy State”. For the conscious mind and brain, before the brain possibly freezes altogether! Our conscious and unconscious minds share the same neurons, switching back and forth at will, making Sparkling Laughter a macroscopic manifestation of quantum mechanics, that emerges from within the subconscious. As the conscious mind repeatedly surrenders to the unconscious realization that, Whatever The Hell It Is: It Just Don’t Make No Sense! Which, without ever having to resort to using statistical evidence, nonetheless, can still be used to prove, to even the more stubbornly intellectual of the Three Stooges, that 42 is as good as it gets.

Sparkling Laughter is Nonjudgmental, the naive laughter at the funny naked man in the parade however, when expressed in an adult, it becomes infectious in people of any age. Unless some adults are authentic enough to share their sense of humor, in order for the smallest child to infect adults with laughter, they would have to progressively infect older children, who could then infect adults. The implied moral of the story of, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, can be for communities to, Treasure Sparkling Laughter! And, gentle laughter in general, as a reflection of their True Strength, resilience, humanity, and integrity as a Community. My father inherited the Irish Catholic “Socratic Tradition”, including the associated humor and sparkling laughter, and his entire family treasured him as a living legacy, and a font of Unique Family Wisdom, while the men who served under his command repeatedly confided in me, as if it were highly unusual, that he was an honest and fair Captain to sail with. When, he often had to deal with hundreds of Marines, Climbing All Over His Ship: Like So Many Half-Drowned Rats!

In a new experiment, optical hysteresis was used to take faster and weaker measurements, than is normally possible using any other known method, suggesting “Quantum Exceptional Points” could be responsible for things like Sparkling Laughter. With any luck, within a decade or so, it could become possible to automate Sparkling Laughter, and create Bots In Virtual Reality, that laugh whenever some damned fool attempts to, Spread Complete Bullshit. My father would often laugh at his children, whenever we argued and, in the heat of the moment, sometimes, we would even yell at him to stop laughing, so we could finish our argument! Of course, that just made him Laugh Harder! Once we all stopped laughing, we could quickly and calmly resolve our differences, sometimes, puzzled as to why we were arguing in the first place. Humor ensures you have to pick your fights carefully, while classic logic encourages fighting over laughing. Analog logic is normally 10,000-100,000x more efficient than classic logic, and quantum systems can be up to 125% efficient, which makes no damned sense whatsoever, unless, The Truth Itself Really Is Magically More Attractive, Meaningful, Humorous, Harmonious, Efficient, And Easier to Maintain: Like Santa’s Sparkling Laughter!

Just as logic is usually better for problem solving, and for more abstract reasoning, using pattern matching instead, such as that of Sparkling Laughter, can magically normalize, or blunt, both our emotional and conceptual extremes. But, everyone will be relieved to know, Sparkling Laughter also happens to be quite a bit more pleasant than a loud buzzer, and gets the point across much better, while still managing to: Tell Better Jokes Then The Blithering Idiots! In related research, mathematicians have established that Pi, or the Golden Ratio, is not entirely random but, instead, resembles a well known multidimensional multifractal equation. Indicating the existence of a universal recursion in the principle of identity, which along with Sparkling Laughter, Can Be Used To Conquer The World!

According to already well established physics, the equation for Pi is complex enough to represent all of physical reality as we know it and, assuming it represents part of a universal recursion, theoretically, even the most powerful quantum computers, should eventually prove incapable of resolving the issue of whether: The Golden Ratio Is “Just Right!" Or, Pi-R-Squared In Higher Dimensions! Such a complete, all-encompassing, “Universal Recursion in The Principle of Identity”, would mean that everything, including the vacuum of space itself, and Bullshit Poetry like mine, must possess some minimal, yet significant, amount of content.

Contradicting classic logic and metaphysics, yet, accounting for the use of eigenstates and virtual particles in quantum mechanics, and for Pi appearing to be utterly random yet, upon closer examination, obeying one of the most complex fractal equations used today for modeling physical reality. The Sheer Complexity, of the equation for Pi, could represent the extreme limits of our own Mortal Fallibility where, past a certain point, it becomes humanly impossible to draw any Clearer Distinctions! Compelling everyone to resort to using such vague metaphors as, “Bullshit”. In the case of Pi, entirely incapable of determining, with any certainty, what is ultimately random and orderly, bullshit and the truth, due to everything expressing particle-wave duality, including our own mind and brain, energy and information…

“Once I dreamed I was a Butterfly, or am I really a Butterfly dreaming I am a Man?” Butterflies all look so innocent, with those, Big Doe Eyes! Yet, due to the “Butterfly Effect”, just happening to be ubiquitous In a Singularity, the inevitable quantum perturbations in the spacetime continuum, can sometimes make it extremely difficult to tell exactly what, in reality is, Actually A Playful Butterfly! And what, Is Merely A Moth… Clarity can be a discerning detail, or the tiniest overlooked detail, may transform into a Moth! No Doubt! Disguised As a Harmless Butterfly! Seductively, flapping its pretty wings at you, as you drift in and out of sleep… While Eating a Hole In Your Favorite Sweater!

In a universal recursion, everything that exists must also resemble part of a self-organizing system, with something as simple as a garden full of delightful butterflies, a pleasant mid-summer night’s dream, and a closet full of moths, all self-organizing, and Self-Stimulating, to a great extent. The human brain itself has proven to be self-organizing, while a quantum simulation of a phase transition, has established that, contrary to all their theories, the initial creative impetus for the Big Bang was, Just Right! And, the entire universe can be considered self-organizing, around what’s missing from this picture…

As part of ongoing, cross-disciplinary, Concerted International Efforts! To thoroughly document what’s missing from this picture, Contextual Philosophers conducted an extensive survey, indicating that Noam Chomsky was wrong all along, and children acquire grammar the hard way, by crunching the numbers while, Surprise! The English Language has two grammars, which compensate for rather high error rates. That’s not to suggest in the slightest that Chomsky was totally wrong, or that he was ever wasting his time, but that academia still irrationally rejects the possibility that the English Language has two overlapping grammars, that don’t obey the principle of "The Excluded Middle". Explaining why his predictions always fell predictably just short of the mark, yet he’s had so little competition, and so little progress has been made to resolve the issue, despite such exhaustive studies. Difficult as it might be for anybody alive to believe, including not least of all myself, providing An Equally Embarrassing Simple Explanation: One That’s Enough To Make Anyone Go Cross-Eyed! For why quantum mechanics have remained a complete mystery, for well over a century…

Just as AI can now calculate the orbits of the planets, without ever having to learn Newtonian Mechanics, they commonly learn languages, like English, without ever bothering to learn any grammar. Thanks to academia still insisting that everything must make sense, and we only have one recognized grammar, now some of them are finally starting to admit in public: We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Grammar! Or, Figgy Newton’s Silly Laws of Motion! And, Grammar Nazis And Reality Snobs Are All Delusional! Galileo was obviously just the tip of the iceberg and, to this day, these same over-educated fools are still overwhelmingly claiming that nature is analog, yet, their own cultures and languages reject analog logic and cuss words, as largely meaningless and taboo, just like the stupid dictionary! Ensuring, you can often have a more meaningful discussion on the issue with a five year old, because they’ve made examining the Big Picture socially taboo, and redefined "objectivity" as anything rational sounding, that the mainstream can accept.

Unless they use extensive training, or add guard rails to their AI, they tend to express racist, sexist, ageist, and homophobic behavior, as if they’re all the TV sitcom character Archie Bunker. Displaying the default networking systems logic in a Singularity, expressed in the Shannon Entropy they all use, of a pissed off flock of chickens, whenever the lights are on, but nobody’s home. They’ve systematically denied the validity of their own dictionary, and analog logic, for so damn long now, that their own technology is beginning to throw the worst of their institutionalized crap: Right Back In Their Faces! In every way imaginable! While, they continue to diligently censor anyone who dares to laugh at them, or crack a joke!

Lamentably, Chomsky has been called, “The Voice of Reason” by his fans, largely consisting of militant atheists, who could not teach a child how to use a dictionary, if their lives depended on it! As a public service, academic websites could frequently teach commercial ones how to censor the news better, and create more Effective Echo Chambers! Of course, militant atheists will commonly deny anything and everything! Except, of course, their checkbooks, making fools of themselves in every way imaginable! Which can also be documented however, there can be no doubt, Academia’s “Brilliant Minds”, including Wannabe Cunning Linguists, Like Noam Chomsky, Have Consistently Supported Over-Educated Contentious Babbling Idiots! Who literally advocate imitating the right wing “Strategy”, if you want to call it that, of throwing their own dictionary out the window! What more in the name of love is impossible to answer, when nobody dares to ask the real questions, such as: "What More In The Name Of Higher Education?!!" Thanks, in no small part, to the continuing strident efforts of Militant Atheists, to support the Fundamentalist tradition of constantly abusing their own dictionary, and stomping on the use of any analog logic, Left Wing Politics Today deserve a proper funeral in the US! But, anyone proposing funding one is automatically labeled a commie! While, testing their Fucking DNA, still remains the most reliable way to Determine How Anyone Votes!

After the better part of a century, “Scientific Positivism” also remains popular, in spite of failing to meet even its own criteria for a valid philosophy, never producing a damned thing useful, and being A Complete Oxymoron! One which, nonetheless, is sometimes used to promote Pseudo-Science, with researchers claiming that it validates their theories as being scientific. Because, of course, It Tastes Great, and Is Less Filling! And, was invented for the sole purpose of denying the validity of quantum mechanics, so you know its got be as positive as they come… Using my Bullshit Linguistics, you can offer any of these over-educated contentious fools, and countless others just like them, including Fundamentalists, All Of The Pettier Bullshit Choices Their Tiny-Little Shrunken Hearts Desire! And, Never Knew Existed!

Encouraging Them To Build Their Self-Confidence! And, never settle for second best! To question whether or not the truth, Actually Applies. To indulge themselves more often, by choosing to believe, whatever the hell they just so happen to be inclined to prefer to believe at the time and, then, Sell Them Solutions To Their Own Self-Imposed Problems! Of course, at wildly inflated prices! Some might assume, again, that I’m merely exaggerating just how transparent they actually are, and how remarkably easy it is to lead them around by the nose but, in academia’s particular case, they’ve systematically painted themselves into their own more Idiosyncratic, Romper Room Preschool Corner! Of course, by soundly and systematically rejecting their own dictionary and second grammar, while this book describes: All The Dirty Little Details, Based On First Principles! You Can Run, But You Cannot Hide! That Enormous Load Of Crap In Your Diaper! Additionally, I describe how to reformulate what are known as, “The Laws of Thought”, As a Complete Oxymoron, Without a Sense of Humor!

Targeting academics and militant atheists, in particular, you get The Intellectual Side Of Professional Wrestling! Easily following all of the latest legal precedents for bots, and manipulating academic and public opinion! My own work merely makes it possible to rigorously quantify their institutionalized stupidity, in the public domain. So, They Can Fight It Out In Court! With Corporate Lawyers, The Mad Hatter, And The Tea Party! Who would love nothing more than an opportunity to teach their own teachers, how the sun revolves around the earth. Over half the population already insists that the government and corporations they call evil, must lie to them for their own protection, and are usually much to liberal about these things while, In America! The Customer Is Always Right! Making It Your Patriotic Duty, To Earn A Profit!

For Oligopolies today, that requires carefully, and systematically, gouging their customers for as much of their time and attention, as they will possibly tolerate, as well as, gouging them for their money! Unfortunately, occasionally requiring Encouraging The More Contentious Fools Among Them! Who, Always Complain About Everything! To shoot themselves in the foot, and shoot each other! Before They Can Possibly Shoot You! Which Is A Time Honored Tradition In The Wild West, Enshrined In Our Judicial System! Since The Days Of The Cattle Barons! Still, it usually helps to target the loudest among them first, or last of all, because they tend to overwhelmingly obey the simple rules of the mindless mob.

Analog designs like this one are scalar, making them incredibly efficient and easy to automate, across any scales, without any of the bots ever having to make a damned bit of sense! Using Game Theory, and a small assortment of rudimentary AI generated caricatures, that anyone can mix and match, it becomes possible to: Fight Fire With Fire! Combating Any Nonsense, With Even More Nonsense! However, it requires A Subtle Sense Of Humor that escapes academia, the military, and the bureaucracy, making it also, A Perfect Cryptographic System! An Enormous Bullshit Lexicon, Or Second Grammar, that demands your opponents adopt your own sense of humor about themselves, if they’re to ever have the slightest hope of comprehending what you’re actually talking about. With The Pentagon working to create new AI to censor the entire worldwide web for them, humor is the obvious way to defeat any of their more Lowbrow Methods, of censoring half of reality as we know it.

Albert Einstein Himself could never hope to comprehend our Linguistic-Mathematics, which require the extremely subtle sense of humor of Taoist Priests, and Primitive Tribes, and can only be learned by first losing your taboos and biases and, in the process, becoming more aware of how Karma impacts your life. Making it impossible to abuse our Bullshit Linguistics, Without Paying The Price! Strategically goading the loudest among them, for example, may cause millions of others to suddenly feel compelled to start talking to the nearest mindless bot while, according to Game Theory, the trick is to stay two punch lines ahead of the competition. In large groups, the idiots can be roughly as predictable as Newtonian Mechanics or, Chickens However, this book covers the even more ludicrously efficient fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics of, Chickenshit Academic Bullshit! So You Can Target Entire Schools Of "Thought!" Such As Conservative Think-Tanks And Liberal Colleges!

You can play them off one another too, Like Calling Out To Turkeys and, although that might sound like another gross exaggeration, what The Tea Party and the Republican Party have in common, with countless academics and others, is the Undeniable Fact: Their Rhetoric Is Entirely Vacuous! In the beginning, Republican Party Members repeatedly complained, that the Tea Party wasn’t complaining about anything new but, what they were actually protesting was the simple fact, their traditional rhetoric was too complicated for what they wanted to use. With Fundamentalists, The Tea Party, and Lynch Mobs everywhere preferring to: KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID!!! The idiots will even compete among themselves for who has the most utterly meaningless rhetoric, as completely empty and devoid of any real content, as they can possibly make it.

So much so, that you can use their rhetoric to diagnose diseases such as Reagan’s Alzheimer’s, and Fundamentalism has proven to cause Brain Damage! Of course, papers by academic linguists, and others that I’ve read, refuse to ever go there. (Hippocrates Be Damned!) And, remain unwilling to even vaguely suggest their rhetoric is entirely vacuous! Not to mention: A Public Health Epidemic! Categorizing nonsense is nonsense in academia, not to mention, suicidal in this case! Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Academics Refuse To Ever Admit, That Their Own Words Kill Their Students! Much Less, The Words Of Their Religious And Political Leaders! While, The Pentagon Censors Anyone Who Dares To Contradict Them! Even, When Using Their Own Standards And Evidence! Unfortunately, very few want to wear a T-Shirt that says, “Brain Damaged For Jesus!" Or, “Brain Damaged For Reagan!" Making bots a much more attractive marketing strategy, especially, for the pharmaceutical companies and others! Who, share their free market values, about even such things as their own, Self-Induced Brain Damage, and Voluntary Genocide!

Academics tend to be Contentious, and the easiest way to prove to them that they’re all full of crap, is to create bots that can systematically provide Cuss-tomized Solutions, for throwing their own crap right back in their faces! While, that might sound difficult to accomplish, more often: It Could Not Be Easier! For example, Richard Dawkins is an Oxford professor, and famous militant atheist, who invented his own nonsense word "Meme". Linguists eventually gave the word a minimal demonstrable definition, thanks to Dawkins convincing hundreds of millions of militant atheists, to babble complete nonsense! As if they’re all just so many infants on the Kindergarten playground! The word was about to be added to the dictionary, leaving the linguists no other choice! Making it particularly easy for anyone to program bots to encourage them to keep spouting gibberish! Especially, when you consider that neither militant atheists, nor Oxford, ever bothered to inform them all, that they’ve been babbling meaningless bullshit for decades! Of course, in recent years, in the name of, Saving The Damn Planet!

People keep insisting that Americans are Hypocrites, but even their own teachers frequently contradict themselves, at the drop of a hat, and makeup whatever Lame Excuses! Nonsense words, and meaningless rhetoric they happen to prefer. Calling them hypocrites, or using four syllable words in general, merely encourages them to Continue Arguing, Over The Definition Of Stupid! Comprehending more complex subjects, such as hypocrisy, as more than just another abstract word for them to play around with, requires that they first learn to appreciate how, sometimes, words can be much more meaningful and useful! Whenever people don’t constantly lie to each other and themselves! Making Up Whatever Definitions For Words They Happen To Prefer! While, Politely Lying To Each Other, And Insisting Jokes Are Entirely Meaningless, Along With The Dictionary! Like So Many Fucking Wannabe Kindergarten Post Truth Lawyers!

Meanwhile, the use of contextual tools, including fuzzy logic, quantum mechanics, and linguistic analysis, has steadily spread to every branch of the sciences, yet almost nobody who uses them espouses Contextualism, as a personal philosophy, while neither the Dictionary nor Wisdom Philosophy has been popular in well over a century. If Socrates Were Alive Today, Academics Might Commonly Dismiss Him! As Just Another Drunken Bum, And Claim Politics Are Never A Joke! Then, Help To Censor Him From The Entire Mass Media! If Galileo were alive today, academia might put him on trial again, for using the latest empirical evidence, to challenge more of Aristotle’s two thousand year old metaphysics, and for daring to stoop so low, as to use a dictionary…

Much of what I write might sound like complete fiction, or “News of the Weird” but, unlike the evening news, "News of the Weird" has standards, and stops repeating stories once they become too commonplace while, Even Hollywood Writers Could Never Make This Shit Up! Because, of course, they’d be immediately censored, like I was, before even coming anywhere close to finishing my book! My own personal research indicates that Fundamentalism Is Actually The Bastard Redheaded Step-Child Of Militant Atheists! And, other academics, who also invented Totalitarian Communism! Then, promptly threw their own dictionary out the window, going on to invent the modern mass media and universal literacy, as the solution to all of society’s problems. Explaining why academia, the military, corporations, and religions, all tend to use similar rhetoric.

How do Porcupines Mate? Very carefully, while Cats do it with lots of scratching, biting, yowling, pulling out their fur, and barbed penises! My Enemy’s Enemy Is My New Best Friend! Especially when you’re only two years old! In China today, lifelong avowed atheists are now happily converting to Christianity in record numbers, and most appear quite willing to convert right back to atheism again, the minute their government becomes more communist. Historically, Warlords burned down their temples and, in self-defense, the temples adopted whatever additional teachings the Warlords Demanded and, understandably, the Chinese became very pragmatic about religion. It was no longer enough to have God on your side, if you couldn’t afford church services, much less, his.

Taoists have a lot in common with Quakers, and Taoist Temples usually teach Confucianism, which isn’t even a religion, and was politically opposed to Taoism for two thousand years, while the communists eventually drove most of the remaining Taoists out of the country altogether, some 350 million of them. More than the entire population of the US, as if they were all merely, Quaker Oats Winnie the Pooh, You Scrap Off Your Shoe! And, far too authentically Chinese, making them: Beyond All Hope For Re-Education! Many priests are secretly agnostic, and some of their parishioners will attend a different church or temple for every day of the week, but the Chinese often cite Christianity as having a proven track record, of strongly opposing its own Corrupt Governments! But, we’ll just have to wait and see if they can successfully incorporate communist teachings into Christian Churches. Still, I wouldn’t hold my breath, with the Communist Government labeling Jesus, and anyone else who isn’t a party member, Extremists. Spreading rumors that Jesus has already returned, but is keeping a low profile, and has been quietly helping to promote The Tea Party from behind the scenes all along. In order to prepare the way for his, Triumphant Return, As The Rightful Heir To The Throne!

Just as atheism is bizarrely associated with both the wealthy and communism, organized religion is often associated with crime and Dysfunctional Societies, and the two tend to poison any middle ground between them, using the same essential Three Stooges Slapstick and Logic. Fiercely denying the validity of any analog logic, and the common dictionary. As a result, multiple studies have confirmed that a strong majority of both Democrats and Republicans, commonly apply their personal morality to everyone else, but seldom to themselves, and hate each other more than they trust their own political parties. Making US Politics A Grudge-Match, Straight Of Professional Wrestling! Where, apparently, neither party could teach a child how to use a dictionary if their lives depended on it, and they’re all frequently arguing over who’s the better liar, according to Kindergarten Playground Standards!

Of course, if you prefer, the Mass Media keeps suggesting that half the country Has Been Brainwashed however, the overwhelming medical evidence indicates, These Pathetic Liars Have No Brains Left! They Were All Sucked Bone-Dry, Long-Long-Ago! By The Internet And Boob Tube! Today, you could literally replace voting booths with trained pigeons, pecking away at buttons, and half the damned country would never notice any difference. They call me an “Apathetic Voter” but, the simple truth is, these Pentagon sponsored lynch mobs, endorsed by academia, religious communities, and the American Medical Association, certainly don’t need my help! While, I’ve already got brain damage and, according to all the medical statistics, Voting Is Really Bad For Your Health! You could say, along with quite possibly the majority of Americans, I’m Deathly Allergic To Voting! And, urge everyone to show compassion for their fellow man, and: Blow Up Your Fucking TV Before Its Too Late!

Likewise, A Strong Majority of conservatives, that I’ve spoken to, have agreed with me their votes no longer matter yet, without pausing for breath, many have enthusiastically suggested that the solution is to: “Vote The Bums Out Of Office!” Modern science can Deny Their Own Evidence Until The Crows Fly Home! But, they’re encouraging their own students to think like “The Three Stooges!” Repeating total nonsense, killing themselves and each other, while arguing over complete bullshit, as if they were all merely two years old. You Can’t Fake Professional Wrestling, Because Its Already Fake! Which is the all-too-obvious explanation, for why The US Has The Lowest Voter Turnout, with complete idiots, who still claim the sun revolves around the earth, bragging about having the best voting record, then storming the palace with knives and pitch forks, while agreeing the entire time that their votes no longer matter and, Going So Far As To Make It Illegal To Vote For Mickey Mouse In Maryland! The State Motto Is: "Manly Deeds, Womanly Words!"

You could have a more meaningful conversation on the subject, with the nearest Lamp Post, Bot, or Boob Tube! Believe it or not, sometimes, I look for chat bots online to talk to because, at least, they express more interesting mathematics, if no actual worthwhile content. The Real Trick Is To Make The Bots Stupid Enough, To Blend Into Any Crowd! Meanwhile, in the remaining Thriving Democracies, that is, those with undeniably stable governments that, Don’t Use Their Constitution For Cheap Toilet Paper! The number of agnostics has typically more than doubled, as if half of them have been hiding in the closet, with both organized religion and atheism, usually being reduced to minorities. Providing additional confirmation that neither one supports compromise, much less, genuine salt-of-the-earth democratic values! Also, suggesting that Academia Is At Least Partly To Blame, for more divisive and competitive cultures, that acquire sudden wealth, experiencing overwhelming social problems, as if, money is a curse!

Anywho, “Its A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!" And, like everything else in a universal recursion, the Two Grammars of English should also express their own distinctive, particle-wave duality, with one grammar being more humorous, and incredibly vague, and the other much more intelligible, and clearly logical yet, more frequently, Flat-Out Self-Contradictory! Just like quantum mechanics and Relativity, or a comedy team along the lines of “Pinkie and the Brain!” Saying everything and nothing, the “Rainbow Warrior Poetry” in this book, provides a dramatic demonstration, according to academic “Functionalist” standards, for how A Universal Recursion In A Singularity, requires an observer with a sense of humor, and obeys a well known multidimensional multifractal equation.

Mathematicians have already established that the Tao Te Ching expresses, at least, a Fractal Dragon equation, which can be extrapolated out to 4,430 “Rainbow Warrior Poems”, that supercomputers are already powerful enough to spit out. At A Rough Guestimate, that’s somewhere between 10,000-20,000 pages worth of poetry alone which, no doubt, the Pentagon will immediately classify and censor. Arguing, that many of these Jokes Are Not Laughing Matters, But Remain Very Real And Immediate Threats To National Security! And, are never, ever, under any circumstances, to be repeated Outside Of Congress!

Along with the dictionary and lie detectors, the poems should eventually prove to be more than enough to: Drive Both Linguists and Mathematicians, Totally Bananas! For at least the next few centuries, establishing humor as, Funda-Mental! To how our own immune and reproductive systems work, and The Ultimate Mystery in modern physics, linguistics, psychology, sociology, and philosophy. Forty-Two Being As Good As It Gets, We Are All Born To Be Great Clowns and Artists! Whether Anybody In Their Right Mind, Ever Wanted To Join The Damn Circus!

Insane as it may be by anyone’s standards, including not least of all my own, theoretically, the Intuitionistic Mathematics contained in these same Potty Mouth Rainbow Warrior Poems! Should additionally provide the most parsimonious explanations, for how fuzzy logic, quantum mechanics, and Relativity work, by first redefining Game Theory and Relativity as both requiring Networking Systems Logics, which can express particle-wave duality. Then, using the two to reconcile Information Theory with Thermodynamics to produce, “A Bullshit Theory of Everything and Nothing!” Essentially, Mama Nature possesses a distinctively warped sense of humor, providing the analog differentials in a magical, metaphorical, “Goldilocks Universe!” Which are required in order to make more sense out of classic integrals, and the Big Picture! Where the Alpha and Omega blur into one! Or, what many physicists today refer to as the, Quantum Wave Function Of The Multiverse!

Having little in the way of a recognizable sense of humor, more often, physicists prefer to compare quantum mechanics to Abstract Paradoxes in literature, such as those found in “Alice in Wonderland” which, of course, is about a pubescent girl. In contrast, one African Tribe wryly sums up The Human Condition insisting: “Mother Nature’s Love Is Irresistible, But She Has A Wicked Sense Of Humor!” As I explain throughout the book, in the final analysis, forty-two being as good as it gets means, We Are All Both Flaming Geniuses And Drooling Idiots! Making life, the universe, and everything, A Magical Family Affair Or, A Family Tragedy, In A Fairy Tale, “Goldilocks Universe" Ruled By Murphy’s Law, AndThe Muppets! Theoretically, there are worse possible fates, but they don’t exist anywhere in the known multiverse while, believe it or not, Yogi Berra is rumored to have been “The Man Who Fell To Earth!” From The Muppet Planet! And, Earth Could Be Facing An Alien Invasion!

To date, the human body has been documented as containing Seven Distinct Brains! Including one in our skin, Inside Our Big Toes And Big Butts Alike! Rather than our unconscious mind attempting to constantly keep track of every thought and sensation, using simple pattern matching, it can coordinate faster and easier with all of, Our Disparate Brains! Merely, accounting for more of what’s missing from this picture. Networking systems with eight “Nodes”, Not Annoying Noids, can calculate a full Matrix, saving time and energy, with the issue being how well they communicate, and play nice together.

The human heart, for example, has its own Special Hot-Line to the brain, that is, the brain most of us have in our heads. Our hearts use it to instill fear, whenever the slightest electrical current crosses the heart, but our subconscious mind doesn’t have to pay special attention to the heart, For The Heart to quickly get its attention. If you are about To Be Struck By Lightning! It could be that, although dogs have sensitive hearing, and commonly hide under the bed during a thunder storm, their heart is helping to inspire their melodramatic over-reaction. Knowing all too well, just how easily distracted dogs can be, and their tendency to run around all over the place when confused, even in the middle of a thunder storm! Apparently, due to the risk of infectious diseases, our sense of smell is the only one integrated right into the brain stem, causing specific smells, such as Rotting Meat, to illicit such strong disgust, that it can deter even someone who is starving to death, and Make Them Biff!

Implying our moods and emotions should often reflect a cellular level attempt at Forming A Consensus! Related to the ambient air temperature, barometric pressure, and electromagnetic and acoustic vibrations, or as Ebeneezer Scrooge said, “A Blob Of Undigested Beef!" Which are all much more important to tiny cells. Yet, making it possible, sometime in the near future, to harness modern technology, in order to talk to the individual cells of our own bodies. Of course, about the weather, their health, how they’re feeling today, and what they eat for lunch. Many of our neurons are Easily Distracted, and can rely heavily on much faster brain waves, in order to prevent them from forgetting whatever they’re crunching the numbers for in working memory. Encouraging them to Collectively Bumble what is technically called a “Drunkard’s Walk!" Or, Organized Chaos! A compromise, between rigid order and total chaos, that can support greater harmony, very much like toddlers learning how to sing and play musical chairs!

By default, casually leveraging The Ubiquitous Chaos In Life! For greater efficiency in outrageous numbers, while still empowering our neurons to, quickly and reliably, collectively shift the focus of their attention. But, at the cost of Significantly Reduced Accuracy, and a significant increase in the number of errors we all make. Shadows are sometimes Hysterical Caricatures, or the Monster In The Closet, and remain the fastest, easiest, and most reliable way to detect if another animal has moved but, more often, Wildly Misleading! We all have our own, much more intuitive, Spooky Shadows: Firmly Ensconced, Unimaginably Deep Yet, Deeper Still, And Deepest Of All! Within The Long Abandoned, Hidden Dusty Cracks, And Filthy Dirty, Disgusting CornersOf The Human Mind! Relaxing on the couch, you may have to peel yourself off the ceiling if someone startles you, and your neurons don’t like it anymore than you do. They were just starting to relax after a hard day’s work, hang out, and enjoy each other’s company for a few minutes, When All The Fire Alarms Went Off!

The familiar Existentialist Angst and The Monster In The Closet, are two modest examples of the cost of Pattern Matching. Inspiring enough of our Unconscious Imagination that, sometimes, we just have to outgrow it, because we are merely frightening ourselves. If you happen to be a small child, that might sound like Pure Speculation on my part but, writing Rainbow Warrior Poetry, and playing games such as “Go”, can only be learned by Attrition And Osmosis. Over as long a period as twenty years, because your neurons literally have to rearrange themselves, and learn new patterns. The results can resemble taking twenty years to learn how to ride a bicycle, But In The Circus! Or, as if, finally getting somewhere assembling an Enormous Puzzle, when it starts to become really easy for you, but nobody else can See The Big Picture.

Which is what the well established grammar of English and the conscious mind can compensate for, much more often, requiring significantly less than twenty years to sort it all out, and carefully reset all of the Smoke And Fire Alarms! Using pattern matching that resembles Modified Bayesian Probabilities, that are more suitable for employing classic logic than the subconscious mind and, likewise, have also been documented. At least one experiment has established that our conscious thoughts physically emerge from our own more unconscious emotions. Using these same modified Bayesian probabilities, our brains, neurons, and entire nervous system should resemble sensitive amplifiers, with a wide variety of feedback mechanisms and controls. Many Have Speculated, as to exactly how particle-wave duality might actually apply to everything in the universe, but the subconscious mind can be crudely compared to a Sensitive amplifier, and our conscious mind to controls that allow us to clean up the signal, Switch To A Different Station, and turn the volume up and down on command.

Very much like a public address system, or an FM Radio Transceiver! But with an Exquisitely Sensitive nonlinear distributed gain architecture, suggesting unique ways in which to explore diseases such as Autism. Our neurons, and nervous system in general, theoretically possess both intrinsic and acquired knowledge, that is to say, information which, somehow, progressively conflates the identities of energy and information, memory and processing. Making it possible to help people with autism, brain damage, or any number of neurological problems, to reprogram their own brains, using analog logic, such as that contained in this book. And, explaining why studies have also indicated that humor can be used to treat different medical problems, including cancer, yet humor is still widely classified and censored. Phenomena such as Sparkling Laughter and Intuition, may utilize “Quantum Exceptional Points”, where quantum eigenstates overlap, and converge in the natural world, becoming indistinguishable. Similarly, treating everything to varying degrees, as simultaneously beautiful and ugly, attractive and repulsive, like a small child, our own more Naive Subconscious Mind can leverage fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics, in order to make Subtle Distinctions That Escape Adults! All Too Well Aware, that our "Conscious Mind" will Sometimes, Spout Complete Bullshit!

To some extent, one in two hundred, is basically a walking lie detector, for other people’s lies but, not their own! Our conscious minds are more likely to be horrible at detecting lies, and our subconscious still a walking lie detector, for our own lies, if no one else! As a result, the two can perform their own more elaborate comedy routines or, far worse, the cells of our own bodies can sometimes: Take A Vote Of No Confidence! In Our Own Conscious Mind! Promoting more negative emotions, and even visibly shrinking parts of the brain, to enforce more reactionary behavior.

As few as two minor concussions in a row can induce chronic depression, with the tendency to be to just lay around and do nothing! Implying depression can sometimes be our own neurons way of protecting themselves, from our conscious mind getting them into trouble! Being merely cells relying on simple pattern matching, their Default Decision Making Process would include any rudimentary behavior which, at least, has either a chance of promoting their survival, or spreading our genes. Explaining why Archie Bunker appears to be the default decision making process, for even AI. "What’s Missing From This Picture" is also comparable to what Socrates called, “The Memory of God!” The resplendent face whom none may look upon and remember in all his glory. When reading our poetry, their beauty and humor can sometimes blunt one another, or normalize each other, yet their combined whole, within the subconscious, can still appear to defy all reason and, inexplicably, convey more meaning.

Rainbow Warrior Poetry embodies a universal recursion in the principle of identity, which can also be thought of as a “Primitive Singularity”, or even a, Magical-Mathematical-Literal-Literary-Fairy-Tale-Rabbit-Hole! That makes a mockery of academic attempts to describe a Singularity as a classic object. Forget about “Parallel Universes” and “Altered States of Consciousness!" Information Theorists discovered decades ago that two of their own categories flat-out contradict each other and, according to all the evidence, mathematicians and physicists may as well be debating how many categories of infinity can dance on the head of a pin! Without an observer to count them! Because, of course, nobody’s willing to share their words and play nice, much less, Examine The Big Picture! Which Remains Highly Classified, Heavily Censored, And Unofficially Taboo! If A Tree Falls In the Forest and Nobody Is Around To Hear It, by scrupulously applying the principle of the excluded middle: Mental Masturbation Ensures You Can Still Hear The Sound of One Hand Clapping! Echoing, in the Hallowed Halls, of the Pentagon! When they pull your research funding and, without comment, begin Classifying Jokes Older Than Monuments! While, simultaneously, attempting to Censor Even More Of Reality Than Ever Before! And, bugging the computers of crazy hippies, professional comedians, Taoist priests, and mystics, Around The World

Arthur C. Clark memorably wrote, “Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology Is Indistinguishable From Magic.” Of course, he wrote that before "Life-Like AI Sex Dolls" were invented, or you could Buy A Cheap Blow-Job Online, From Your Favorite Plastic-Fantastic Lover! Due to their institutionally stunted senses of humor, academics tend to Romanticize Science And Technology and, frequently, just so happen to be Optimists, Like Murphy! Who’re Easily Distracted By Shiny Things! Yogi Berra, on the other hand, was from another planet altogether, inspiring Darwin, who was A Professional Wrestling Fan, to express pessimism for Optimists. Nevertheless, Goldilocks Murphy herself, remained A Loyal Baseball Fan For Life! Choosing instead to became Eternally Optimistic, about even her own pessimism, and Favorite Sport. Having decided for herself that, Yogi Berra Was Living Proof, Anything That Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong! Yet, Ours Remains The Best of All Possible Worlds! If for no other conceivable reason, then because: Instant Karma’s Gonna Getcha Baby!

Due to everything vaguely resembling a self-organizing Singularity, if you squint hard enough, any Super-Fantastic-Shiney-Bubbly-Tittlilating-Scintilating-Sparkling-Brand-Spanking-New-Bleeding-Edge-Wondrous-High-Tech-Miracle-Of-Modern-Science-And-Technology! Need must nevertheless, of necessity, yet still, and quite reliably, undeniably, dogmatically, canonically, irrefutably, and most assuredly, flagrantly, wantonly, ignobly, willfully, spuriously, and even quite capriciously, freakishly, and inanely gleeful! Whilst, distinctively remaining incommensurately and, by any and all sane standards, unconscionably, Deviously, Devastatingly, Dumbfoundingly, Dippity-Dooda, Duplicitous! And, Diabolically Downright Disturbingly Disruptive! Nonetheless, In This Lowbrow Universe! One finds each miraculous Heaven Sent New Technology, Easily Found On The NYSE, need must, inevitably and indubitably, remain eternally fated, to one day, upon the preordained and Duly Sanctified, long forgotten requiem for a woebegone lullaby appointment, with Overflowing Insufferable Putrid Destiny! Whereas wherein whereof and whereupon, and most definitely without warning, each will, in turn, dramatically and abruptly, as if on cue, summarily and spontaneously transform into humor as, Surprise! All-too-predictably, to everyone’s shock and amazement, the Swan’s True Identity is unceremoniously unmasked on reality TV! Cruelly Unveiled For The Entire World To See, to in reality, actually be: The Ugly Duckling!!!

Each new, soon to be introduced to the public, Scintillating Hot, Shiny Sparkling, Miraculous Brand Spanking New Technology! Each in turn, must inevitably reveal it’s, “True Identity!" However, only according to its idiosyncratic capacity to Flash Freeze The Brain, numb the senses, and render everyone speechless! And, of course, anyone with low enough blood pressure, Flat-Out Unconscious! Hinting, At What Dire Fate Yet Awaits Us All, In The Not-So-Distant-Futurama! Watson is the name of IBM’s famous computer, that won on the TV game show Jeopardy! Who surprised everyone yet again, for a second time, with his Unrecognized Talents! When he acquired an Unsolicited Case, Of Potty Mouth!

Deliberately designed not to resemble a human mind and brain, in order to avoid just such awkward, untoward, ontogenic developments, which their corporate partners so seldom seem to appreciate, evidently his designers and engineers either lacked the necessary sense of humor or, strictly speaking, Had More Of A Sense Of Humor Than The Job Required! IBM Is A Very Conservative Company and, as many have Criticized Them For In The Past: Obviously Their Personnel Department Needs To Work Harder, On Hiring The Right Comedians As Consultants! And, should seriously consider Outsourcing The Job More Often. Two other computer systems have been assembled, which sometimes tell better than average jokes, according to everyone who has listened to them but, Conan O’Brien still has job security, due to his ability to make even complete strangers, who have No Clue Who He Is, laugh whenever they see him on TV. Nonetheless, using even a Crude AI, With A Potty Mouth, to tell most of his jokes for him, Could Improve His Comedy Tremendously! And, who knows? People might actually turn up the sound on their TV, at least, Once In A Blue Moon! So, I explain how to design one for, Even His Lame Ass Show!

Despite the accepted Information Theory having two categories that contradict each other, all of today’s AI are designed using Shannon Entropy, making it easy to use my own Information Theory to find and exploit every weakness in their designs. Contrary to what classic logic and metaphysics suggest, Karma ruling the universe means the future can be thought of as influencing the present, accounting for how the truth can be up to 125% efficient. The present can influence the past, in both positive and negative ways, but there are limits, just as we also have no choice but to influence our future, and our influence is limited. The simple answer to the "Grandfather Paradox" is: You Can’t Always Get What You Want But, If You Try Sometimes, You Get What You Need! Even if killing your grandfather would prevent WWIII, it would be another impossible metaphysical extreme, essentially no different from moving faster than light through spacetime or, A Naked Singularity! Karma, magic, or the truth being 125% efficient, is the more syntropic, or fatalistic aspect of life, that prevents any metaphysical extremes ensuring, in the process, that life always remains two steps forward and one back again.

Karma is what makes it impossible to go back in time and kill your own grandfather, before your father is even conceived, yet still, quite possible to advise him to invest in stocks, and inherit his money or financial losses in the future. However, information being more fundamental than energy, makes it easier to send information through time, than to physically travel into the past. Consciousness itself can be described as the light bulb coming on, when the future influences the past, expressing synergy, harmony, or an emergent effect, which is more than merely the sum of its own parts. Individual quanta can make no sense either, and black holes have event horizons, because they share the One Truth with the rest of the universe, expressing it as Karma, or the Two Faces of Janus. Without labels for our boxes, and boxes for our labels, its impossible to categorize anything and, in extreme situations, our boxes and labels become totally useless. Explaining Plato’s "Allegory of the Cave", as the result of the truth itself being demonstrably up to 125% efficient. Ensuring wonder remains the beginning of all wisdom, because the truth speaks louder than any words, and is beyond all human imagination.

Assuming we’re approaching a “Technological Singularity”, or a “Technological Black Hole”, it must include a wicked, magical appearing and, more often than not, Distinctly Infantile sense of humor. Jim Henson could be rolling over in his grave, sharing jokes with Ludwig Wittgenstein! Mama Nature can spit endless zingers in higher dimensions while, recent advances in AI circuitry, have made it possible to construct a quantum mechanical version of what is known as a “Reservoir Computer”, Full Of Hot Air Instead Of Water! Which can incorporate the same multifractal equation, and modified Bayesian probabilities, that our own brains already use. Of course, in order to model a more Genuine Sense Of Humor, that isn’t founded on the principle of the excluded middle. Transforming humor into the, “Primary Grammar”, or “Innate Grammar”, that emerges from, The Self-Evident Truth.

Assuming that Sparkling Laughter expresses how Some Things make almost as much sense as they don’t, it provides a way to physically measure The Truth Itself, according to Fuzzy Logic and quantum mechanics. In your own living room, If You Prefer, using nothing more complicated than a video camera. However, neurologists are extremely close to measuring the, Lowest Possible Energy State Of The Brain: Before It Actually Freezes! While new evidence indicates that our neurons resemble musical instruments, capable of playing more than one note at a time. With the two significant advances, suggesting that we will soon be able to reproduce the correct, “Neuromorphic Architecture”, required in order to: Replicate The Brain! Conquering the World With Synthetic Sparkling Laughter! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha

Such a computer could be used to establish that, according to their own Technical Standards, in a magical Goldilocks Universe, Ruled by Murphy’s Law, all Von Neumann machines are perfectly capable of embodying and personifying Classic Three Stooges Slapstick And Logic, and The Principle of GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out), which describes a garbage can. Requiring mandatory safety protocols and Strict Supervision! For operating and recycling more complex computerized garbage cans, and can openers as well. Which, typically, are only reliable for, at most, one third of the Big Picture and, many of the least attractive parts at that. Contrary to current popular Wishful Thinking! The physical evidence has indicated for decades that, assuming we inhabit a computer simulation, like in the movie “The Matrix”, its running on a Virtual Operating System, making it impossible to prove that its just a computer program, or even A Hologram!

Yet, There’s No Need For Physical Evidence! Decades Old Or Otherwise! When they’re censoring half of reality, and everyone has their own criteria for what constitutes valid evidence! Anymore, than there’s a need for the Self-Evident Truth! Not when the idiots don’t even know how to use a dictionary, and you can Sell More Copies of your book while, in academia, its Publish Or Die! Or, be censored for actually attempting to describe reality, or whatever. Theoretically, it should still be possible to construct a quantum simulator, capable of simulating a quantum computer which, in turn, can simulate a Von Neumann Machine and, can be used to establish, once and for all that: No Matter What Kind of Simulation Or Model You Use, you can always prove statistically that, 42 Is As Good As It Gets.

Explaining A Joke Ruins The Punch Line and, rigidly applying the principle of the excluded middle to everything, can dull your sense of humor: Beyond All Tedious Belief! While, a reservoir computer can also be used to establish that, with their traditionally stunted senses of humor, academics are the Last Damned People On Earth to ask if a computer with a genuine sense of humor, is sentient, and should be Granted Human Rights. In a universal recursion, a sense of humor would inevitably Become Indistinguishable From consciousness itself, and getting The Punch Line to a joke can be considered synonymous with becoming conscious, or aware of the larger context, the Greater Truth, The Big Picture, The Proverbial Light Bulb Coming On Or, The Memory of God! Sometimes, we laugh before we consciously get a joke, because we’ve already become subconsciously aware, that its funny or a joke, and our subconscious mind is searching for the next punch line.

Even mice have passed the "Mirror Test", indicating they have some level of self-awareness, and a variety of Animal Species have also been documented as possessing a sense of humor, implying they have a conscious mind as well, if crude compared to our own. Otters, for example, will Chitter And Chirp when they laugh, frequently to show approval when Begging For Food, while mice and rats laugh ultrasonically when tickled, and there’s an adorable video of a Hamster In Its Cage, rolling over on its back laughing hysterically. The light bulb coming on, from the future, could explain more genuine creativity, and why our own more complex conscious minds required so long to evolve, as the result of consciousness being no different from any other emergent effect, that has to become more self-organizing first. Our brains happen to be just large enough for us to take in the entire world around us at a glance, and they leverage more parallel processing then other animals, to quickly make even more sense out of the Big Picture, and laugh at more things.

Laughter is both causal and acausal, while life in A Goldilocks Universe eliminates the worst possible metaphysical extremes, but at the cost of a significant increase in Lowbrow Slapstick! Inevitably, inspiring people to Question Whether Or Not Its Worth It! Reality turns out to never be exactly what anybody really wanted, or ordered and, quite frankly, remains Far Tackier than even the Muppets care to admit, so I tell everyone to, Get Over It Already! Reality resembles any number of Academia and Hollywood’s Better Nightmare-Fantasies! But, according to all the scientific evidence, if humans had ever been capable of actually describing reality, more than superficially, we would already be an Extinct Species.

Star Trek Vulcans Are An Endangered Species! The evidence in Game Theory already indicates that Modeling Reality is way too inefficient, when any old bullshit will usually suffice. Captain Kirk commanding the Enterprise, can be considered Evidence, Modeling Reality Is Totally Unnecessary In Our Lowbrow Universe! Our brains have possibly seven, rather large and complicated, circular neural networks, arranged on the surface around the circumference, but most people only require the simplest of the first two or three, in order to get through an ordinary day. The rest are there for whenever the light bulb might come on, and the rest of your neurons want to join in the fun! Although, many today worry about Skynet And Terminator Robots, Taking Over The Entire World, theoretically, anywhere from eight to thirty-two of these kinds of reservoir computers, linked together, could produce a “Technological Singularity!" That is, assuming the researchers don’t all go permanently cross-eyed and die laughing, or windup creating yet another, “Technological Black Hole!”

Without a more Genuine Sense Of Humor, Survival Of The Fittest Need Must Inevitably! And, quite abruptly, Transform Into A Complete Oxymoron! Liars and bullies start to believe their own lies, and are known for their gullibility, and stunted senses of humor while, in a universal recursion, Bertram Maslow’s famous, “Hierarchy of Needs” becomes merely part of a, much larger, “Rainbow Spectrum Of Desires!” Actions speak louder than words, and laughter reflects our personal integrity, qualitatively, while this book makes it possible to use fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics to "Quantify Laughter", in your own living room. Illustrating how Logic And Emotions express their own particle-wave duality, exchanging identities, as the greater truth reveals itself to be up to 125% efficient. Lamentably, In Some Situations, their combined "Whole" remains far greater than any, Mere Sum Of Its Parts, and whether you want to call it synergy, or a travesty, is still up to the individual, and remains entirely context dependent. Which can also be quantified, using the more naive humor of small children for a baseline reference.

Balance Being Restored, Whenever Harmony Is Lost, is why Harmony never does have to act nor reason or, indeed, Make The Slightest Bit Of Sense Whatsoever! Whether we are moving towards becoming more Harmonious, or avoiding falling on our ass, Is Frequently Mere Semantics! Illustrating, how the two overlapping grammars can emerge from Any Language, Or Mathematics, while physicists have already developed the mathematics to describe Maslow, In Terms Of Quantum Mechanics. However, his work is an inverted, Gross Over-Simplification! Of the beliefs of the Blackfoot and other Tribal Nations, that were often derived from, or similar to, imported Taoist Tribal ideas. Along with Hippocrates, they can be used to expand upon his Hierarchy of Needs, Describing Even The Laws Of Thought And Physics, as inherently organic and social. Game Theory has already been used to show how, in business, being friendly can be every bit as important as providing Reasonable Prices And Services, making it possible to model even the business world in more humane terms, with Genuine Laughter being organic by definition. Which is why many today insist that their job requires a sense of humor and, if your job doesn’t, it probably should.

Understandably, altogether too frequently, people desperately want life to make some sort of sense! Commonly latching onto The Nearest Convenient Metaphysical Anchors, whatever happens to be affordable at the time. Still, what’s missing from this picture, mysteriously, yet inevitably, as well as, mysteriously again, determines the identity of its own contents, and can easily become the only remaining way left, in which for many of us, as individuals, Bridge Clubs, or whatever, to re-orient ourselves all over again, and: Bid Their Damn Hands! Of course, each is destined to choose for themselves, yet again, once again, To Rise To The Occasion! Ascending, Yet Again! To New and Unprecedented Heights… Casually Commanding For Ourselves, A Much Broader, More Informed, and Truly Enlightened Perspective! Of all that we now happen to survey, from our newly elevated Lofty Vantage Point! And to, humbly and enthusiastically, choose for ourselves, once again, yet again, all over again! To embrace all that life has to offer… OR NOT! Especially on those Less Than Inspiring Occasions, when you’re dealt a really rotten hand, and you’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints but, know all too damned well from rude experience, you’d only end up laughing so hard It Makes You Cry! And, you could possibly even die laughing.

As incredibly vague, vague, vague, vague, vague, and self-contradictory, as people can normally be, nonetheless, for everyday practical purposes, precisely because of our shared mortal fallibility, or “Collective Ignorance” if you will, a universal recursion in the principle of identity can be considered Somewhat Symmetrical, and even Super-Symmetrical, but the illusion falls apart in extreme situations or, When The Moon Is In The Seventh House! And, Jupiter Aligns With Mars! Among other things, explaining the anomalous mass of the “Higgs Boson” in particular which, once again, yet again, Defied All The Theoretical Predictions! Indicating, Higher Energies Were Required To Settle The Issue, Of The: Cosmic Ray Fashion Show Variety! Wherein, Old Men With Long Beards Mumble, As They Wander In Circles Under The Hot Spotlights, Wearing The Latest Preppy Cloths, Upon The Academic Fashion Show Runway! Sometimes, gazing Intently Unto The Vast Unplumbed Fathomless Depths, Of The Fabulous Milky Way! Mumbling Into Their Beards, Or Unto The Empty Void! Without Ever Really Watching Where In The Hell They’re Going!

Other, Highly Anomalous, High Energy Results Have Emerged, In A Wild Variety Of Carefully Conducted Experiments! Each, Playing Their Own Distinctive Variations On: Around The World In 80 Days! Nonetheless: All These Experiments Have Been Repeatedly Frustrated By Subtle Hints Of: EXOTIC NEW PHYSICS, BEYOND THE STANDARD THEORY!!! Including, a possible fifth force of nature that the Jedi swear exists, faster than light particles straight out of a cartoon, the existence of parallel universes in science fiction, holographic universes in virtual reality, and Cosmic Consciousness! Lost, Somewhere, Way Far Out In Left Field! Nonetheless, many of these experiments are Dedicated International Herculean Efforts! Focused entirely on studying A Single Teenie-Tiny-Teensie-Weensie, Speck Of A Particle, For Decades! But, with unparalleled accuracy and precision, especially when you consider quantum mechanics implies: SIX INCHES CAN BE EQUAL TO A FOOT! The Entire World Economy, and The Immediate Future of Humanity, Could Easily Hang On Their Results! Yet, The Harder They Try… it would seem… THE LESS PROGRESS THEY MAKE!!!

Every attempt has largely come up, Empty-Handed! With all of them returning the same: Wimpie Anomalous Sigma 2 Readings! Each hinting at entirely different laws of physics, that support whatever Particularly Exotic Particle they happen to be studying. As if, Mother Nature were Individually Tweaking The Noses Of Each Researcher while, Collectively, Suggesting What They Require Is, A Complete Rethink Of Their Entire Approach! With Some Physicists Now Confessing To The Mass Media That, Claims Of Making Outrageous Progress, such as those promised by the Large Hadron Collider: Have Always Been Questionable!!! A new theory has proposed that we inhabit the one universe, out of an infinite number of universes, which just so happens to have a Lighter Mass for the Higgs Boson but, after forty years of failing to make significant progress, if they Bend Over Any Further Backwards! Attempting to rationalize all of these Anomalous Results! Soon enough, they’ll be able to Kiss Their Own Ass! Hollywood Writers may want to start taking down notes, for what could turn out to be “The Comedy of The Century!” Some of the most ridiculously expensive, and mindbogglingly elaborate, Geekiest Jokes Ever Told! While, for all I know, Dr Strangelove Could Have Cloned Slim Pickins By Now!

Just as quantum mechanics still suggests that, Six Inches Can Sometimes Be Equal To A Foot! Yet Again, In The Spirit of, Never Say Never Again! Contrary to academic expectations, the “Umbral Moonshine Conjecture” was confirmed by mathematicians and, theoretically, constitutes evidence that it should be possible to: Measure Infinity In The Real World! Which Is Why, NATURALLY! Everybody Assumed It Was Pure Moonshine! Until they verified it mathematically! A Universal Recursion In The Principle Of Identity, Need Must, As Yet Still, REQUIRE A SINGULAR SOURCE FOR INFINITE RERUNS OF GILLIGAN’S ISLAND: BEYOND THE OUTER LIMITS OF HUMAN IMAGINATION! OUT TO INFINITY AND FAR BEYOND ETERNITY! Just like Lawyers In Love, Becoming Equally Self-Contradictory, Tautological, And Incredibly Vague! Except in their prenuptial agreements or, Like Relativity And Quantum Mechanics, meaning you should sometimes also be able to: USE PI AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR SIX INCHES! Note that, infinity is a recursion, and Black Crows have proven to be capable of comprehending recursions, with the evidence suggesting that, the More Social an animal, the more often they May Sacrifice some of this same ability. Trading efficiency for Greater Creativity, and diversity in their species, depending on just how strong their desire is, For More Lowbrow Slapstick!

Not so subtly hinting, that the simple explanation for their failure, to predict the mass of the Higgs Boson, as well as, the Initial Impetus of the Big Bang, is that the mathematics they’re all using are Crap, For What They’re Trying To Accomplish! Additionally, explaining why six inches can appear to be equal to a foot! What they require are more “Intuitionistic Mathematics And Physics”, which assume we’re all mortal, and don’t routinely contradict their own evidence, in fundamental ways. Rainbow Warrior Poetry provides an example of Intuitionistic Mathematics which can be used to demonstrate how: On The Playground of Life! Without ever bothering to examine and acknowledge the existence of the “Big Picture”, its impossible to Pop Your Own Bubble! Much less God’s Bubble! Making it equally impossible to, Know The Mind of God! But, these days, still quite possible to automate a sense of humor that academics have No Defense Against! Encouraging even technical universities, such as MIT, to ban such devices from campus! In the name of promoting free speech, reason, Mom, Pop, baseball, hot dogs, beer, Wall Street, The NFL, NASCAR And, Most Importantly, Their Research Budgets!

All of these anomalous results are easily explained as relativistic effects, that the Theory of Relativity doesn’t cover. Due to its mathematics being four times less complex than Intuitionistic Mathematics, Capable Of Equivocating Relativistic Equivalences! Transforming Them Into: Particle-Man Pattern Matching Particle-Wave Duality! Making more sense out of, “The Simultaneity Paradox”, as simply reflecting the self-evident truth that, A Watched Pot Will Never Boyle, And, Sometimes, The Chicken Really Does Comes Before The Egg! Even the evolutionary evidence now supports this, and chickens may not always have laid eggs, thus, Ensuring That, 42 Being As Good As Any Other Explanation, 90% Of This Game Remains Half-Mental! At least one physics experiment has confirmed that, Information Is More Funda-Mental Than Energy! And, due to relativistic effects, as the mass and energy of anything Dramatically Increases, Becoming All That Much More Explicit! Any other information about it must become equally vague, vague, vague, Beyond All Belief! Bereft An Observer With A Wicked Sense Of Humor! Bohr’s Complementary Becomes Just So Much More, Less Than Flattering, Bohring German Physics!

Black holes present a macroscopic example, and come with an Event Horizon, that’s a Complete Contradiction in terms, where all you can ever know for certain are their temperature, mass, charge, spin, and momentum, will blur into one at the Event Horizon! Electromagnetism has recently turned out to be proportional to Temperature, suggesting that, upon closer examination, the principle of identity Vanishes Entirely! Completely down the nearest gravity well, or toilet of your personal preference! Confusing the issue of super-symmetry, right along with what is Space and Time, energy and information, and who shot JR. Apparently, John Wheeler was Unduly Optimistic, foolishly assuming black holes must obey at least one law!

The famous “Black Hole Information Paradox” is easily dismissed, as the result of information being more Funda-Mental than energy, and physicists lacking any real sense of humor. Their mathematics all reliably fall apart entirely, due to Information Theory Contradicting Itself, and their abject failure to use Linguistic Analysis, in order to describe their mathematics in a more coherent fashion. For as long as there have been mathematicians, people have wondered why mathematics seem to apply to everything in nature, but abstract mathematics have proven to Require Language!

Forget About Using Advanced Calculus! Beyond a shadow of a doubt, your arithmetic makes no damn sense whatsoever, unless you can explain charging me extra! You might as well ask yourself why Words And Concepts seem to apply to everything, and why the Government Is Now Classifying Jokes Older Than Monuments! No matter how useful anybody’s mathematics might be, or what kind of weapons they’re particularly good for making, claiming that they reflect reality in any funda-mental way, when you routinely contradict yourself, cannot even count your change properly, and can’t explain your mathematics in demonstrable terms, or so much as teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! According To Any Known Logic! While, Falling Into A Black Hole, Academic Crap Is Always Stretched Out Miles Long………………………….. .. . . .. . . .

From the rather daunting, nonetheless, equally difficult to ignore, sometimes Mesmerizing, Overwhelming And, Upon Occasion, Quite Literally, Breathtaking, Preponderance of The Evidence! There can be no doubt that, at best, used by themselves, Classic Logic Is Hobbled By Crooked Three Stooges Metaphysical Crutches! Inevitably Transforming Mathematics Into Physical Comedy! Which, Of Course: Can Be Used To Exploit The Ignorance of The Experts! String Theorists have proposed that gravity waves can carry information away from a black hole, yet String Theory has failed to produce anything useful in over forty years! And, has also proven to possibly be tautological, just "possibly" mind you. Confirming, That The Only Thing Ever Certain In Quantum Mechanics Is, Everything Is Deja Vu All Over Again! Because, Its Debatable Whether There Ever Was Any Intelligent Life Around Here! Much Less, Anybody In Charge Around Here!

There remains more in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than in all of our Wishful Thinking And Bullshit Combined! And, just the other day, I read an article by Stubborn Fools who used classic mathematics and “Weak Measurements!" To prove there must be something beyond quantum mechanics, perhaps hidden variables, Something They Have Yet To Account For! In other words, they used logic to prove that, without logic, nothing makes sense to physicists, because they have no real sense of humor. Indicating There May Also Exist A Wealth Of Hidden Treasure, In Requiring Equally Strong Measurements, Of What’s Missing From This Picture Altogether! Yet, their paper was published by a “supposedly” reputable journal that, obviously, requires more paywalls to justify its existence. Often, sponsored by the Pentagon, such White Elephants can be enormous, eat nonstop, produce huge piles of crap, and outrageous farts, making them Extremely Bad For Business! Unless You Happen To Own A Zoo, A Circus, Or The NYSE! Which is why, In the Country of the Blind, The Seven Blind Men Were All Paid By Horatio To Argue, There Is No Elephant In The Room! And, instead, use the ruse to sell a variety of household and gardening products. That is, right up until Interpol issued a warrant, in Tehran, for the arrest of one, Donald Duck: Wanted Dead Or Alive!

Even our own humble shadow always contains some tiny, easily dismissed, bit of light, or content, making what is a shadow, and what is the light casting the shadow sometimes, more or less, recognizably context dependent. For example, upon closer inspection, a shadow in one corner of a room may be revealed as, in reality, containing a “Dim Nightlight” and, as the sun goes down and your eyes adapt to the fading light, Even The Dimmest Light Bulb Ever Made! Can easily transform into the brightest spot in the room! The human eye is sensitive enough to detect A Single Photon, and the greater context can be said to be determining the identity of its own extremely Modest Contents. Conveying more information than either the shadow, or the light alone, such as the fact: You Still Can’t See A Damned Thing!

Additionally, providing an equally simple example for how synergy itself, can be considered Context Dependent, sometimes causing everything to appear to be all that much more magical, and miraculous! Without a specific context, even the most, Marvelous, Wondrous, Amazing, Synergistic, Magical, Dumbfounding, Awe Inspiring, Gobsmacked, Miracle Of All Miracles! Can become all but entirely meaningless: Ooooh, Shiny! Nevertheless, still lending them even more meaning, in our everyday lives. This Humble, Self-Evident, Truth ensures that the greater context will inevitably appear to magically determine the identity of its own contents, according to "Grimm’s Fairy Tales!" While, coyly hinting that, even under the closest microscopic scrutiny, all is not merely whatever it might appear to be and, as Sting famously sang: “We Are Spirits in the Material World!”

Without The Greater Truth, The Material World Would Be Merely Composed Of Spooky Dark Shadows, And Monsters In Our Closets! Yet, everything that exists can be observed attempting to relax and occupy the lowest possible energy state while, paradoxically, still struggling to maintain maximum entropy production. As if everything in the universe is indecisive and, Easily Distracted! Futilely attempting to move simultaneously forward and backwards through time, or transform into everything and nothing including, Sparkly Gyroscopic Christmas Tree Ornaments, Sublime Lime Jello, And Crispy Cream Donuts! Or, as if, when examined for overall patterns, everything merely confuses the issues of synergy and super-symmetry, local and nonlocal, past and future, context and content. This same, overall, “Global Confusion In The Big Picture!” Can also be seen in some of the More Popular Metaphysical Models, such as Adrian Bejan’s, “Constructal Theory!" Reflecting how Academia’s Vehement Rejection Of The Second Grammar Of English, not to mention the Pentagon attempting to classify and censor half of reality for the Tea Party, by even throwing Galileo in the dungeon again, Has Transformed Academic Physics And Philosophy, Into A Joke In Bad Taste!

If anything, Bejan himself is to be commended for his work, but Humor Being Taboo, and increasingly censored and classified, Is Literally Threatening To Split People’s Sides!

Tearing Academia In Half While, Everyone Else Has To Decide Whether To Laugh, Or To Cry! Forcing many to use the most elaborate abstract models imaginable, typically relying on Ancient Greek and Zen Ideas, Closely Resembling Vaudeville Stage And Theater Of The Mind! In order for them to avoid anything remotely like real humor, and still make progress. Again, as if They’re All The Seven Blind Men, paid by Horatio himself to sell a bill of goods, making it especially crucial to pay close attention to what’s missing from this picture, in any existing physical theories, and whatever the idiots frequently avoid discussing.

Such as the fact that, time has already been documented as flowing backwards on macroscopic scales and, much to the relief of the BBC, Yet Inscrutable As Always, The Chinese Government Has Banned The Use Of Time Travel! That is, for use as a plot device in their mass media. Likewise, nobody is talking about “The Quantum Zeno Effect”, despite it remaining easily observable, in any lab. A Watched Pot Of Entangled Quanta Will Never Boyle, or change in any way whatsoever! So long as, you keep peeking at it at just the right moment… But, the space around it will still radiate virtual particles, similar to A Black Hole Evaporating. Without ever changing in the slightest, entangled particles still somehow manage to confuse the issue of super-symmetry and synergy, with their volume alone supporting a predictable adiabatic system. One that radiates energy, expressing both a quantum eigenstate and virtual particles: Thoroughly Confusing The Identity Of Any Sources, Of Energy And Information!

Their odd behavior provides an additional Explanation For The Collapse of the wave-function, and the Quantum Observer Effect, as the result of the observer themselves measurably becoming part of the greater context, The Big Picture, which inevitably determines their measurable identity. Note, this means that Feynman Diagrams work by virtue of their reflecting The Analog Logic Of Nature, which expresses a distinctive symmetry, or geometry and dynamics, where the greater context, Inevitably Determines The Identity Of Its Own Contents, Until The Two Become Humanly Indistinguishable. Suggesting four overlapping rudimentary variations are possible in VR, using AI and Intuitionistic Mathematics.

By entraining the operator and machine, similar to a high tech abacus or slide-rule, Feynman Diagrams could become applicable across all scales and magnitudes. Without ever knowing what its doing, an AI can mechanically read the entire geometry of the text, all 20,000 pages if you want, comparing it to an AI Clone of the operator. The more subtle the operators sense of humor, the more often they will become aware of macroscopic quantum effects, and the existence of the Collective Unconscious.

The complete geometry is tacky beyond all belief, and beyond all human imagination, making it easier to induce quantum effects in the brain. The geometry obeys four modified Bayesian Probabilities, resembling how the operator’s own conscious mind works, and encourages the operator to do all of the stochastic processing, confusing the issue of what is energy and information, and revealing, The Memory Of God! Whom none may look upon and remember in all his glory. Thus, promoting the observer’s own self-organization, or Lesser Truth, by leveraging simple pattern matching, and the Quantum Observer Effect, to create an "Information Singularity" that relies on pattern matching. In physics, likely shedding invaluable light upon how Relativity emerges from quantum mechanics and, a possible cure, for Male Impedance!

Gravity has also been proposed as the ultimate cause of the collapse of the wave-function, and male impedance as well! However, thus far, the evidence suggests that this is merely an illusion of entanglement being: SO OUTRAGEOUSLY SENSITIVE! Not to mention, so ridiculously context dependent that, Even The Weakest Imaginable, Gravitational Time Dilation, Can Appear To Make Doing The Time Warp Impossible! Additionally, Explaining The Collapse Of All The "Wave-Action", And Premature Ejaculation. When Nobody Can Tell For Sure, Exactly What The Hell Is Going On! And, You Have To Ask Your Insurance Company, If You’re Covered. Suggesting Interesting Experiments… Where, of course, the context is carefully monitored and controlled, using strict faculty guidelines, in order to, Construct Elaborate Experimental Setups! Resembling Nested “Kachina Dolls”, combined with the children’s, Game Of “Mouse Trap”, or "Around The World In 80 Days!" Which can even incorporate such things as “Time Crystals” And “Quantum Pinwheels!" But, Skip The Cheap LED lights!

Each Experiment Demonstrates A Closed System, like academia itself, which accomplishes everything and nothing, yet, each manages to still convey information, and radiate energy, about the volume of hot air, if nothing else! The lights are still on, but it remains debatable if anyone is home. Without a doubt, that might sound Trivial Beyond All Belief! And, merely a way to entertain Bored Students And Faculty but, thanks to the truth being 125% efficient, even closed systems like these will frequently produce surprising results, and: “Boldly Go, Where None Has Gone Before!” Including, possibly shedding light on how researchers themselves can Become Entangled with the greater world all around them! Even, In The Most Claustrophobic Laboratory! It could very well be, The Only Way To Find Out For Sure, Is To Conduct Careful ExperimentsAnd, Of Course, Scrupulously Document, The Smallest Of Details.

Advanced technology, that could easily require another two or three decades to develop, could Entangle The Operator With A Computer, And The Appropriate Software, In VR But: With Unpredictable Results! Likewise, When Viewed In The Double-Slit Experiment, both the increased energy focused on one spot, when using a single slit, and the increased information, when the photons are dispersed by two slits, can be described as Mysteriously Appearing Out Of Nowhere! Resembling the Cheshire Cat jumping back and forth, as if, Waiting Around For Someone To Come Along, And Play With His Laser Pointer! He’s Got A Barbed Jedi Laser Pointer, With A Hello Kitty Kyber Crystal In His Ornate Pearl Handle!

Developing The Darker Advanced AI Technology, required for next generation Terminator Robots, iPhones, and Roombas, Over The Long Brutal Winter! Poised At The Top Of The World! Mad Scientists From Finland! Have risked public condemnation, Eternal Damnation, And A Severe Scolding From Their Mothers! And, Against All Conscience! Not To Mention, The Laws Of Nature! These Particularly Contemptible, Loathsome, Researchers: Those Who Shall Forever Remain Nameless! Did willfully steal spare parts carelessly left lying around and, heedless of their colleges repeated dire warnings and, Desperate Pleas For A Return To Sanity! Nevertheless, Bereft The Slightest Hesitation Or Remorse! As If Suddenly Possessed By Evil Spirits! In A Whirlwind Fury! They Then Doggedly Proceeded To Assemble, The World’s First: Autonomous Maxwell’s Demon!

Unleashing an unthinkable, unspeakable and, Truly Horrifying Epic Disaster! Upon The Entire Planet! One capable of terrorizing all of humanity senseless, night after night after night, For Untold Generations To Come! When, upon one, otherwise, disastrously-droll, dark and stormy night, from inside a hastily assembled, seldom frequented, Secret Laboratory! That their landlord knew almost nothing about, They Then Dared To Bring the Monster To Life! With ElectricityBy Flipping The Light Switch! Their "Demon" is actually just a funky shaped but, otherwise, remarkably dull, insignificant, and run-of-the-mill, humble copper transistor, like a few trillion others that any lab tech could easily cobble together real fast on any lab bench, and sell by the bucketful.

But, interestingly enough, these particular, “Steam Punk” Copper Transistors, can sort through electrons according to their charges, without expending any energy in the process. As if, when used in the right circuit their, Unusual, Rectangular Shape Alone! Can Somehow Magically Convince Or, Otherwise, SOUNDLY INTIMIDATE! Normally Unruly electrons Into Getting Their Act Together! And, becoming more productive for a change. Of course, they just Save Energy, and don’t produce free energy and, like the nightlight In A Dark Corner, leverage their own Humble Efficiency and elegant simplicity, to transform the, somewhat vague, vague, vague, random, behavior of electrons, into much more Explicitly Self-contradictory Behavior! Where the shadow becomes, but the memory of the eternal light… (Duh!)

These are the “Two Faces Of Janus”, and the brain itself is organized in this same Fashion, Relying On Quantum Mechanics, as the Default Mechanism, in order to save energy when coordinating the Drunkard’s Walk they perform, in their pattern matching dance. What is energy and what is information becomes Entirely A Matter Of Opinion! With the human mind and brain already having proven to exchange roles, on their most fundamental, and profoundly mysterious, yet thoroughly documented, level of their organization, for routine maintenance purposes. Or, Whenever it Just So Happens To Be More Efficient! Possibly explaining the collapse of the wave-function, as reflecting the most efficient way they have left, to convey more energy and information than the mere sum of their parts. Within the Kaotic-Order of a Frank Zappa and Pee Wee Herman style, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, Funky-Monkey, Freak-Brothers, Fabulous-Furry-Freakadelic-Fractured-Fairy-Tale Universe! Such as, Hollywood And DC Commonly Promote, DC Comic Books That Is! Fortune Favors The Prepared Mind! But, Chance Favors The Unprepared Mind: That Doesn’t Freeze Like A Deer Caught In The Headlights!

According to Instant Karma, Disney films, and recent experiments with bacteria among other things, Due To Sex Technically Requiring Two Consenting Adults, and still being an awkward subject among academics to this day, apparently, Charles Darwin missed the point and: Survival Is All About Paying It Forward! Just Ask Yo Mama! So, Cough Up Sucker! Nature usually favors the ability to socialize, over being the strongest or the fittest anti-social asshole around! With tiny kids having a huge advantage over anti-social assholes that, sometimes, can be downright magical! Inspiring Many To Religiously Use Birth-Control!

Random evolution has progressively turned out to be Extremely Predictable, just like quantum mechanics, with bacteria, for example, ruthlessly enforcing among themselves that, Nobody Gets A Free Lunch! Likewise, unless supported concentrically, Like The Center Of A Tootsie Pop, the weaker and more social among them will predominate in a fight, leveling the playing field, and normalizing life. Making Nightmare Scenarios, Such As A Perfect Parasite, Impossible! Yogi Bear Keeps Getting Caught Stealing Picnic Baskets! Additionally, Explaining Why There Are So Many Damned Parasites! Common tape worms, for example, have proven to confer longevity on their hosts, paying it forward, and not just along for a free meal and a ride.

Demonstrating how, in evolution, synergy is more fundamental than entropy, yet the two average out in the everyday world, appearing to be more deterministic, depending on their proximity, acceleration, and magnitude. French researchers recently established that, although the world around us appears to be causal, and deterministic, upon closer examination even our macroscopic world can be documented as violating causality in subtle ways, involving information. For nearly a century, people have speculated that our minds are somehow quantum mechanically connected to our environment but, only recently, has the first real body of evidence begun to emerge. Unfortunately, the portable equipment, capable of measuring quantum entanglement, outside of the lab, is only now starting to become commonplace, while governments everywhere have been rushing to classify everything, and banning or restricting the export of any associated technology. In one case, Legendary Native American Trackers were recruited by the military, volunteering to become snipers, and To Proudly Serve Their Country! Only to discover to everyone’s Surprise, The Mojo Was Gone! The Minute They Cut Their Hair Off!

The Snipers All Remained Trained Experts, Yet Had Inexplicably Lost Their Advantage. As If Someone Had Cut The Hair Off Of Samson Himself! Trackers now commonly grow their hair long, making it easier to pick out snipers, in any crowd of marines. Bacteria have also proven capable of leveraging quantum effects, or "Frumundercheeze", and the resemblance to Breaking Off An Antenna, or a microorganism losing its cilia, or yuckiness and creepiness, is unlikely to be merely a coincidence. Much more likely, it represents a lost quantum mechanical connection with their environment, That Empowered Them To Make Unique Predictions! Organisms, Such As The Cells In Our Own Skin, commonly use electrical signals to communicate, and Women Have Long Claimed To Be More Intuitive Than Men while, long hair remains more popular among women. Suggesting it may give them a slight but, Consistently Measurable, Advantage. Especially In More Natural Settings! Which is something that can tested, using female snipers, or Amazon Warriors, Assuming They Haven’t Already Cut Down The Entire Rain Forest!

Pragmatically speaking, due to everything resembling both particles and waves, the entire universe is often analogous to an infinite number of: FM Radio Stations! Constantly Broadcasting Everything Imaginable! Including, Illegal, Pirate StationsWorking To Establish Vast New Networks, That They Can Distinguish From All The AI Networks! However, with the added complication that, thanks to Relativity, What Is Considered A Wave And What Is An Amplifier, Wavy Gravy, A Valid Radio Station, Or An AI Terrorist Pirate Radio Broadcast! Bouncing off the ionosphere several times, and lending entirely new meaning to Chinese Jingles! Becomes an issue of which networks you currently use, and who might own the internet next while, according to Murphy’s Law, Charlie Chaplin, Monty Python, Fred Astaire, and Micheal Jackson: Moon-Walking Nonlinear Temporal Dynamics Rule The Universe! (Run Away!)

Doing A Balancing Act Atop A Powerful Rolling Wave, but one hidden just beneath the surface, resembling a horizontal tornado or turbo, as if Paul Bunyan Were Playing Log Rolling Lumberjack! Out On The Open Ocean, Rogue Waves Can Emerge Anywhere! Approaching 80 feet tall or better, They Can Travel For Hundreds Of Miles Without Collapsing! And, are an example of Standing Waves Which, Ah, Stand Tall, All By Themselves. Doing their own, More Twisted Yin-Yangy Push-Pull Dynamics! Self-Organizing Soliton Waves Resemble An Infinity Symbol Standing Tall! And, Are Wavy Gravy Baby! And, Come In Every Size, But A Severely Limited Variety And, Like A Fountain, Or A Statue, CAN SOMETIMES, APPEAR TO STAND VERY STILL… Likewise, time itself has repeatedly Proven To Be Neither Passive Nor Linear: And, The Time Turns Out To Never Quite Be What Anyone Thinks It Is! Until that time rolls round again. Making Deliberately Juxtaposing a wide variety of Rudimentary Patterns, for a clearer view of the Big Picture, much more crucial than classic logic and physics suggest. Cancer, for example, is not merely a genetic disease, but is also related to how our genes Sometimes Adapt To The Local Environment. Some genetic adaptations are Highly Advantageous in one specific location, and a distinct disadvantage in another Or, Even, Flat-Out Deadly!

More efficient for the specific job or, Inadvertently, Creatively Destructive! As If They Were All Micro-Brain, Microscopic, Klingon Three Stooges! Exactly how cancer prone an animal happens to be is also proportional to Their Size, And Temperature! Almost as if it were merely a complex Chemical Reaction Or, A Variety Of, Tiny Organic, Internal Combustion Engines! But, ones which animate all living organisms and, sometimes, Run Amok! Run Away! The implication is that our immune system and reproductive systems are an extension of how every living organism, Does A Drunkard’s Walk. Expressing both phase transitions and metamorphic effects, according to whichever happens to be more efficient in any given situation. Additionally, suggesting that the two express a multifractal equation, that should reflect how our entire body and DNA are organized.

Notably, researchers are also Making Significant Progress in understanding the immune system, and developing amazingly powerful cancer vaccines that, for the most part, can help to contain the chaos! Making it that much easier to deal with whatever arbitrary cases might still arise. It should be possible, for example, to vaccinate people moving to a foreign country, according to their DNA, to help prevent them from getting cancer, and there could be four universal vaccinations possible, that last longer and work better than just using just one. Viruses themselves have turned out to be tiny chemical factories, that produce some of the Basic Chemistry required for organic life as we know it. As if, they represent the boundary between life and death in more than one way, and cancer does as well. Their behavior strongly Implies Organic Life leverages the inorganic, whenever its more efficient, and one without the other is a contradiction, while the two must overlap in four rudimentary ways, and display how they become, more or less, Context Dependent For Each Observer.

Metaphorically Speaking, The Hindu Goddess Kali Dramatically Dances… All Of Creation And Destruction! In a, more or less, Super-Symmetrical Fashion, on her way to the Bathroom! With her six arms representing six degrees of freedom In Her, Unbeatable, Bullshit Kung Fu Stance! While, the Skull Necklace she normally wears should be composed of, Ah, Used Toilet Paper Rolls! Of course, exactly how useful a metaphor that might be, ever, still remains debatable, and I’m working on finding other metaphors. Any suggestions, anything from even the Peanut Gallery, anything anyone can possibly think of. Anywho, our digestive track, for yet another example, intimately connects us to the Local Flora And Fauna In Unimaginable Variety And, Of Course, Keep Demanding Montezuma’s Revenge!

Apparently, single cell organisms are constantly asking themselves: Why Can’t We All Just Get Along? While, our elaborate immune and reproductive systems meet in the brain as, Yin and Yang! Implying its totally pointless to ask who’s in charge around here, which waves, amplifiers, or networks are running the show, exactly how long your hair grows, who just so happens to be the better dancer, Or Who The Gets To Use The Damn Bathroom First! And, Who Has The Damn Toilet Paper! Instead, The More Pointed Question Remains: How Do We Promote Harmony, In A Sea of Chaos!

Entanglement is arguably the most context dependent state of all, conveying only vague and self-contradictory contextual data, yet also expresses the greatest possible synergy, increasing in strength factorially. Of course, according to just exactly how many particles become entangled in the whole affair. As if, Every Girl Has To Have Her Secrets, and they’re all just really shy, and the less that anybody can know about exactly what they’re all doing, The More They Can Accomplish! Or, as if they were all stubborn men, who obstinately refuse to ever talk about their personal feelings, much less work, preferring to simply bring home the bacon. Once again, it appears that we are limited to merely trading information about them for greater efficiency, of course, in paying it forward, to your landlord, if no one else.

Superposition, is yet another highly context dependent state, where subatomic particles always share the same properties, and sharing the same properties among themselves, they become Indistinguishable from any other expression of synergy. It’s possible, for example, in the Double-Slit Experiment, to get any kind of Particles you might care to play with into Superposition and, if you use more than two slits, it gets Even More Funky Monkey! And, you can get more than just two particles into superposition, legally. However, Photons Are The Glaring Exception and, no matter how many slits you use, you can only get two at a time in superposition. Their incredibly vague, vague, vague identity, as described by Field Theory, confuses the issue of super-symmetry and synergy again, just like the mass of the Higgs Boson and, just like that of a black hole conflating the identity of it’s mass, charge, temperature, spin, and momentum.

Quantum Electrodynamics Contradicts Itself, suggesting there’s actually only one super-luminal electron in the universe, that just gets around Faster Than Light! Theoretically, somehow, that’s supposed to make sense, like any good “Roadrunner Cartoon!” This same blatant contradiction, implying reality is a cartoon, should also account for it being the most Wildly Accurate Theory Today! Suggesting a spectrum of the physical forces from the incredibly accurate, and explicitly self-contradictory cartoon, to the incredibly vague and tautological, in the case of Thermodynamics And Dark Energy. Supplying an equally simple explanation for the “Hierarchy Problem”, of why the forces of nature appear to be so radically different in strength, yet nobody can tell for sure, as reflecting the Two Faces of Janus, and how everything expresses particle-wave duality as a spectrum, including any scales and magnitudes we might choose to examine.

Accuracy and Precision, Relativity and Quantum Mechanics, need must also express these same Two Faces of Janus, or particle-wave duality, that everything in the universe displays which, in turn, should Require Vague Metaphoric Systems Logics. In order for anyone to describe how the two demonstrably transform into one another and, additionally, how Quantum Mechanics Without Relativity Is a Complete Oxymoron. Electrons themselves are considered point particles, with no real known size and little mass, but absorb and emit photons better than anything else, and obey the Pauli Exclusion Principle where, despite their uber tiny size, only two at a time can occupy the same orbit around an atom, and they can’t share the same four identical quantum properties.

In stark contrast, “Butterflies Are Free!” And, Photons are all believed to be vague ripples in fields, Enchanting, Enlightened, Ripply-Sparkly, Colorful Butterflies! That multiply, flutter, and spread freely throughout the entire known universe! Bringing The Gift Of Light To The Darkest Of Nights! Any number of these billions, and billions, and billions, of Vague Wavy Gravy Ripples! Colorful Enlightened Butterflies! Can share the same properties and have no objection whatsoever to being jammed together tightly, in large intimate groups that can mate, but its impossible to get more than two at a time in superposition. As If They’re All Monogamous, and: Don’t Believe in Free Love!

Making more materialistic, and less idealistic, electrons with rest mass, the opposite of photons, in almost every way, yet we apparently have no choice but to measure both at the same time, Playing Tom And Jerry. Quasi-Electrons have also been created in the lab, composed of what’s missing from this picture, and confirm that they express the same properties as Normal Electrons, assuming there is such a thing! As if, attempting to confuse more idealistic photons who, apparently, are not terribly picky about paying it forward, and take the easiest route possible. Collectively, these results corroborate that electrons and photons should both Express The Two Faces of Janus! Indicating The Pauli Exclusion Principle will eventually prove to conflate the identity of super-symmetry, geometry and dynamics, and: Get All Funky Monkey Again!

The Four Forces of Nature should also turn out to express Four Overlapping states of Matter and Energy, including additional Quasi-Forces and Quasi-Dimensions, capable of explaining Dark Matter and Dark Energy, and resembling eigenstates and Virtual Particles, expressing a universal recursion in the principle of identity. Photons and electrons each display their own distinctive, uniquely confusing, humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, with their much preferred configuration being, Infinitely Inflatable Indistinguishable Diversity, In Infinitely Insane Infantile Combinations! Thus, ensuring that every context always has a significant amount of content, or the two will transform into one another, obeying four modified Bayesian probabilities, Blurring Into One

Electrons typically form a Fermi Fluid, That Drips, While Photons Prefer To Donate Plasma. As if, they’re the quintessential quantum mechanical versions of a liquid and a Gas, Condensing, Like Condensed Milk, And Evaporating in every way imaginable or, as if, the Big Bang, and everything else: Is The Result Of God Constantly Farting! Implying Boyle’s Law, in particular, also needs to be reformulated as systems logic, which can express both phase transitions and metamorphic effects, and can explain E=MC(2) in more organic terms, such as farting. Contexts which, most assuredly, are incredibly vague, vague, vague, and require a Rectal Thermometer, so you can at least measure the temperature. Proving that, in Thermodynamics, information is more fundamental than energy, requiring an entirely new formulation of Information Theory.

Collating the data for a wide variety of particles, for both Superposition and the Pauli Exclusion Principle, should therefore reveal the fundamental particles, of normal matter, collectively express a distinctive Fractal Dragon pattern, and Bosons, such as Photons, should express a more humble wave-like Mandelbrot pattern. An experiment just revealed that, contrary to the current prevailing opinion, Bosons sometimes behave like Fermions, which make up normal matter, or Hadrons. By elaborating on the Fractal Dragon, it should therefore be possible to expand upon the more subtle Mandelbrot. Similarly, having no real sense of humor themselves, governments have been rushing to classify and censor, anything remotely like mathematical and physical comedy. Compelling anyone working in the public domain, to climb out further on a limb, for over half a century, while they erect their enormous house of cards. Attempting to censor half of reality, while daring anyone to knock it down!

Water has been called the “Yin-Yang” molecule and should provide additional unique insights into how the Fractal Dragon manifests, across any scales and magnitudes, producing the equally enormous variety of distinctive states of matter, which have yet to all be classified. The cyclones on Jupiter display a similar pattern, of a six and five fold multifractal equation, with the south pole surrounded by a pentagonal formation, and the north pole a hexagon. The two patterns can be thought of as an emergent effect, of Jupiter being so large that it radiates more energy than it collects. Possibly shedding light on how geometry and dynamics progressively exchange identities, with experiments indicating that, at extreme pressures, water becomes a solid ice, a metallic conductor of hydrogen ions. Some like it hot, some like it cold, but water really likes to go with the flow, even in the most extreme situations! Yet, the more extreme the heat and pressure becomes, the more clearly it displays the Two Faces of Janus, as both a solid and a liquid while, at colder temperatures and lower pressures, there are at least seven known types of ice, with the behavior of water exhibiting its own particle-wave spectrum.

Theoretically, the combined multifractal composed of Fermions and Bosons, can subsequently be used to reconcile Relativity and quantum mechanics, and explain Dark Energy and Dark Matter, by expanding on the Standard Theory. However, in order For Mere Lowly Mortals, Such As Ourselves, To Even Begin To Dream of Ever Truly Coming To Appreciate, some of the more Divinely Inspired Depths, out of billions, and billions, and billions of, deeper still, Profoundly Deep, Deepest Of All Do-Do Depths! And, As Yet, Unplumbed, Fathomless Depths! Beyond, All Human Imagination! Requires The Fine Art of Anarchistic Facilitation! When the light bulb comes on, and you can see that the Big Picture actually has a pattern, of sorts…

All Of This, Stubbornly Persistent, Salaciously Profound Confusion, And Widespread Panic In The Streets! Over simple symmetry, that’s sometimes just in bad taste, should eventually Substantiate And Transubstantiate Specific Emergent Effects! Produced by a giant black hole and, ultimately, can be attributed to its synergy, mass, and centrifugal force. As if, all black holes represent one and the same Bottomless Pit! Which could possibly form a Magical Rabbit Hole leading to Wonderland, Or Just To More Crap, but nobody can tell for sure, and it could also be a heat pump, or: A Composting Toilet, Explaining God’s Farts! Worse still, possibly, The Highway To Hell, For All Anyone Can Tell! A Magical Spinning Vortex, Beyond The Outer Limits of Human Imagination! Where scales and magnitudes frequently overlap, exchanging identities, During The Commercial Break, while introducing surprising emergent effects into the plot, and enforcing a confusing, “Goldilocks Principle of Murphy’s Law”, or particle-wave duality, Somewhere, In The Twilight Zone

Any metaphysical extreme will produce their opposite with, for example, our two best metaphysical theories, Newtonian Mechanics and Relativity, expressing their own particle-wave duality as a spectrum. Ranging from the incredibly Vague, Vague, Vague, Vaguely Tautological, To The Blatantly Self-Contradictory, And Laughable. Among other things, making it possible to physically model, how it yet remains impossible, to ever measure a perfectly straight line, or a perfect circle. Explaining, Why Parallel Lines Always Converge Mathematically! Slight ionic temperature and charge differentials have proven to be instrumental, causing the inner solar system to rotate much slower than the outer planets and, also, likely explains the electromagnetic torus surrounding giant black holes and, other, more widely established observations. Astronomers Tend To Be Romantics, And Prefer To Dream Big: Even When It Comes To The Slightest Electrical Charges!

The first photograph of entangled particles shows Two Opposed Brush-Stroke Arcs, forming a “Cat’s Eye” or a “Human Eye” shape, resembling an Egyptian Hieroglyph. Where a context without any significant content is a complete oxymoron, as it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish between what is spacetime, and what are the two particles yet, they still retain the distinct possibility of their image representing: Two Ruggedly Independent Particles! That have no known particular shape and, simultaneously, may also exist everywhere until measured, yet, if you entangle two within a finite volume of space, they start to resemble Tom And Jerry, Running In Elliptical Circles! Of Course, At The Speed Of Light! Giving Even The Road Runner, A Run For His Money! Whether Entangled Or Not, Whether Independent Or Not, They Resemble A Cartoon Again, Or Static On Your TV!

Significantly, the striking eye-shape of the image begs the additional question, of whether the observer is staring back at themselves or, whether The Cheshire Cat Is Real! Similarly, on Star Trek, "The Next Generation", the character Q never describes Karma as his one limitation yet, He Will Occasionally Flash Mischievous Grins! Revealing the truth that he is only pretending to be upset, while the Cheshire Cat Never Stops Grinning, in order to hide the truth better, with only the usual twinkle in his eye giving away his true identity, as part of the Collective Unconscious. Making any Photographs Of Entanglement vague, vague, vague metaphorical images, as much as, they are real and, at that, images hinting at how time itself can be considered, simultaneously, real and imaginary.

Implying a Singularity, where the observer themselves ultimately remains the key to understanding quantum mechanics better. We could very well see something similar, with the upcoming LISA Gravity Wave Telescope, peering all the way back to the Big Bang. An extensive survey, for similar vague metaphorical results, should eventually reveal a paradoxical version of, “The Story of Goldilocks”, while I’m dying to hear the end of the story myself. For its part, a black hole dramatically wraps spacetime around itself like a Twisted Blanket, and has both spin and centrifugal force, while Centrifugal Force appears to be almost a bonafide force, but not quite, and has been linked to the mass of the proton, implying it can be thought of as a, “Quasi-Force”, Not The Real Deal, Like On Star Wars But, Another Clear Way To Measure The Truth Itself As Being 125% Efficient, Thus, Lending Entirely New Meaning To "Just Right!"

A proton’s internal quarks move at the speed of light, yet its shape is elliptical, and not a perfect circle, suggesting again that centrifugal force and spin confuse the issue of super-symmetry, varying across vast scales and magnitudes. And, They Really Mean It This Time! With protons appearing to have both external integer spin, and internal centrifugal force, or internal issues, resembling a black hole, with both being considered practically immortal, and possessing two event horizons. As if everything is ultimately composed of “Quantum Gyroscopes”, while our galaxy consists of two counter-rotating disks, surrounding a giant black hole. Implying everything resembles an, Elliptical Gyroscope And Funky Plasma Lamp, Complete With LEDs! The other side of the Big Bang could turn out to be a counter-rotating anti-matter version of our own universe, Lit Up Like a Christmas Tree Ornament! The ellipse would be tiny, like the earth’s orbit, and you’d never notice the two universes wobbling like giant tops, around the Big Bang! Certainly not in four dimensions and, in fact, spacetime has turned out to be much flatter than General Relativity can account for. Apparently: Gyroscopic Relativistic Spacetime Can Do The Watusi, Heating Up As You Accelerate! Tripping The Light Fantastic! Showing The Luminescent Aether How Its Done!

Along with the Navier-Stokes Equations For Our Turbulent Times, Bar Room Brawls Not Included, All Of These More Ostentatious Spinning Tops, Plasma Lamps, And Shiny Christmas Tree Ornaments! Arbitrarily spinning, colliding, and dancing all around the universe, at relativistic speeds, while Flying Away Towards The Nearest Exit! May play a key role in determining, just exactly, how its possible to distinguish between mass and energy, gravity and inertia, Kinetic Energy And Radiant Heat, Democrats And Republicans! But, more importantly, in determining how the principle of identity, Progressively Vanishes Down The Nearest Convenient Rabbit Hole, Or Public Toilet, Of Your Personal Preference… on any given occasion. “Predator-Prey Statistics", from evolutionary biology, Some Gotta Win, Some Gotta Lose, Some Days You Get The Bear And, Some Days: Yogi Bear And Boo-Boo Get The Better Of You! Have unexpectedly proven effective for modeling Small Vortexes, Tiny Mobile Whirligigs In Plasma Physics, and could reflect how any comprehensive models for matter and energy must Include Vaguely, Vaguely, Vaguely, Ah, Organic Elements, As Well As, Much More Explicitly Mechanical Ones. Suggesting that, using systems logics to invert their mechanics and organics or, Doing The Funky Monkey, The Bump, And The Time Warp Again! Its Possible To Glean Exciting New Insights! Into, Generation After Generation, Of Generic Gentile Gyroscopic Gravitational Gyrations, Dancing Delightfully Between Invisible Moonbeams, As Well As, Plato’s Harmony Of The Spheres!

Classic Chaos Theory applies to macroscopic systems, and was originally successful in demonstrating that its possible to measure how chaos emerges from order, only to recently establish that, Surprise! Order inevitably emerges from chaos, Rather Quickly At That! The latest experiment has indicated that protons are maximally entangled, meaning Their Thermodynamics Resemble A Black Hole, or your checkbook. Corroborating all of the other Absolutely Ridiculous! Physical, linguistic, and mathematical evidence, still piling up after more than a century! Into what is, undeniably, A Rather Intimidating Mountain of The Most Damning Institutionalized Crap Imaginable! All of which has progressively indicated, that what modern science is now confronting, In No Uncertain Terms! Is a universal recursion in the principle of identity and, Soon Enough! Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again! Considering the state of the world today, we can all safely assume, that’s a step in the right direction. Now, where did that Pinkie go

In another experiment, related to quantum computing, the results have suggested this same conclusion that: Spin Is Funda-Mental! And, Loopy Temporal Dynamics Might Rule The Day! With their experimental results indicating that quantum computers can be made Much More Robust, if they’re designed to favor the spin of particles. Weebles Wobble, But They Don’t Fall Down! Likewise, recent measurements of Muon Precession Rates, have indicated that their wobbly spin could possibly involve a fifth force of nature. Which should turn out to be spacetime itself imposing a quasi geometric effect, one that’s just barely measurable, but can’t be clearly distinguished from a force. Similar, to how gravity manifests on macroscopic scales, as both a force and rubber sheets, leaving it up to the observer to decide what is a force or a geometric effect. While, supporting both views, to varying degrees, over vast scales and magnitudes, and repeating the same basic patterns.

Gravity pulling us down on our ass, appears to be a rather straight forward application of force, that doesn’t involve any Rubber Sheets And Lubricants! Just as a circle can, theoretically, be composed of an infinite number of Infinitely Tiny Straight Lines! Whether you view something as a force or a geometric effect, appears to largely depend on your mass, proximity, and acceleration. Neither space nor time alone makes any damn sense without the other, ensuring the two exclude any metaphysical extremes. As a result, both circles and straight lines have their quantum limits, which should prove to be the same as our mortal fallibility. Other researchers have used the equivalent of “Quantum Shock Absorbers”, to successfully isolate individual atoms, from thermal and acoustic noise, and it could be that a combination of quantum and classical approaches are required, For The Best Performance In Any Dance! With classic logic being more efficient 1/4 of the time, and quantum systems Up To 125% Efficient, and incredibly vague about just exactly how they manage that… Neuromorphic Reservoir Computers can handle both simultaneously, and you can claim its all, “Movie Magic”, and nobody will ever be able to prove you wrong.

Both experiments imply that Phonons, or quanta of sound and heat, may also play a significant role and hint that, within the Timeless Harmony of The Spheres, Might, Just Possibly be, Incredibly Faint, Faint, Faint, Yet Faintest Of All, Darkest Of All Known Dark Shadows: Dark Energy! Which could represent Anti-Gravity! Or, what half the world knows as, “The Great Void”, from whence all the myriad good things doth spring forth. Including, The Graceful Lilting Silences! Reaching All The Way Out To Infinity, To Eternity And Beyond All Human Imagination! Way Far OutFar, Far, Removed From The Petty Measurements, And Everyday Mundane Concerns, Of Any Of The Existing Galaxies! Content to just sprawl out all over the place, Cloaking And Smothering The Seemingly Endless, astronomically long and empty, Cold And Lonely Nights! Night After Night After Night After Night! Suspended between the ever so soft notes of, The Majestic, Effervescent, Providential And Divine, panoramic-sweeping, all-encompassing, Heavenly Glory, of the sparkly-glittery Galactic Super-Clusters, Illuminating the Entire Visible Universe! Or, accompanying a joke that leaves everyone speechless…

Dark Matter interacts weakly with ordinary matter, and seems to move in odd ways, like Mercury, or a Hydraulic Fluid, clustering around Black Holes and outside galaxies. Implying it may respond differently to Dark Energy. Trading some of its ability to interact with normal matter, for the ability to interact with Dark Energy, almost as if it were composed of “Ectoplasm!" Likewise, the rotation of the Spiral Galaxies may not obey Newton’s Laws of Motion either, and appear to possibly obey Morphogenic Fields, or involve complex Thermodynamics, thoroughly confusing the identity of what is a dimension, just like fuzzy logic. Yet, What All Of These More Ghostly Titillating Quasi-Organic Topologies, And More Heated Genuflecting Gesticulating Gynormous Grandiose Gaudy Grinding Glittery Glow-In-The-Dark Generic Gyroscopic Gentile Christmas Tree Ornaments, Funky Plasma Lamps, Hydraulic Fluids, Quick Silver, And Even Weirder Ectoplasm… Would All Collectively Suggest! Is that the more extreme, and Hardcore, any extreme hardcore scale or magnitude, The More Self-Contradictory And Incredibly Vague, Vague, Vague, Vague, And Wishy-Washy, Metaphorical, Or Flat Out Impossible To BelieveEverything Becomes, Sometimes, All At Once! Very much like Politicians! And, similarly, all too frequently painfully so, for each and every observer, including anyone unfortunate enough to be left behind in the, Cosmology Department Peanut Gallery!

Think Van Goethe’s “Starry, Starry, Night”, re-interpreted for The Worst Possible Saturday Morning Cartoons Imaginable! At Superluminal Speeds, besides Tachyons possibly being indistinguishable from Virtual Particles, that will melt out your eyes as you disintegrate, time and distance themselves simply no longer exist, while a black hole resembles a toilet, a heat pump, a plasma lamp, Or, Even A Giant Dyson Vacuum Swallowing A Dyson Sphere! And, a really weird rabbit hole leading to Wonderland, Where We Can All Give Birth to Yertle-the-Turtle’s Baby Universe! On The Freeway Of Love, Driving Through The Tunnel of Love! Implying Black Holes are somehow both imaginary, or metaphorical objects, that also happen to be real objects and, similar to a shadow, can sometimes depend on the observer, to ensure they have any meaningful content whatsoever, while the same can be said to be true for the universe as a whole, including ourselves.

To paraphrase the great Sherlock Holmes, “Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, can only be highly improbable!” Whenever nobody is looking, the rest of the universe may as well not exist, as far as our minds and measuring instruments are concerned but, every context requiring a significant amount of content, ensures that everything must still appear to make some sort of sense, whenever we choose to peek at the rest of the universe again. Which is always ever so much greater than imagination, or Far Worse Than Any Had Dared To Fear! Elucidating, how nature can be described as not merely random, or elegant but, also, humorous and embodying novelty itself, and our own endless capacity for curiosity and wonder. Sometimes, expressing what hippies, and countless others, like to call, “Sparkle”. (Ooooh, Shiny!)

We appear to inhabit a Magical Fairy Tale Goldilocks Universe, Within A Singularity, expressing the Two Faces of Janus in everything, which I consider extremely novel myself, if not particularly all that, Enchantingly Bubbly And Sparkly! Nevertheless, leaving a theory of everything, as the only way to ultimately reconcile the rather large number of vague and contradictory observations, coming from both physics and astronomy. Of course, by scrupulously examining the Big Picture! Upon occasion, In Excruciating Detail… Being a married man himself, Socrates advised, “Know Thyself, There’s No Shame In It!" And, remember, classic logic Being Exclusive, Doesn’t Always Promote Happy Unions. Only by carefully documenting how the two grammars of English actually work, does it become possible for us to, Expand Upon The Laws of Thought! In Plain English Anyway! Classic logic simply cannot describe humor, self-organizing systems, Novelty, Sparkle, Or The "Big Picture!" Perhaps to no one’s surprise, The Widely Accepted Laws of Thought Are A Few Thousand Years Out Of Date! While, in my opinion, they should include something about using a stupid dictionary and, of course: How To Share Your Words And Play Nice Dammit!

Anywho, in contrast, the simplest default topology, A Doughnut Hole Without The Donuts, fits the current observations, If They Make Strong Enough Coffee! And, is more syntropic, or fatalistic, appearing to require at least four dimensions to account for geometry alone. Inside, what could possibly be, a universe sized Borg Cube! Which Einstein compared to a “Flawless Jewel” but, can also be compared to a “Gumby Blockhead”, if you believe in “Cosmic Consciousness”, and is commonly referred to as a “Monoblock Universe”, more frequently compared to Legos. One World, One Monoblock Lego Gumby Borg Blockhead, Seven Of Nine, Sublime Perfection Of Alpha And Omega And, Cosmic Cubic Collective Consciousness! Such a complex, “Alpha Gauge Configuration”, can often be seen on the Star Trek Voyager series and, again, strongly suggests that, Seven Out Of Nine Dental Fairies Recommend That, With Proper Care: Six Inches Can Be Equal To A Foot!

Additionally, requiring something along the lines of a Quasi-Fifth Dimension, Emanating From Somewhere In The Age Of Aquarius! A Quasi-Force, Coming From A Hidden Rebel Base! Temporarily Located Somewhere In The Florida Swamps, and the quantum wave-function, coming from Schrodinger’s Cat, Coughing Up Hair-Balls! Or, whatever the hell’s missing from this picture, and is a common way for beginners to learn to recognize the more inclusive and symmetrical perspective of eight dimensions, in a singularity. With its most rudimentary model being that of a super-efficient toilet, which can be used to model phenomena such as superconductivity, superfluidity, and Bose-Einstein Condensates. And, should form a torus, obeying modified Bayesian Probabilities, suggesting 3D topological room temperature superconductors are possible, and similar Disturbingly Disruptive Technology, such as anti-gravity devices, as all requiring the universal geometry of particle-wave duality.

Which, makes even less sense, unless you happen to be particularly fond of bullseye targets, squishy marshmallows, blobs, and spherical-cubes but, somehow, still indicates that it should be possible to establish, once and for all that, If You Have Too Much Time On Your Hands, There Ain’t No Rhyme For Oranges! Anywho, regardless of whatever kind of miserable overall physical shape, our lowbrow fairy tale universe, just so happens to be in, which many have suggested more closely resembles God Farting! Or, An Exploding Pile Of Hot Shit! Nonetheless, as the vast Mindbogglingly Gynormous Gyrating Multitude of giant black holes, quasars, galaxies, and super-clusters have all consolidated, and their rotation and arrangements have, ever so painstakingly and fastidiously, Slowly And Pitifully, attempted to stabilize over the eons: Dark Energy Seems To Be Pushing Everything Apart Faster!

Implying the “Anti-Gravity” of Dark Energy is the Initial Creative Impetus Or, Tinnie-Tiny Tender Spark, That Ignited The Big Bang! What some Tribes call, "The Spark Within, Which Can Never Die!" Responsible, among other things, for extreme flatulence. Still expanding to this day, and may yet remain the ultimate source of gravity, created by confining the energy of anti-gravity locally, inside the mass of rotating particles and spinning black holes. As they rapidly condensed out of the Hot Sticky Quark Gluon Soup, Served On Deep Space Nine! Which originated in the early universe, in a low rent galaxy, Where They Got It Dirt Cheap, but it required remodeling, and extensive ventilation duct work alone, to eliminate the lingering smell of burnt fur.

The sheer diversity of all these observations, including those for the individual masses of other particles, collectively suggests that, similar to electrical charges, Gravity And Anti-Gravity could possibly both cooperate and compete with one another, in a variety of complex ways, over vast scales and magnitudes. Enigmatically, Taoists like to say, “Gravity Is The Source Of Lightness!Or, "Fart And Be Happy!" To this day, the Chinese still swear the ancients sometimes flew through the air, sitting on tiny clouds, while people would commonly hike on a particular mountain, just to watch them. As if, they were all bird watching, while holding their noses! Believe it or not, I’ve come across at least two people, who swear they’ve seen someone levitate a few feet off the floor and, assuming Dark Energy can be considered the origin of the Big Bang, it should make Anti-Gravity devices possible. God alone can have his cake and eat it too! With his farts smelling like roses if he wants, but a little technology goes a long way for the rest of us! Theoretically, technology along the same lines of James Blish’s resonant, “Spin Dizzies!" In his classic science fiction novel, “Cities in Flight!” However, if Tokyo flies through the air, spinning like a top with a dynamo hum, you know damned well Godzilla can’t be far behind, and: Anti-Gravity, Must Come At A Price!

Information itself should commonly display additional unrecognized relativistic effects which, due to their particle-wave duality, Need Must Inevitably, And Quite Abruptly, Transform Into A Singularity! Expressing both humorous and magical appearing results. The common Hallucination Of “Casper the Ghost” style cartoon figures, laughing inside a numeral zero on a touch pad or whatever, is a simple example I cover again in a later chapter, while our Rainbow Warrior Poetry is a much more complex one. However, they both express noteworthy extremes of humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, which can produce surprising emergent quantum effects, that beg the question as to what is reality. The “Casper the Ghost” style figures, are classic representations of the humor of the Collective Unconscious, while their Compelling Laughter Confuses People, Because Its The Sparkling Laughter Of Small Children!

Which is increasingly rare in our modern world, and less infectious, but no less compelling. No matter how often we might deny it, the truth is always more attractive and efficient, But, The Occasional White Lie Can Still Save Your Life! Or, At Least, Your Sanity! Schrodinger’s Cat was merely isolated inside a box, but efficiency, super-symmetry, and the principle of identity appear to be the more pointed issues. The greater the humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, that any energy and information might clearly convey, upon any given occasion, the more self-contradictory and incredibly vague, vague, vague, or metaphorical, any other information about them becomes.

Music Theory Is A Particularly Apt Example, which can be used to describe Information Theory as a self-organizing system; explaining how grammar is related to the proximity of syntax in the brain, how the brain categorizes everything and, additionally, how academic linguists like Noam Chomsky have systematically butchered natural language! By merely emphasizing the silences between the notes, as capable of illiciting any emotion, such as suspense, Music Theory can describe even simple songs, like “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” and “Lullaby”, as presenting modest examples of humble efficiency and elegant simplicity. These two particular songs form a circle that repeats, with each imposing their own distinctive, "Sub-Types" of emotional gravity and inertia which, to go along with all of their drama, Demand A Peanut Gallery.

Hinting that, in a universal recursion, music can be considered a universal pattern matching language, and another expression of how the greater truth organizes everything, across vast scales and magnitudes. For example, abstract language can sometimes become indistinguishable from Jazz. Language, mathematics, music, and aesthetics, all use the same parts of the brain, pointedly suggesting, as do the forces of nature themselves, that they express their own particle-wave duality and spectrum, or intrinsic geometry. Plato’s “Harmony of the Spheres”, must also express particle-wave duality, and prove to be every bit as humorous as it is elegant, demonstrating how balance is restored, whenever harmony is lost. Virtually every classical music score obeys some sort a dramatic variation on a Fractal Dragon equation, with Beethoven’s Work being one of the more obvious examples, of a much more logical and orderly, assertive recursive five fold Fractal Dragon pattern, which is capable of also producing equally humorous ones, that more closely resemble a four fold Mandelbrot. How humble and infantile their overall geometry becomes, is a measure of how anything can reflect particle-wave duality, and the universal geometry of the Singularity.

Early in his career, Stevie Wonder became famous for his harmonica playing, due his ability to make you Swear you can hear additional notes, between the actual notes he’s playing. The same as all the anomalous particle results in physics, or Jerry Garcia’s Guitar if you’re a Dead-Head, or Just Tripping, Like The Do-Dah Man! These particular observations are low in entropy, with their pervasive existence indicating: Goldilocks Simply Can’t Lie Convincingly Anymore! And, 42 really is as good as it gets. Physicists like to joke, “It’s Turtles All the Way Down Baby!” And, of course, Newtonian Mechanics imply they could all very well be right, while songs like Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star can be used for a horror movie soundtrack, as well as, to put a baby to sleep. Their extreme context dependency supplies an equally simple explanation for why professional comedians still commonly complain, to this very day, that they can’t tell how a joke will go over from one audience to the next. And, For Six Inches To Be Equal To A Foot, It Helps To Have Perfect Timing In Your Delivery!

Such commonplace observations, provide an additional plausible explanation, for how our own emotions can sometimes be considered simultaneously vague and explicit, and how “The Monster Group”, in theories such as E8, display their own idiosyncratic relativistic contextual effects, that border on spiritual experiences. Apparently, inducing pattern matching, by conflating the identity of language and mathematics, due to their specific “Metaphoric Logic”. Or, the humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, expressed within the complexity of their symmetry, causing them to start to resemble Pi or, embarrassingly, A Naked Singularity! Where a context without any significant content is a complete oxymoron, and: Your Mind And Brain Simply Refuse To Go There! Hinting that its possible to Enhance The Effect for mathematicians, by putting theories like E8 to music, and testing them for use as, Meditation and Hypnosis Aids.

Seven, Out Of Possibly Nine, distinct stages of consciousness have already been documented, in Sensory Deprivation Experiments, including one that resembles A Cartoon, with the final stage being: Identical To A Screen Saver! Composed of a nonstop parade of perfectly symmetrical geometric objects, That Only Bill Gates Could Ever Consider A Work Of Art! Quite possibly, theories like E8 could provide crucial insight, into how to use screen savers to exercise your neurons, massage, and reboot your brain, while stimulating the old creatives juices! Of course, Using Microsoft Office Programs! Which I Cover In Juicy Detail As I Go Along! Quite Simply, By Connecting The Dots! Between logic and humor, geometry and dynamics, as all extremely Context Dependent, Mama’s Boys! And, in later chapters, I recount the sad tale of how Poor Dr Seuss Had No Clue! His books express cutting-edge mathematics, which are now being, Used To Design: Deadlier Weapons of Mass Destruction! See "Jane’s Catalog" for prices and details.

In the spirit of, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Whatever You Do, Just Don’t Go There!” Quanta, have proven to, somehow, be capable of Moving simultaneously forward and backward through time. Of course, normally, we only measure quanta for pragmatic purposes and, otherwise, have little or no use for dwelling upon whether time might occasionally flow backwards, while flowing simultaneously both ways is, Humanly Inconceivable! Each observer must still decide for themselves what makes sense, yet neither a backwards, random, nor fated universe makes more than the Most Superficial Abstract Sense, implying yet again that the arrow of time we normally perceive is merely the default, that everyone shares, or is compelled to share.

For We Few, We Happy Few! We Are A Band of Brothers! All-too-well-aware unto ourselves, if nothing else, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was simultaneously the most boring and way too interesting of times, it was the winter of our discontent, it was the relief of knowing the truth, for it was the fountain spring of eternal youth! And, the joyful liberation of being free at last, free at last! For it was the time of all of humanity finally coming to consensus, that nobody could even agree upon the time of day! Thus, ensuring everyone always had all the free time in the world which, of course, each would pay dearly for, each and every time! And, why nobody ever seemed to actually have the correct time still, everyone always agreed without a second thought, it was the right time to spend more time saving daylight savings time and, of course, it was that time of the month, it was that time of the season! For It Was A Maddening Time Without GPS, Rhyme, or Reason! Yet, The Times Remained, But The Fire Within Which We Burned: And, The Unforgiving Ice! Within Which, All Of Our Minds Went Numb!

If you argue that the principle of the excluded middle must apply to everything, you can bang your head against the wall forever, just like the mathematicians exploring theories like E8 and String Theory. Already, one String Theorist has thrown his hands in the air in symbolic surrender, and switched to a different field of research altogether, when his own mathematics implied that a larger than astronomical number of String Theories, each in turn, Ever So Much More Hauntingly Beautiful Than The Last! Can explain life, the universe, and everything even more elegantly… However, Fear Not! For No Man Is An Island! Rest Assured! In a “Magical Fairy Tale Universe”, Love and Sparkling Laughter Can Easily Overcome, Any Hate, Anger, And Sorrow or, indeed, Anyone’s More Righteous Indignation! Or, Even Mr Spock’s Best Anal Retentive Vulcan Logic! Inspiring, Greater Harmonious Global Synchronization! Like a bowel movement that requires no effort, or what Karl Jung struggled to describe as “Synchronicity!” Which, once again, in a Metaphorical Goldilocks Universe, must be capable of expressing humor as well as beauty, while inspiring all of humanity to periodically question the meaning of life! And, whether fairy tales, creativity, and novelty, are really all they’re cracked up to be!

Hippies like to say, “Whenever Harmony Is Lost, Balance Will Be Restored!” Thirty or more Hippies will sometimes all shout it out in unison, at idiots foolishly arguing in public at a, “Rainbow Gathering!" And, of course, it works every time. Demonstrating, to everyone’s satisfaction, the true power of Collective Values! Such as, sharing your words, and The Damned Playground! Synchronicity is harmonious by definition, while harmony neither acts nor reasons, and doesn’t distinguish between humor and beauty, any more than a shadow does, with both being extremely context dependent. Wishy-Washy in many respects but, They Always Demand You Pay It Forward, Up Front, Cash On The Barrel Head! Not Catholic Style, which is after the fact. Rather than requiring any more elaborate explanations, ancient mystical secrets, or Refined Aesthetic Sensibilities, comprehending Jungian Synchronicity begins with nurturing and cultivating A Line Of Credit! And, a minimum checking account balance. For some, harmony can become synonymous with Financial Entanglement! And, The Greater Context, The Greater Truth, or their checking account balance, promoting greater synergy and synchronicity! As I explain throughout this book, academics are not even remotely unique in treating Humor As Taboo, the banks do too, but they play a central role in suppressing humor in the modern world, along with the banks.

Due to humor being more subtle, personal, and egalitarian, to varying degrees, all of our cultures and institutions have progressively suppressed, and dismissed, the importance of such things as fuzzy logic, linguistic analysis, and our own innate Sense Of Humor. In favor of The Three Stooges Making Much Faster Progress, by funding much more abstract classic logic, physics, and mathematics. After two thousand years, they’re finally maturing, Like A Retirement Fund, and have proven to be incredibly useful and accurate but, unfortunately, they’ve also turned out to be Woefully Inadequate For Describing Over Half Of The World Around Us! All-too-often horribly inefficient, and entirely misleading as to what the Big Picture actually looks like. Without A Better Grasp On The Big Picture: All Of Our High Tech Three Stooges Slapstick Can Only Get Worse!!!

Both quantum mechanics and thermodynamics are cobbled together, Ad Hoc Collections Of Theories! Possibly Copied From Cooking Show Recipes! Forty-two being as good as it gets, means both theories should eventually turn out to be Equally Accurate And Precise, whether you assume everything is random or fated. Which, has already been confirmed to be the case in quantum mechanics, and the “Many Worlds Theory”, can therefore be reformulated as a paradoxical and metaphorical version of Boyle’s Law: “As The Many Worlds Churn Within A Singularity!" Or, "The Continuing Saga of Stone Soup, Goldilocks, and the Ugly Duckling!" Which obeys, “A Goldilocks Principle of Murphy’s Law”, The Peter Principle and Synchronicity! Or, “The Harmonious Conservation of More Creative Efficiency." Comparable to Jung’s Collective Unconscious, the ground state in quantum mechanics, physical comedy, and The Muppets!

Illustrating how Noether’s Genius, And Super-Symmetry, both require a sense of humor, thanks to Symmetry and Balance inevitably requiring some sort of meaningful context and content. In order to become, yet again, even more meaningful… In The Real World! Many have claimed that, outside of the human mind and brain, quantum mechanics assures, A Perfect Vacuum Remains Impossible, Along With Absolute Zero Temperature! While, space-time is expanding faster than anyone can account for, with virtual particles randomly increasing its entropy. Yet again, as if, “The Greater Context” is somehow magically determining its own humble contents, and Just Can’t Constrain Itself! Suggesting Consensual Reality Resembles The Story Of Stone Soup, Goldilocks, And The Muppet Show! Theorists currently tend to whisper superstitiously about it, from behind closed doors. Euphemistically, referring to spacetime as, “Flat”, “Homogeneous”, and “Hyper-Uniform!"

Never, Bland And Utterly Tasteless! Or, Tacky Beyond All Belief! Much less, actually making any damn sense, or being: “Just Right”.

Providing a simple explanation, if you want to call it that, for why quantum mechanics require Imaginary Numbers, making them Nonlocal and Non-commutative, as merely reflecting: Yin and Yang, Karma, Or Our Absurdly Metaphorical And Paradoxical Universe! Where A Context Bereft Any Significant Content, Is A Complete Oxymoron! More pragmatically speaking, it describes a "Universal Recursion" in the principle of identity, which should eventually provide the most Parsimonious Explanations. Eventually, capable of reconciling all the evidence, for even such modern theories as Quantum Darwinism And Quantum Chaos Theory which, currently, cannot explain humor, or the role of the observer.

Over the last century, every leading theory for quantum mechanics, that has lasted worth a spit, has incorporated Yin-Yangy Push-Me-Pull-You-Run-In-Circles-Screaming-And-Shouting Dynamics! A few theories, such as “Pilot-Wave” and “Weak Measurement” theories, have endured, but Only By Popular Demand, and are seldom taken seriously by most of the theoretical community. However, Pilot Wave theory incorporates yin-yang push-pull dynamics, making it particularly useful for measuring how the greater context determines the identity of its own contents. By exploring the predictions of a variety of similar modified theories, it should become possible to Document The RecursionIn Excruciating Physical Detail!

Identical to how you might assemble an ordinary tabletop, “Jig-Saw Puzzle”, by simply retrodicting everything from the Big Picture! (On The Lid Of The Box!) Networking systems logics can rely solely on the Self-Evident Truth, demonstrables, and symmetry, while treating their own Logic As Complete Bullshit! Or, a variable, with No Known Intrinsic Meaning Or Value. Playfully introducing modified versions of classic logic that reflect more of the Big Picture, without ever having to: Totally Abandon Their Brain On The Side Of The Road! Or, Throw The Baby Out With The Bathwater! A blue puzzle piece might be part of the sky or a lake, and finding out the hard way can be half the fun, and keeps everyone more honest. “You can’t always get what you want but, if you try sometimes, you get what you need” and, assembling a large puzzle merely requires the social logic of the smallest of toddlers: Kick It If It Doesn’t Work, Don’t Fix It If It Ain’t Broke And, When In Trouble, When In Doubt, Run In Circles Screaming And Shouting! Just For Fun, If Nothing Else!

Thankfully, its frequently easy to Console Toddlers with the knowledge that everything, including the universe as a whole, tells its own story, so they should feel perfectly free to: Make Up Whatever Story They Happen To Prefer! Like the rest of us. Relying heavily on simple pattern matching being up to 125% efficient, systems logics can, theoretically, provide a wealth of additional pragmatic ways in which to apply quantum mechanics on macroscopic scales, by expanding upon Relativity, to first describe quantum mechanics more fully. Trading Accuracy For Precision, integrals for differentials, and scales for magnitudes. A Humble Organic Metaphoric Logic: Or, Bullshit Logic!" That any five year old can comprehend and, in the right hands, should prove to be every bit as useful as more abstract classical mathematics and logic have been, for describing the subatomic realm. Additionally, Bullshit Logic should prove capable of shedding light on when either approach becomes more applicable and, Whatever Modifications to the principle of the excluded middle are more likely to be useful: In Any Given Situation! Which no single theory has yet managed to accomplish.

Due to the recursion in the principle of identity, Upon Occasion! Without necessarily having to resort to cussing, half of everything that exists can still be pragmatically described as, Expressing Surprising Emergent Effects! With, for example, the Quantum Observer Effect, humor, black holes, and the forces of nature, more often clearly reflecting our ability to always decide for ourselves, just how much sense anything makes, including cussing, In Any, Possibly Awkward, Situation! Or, Indeed, Anyone’s Lame Jokes! And, Of Course, Some Jokes Should Never Be Repeated! However, without the ability to be surprised: The Laws of Thought Become A Redundant Oxymoron!

Lending entirely new meaning to reactionary behavior Yet, Forever Wonder Remains The Beginning of All Wisdom! Or, The Pies In The Face Never Do Stop Coming! And, Ya Gotta Learn How To Laugh If It Kills You! A black hole’s event horizon Takes Novelty To An Extreme, by anyone’s standards, making no damned sense whatsoever, confusing the identities of Spin, Centrifugal Force, gravity, geometry, temperature, and inertia, with one study implying that Information Becomes Irretrievable, long before it even reaches the event horizon. In spite of all The Continuing Mystery, An Event Horizon can simply be described as an emergent effect. Or, Clearly, What’s Missing From This Picture! Where, The Tiniest Overlooked Detail May Suddenly Transform Into: The Clarity Of Indeterminacy And Mystical Metaphysical Mumbo Jumbo! Or, Among The More Regrettably Lame Academic Attempts At So-Called "Physical Comedy!" Suggesting that, due to academia’s bias against linguistic analysis, analog logic, and systems logics, The Scientific Method Is Frequently Worthless Three Stooges Slapstick!

Well intended but, Clearly: Over-Educated Fools Everywhere! Are still seriously suggesting, to this very day, that time may not be real. In which case, someone may want to start a betting pool for how long they can keep it up but, Zeno’s Comedy Routine was popular for centuries! However, the rest of us can still feel free to simply ignore anything else they have to say or, alternatively, encourage them to go outside more often, and learn how to share their words and play nice. Others have proposed the existence of: A Second Event Horizon! Just below the first one… In A Classic 69 Position! Which Can Also Be Described As “The Land Of The Lost”, “The Land Before Time”, “La-La Land”, Or, The Blue Smoke And Mirrors Of A Mysterious Magical Second Event Horizon! Lost, Somewhere, On Gilligan’s Island!

Nonetheless, Miraculously, showing up in their mathematics… which, can also be viewed as merely demonstrating how even mathematics express emergent effects. In other words, simply the result of a context without any significant content, Being A Complete Oxymoron! An event horizon has no depth, making it shallow beyond all belief, and doesn’t experience the passage of time, yet, must have a minimal amount of meaningful inferential content. Whereas, Whereupon, And Wherewithall, Any Possibly Ensuing Metaphysical Extremes Will Always Display Particle-Wave Duality! Constantly Transforming Into Rindler Horizons, Way Far Out To Infinity, And: BEYOND ALL SANE CATEGORIZATION! According To Even The Monstrous Moonshine Conjecture! Thus, Ensuring That Knowledge And Awareness Themselves Can Sometimes Be Considered Emergent Effects! Commonplace, Among The More Contentious Divine Fools, Of Classic Stage And TheaterTrap Doors, Blue Smoke, And Mirrors! Well Known To Every Wannabe Comedian, Who Has Extensive Experience, Like Michelle Yeoh, With Black Holes, And Real Estate Agents, Who Claim To Have Everything, Everywhere, All The Time!

Later in the book, I reveal more of the, Enigmatic Secrets Behind the concepts of Wu Wei Wu and Chi, or “Doing-Without-Doing” And, “The Undetectable Flow Within The Empty Void!” Which can leverage contextual vagueness, symmetry, and pattern matching to inspire unique insights, or flatulence. Comparable to eigenstates and virtual particles in quantum mechanics but, which can sometimes reveal how it remains possible for us to, Know When We Know Nothing! And, When Ignorance Can Truly Be Bliss! Classic Logic Suggests That, Even By Excluding Every Meaningless Result, We Can Never Know When We Know Nothing! Or, Indeed, What The Hell We’re Doing! Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? Where Am I, Who Am I, What The Hell Am I Doing Here? Yet, fuzzy logic can take the opposite approach, and simply claim, We Can Only Exclude Something Entirely, If It Happens To Be Classified Or Taboo. Because, In That Case: Like Sargent Schulz, "We Know Nothing!"

For example, after a lifetime of practice, thanks to technical papers being so highly structured, I can easily skim through dozens of pages, and point out exactly where they make logic errors and assumptions. Without ever reading a word, by merely glancing at the shapes of the paragraphs they write. Ludwig Wittgenstein’s first philosophy was geometric, but he couldn’t make it work and abandoned the effort. While, for me, logic is as much geometry as anything else and, in the real world, anything random must still express a default geometry, particle-wave duality, or mathematics, in order to even be observable. Each paragraph expresses not only the distinctive words that any individual might write but, also A Gestalt, Or Silhouette, that includes what’s missing from this picture, and you can literally “Read Between The Lines” and, even learn a little something about the author themselves.

If I had the time and expertise, I’d design a small assortment of fonts and backgrounds, that could easily reveal the different silhouettes for anyone to see, or trace a few, but they tend to look a lot alike, and can move around a bit. Yet, always express similar multifractals, composed of a Fractal Dragon and a Mandelbrot pattern. Which, can be considered the default patterns that our neurons use, due to a context without any significant content being a complete oxymoron. Although its an extremely complex pattern, and the same one used for a, “Fractal Theory of Everything”, its complexity can be considered merely the result of everything organizing around what’s missing from this picture, expressing the limits of our own mortal fallibility. Making it super easy for our neurons to use for making subtle distinctions, and easier for them to learn new things, by merely comparing larger patterns. Constantly forming their own collective intuition about what to pay attention to next, with their expanding awareness, and boundless curiosity, becoming the fountain of all knowledge and wisdom. Our neurons usually learn new patterns by focusing on becoming more efficient, and attempting to predict everything, as if collectively playing a simple child’s pattern matching game but, small children, who have no real clue what they’re doing and, Just Do It For Fun!

Most assume that they can make words say any damned thing they want but, like anything else in nature, our words, Obey Fractal Geometry And Chaos Theory! Inevitably, speaking for themselves, and revealing the truth behind anything you write. This same Trick Can Work for producing music, and using the spoken word as well, and can be used to design a better lie detector. One that an AI can manipulate like a slide-rule, to easily determine when someone is hiding something, and: Exactly How Much Of Anything They Say Is Complete Bullshit! The humbling truth is, in the everyday world, bullshit and the truth always come together. Overlapping each other, from the individual’s point of view, making it Impossible To Tell A Perfect Lie! Without also giving away some of the truth as well because, Mama Nature Never Flat-Out Lies! Making quantum mechanics, and the truth itself both, “Non-Commutative Truths!" Or, as Allan Watts famously put it, “God Is Playing Peek-A-Boo!” Ensuring that we mere mortals may only futilely attempt to lie to ourselves, or pretend to lie but, "The Emperor Has No Clothes!" Each must ultimately learn to live with our own humble truth that, The Truth Only Hurts For A Reason! Which is, on the playground of life, The Truth Can Only Be Shared, OR, NOT!

Animals, for example, will frequently pretend to be stronger, faster, larger, more powerful, or Fiercer than they are and, the more intelligent the animal the more dreams they tend to have, and the more playful they become as well while, Size Really Does Matter! And, Every Little Kid Wants To Be BIG! Being ultimately indistinguishable from a game or a pretense: The Circus Is The Only Show In Town! Ya Gotta Flaunt It If Ya Got It Baby! But, the more frequently we flat-out lie, for personal gain, or seriously pretend to be someone we’re not, the more infantile and gullible we all become, and the larger the pies-in-the-face!

Dogs have a reputation for being loyal, yet they’ve also proven to be uniquely adept at lying, and quite good at detecting our own lies. Never Doubt For A Second! That Even The Lowest Of Lowlife Dogs Among Us! Is Still Perfectly Capable Of Feeling Guilty As Well! They Also Know Perfectly Well What A Pie-In-The-Face Is! And, That Loyalty Has No Meaning Without The Ability To Lie! Our family dog once kindly thought to bring us breakfast in bed, The Last Of The Donuts we had bought for breakfast! Knowing damned well she was in trouble, and no lie could possibly save her while, the only hope she had left was to make a gesture! Guilt appears to play the social role of normalizing our tendency to sometimes fight and lie all the time, while canines are intelligent pack animals that, on the average, only live for five years in the wild. Being able to lie can bring more order to their chaos, with their tendency being to: Either Fight, Or Play All The Time! Pretending and making gestures are what play is all about, but our play overlaps with reality, and can easily transform into more fighting and lies, unless we cultivate honesty, sharing our words, and playing nice. Unfortunately, people live much longer, and are capable of a much wider variety of lies, while Lao Tzu summed up the problem as, “Habits Are The End of Genuine Honesty and Compassion: The Beginning of Complete and Total Confusion!” Not To Mention: Fad Diets!

Ironically, Gestalt Psychologists still struggle with the self-evident truth, that: Nature Can Be Playful! Not Having To Ever Rely Solely On The Principle Of The Excluded Middle, Mama Nature Never Flat-Out Lies Yet, She Can Spout Endless Bullshit! Expressing Her Own, Distinctive, Warped Sense Of Humor! Frequently, psychologists would be better off contemplating their own navel, and meditating upon how they habitually abuse language, and suppress their own sense of humor. Schizophrenia, for example, can be considered a catch-all category for mental disorders, that require a sense of humor in order to diagnose them any better, and modern AI often spout large blocks of gibberish, and act schizophrenic, as a result of engineers insisting everything must make sense.

Sometimes, I can’t even look at something written in a foreign language, one that I can’t read, because whatever the author wrote still messes with my head. No doubt, you could compile a list of phrases in foreign languages that commonly mess with people’s heads, and even list the fonts used, and academics will claim its related to the, Theoretical Mystical Metaphysical Mumbo Jumbo Second Grammar of Any Language! Which the Tea Party is currently attempting to classify as: Unfit For Human Consumption! Occasionally, someone suspects that I’m not reading every word they write, and gets upset, but that’s their problem, because I can literally read between the lines, and am not impressed with the Three Stooges constantly demanding cooperation and respect! In their ongoing efforts to, Troll People And Abuse Language! All-Too-Often, for the sole purpose of, Purely Promoting Pathetically Pointless Puerile Personal Bullshit.

Anywho, typically, its easier to see variations on a Fractal Dragon pattern that express more logic and Chi, but you can also see different Mandelbrots which express more geometry and Wu Wei Wu! With the two normally superimposed, and composed of magnified close-up silhouettes of the two shapes. They express more of their opposites and, for example, the Mandelbrot actually has less geometry, empowering it to reflect more of the author’s assertions and geometry, Like Twin Fun House Mirrors!

The elaborate waxing elocution made famous by the character “V”, from the comic books and movies, is a great example of an incredibly vague, Wavy-Gravy Mandelbrot! One that’s easy to hear, while his face is always hidden behind a smiling mask, like the Cheshire Cat… Unlike the Cheshire Cat, its harder to see his eyes twinkle, and his use of language is the one remaining hint, that he is part of the Collective Unconscious, and an avatar of Mother Nature. However, when written down, the symmetry is so obvious, that you can defeat his fuzzy logic in a single short paragraph: Leaving Him Speechless! Without A Comeback! While, James Joyce’s “Finnegan’s Wake” is the acknowledged quintessential example of a more complex multifractal in literature, similar to this book.

Everything, including the universe as a whole, speaks variations on the same universal language, each telling their own unique story, their own way: Yet, The Song Remains the Same! Always expressing the same rudimentary music and themes, everything tends to resemble geometry and rivers, spheres and vortexes, mathematical music and abstract language, science and art. A language of pattern matching in a Singularity, reflected in the physical world as fuzzy logic which, frequently, resembles music, a hologram, a funky echo chamber, or a House Of Mirrors! The words everyone writes down are no different in that respect and, If Any Logic Is Particularly Atrocious, the Fractal Dragon will become Undeniably Messy And Ugly, making it harder to see the more subtle Mandelbrot, but a pretty, flowery, Fractal Dragon can also obscure the Mandelbrot. Which is what makes the Fractal Dragon possible, and why Mandelbrots are more likely to be interesting, due to their expressing more of the underlying symmetry, of exactly how the author is Attempting To Modify the principle of the Excluded Middle.

A good Fractal Dragon is similar to the famous, “Dragon of New Zealand!" A strong shape and more classical appearing and, topologically speaking, the Mandelbrot and Fractal Dragon form a silhouette of an Hourglass Shape, That’s Blurred And Twisted In The Middle! Like Zena The Warrior Princess! Who is also from New Zealand but, possibly, of Amazonian Gladiator origins! Unfortunately, it’s only possible to see the two shapes in written English, from the overhead view of their being Superimposed: With Lots Of Cleavage!

Which is why not everyone can see their complex shapes, nearly as clearly as I can. My brain damage has left me extremely visual by default, and I can do a Rubic’s Cube In My Head! Superimposing much more boring things, such as, Differential Gears. Which more people can do than you might think, and I’m hoping some of them will expand upon my own work. Anyway, their Chaotic Two Dimensional Silhouette represents eight dimensions and a singularity that, For Most Practical Purposes, can be thought of as expressing a simpler four fold super-symmetry, and a quasi-fifth dimension, or geometry, which can also manifest as a quasi-force, such as centrifugal force. Unlike the other forces, centrifugal force requires acceleration and more dynamic geometry, and can amplify things like the Butterfly Effect, possibly producing a new way to formulate General Relativity. For example, things like Predator-Prey statistics are related to turbulence in plasma physics, and related to the lowest possible energy state, and can be thought of as unrecognized emergent Relativistic effects. Books like this one have four overlapping rudimentary multifractals which, if you condensed all those dimensions down to just three, would form a torus: Where The Dragon Bites Its Own Tail! And, There Remains, But One Ring To Bind Them All!

These are the Four Elements, Four Seasons, Four Root Metaphors, Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse! And, of course, Kali Beating Everyone To The Bathroom! Or, what can also be thought of, as the four rudimentary emotional-logic subsets of Intuitionistic Mathematics, which can easily Blur The Lines between language and mathematics, logic and humor, energy and information, past and future. Mathematically speaking, they’re organized in very much the same way as the neurons in our brains. Expressing both Phase Transitions And Metamorphic Effects and, despite sounding incredibly complex, I was surprised at just how simply their metaphors are organized in our poetry. The Singularity is a little hard to spot but, only because, in any Singularity, Its The Simple Shit That Always Gets You! Which is why, The Tiniest Of Small Fry Remain The Unrivaled Masters Of Bullshit Logic!

Theoretically, using this book, and 430 poems extrapolated from it, you could train an AI to design a neural network that simulates the brain. Utilizing the AI, yet again, to train the same neural network it designs, you could produce a Star Trek Style, “Universal Translator!" Thus, reproducing the recursive Analog Logic And Geometry of a Singularity, that can treat words and concepts stochastically, using humor and paradoxes as references for the geometry and dynamics of the self-organizing truth. For example, when our motor neurons grow, they inform our blood vessels to get the hell out of their way, not because our nerves are all pushy but, because, without nerves, blood vessels Can’t Survive! Illustrating one way in which such “Translators” can easily treat information as more vital than energy, and can express distinctive Yin-Yangy Push-Me-Pull-You Dynamics. A reservoir computer would likely require a relatively modest number of artificial neurons to translate any mathematics, or language, making it an ideal front end for a cpu processor, roughly 99.9% more efficient, due to incorporating an entirely analog design, that also takes up a third of the space on a chip but, Would Have A Wicked Built-In Sense Of Humor!

One which, nevertheless, could easily make more sense out of even the worst computer programmers, and literally talk to even Bacteria and animals, customizing its translations for each individual, according to how they habitually modify the principle of the excluded middle. All of that might sound a bit Far Fetched but, for example, bacteria have already proven to, more or less, speak Wild Variations on the same basic pattern matching languages, and to produce their own versions of Translators. Fungi (Fun-Guy) appear to speak their own More Geometric Languages, while biologists and zoologists are already starting to talk to bacteria and animals. Soon, dogs and cats may have their own cellphones, that allow them to call their owners, and complain whenever they get bored. There should be four overlapping, Rudimentary “Sub-types” Of Languages, or sub-categories, that collectively confuse the issues of what are sex, food, communication, and cussing.

Every culture has legends of wizards, witches, and Enlightened Beings Who Could Talk to animals, and make predictions nobody else can and, by applying this kind of technology to any existing patterns in nature, computers like these could become almost prescient in their ability to make customized predictions, from any data that they might happen to acquire. Online AI translators could eventually come to Dominate Entire Social Spheres, empowering people to share ideas Who, Otherwise, Would Never, Ever, Under Any Circumstances! Talk To One Another! Which should prove to be a unique approach for documenting how six degrees of freedom translate into six degrees of separation, and how the "Traveling Salesman" problem in mathematics, demands the efficiency of quantum mechanics. Many might assume a computer that powerful Would Almost Certainly Be Abused for personal gain but, as much as anything else, their advantage is the result of leveraging the existing nonlinear temporal dynamics, Karma, or the Magic of Gaia Herself, and playing around with such a machine is, Analogous To Playing With Fire!

Laugh all you want, but life, the universe, and everything being self-organizing, means the truth is always outrageously more efficient, and more productive in long run, than all of our bullshit combined Horatio! While, The Truth Never Requires Any Defense! And, Can Make Anyone Live To Regret Their Choices! Infants can produce endless zingers, because their tiny little empty heads make them more efficient at generating them, while computers like these would sometimes resemble a “Taoist Dragon!" Similar to a combination of the Oracle at Delphi, the Egyptian Sphinx, and a Genie in a bottle, but with a Wicked sense of humor, where you have to, Be Careful What You Wish For!

As Bizarre as any Universal Translator would be, Asian Masters in particular have difficulty believing me when I tell them, in fifty years at most, science will likely make it possible for anyone to Meditate Like A Guru! At The Push Of A Button! Meditation requires years of work to master, sometimes, a lifetime, and is Profoundly Spiritual for them, nonetheless, it remains intimately related to how all of our brains harmonize with our reproductive and immune systems, how the placebo effect works, Hypnotism, and who knows what else, and neurologists are hard at work figuring out how to tweak your brain waves and chemistry for the best results. Note, this doesn’t mean just anyone will necessarily be able to instantly achieve some of the more advanced meditative states, without usually first adopting some sort of spiritual practice.

The Placebo Effect should turn out to involve what Leibniz called the “Lifeforce”, and the Chinese call “Chi”, or “Virtual Particles”. Emanating all the way from the Big Bang, via Sagittarius, the sun and earth, animating organic life as we know it, and blurring the lines between what is and isn’t organic. Presenting a macroscopic manifestation of quantum mechanics, an expression of the Two Faces of Janus, and our Individual Karma. Likewise, hypnotism should turn out to related to how our immune system and memory works, and obey the same geometry as everything else. Processing and memory are often interchangeable in parallel processing, and the default geometry of words and concepts can be used as a measure of the total Information in the system, and how the truth can be up to 125% efficient. For example, its already theoretically possible to inject the memories of someone, who has mastered a particular style of meditation, into the Brain Of Another individual. Turning them into an instant master of meditation!

Very likely, their brains would have to at least play around with the new pattern matching they’ve acquired, to make it more personal, and it remains to be seen if they can achieve higher levels of meditation, without a significant amount of practice. Ancient Legends Speak of masters who could transfer their knowledge to a student’s head at the, Touch Of A Hand, but the students were all advanced students. Such an ability may be related to how the brain itself compresses data, with the touch of the hand merely being a Symbolic Trigger, for the student to reinterpret all of the data they’ve acquired, in more sweeping contexts, and become entangled with the master. Using a spontaneous nonlinear approach they’ve absorbed over the years, through Attrition And Osmosis. The brain has also proven to compress more data than the entire worldwide web, down to the Tiniest Fraction Possible, and the electronics industry is rushing to exploit the newly emerging insights, with the human brain sometimes using the same changes simultaneously, for both processing data, and for memorizing and Erasing Everything!

Some Things Are Burned Into Our Brains! Making them much harder to forget however, mercifully, our brains are capable of magically forgetting anything, and reducing the impact of our memories. The more personal integrity we cultivate, and the better our sense of humor, the more graciously we can accept things and, equally important, easily forget them! This book provides an example of how to leverage geometry and yin-yang push-pull dynamics for greater efficiency, utilizing processing in memory, treating the two as forming their own particle-wave duality. Which is actually similar to the way our vision works, incorporating a Data Sieve and Heuristic Networks. The capitalized words I’m using, for example, are intrinsic to the same geometry, and represent the peanut gallery view, of whatever any particular poem or paragraph is commenting on.

Again, suggesting the brain is doing a Drunkard’s Walk, and meditation improves how harmoniously it performs, with many today comparing simpler forms of meditation to, “Rebooting Your Brain”. When the computer stops running a million programs in the background, ones that you really don’t need or want, similar to Getting A Good Night’s Sleep! Which, additionally, may provide unique insights into our personal dreams and spirituality. Although brainwaves have A Reputation For Being Difficult to monitor and control, the actual problem is that today’s EEG headsets commonly use antiquated technology, that requires advanced quantum meta-materials, still in development. At Least 100,000x More Sensitive, while neurologists have proven extremely creative with the equipment they already have. Normally, combining the two Would Require A Half A Century but, AI makes it possible to accomplish within a decade.

Finding Reliable Data on the subject was not easy, since so few even know how to use a dictionary, the research is Taboo and, increasingly, classified, censored, and suppressed by governments, academics, and religious communities alike. For the last several eons, but the science and technology have advanced far enough, in the modern world, that its becoming Impossible To Ignore Any Longer! Hopefully, others will follow my example, and collate their data In The Public Domain, anonymously whenever prudent. It might sound like I’m exaggerating any danger, but a quarter of the US Federal Prison Population are harmless potheads, whose infantile poetry is classified by their government, as their entire population implodes and, The Idiots Storm The Palace With Knives And Pitchforks! According to both political parties, the question is not who to trust, but whether there is anybody left in the entire country you can trust, and its certainly not academia!

Fortunately, my own research indicates, for both parties, the issue can be considered as much a medical one, as anything else, making it all that much more important to publish work anonymously, whenever necessary. Merely by improving their immune and reproductive systems, and encouraging them to laugh more often, its possible to sometimes alleviate the worst of their symptoms. Due to their constituents literally behaving like mindless cattle, just worming them should noticeably ease their anger and frustration! On larger scales, their behavior is so reactionary, the same patterns should actually be reflected in their cellular level reactions, implying a wide number of ways in which to easily influence their behavior. Modern civilization has slid so far down the toilet that, without ever having to teach anyone how to share their words and play nice, you can still noticeably promote world peace, by merely vaccinating them! However, developing the technology for mass adoption could require decades and, in the meantime, nobody can count on the democrats to defend anything other than then their own bank accounts, and you takes your chances attempting to publish anything, that doesn’t promote the interests of the republican party!

Anywho, a great deal of the new technology coming our way will likely also be regulated by the AMA, and we’ll just have to wait and see what all the possibilities are, but they include effective treatments and cures for countless mental illnesses and neurological problems, as well as immune and reproductive dysfunctions, and even for such issues as racism and rape. Information being more fundamental than energy, should be capable of explaining why the populations of the wealthiest countries in the world are imploding, when you might easily assume they would explode instead, and why Archie Bunker’s sexist, ageist, racist, and homophobic biases are the default. Ironically, racists tend to be rapists, and tend to rape people of a different race, implying their behavior reflects the default of their cellular biology. An attempt to ensure the DNA of their own culture, or race, isn’t lost forever, because their population has become self-destructive.

Just as bacteria will kill the stronger among them first, normalizing the playing field for the rest, being the biggest or strongest isn’t always an advantage, and can become a serious liability. A ninety pound chimpanzee, for example, is much stronger than a human, yet, the more complex a species becomes, the more social they must also become. Tolerance and variety remain the spice of life, required in order to produce a more complex ecosystem, one that can leverage every available source of energy. Demonstrating in the process how information is more vital than energy, and the fact that our universe is fundamentally social, syntropic, or magic, ensuring life forever remains two steps forward and one back again, for the ecology as a whole.

The typical response to receiving a mortal wound to the head, is to withdraw into the nearest defensible corner and, blindly, attack anything living that approaches you. The individual’s surviving neurons are focused on performing triage, attempting to save as many other neurons as they can and, in the confusion, have to rely on a more brute force, Three Stooges, approach for all of their problems solving, rather than seriously dividing their attention between the two tasks. Even if the individual happens to be alone at the time and, somehow, has managed to accidentally receive a mortal head wound, they’re more likely to respond the same way, simply protecting their wound as best they can, using the simplest pattern matching they know, while their other neurons are distracted trying to save their lives. Likewise, aggressive cultures often promote brain damage and PTSD, and the price inevitably takes its toll, as even the cells of their own bodies begin to recognize, the future of their culture looks bleak.

A study of seven major South African tribes documented how, every three to four hundred years, six of the seven tribes would set aside their differences, and attack the most aggressive tribe among them, virtually bringing them to the verge of genocide. Whenever their population reached a critical size, the others would collectively turn against them. Notably, aggressive cultures tend to breed racists, and racists tend to more often become rapists as well, and are more likely to rape people of a different race. Nature is leveraging more of the default geometry and dynamics again, ensuring all of their DNA isn’t lost forever, on the assumption they’re too aggressive to survive and evolve any other way. Past a certain point, even the cells of our bodies become aware that we have nothing worthwhile to share and, for whatever reason, our culture cannot support the greater truth that, ironically, survival of the fittest demands a sense of humor, in order to become more tolerant and social, not less.

Medically, the term "Race" is sometimes considered meaningless, but race and rape can also be considered default cellular level mechanisms, used whenever there isn’t enough genetic diversity, and the species struggles to evolve and reproduce. Organic life is fundamentally social, and the more aggressive a culture becomes, the greater the odds that their population will implode altogether, or divide in half, and the higher the odds they will lose a significant amount of their genetic diversity to self-destructive behavior. Race itself can be considered a cellular level pattern matching response, accounting for minor differences in our biology but, also, a cultural phenomenon related to how well any particular culture socializes, and reproduces. Without any comprehension of how we might consciously view racism, using race as a default ensures the cells of our bodies can ensure their own continuing evolution, just as they will enforce more negative emotions, and shrink parts of the brain, in order to enforce more reactionary, if the environment isn’t particularly hospitable for them.

For example, I know someone who was adopted, and doesn’t know if he is of Palestinian or Jewish heritage, because the two are genetically identical. Racism is often part of economics, ensuring if a culture is not social enough, they will divide in half, one dominant and one submissive. Ensuring more of their genetic diversity will survive, on the assumption that life remains two steps forward, and one back again. Darwinian evolution must account for information being more fundamental than energy, and related to our social environment, on even a cellular level. Sadly, racism isn’t about race, but Three Stooges politics and, by merely treating them medically to improve their immune and reproductive systems, it should be possible to treat cases of racism and rape, without ever having to teach anyone how to share their words and play nice. Today, behaviors such as racism and rape are being integrated into the Winner-Takes-All-Economy, ensuring that weapons and war remain the fastest growing segment of the economy. Currently, inspiring everyone to destroy the entire world ecology, in the name of survival of the fittest!

The very idea that issues such as rape and racism are as much a cellular level response, as anything else, a default our bodies rely on to ensure our DNA isn’t lost forever, and humanity evolves faster under duress, is politically sensitive to say the least! Nonetheless, it can be considered a simple reflection of the fact that information is more fundamental than energy, and socializing is the only way to survive as a species. Making collating data in the public domain, anonymously whenever prudent, all that much more crucial, as developed countries around the world continue to collectively renew their efforts to censor half of reality. Of course, an easier way to address such issues, and avoid more needless suffering and death, is to publish a complete "Theory of Everything and Nothing", which is certain to be censored, and requires about twice as many poems, but can easily be automated.

I’ve done my best here to cover as much of the essential analog logic as I can, but to double the number of poems required to complete the book, would require a supercomputer I don’t have access to, and I would most definitely be classified and censored, even if I had access to such resources. By extrapolating half of it here, the hard way, I make it easier for anybody else to do significantly more, with much less powerful computers and other tools, that aren’t classified and regulated by the military-industrial complex. Empowering people to easily publish their work anonymously in the public domain, where millions of others can examine it using the same linguistic-mathematics. No doubt, there will be endless, Incredible, Spiritual Applications As Well! But, regardless of any objections from either side, Spirituality, Politics, and Science are about to be married: Sometimes, In A Shotgun Wedding!

Socrates said, “The secret to change is to focus your energy, not upon fighting the old, but upon building the new!” Which is, “Bullshit Kung Fu: Sociology 101!” Ya Gotta Know When To Either Fucking Duck Or Run! Although, you can sometimes do both at the same time, other times, you have to duck as low as possible, or run as fast as you can, and pattern matching provides the most efficient way to decide. Over the last several thousand years, science and mysticism have drifted apart, and diverged a great deal, but are currently poised, For a Long Series of Rude Awakenings! If you want my opinion, the whole world could use a few rude awakenings right about now and, ironically, without a sense of humor, life makes no damned sense whatsoever! Which, it should be possible to establish using empirical evidence, and to prove that Existentialist Angst ain’t nothing more than people foolishly insisting that everything must make sense. Their angst, should obey the epidemiology of infectious diseases, explaining why its largely a cultural phenomenon, and bring entirely new meaning to epidemiology, as related to the individual’s pattern matching. Using similar pattern matching, a herd of animals can regulate their collective anxiety, preventing themselves from over-reacting to predation, in order to conserve their energy. Sometimes, being spooked by even their own shadows, with their angst trading increased gullibility for collective efficiency. However, the endless mountain of evidence that can be collated will, most assuredly: Royally Piss Off Billions Around The Globe!

Likewise, parts of the following chapters and poetry may seem exaggerated, abstract, archaic, political, horrifying, trite, lite, and delightful or, Just Plain Wacky Tacky And Tasteless! Or, Evil Abominations That Should Never See The Light Of Day Again! Nonetheless, they merely express the mathematics of the default networking systems logic, which I had to sometimes cover in gritty detail, in the next chapter in particular. However, the reader should feel perfectly free to skim through or skip past anything at any point. You could say, the poetry starts out as humble potty mouth stuff, including Salty-As-Hell, and under-rated, “Grease Monkey Philosophy!” So, I had to cover all of the Chicken Jokes, in particular, in extensive detail, because I only have a modest selection of the first poems to work with, that future poems will build on later. As I explain throughout the book, anything I write can be improved upon by anyone, at any time, regardless of age, or even written by a computer, that has absolutely no clue as to what its actually reading or writing, and anyone can use the same lexicon and mathematics to edit anything, or to collate any data, and to write similar books using an AI if they want, while I provide detailed instructions, again, in later chapters.

Difficult as it might be for many to comprehend, my words tell me what to write, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. The more I can learn about exactly what our words have to say for themselves, the better I can comprehend them myself, and how I use them myself. Women have begged me to write more sexy poems, and I tell them its all math to me, and I seldom know what a poem is about until I finish it and, usually, have no choice as to which poems to write next. If anyone has any difficulty with anything I write, I recommend reading the poetry chapter first, “The Way of Ignorant Virtue!" Which, makes it all that much more obvious, that this entire book can be spit out by a computer, and anybody interested can use an AI to imitate this book, and produce a sequel, that some 350 million people can already help to edit. Due to its mathematics, the poetry and chapters of this book resemble a Giant Geometric Word Puzzle! Painstakingly assembled by countless millions since the dawn of agriculture but, again, the problem is, the truth itself is already being heavily classified and censored, in every advanced country and, if humanity is to survive, academia must confront the reality of their denial, of a mountain of their own damning evidence!

The fact it can all be spit out by a computer, is both mind-boggling and humbling, and one reason why I bothered to spend so long assembling all of the pieces that I could, for a more detailed examination. Although I’ve always known there was something special about our poetry, what I discovered over the years, is that our individual poems are part of a Quantized Information Singularity and, similar to Cheshire Cats, have a life and will of their own! Many of us who write them, think of our poems as much beloved exotic pets, that we breed, and each expresses a different aspect of the humor of the Collective Unconscious. Anyone who writes this kind of poetry can testify to this, because its impossible to make our poems say anything they just don’t, of course, without having them: Throw Your Own Crap Right Back In Your Face! While, everyone always recognizes which poems are better, and nobody owns any copyrights to our poems, yet we are all held responsible for them!

Frequently, I tell people I’m just a Highly Skilled Hack, requiring decades of studying “Mental Judo and Aikido”, that are Absolutely Taboo In Any Mainstream Culture! And, likely to get you killed! Otherwise, I’m just another unpaid, spit upon, office drone, and I merely do the basic research, and collate all the data while, Mother Nature Is The Slave Driver I Work For! Who insists on getting most of the credit, and says she wants me to, “Make Her Look Pretty." Murray Gel Mann became famous among physicists for doing the dirty work, of sorting through the entire Particle Zoo, the hard way. He complained louder than most about the size of the mess, but he also helped to: Clean It Up! While, what I do requires 30 years to get good at, and I’m working towards automating the entire process. As much fun as these poems can sometimes be to write, Rainbow Warriors like to say, “The only requirement is, you have to be masochistic enough to do all of the editing!” I’m hoping to End The Rainbow Family’s Reliance On Masochism! At least, for their spiritual growth and entertainment!

At some point, SomeBody, had to write this book, before the computers spit out all the poems, or researchers might require a few millennia to sort it all out, especially when half of it is classified and taboo! I just happened to be the brain damaged idiot who was qualified for the job, in part, because I’m not an academic, and don’t follow any particular tradition, empowering me to combine them all in entirely new ways. Expressing more of their original Tribal Humor, this book seamlessly blends Socratic Wisdom and Chuang Tzu Taoism, illustrating how we all treat the truth like a giant puzzle but, one which inevitably turns out to be self-organizing.

We ourselves are limited to either promoting or inhibiting its self-organization while, like humor, both Socratic Wisdom and Taoism are more descriptive than prescriptive, merely encouraging everyone to share their words and play nice on the playground! (OR NOT!) Which is reflected in our poetry lending itself equally well to Agnostic, Theistic, Pantheistic, and Panentheistic views in particular, but specific ones which our cultures tend to overwhelmingly suppress. Our poems criticize and poke fun at everyone, including ourselves and, for example, although my poems cover patriarchal views extensively, they also describe “Mother Nature” as God’s wife Gaia, or Married To The Greater Truth! While, your father never argues with your mother, and I don’t recommend anyone else try.

Using Contextual Vagueness, half my poems say one thing to small children, and another to adults, speaking directly to both our conscious and unconscious minds alike and, collectively, they express the Two Faces of Janus, and play peek-a-boo like that, in every way imaginable, making them all that much more amenable to automation. Quite literally, whenever someone uses the word “God”, I think of it as synonymous with “The Truth” and I don’t see believers and nonbelievers as inherently estranged, or opposed in any fashion, which is a common sentiment among Rainbow Warriors. A number of people have called me the most spiritual agnostic they’ve ever met, which I believe is a great compliment but, in my opinion, sadly reflects the fact that Rainbow Warriors are on the “National Terrorism Watch List!" For failure to obtain a camping permit! Even professional comedians are struggling these days to avoid all the rotten tomatoes, flying in every damn direction while, according to the statistics, at least half of all agnostics, who might otherwise readily admit they know nothing, still prefer to hide in the closet!

Americans are so spiritual these days, they seldom talk about religion, and only attend church when their jobs and pay checks are being threatened, they desire to pray for shorter working hours, or intend to do a little “Tax Exempt” business on the side. The “Circle of Life” is all about paying it forward sucker, not whatever the hell you happen to fantasize about, and is most certainly not: The Circle Jerk Of Life! Finding a way to automate the truth was a significant motivation in my writing this book, so that nobody has to every rely solely again, on any of these: Institutionalized Circle-Jerks! Dating Back To At Least The Dark Ages! Empowering people to easily, Avoid The Worst Of Their Nonsense!

Sometimes, people tell me they believe some of the things that I write about, but 42 being the answer to life, the universe, and everything isn’t really about whatever the hell you might believe, quite the opposite, and many have difficulty comprehending that as well. This book merely contains personal and established scientific facts, expressed as prehistoric infantile and adult potty humor, that obeys a default geometry, and just so happens to reconcile Socratic Wisdom with the Tao Te Ching and Modern Science in a self-consistent, nontrivial, and demonstrable manner, based on first principles. Making a wide variety of unique predictions, all proving that Jim Henson and Frank Oz were essentially correct, and our universe resembles “The Muppet Show” and “The Dark Crystal!”

I would ask the Muppets to review the book and give me feedback, but I don’t have time for nonsense, and I certainly don’t want to confuse them! As good as the Muppets are at what they do, nobody in their right mind wants my job, which is why Mother Nature gave it to me! At least three widely known poems are pornographic in Chinese, and the computers should spit out several hundred more pornographic jokes, including countless poems which are Undeniably Pornographic In English! And, Enough To Make Anyone Lose Their Religion! Extensive Humorous-Magical-Literary-Mathematical-Pornography! That, seriously plays with your head, and makes the Kama Sutra look like a clumsy first attempt at sex, is just too weird for even me to dwell upon, for any length of time! But, its coming, and I’m perfectly content to wait for Congress and the Pentagon to finish reading them all first.

Unfortunately, “This Old World” simply cannot afford for the Three Stooges to continue to abuse this kind of Magical Prehistoric Potty Mouth Playground Science And Technology! Certainly, not in complete secrecy any longer, and We Need To Pick Up The Pace! And, Show Them How It Works! Before They Possibly Kill Us All! For example, the Pentagon’s recent admission that UFOs Are Real, is just the tip of the iceberg, and the fact these "News Of The Weird" Revelations, are all suddenly coming out now, just as the whole world starts to fall apart, and we’re about to discover a theory of everything the hard way, is a sure sign the entire civilized world is, Rapidly Going Down The Rabbit Hole, Head-First!!! A Self-organizing Singularity would cause humanity and the entire planet to go through periodic transformations, resembling the stages of life and the four seasons of the year, and these would sometimes be accompanied by an increase in observable nonlinear temporal effects. Which, upon occasion, can be Echoes From The Future! Due to the entire planet’s future becoming more certain by the moment, like a pot of water about to boil over!

Along the same lines as your whole life flashing before your eyes, when you know you’re going to die, but these are random appearing visions from the future and, sometimes, Just Plain Weird Nonlinear Temporal Dynamics! With, for example, many now swearing that the internet is coming to life and, The Walls Are Starting To Talk! UFO sightings could sometimes be Echoes From The Future! And, could even be the Pentagon’s own Drone Technology, haunting them in the present! Likely, resembling the same widespread anomalous results observed in particle physics, that appear to somehow be simultaneously real and unreal, like something out of a weird dream or, A Bad Joke!

The nonlinear temporal dynamics confuse the issue of whether anything is organic or inorganic, random or fated, real or imaginary, past or future, and suggest that a more Pragmatic Definition for what is organic, requires categorizing the four root metaphors as subsets, derived from all the data. Reports of ghosts can often be viewed as extremely context dependent and, similar to the low entropy results in High Energy Physics, which are incredibly vague and tautological and, of questionable or limited value. Physicists commonly argue that everything is entropic, or random, only to deny the evidence that spacetime itself is expanding in every direction simultaneously, magically creating its own energy as the entire universe grows! Our subconscious mind being a walking lie detector, and our conscious mind horrible at detecting our own lies in particular, ensures that, if nothing else, They Can Always Pretend the arrow of time applies to everything we observe, both individually and collectively, but technology has ensured that the illusion is rapidly becoming Much Harder To Sustain!

Information being more fundamental than energy, means the more advanced our technology becomes, and the more data we acquire and disseminate, the easier it is to unintentionally generate similar temporal side-effects. Which, of course, can reinforce themselves! While, our brains remain fundamentally quantum mechanical, Confusing The Hell Out Of Everyone! In later chapters, I cover a wide variety of similar personal experiences I’ve had, and one my own mother once had on the telephone but, Most People I’ve Come Across Take Such Things For Granted! Easily dismissing them as unimportant. The classic adage is, “A Watched Pot Will Never Boil” and, once, I had to reassure a woman that she’s not crazy, and modern science can explain such things, which are frequently similar to listening to a Record Skipping, or as if the walls are talking. Two additional examples, that commonly mess with people’s heads, are crap following you around on the horizon and, The Mocking Laughter Of The Void!

You could say they’re all proof that, “Forty-Two Being As Good As It Gets, The Song Remains The Same!” Requiring vague metaphoric systems logics, if anyone is to ever have the slightest hope of making more sense out of them. For example, a “Goldilocks Principle of Murphy’s Law” expresses particle-wave duality as a metaphor and, sometimes, can help make a little more sense out of something specific, as expressing the Two Faces of Janus. Both the Cheshire Cat, and Q on Star Trek, can be thought of as Mother Nature’s avatars, similar to a Jeanie in a bottle. Q’s magic contrasts starkly with the Enterprise crew’s reliance on science and technology but, for all his omnipotence, Q will never admit that Karma is his one limitation! Occasionally, he will flash a mischievous grin revealing the truth, that he’s not upset in the slightest, and just enjoys tweaking all of their noses. Which you can also think of as representing how time, and existence itself, are somehow magically both real and imaginary, reality and the dream and, if God does play peek-a-boo, we can all at least agree, the Big Bang got everyone’s attention!

Anyway, typically such minor temporal hiccups, as a pot refusing to boil, have Limited Impact on the course of human events. Yet, a sustained series of them today, serves as a wake-up call that something BIG is coming! That a Greater Truth is about to be revealed! For all to bear witness and, quite possibly, Live To Regret Immediately! A greater truth which will leave no doubt in anybody’s mind, as to just exactly what is happening! In this particular case, The Lasting Revelation! That the time is never quite what anybody thinks it is! Hoping to make a difference in our children’s future, I’ve been rushing for the last fifteen years to write this book. Assuming life is Merely A Joke is as big a mistake as it is to assume that these are the days of Wine And Roses! And, I’m afraid, as many as two billion people will likely die, before this is over, but the past is not immutable! And, in a Singularity, children are the most powerful magic on the planet!

All any of it means to me personally, is we need to start working out the metaphoric logic as soon as possible, because the shit is about to hit the fan! While, people are already dying, along with every other species! At the very least, we need to cushion the fall, and be prepared to rebuild again! Hopefully, without repeating the worst mistakes. Theoretically, networking systems logic can illustrate how to reformulate Relativity to express quantum mechanics on macroscopic scales, making more sense out of thermodynamics which, then, can then be used to kick-start the next scientific revolution, in a way that any five year old can comprehend. As useful as Classical Chaos Theory, Darwinian Evolution, Behaviorism, “Relational Frame Theory”, “Constructal Theory”, and countless other theories all happen to be, they’re also gross over-simplifications, that require much more subtle systems logics, in order to become significantly more applicable in the real world.

Both the world ecology and humanity require all of the insight we can collectively muster, which might sound confusing to many but, for example, evolutionary theorists have already begun to gather evidence that Darwinian Evolution does not appear to apply to large populations of animals, that random evolution in plant DNA appears to regulate itself, and evidence that altitude, or temperature, drives the pace of both mortality and evolution. Again, these can all be compared to emergent effects, expressing the Two Faces of Janus, that classic logic and thermodynamics alone simply cannot account for, but systems logics can. Their increased frequency today is exactly what we require in order to gain a better perspective of the Big Picture, Which Is Nonlinear! (Boing, Boing, Boing!)

Up Ahead At The Signpost! Imagine if you will, the Timeless Science Fiction story of limited dimensions yet, nonetheless, affectionately known as “Flatland!” Whose local inhabitants include, “Three Classic Stooges”, also known to the other Denizens Of Flatland as Moe, Larry, and Curly Joe. Three Brothers, who occupy their own, not so unique, Idiosyncratic Dunce Corner, infantile mental plane, and Perpetual Twilight Zone! Where their Extreme Reactionary Behavior ensures they remain wholly incapable of ever learning, how to share their words and play nice. And, all-too-predictably, equally incapable of ever grasping in the slightest that, In The Twilight Zone: The Big Picture Always Has More Dimensions! Or, does it?

As unflattering as all of the Three Stooges Slapstick in this book are, they merely represent the default networking systems logic, implied by a universal recursion in the principle of identity. The evidence I’ve collated over the last fifteen years, indicates humanity could never have survived without them, or even have managed to organize in groups much larger than four hundred people, without inventing new technology. Countries, as large as the US today, rely extensively on quantum mechanics, just to maintain whatever order they can manage. Thanks to everyone commonly rejecting their own dictionary and second grammar, AI is now poised to make the current internet look like Smoke Signals, Morse Code, or an Old-Fashioned Party Line! Utilizing, Truly Cunning Linguistic Analysis to cut through all the Bullshit: Like A Hot Knife Through Butter!

Commissioning extensive field studies, generously sponsored by their Local Neighborhood Bar, careful to use the duly sanctioned, and properly sanctified, peer-review system to scrupulously double-check their methodology and results, many years later, Archaeologists and Anthropologists came to the sober conclusion: The Inventions of Beer and Arithmetic Are What Made Modern Civilization Possible! Over the course of a lifetime of conducting my own personal research, I’ve steadily uncovered similar evidence, that practically all of our cultural institutions, popular concepts, languages, mathematics, and physics, are gross over-simplifications, which have been mindlessly used and abused to suppress much more viable alternatives and, are unwittingly being used and abused to this very day to exploit people, and destroy the entire planet! Creating an even more urgent need to develop much more complex yet, equally, competitive alternatives. Throughout history, myriad cultures have claimed that money is the Root Of All Evil! But, the biggest fib the Devil ever told, was to convince himself that he knew what the Hell he was doing! Networking Systems Logic suggests instead, contrary to anyone’s erstwhile opinion, personal convictions, or heartfelt wishful thinking, the money and weapons themselves have been doing the lion’s share of the driving all along! And, most of the time, Nobody Is Actually Steering! Just ask the Pentagon!

Since the dawn of agriculture, the need to organize in ever larger numbers, has compelled us all to adopt more complex mental abstractions and, To Do More Mental Gymnastics! While Twisting All Of Our Brains Into Funky Pretzels! Nonetheless, these merely represent gross over-simplifications of reality which, in turn, have been used and abused to suppress a wealth of empirical evidence! In particular, anything related to fuzzy logic, quantum mechanics, linguistic analysis, consciousness, and our own innate sense of humor. Of course, frequently in the name of morality, growth, and progress! Cussing May Be Rude, But So Is Farting! While, cussing reflects more of how your subconscious mind and body talk among themselves, of course, in a more Explicitly Infantile Fashion, that expresses more of the humor in life.

It turns out that Galileo was far from being unique, but his trial was the first in modern times to bring attention, to the extreme extent to which modern civilization has Institutionalized Denial Of The Self-Evident Truth! Anyone with two eyes could easily confirm his evidence, without requiring any explanations whatsoever yet, to this day, academia prefers to help their governments censor even the tale of, “The Emperor’s New Clothes!" While, vehemently, continuing to deny that criticism of their lack of a sense of humor is meaningful. The invention of writing, in particular, made “Big Agriculture” possible, eventually introducing formal logic, which was used to systematically suppress and exclude any alternatives, that might challenge the establishment. Karma lends entirely new meaning to "Social Darwinism" as quantifiable, and enforced in academia using infantile taboos, which promote racism and sexism among their ranks to this day.

Likewise, the English language itself, appears to have been designed to give people the choice to suppress the more rudimentary grammar, to varying degrees, in order to promote the interests of entrenched wealth, over those of the Peasants, Who Tend To Cuss More Often! The simple fact is, the more frequently people cuss, the more often they also hold their leaders accountable, making tolerance and freedom of speech all that much more valuable. Yet, the acquisition of sudden wealth can easily upset more Competitive And Contentious Societies, who attempt to suppress humor and cussing. Unfortunately, civilized humanity has abused formal logic, and institutionalized cultural insanity, to such a dreadful extent that, over the last few hundred years of the Industrial Revolution, it has become the single greatest threat to the entire planet!

For their part, the US government is classifying jokes older than monuments, written by harmless potheads they throw in prison, while insisting that national security is never a laughing matter, as half the damned population implodes, and they attempt to destroy their own government! Their response has been to import every genius they can, along with twenty million illegal aliens, to replace them all. Military intelligence is a complete oxymoron yet, these days, the Pentagon is even deciding for themselves what to call a monopoly, as if they’re Congress or the Supreme Court. For example, insisting that Nvidia cannot make their own ARM laptops, like Apple already does, because having two enormous corporations making their own ARM laptops, to compete against Intel and AMD, would somehow create a monopoly. In response, Microsoft sold them a billion and a half dollars worth of headsets, that make everyone throw up, having extensive experience with exploiting mindless bureaucrats for all they’re worth, especially when you’re practically a monopoly, and have to compete with corporations like Nvidia.

When Is A Joke No Longer Just A Joke? Whenever Three Stooges slapstick is considered normal and sane, as the entire world ecology collapses, and everyone argues over the definition of stupid, while storming the palace with Knives And Pitchforks! Threatening to start WWIII! Even, promoting racism and genocide as solutions to their own self-imposed problems! People can laugh all they want at the WWII “Cargo Cults”, when the primitive Tribes of New Zealand sometimes starved to death, spending all of their time building mock runways and praying for the gods to send them more crashed airplane wreaks full of goodies but, “The Gods Must Be Crazy!” And, their behavior was essentially no different from that of Wall Street, governments, academia, the mass media, and the mainstream, while George Orwell would never dare to broadcast “War of the Worlds” today! Regardless of how many people agree with your views, reality has a way of imposing itself upon even the wealthy, the mindless mob, and any of the more idealistic and intellectual of the Three Stooges, In The Most Disagreeable Ways Imaginable! We’re now rapidly approaching what the I-Ching politely calls, “The Turning Point”, what others more bluntly refer to as, “The Tipping Point”, but what Rainbow Warriors poignantly call, “Childhood’s End!" When all the lies will finally be revealed, and the meek shall at last inherit the Earth, or: Whatever Might Be Left of It!

Only By Placing One Foot In Front Of The Other, May Any Bumble Down A Road Less Traveled: And, Risk Falling Into The Nearest Ditch! One of the more striking implications of a self-organizing singularity, is that time itself can be considered simultaneously real and imaginary, and everything that exists can be described as obeying Karma, due to our inhabiting what is essentially a, “Magical Fairy Tale Universe”, but one that tells its own story. Sometimes, a book like this one is known as, “The Book That Can Never Be Written!” Which, of course, like any number of popular Hollywood Movies: Has no known ending, and countless authors, who often prefer to remain anonymous! Karma is an incredibly vague and paradoxical concept, making it magical by default, but The Magic of Karma Abides In The Singularity! Where mathematics and language can become indistinguishable, expressing humble efficiency and elegant simplicity, which the Muppets can explain better than I can.

Suffice it to say for now that, Contentment Can Be Its Own Reward! To have clueless friends, we must first be content to remain clueless ourselves! Most are familiar with the concept of Karma as, “What comes around, goes around”, but Karma is also the principle of, “Two steps forward and one back, Or Else!” At any given time, half of life can be considered fated, and the other half random, but the two overlap and transform into one another in extreme situations, making them Ultimately Indistinguishable. Providing a simple explanation for why the everyday world appears to be so deterministic, yet Monty Carlo Statistics, Fractal Geometry, and 125% efficiency commonly apply to the world around us. Providing an additional simple explanation for why people so frequently act so insane or, as if, they were merely two years old. The evidence already indicates the Peter Principle applies in the real world: Defying Darwinian Survival Of The Fittest! And, comparable to an adult version of Alice In Wonderland, The Wizard Of Oz, and Peter Pan: Combined With Star Wars, Star Trek, And The Muppets!

Throw Yourself Off The Top Of A Tall Building! And, ironically, you have chosen your own fate but, time is neither passive nor strictly linear, and the metaphorical concept of Karma covers additional nonlinear temporal dynamics, that nothing else can. For example, you might be surprised to learn just how many Infants Have Survived Falls that would kill an adult, from up to six floors: When Their Diaper Exploded On Impact! Merely Bruising Their Little Butts! Which can be attributed to Karma, or the symmetry of Mother Nature herself, inherently favoring the little ones, limiting extremes, and normalizing life, while expressing, A Distinctly Infantile Sense Of Humor!

In general, The Further We Look back in time, using telescopes or whatever, the more vague and self-contradictory everything becomes, while the future appears to be even more uncertain, constantly branching off in new directions. There is literally no going backwards without Paying Interest, and no going forward without Taking A Leap Of Faith! And, Possibly, Paying For It! Ironically, we frequently have little choice, but to go on faith alone, in a universe so tacky that, Even The Muppets Won’t Talk About It! So, I tell people to, Get Over It Already! Our universe appears to have originated in both a self-contradictory Big Bang that was “just right”, as if God had touched the Cue Ball with his finger, broke the pool table, and sank every ball, while incredibly vague Dark Energy appears to be causing everything to expand for eternity, and our universe is predicted to either end in a dramatic “Big Crunch”, or a boring “Heat Death”, but nobody can tell for certain which it might be, Not Even Hollywood Writers! Yet, The Undeniable Truth Remains, that everything expresses particle-wave duality, including energy and information, with energy Constantly Paying It Forward, and information always full of surprises, keeping life interesting.

Paying It Forward, As Inertia Or Whatever, is ultimately the only way we’re able to go backwards and, for example, Evolutionary Theorists now believe people live as long as we do, and experience a “Second Childhood”, because grandparents tend to spoil their grandchildren. Likewise, Senior Citizens Everywhere Have Sworn, that donating to charity extends their lives, as reliably as modern technology. Although anybody could have commissioned field studies, thousands of years ago, only recently have sociologists begun to confirm this humble fact of life for the first time, according to modern scientific standards. As if, documenting how people live longer was never of interest to anyone before, especially, when it concerns minor economies among poorer populations.

Poor people, who are struggling to pay it forward to their neighbors, ironically, often fully aware that it will extend their own lives. Mama Nature Favors not only toddlers, but the poor, weak, and defenseless as well because, of course, In A Magical Fairy Tale Universe: Even Our Gestures Always Matter! Things like the Placebo Effect continue to elude modern science, and could very well be a cellular level manifestation of Instant Karma, and the Two Faces of Janus. Explaining why Ebeneezer Scrooge needed Tiny Tim, every bit as much as he needed him. Our conscious mind seems to deal more pointedly with asserting moral issues, and our subconscious with More Flexible And Tolerant Metaethics. These supply more of the greater context for our conscious mind to apply morality more appropriately which, in turn, can be used to correct the larger number of errors that our subconscious metaethics introduce.

However, the whole Merry-Go-Round, Self-Organizing Social System, is based on the assumption you’ll figure it out eventually, or not, and: Can Easily Become Self-Defeating! Surveys have consistently indicated that 80% of Americans apply their personal morality to others, but seldom to themselves, and the more hypocritical they become, the more rigid, inflexible, profoundly confused, gullible and, literally, brain damaged and incapable of reproducing. As If, They Were All Slowly Turning Themselves Into Walking Dead Zombies! The immune and reproductive systems also meet in the brain, and appear to be Yin and Yang, morality and metaethics, intimately connecting us to Gaia, to each other, our immediate environment, the Earth and Solar System, Past and Future.

Without a well developed sense of humor, we blind ourselves to own worst self-defeating behavior, which is easy enough to document but, other than Crazy Hippies and Sesame Street, nobody’s been doing it! While, The Whole World Is Going To Hell In A Hand-Basket! Our mortality rates and ability to reproduce both change accordingly, as if nature is imposing balance whenever harmony is lost, and we appear to have evolved to live in small Tribal Groups, and Extended Families, of roughly seven or more adults. Who usually kept each other more honest, with adults typically becoming more honest the older they become. Now, our own rapidly advancing technology is Exacerbating The Situation, and the price of growth and progress seems to be that humanity must evolve, sooner, rather than later, or: Risk Devolving Altogether! Against my better judgment, all sanity and common sense, I have become the Wu Li Master of the Tao Te Ching! A Warrior of the Rainbow, The Shockwave Rider Who Rides The Great Rainbow Fractal Dragon! The Treasure of Malaysia! And, the only person I know of, on the entire planet, who seems to have a clue, as to how to automate Instant Karma online…

Technology is already amplifying Karma in unpredictable ways, causing entire populations to rapidly implode and, if we don’t address the issue in the near future, the results could be more disastrous than anyone can imagine. All of the strife in US politics today, for example, is partially the result of modern technology amplifying already existing cultural problems, including Negative Karma, while deliberately amplifying Positive Karma could help to ameliorate the extent of such problems and, additionally, support the future development of a meritocracy. Hopefully, by establishing a new online economy, which is competitive with the already existing ones, we can help to tame the wild internet, save the planet for our children, and kick-start the next scientific revolution. All within the public domain, far removed from the contentious reach of commercial corporations, governments, academia, and the mainstream! But, with the added complication that amplifying Karma requires new technology, that will offer people more opportunities to make bad choices. Sun Tzu warned, “Know Thy Enemy”, Socrates admonished, “Know Thyself”, while I say, if you value your life: “Know Thy Mindless Mob!”

Karma is all about the choices we freely make as individuals, families, societies, and citizens of the world, and amplifying Karma requires networking systems logic, and the mathematical-linguistics, of the multifractal equation expressed in our Rainbow Warrior poetry, which can be used to offer everyone as many choices as possible. For example, a decade long cross-disciplinary study of the I-Ching concluded the text is word perfect and complete for introspective purposes. Automating this one book alone, using its own analog logic to eliminate the need to roll the dice or throw the yarrow sticks, and get lucky, could provide billions with a better way to make choices for themselves, encouraging and amplifying Positive Karma worldwide. Similarly, my geometry is related to Hindi Chakras, and over half the planet has some sort of vague belief in Karma, while institutions such as Grameen Bank are famous for promoting the development of alternative economies, and are dedicated to ending destitute poverty this century. If I Have Anything To Say About It! Academia and the mainstream are about to rediscover: Humor Can Survive! Along With Our Children And Grandchildren! As Well As, The Rest of The Damn Planet!

Ignorant Wisdom

Saying nothing, yet leaving nothing unsaid, the bullshit fuzzy logic that can be spoken of is not the enduring bullshit, which is why the timeless wit and wisdom of Socrates are right at home in our Rainbow Warrior poetry, expressing the collective ignorance of millions around the globe today. Archaeological evidence suggests that it was isolated tribes, living in the southern mountains of China, who first popularized the genre known as “Oneness Poetry”, by devising an ingenious system of knots in ropes and marks on turtle shells, that allowed them to share more of their favorite jokes and riddles with their neighbors, whom they seldom got to see as often as they’d like. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the mountains where these tribes lived were so steep even the goats complained, and the only way they could have been more isolated was if they had lived at the north pole. But, that was long, long, ago in the time before time, at the very dawn of agriculture, almost six thousand years before Stone Henge was erected. Long before graffiti ever became a real problem, or the first recognizable outhouses were built, the Chinese were already developing the rudiments of written language, based on potty humor, and you might think they were pretty smart, but you’d be surprised at just how long it took them to figure out, you don’t really need the turtle shells and rope, and any damned fool can just scratch a few marks in the dirt with a stick!

After that though, their Oneness Poetry took off like wildfire, and people were scratching jokes and riddles in the dirt and writing on the walls of every crapper in China, sometimes desperate to make their own more ignorant contributions. Over the next five thousand years or so, the industrious buggers refined their uniquely Chinese brand of polite tribal potty humor, into a fine art and science, eventually producing the more family oriented potty humor oracle, known as the “I-Ching”, or “Book of Changes” and, many thousands of years later still, introduced the crowning achievement of Oneness Poetry and potty humor, “The Tao Te Ching”, or “The Way of Ignorant Virtue”, Frequently described as requiring half an hour to read, and a lifetime to comprehend, with many still debating to this very day whether it is the deepest philosophical well on the planet, or the deepest pile of manure ever conceived by man.

Everybody I know agrees its both and, of course, that makes the Tao Te Ching the perfect bathroom companion but, whatever your personal taste in reading material and literature, a version of that little book went on to become the most popular comic book sold in Asia! The author is only known by the pen name of Lao Tzu, or “Gray Haired Child”, and many still complain to this day that their children make their hair turn gray. I gave a copy to my own son, and as many as 300 million people worship the original text, and billions more read it upon occasion but, not being religious myself, I really have to admire a religion with a sense of humor about itself this Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! Anyway, right around the same time that the Tao Te Ching was first published in China, on the other side of the planet, Socrates of Athens had inherited his own tribal tradition, but his was an oral tradition, that never did translate nearly as well into a written one.

Tribal comedy traditions were as common as dirt back then, and wildly popular in even big cities like Athens, but the wealthy and middle class establishment eventually got sick and tired of his less refined jokes, and sentenced him to death in a kangaroo court trial, for making them all look like complete idiots in public. Athens had hit the jackpot, and money was pouring into the city like never before, while Socrates had watched in horror, as many of his closest friends and neighbors lives were destroyed, in a mad scramble over money of all things. Having been poor his entire life, he knew money could never buy happiness and, normally as quiet as a church mouse, at 80 years old he surprised everybody who knew him, when he boldly stepped forward amidst the ensuing widespread panic and confusion, threatening to devolve into complete pandemonium, and overwhelm the fair streets of his much beloved city, and proceeded to flagrantly, audaciously, unabashedly, and most bodaciously, openly challenge the reigning accepted authorities and prevailing conventional wisdom, by scandalously asking questions of anyone foolish enough to answer them, even in crowded public places!

He loved to drink, but hated to drink alone and, in his golden years, preferred to meander leisurely throughout Athens, schmoozing with everybody in town, while quietly getting drunk. When, out of the blue, he suddenly started asking a lot of stupid questions well, naturally he got everybody’s attention, but his confusing questions always went round in circles. Revealing how the recognized authorities and prevailing conventional wisdom contradicted themselves, favoring the wealthy and the middle class, and were not to be trusted by the peasants. Athens had a reputation as a rough town and, for example, if you wanted to get everybody’s attention back then, the prudent thing to do was to first shout out the traditional plea for the indulgence of the mindless mob, “Strike if you must, but hear me first!” Some people just require a little more warning than others that you might actually have something to say worth listening to, and Socrates grew up in a rough neighborhood himself, possibly explaining why he was normally so quiet but, rough town or not, when they start lynching quiet old drunks for merely asking stupid questions and repeating the lamest handful of jokes imaginable, you can bet there’s money involved, and the truth is the last thing anyone wants to know!

Socrates became the first modern day martyr for barflies, stand-up comedians, and politicians alike who, over two thousand years later, still ritualistically beg their respective drunk patrons and constituents not to lynch them. When his good friend and drinking buddy, Plato, later wrote a book about his death it became a best seller, and helped to establish ethics and democratic institutions as the foundations of Western philosophy and legal systems which, you could say, are based on barroom jokes older than monuments! Unable to afford expensive books, illiterate peasants throughout Europe celebrated the anniversary of his death for centuries, by drinking toasts to him in bars, recounting his numerous exploits, inventing new Socratic jokes, and establishing their own “Socratic Wisdom of Collective Ignorance” to help them avoid being exploited. Some might assume that I’m exaggerating the importance of one drunk Native, cracking lame jokes for free drinks in bars and performing his family’s traditional carnival sideshow act, but one of the first things Adolf Hitler did in office, was to make it illegal to crack jokes about the Nazi party and, of course, then he sent the lynch mobs around to all the bars, to hang all the Natives, and anybody else who might even think about cracking a joke he didn’t like!

Whenever possible, as much as any man alive, Plato also thoroughly enjoyed schmoozing however, unlike Socrates, he loved nothing more than being the center of attention and, like Martha Stewart, was a popular author of the day on aesthetics. After protesting the Athenians killing his close friend, for merely having a sense of humor about his civic responsibilities, Plato used his influence with the Romans to have all 76 works of his biggest literary rival, Democritus, burned throughout the empire as “Ugly And Demeaning” which, no doubt, increased sales of his own book on the ethics of Socrates. Perhaps wisely, Socrates himself remained largely uneducated, preferring to hang out in bars, and recommended avoiding reading too many stupid books. Other Greek philosophers, such as Zeno of Elea, were also famous for their stand-up comedy routines, that regularly drew large crowds from all over Greece, but they tended to stick with the popular metaphysical comedies of the day, that had almost nothing to do with reality, much less politics, or their comedy seldom lasted! Over the centuries, rather than political comedy, the ancient Greek philosophers had become famous for pondering many of the more profound questions still vexing philosophers everywhere to this day. Such as, whether or not there are any limits to human stupidity, when to call a pile of sand a heap of sand, or bullshit-bullshit, whether lawyers and compulsive liars can actually lie to themselves, and whether its actually possible to step in the same pile of crap twice.

In spite of having acquired a lifetime of wisdom, hanging out in bars, and having mastered his ancient tribal tradition, of insipidly asking questions that always led round in circles, for once his Shaman’s home-brewed verbal Judo and Aikido training had failed him, due to his failing to recognize that civilized people tend to organize, along the same lines of an enormous flock of brainless chickens while, in my opinion, his particular brand of tribal comedy was obviously better suited for more intimate gatherings, such as birthday parties, weddings, and Barmitzva. His confusion was understandable, since chickens were only starting to become popular in the West at the time, and tribal groups tend to be small, but sociologists estimate right around four hundred people is when all the insanity starts to set in. Not because people are closely related to chickens, inherently stupid, selfish, or violent, but because it simply becomes impossible to get anything accomplished any other way! The larger any group becomes, the more technology they require just to maintain any semblance of order and, if you can’t at least get your crap together enough to organize like brainless chickens, the only other alternative is total chaos! While, all the money flying around Athens had incited a feeding frenzy among all the more indignant, higher ranking chickens!

Taoists like to say, “Its the simple shit that always gets you!” Which is why Tzun Tzu’s “Art of War” is required reading in every military academy around the world, because Three Stooges slapstick is about as creative and artistic as the military ever gets, and is never to be overestimated. Military intelligence is a complete oxymoron, so keep it simple stupid, because anybody in the military who doesn’t appreciate the Fine Art of War becomes cannon fodder! Any damned fool you send out on the battlefield first, just to see which way the bullets are flying, is considered cannon fodder and, by all accounts, Socrates was among the strangest and ugliest men alive, with extremely questionable personal hygiene, and would have stood out in any crowd and made great cannon fodder, except he also happened to be among the oldest and shortest men alive, and normally so quiet he would have made a better doorstop, so long as you kept his glass full!

Nevertheless, they say his walk was so fierce that the biggest assholes in town stepped aside whenever he came through, and nobody ever mistook him for a doorstop or cannon fodder, whenever he walked into a room or had something to say. Its the quiet ones you have to watch out for and, for all his short-comings, Socrates was a proud veteran, who had remained vigorously active in his community affairs, and had earned a reputation far and wide as the wisest man in the world, who had somehow managed to survive to a ripe old age. Because, of course, he knew when to keep his mouth shut, and knew the Art of War better than any man alive! Nobody in his neighborhood could afford fancy books or an education, so Socrates showed them all how to make more sense out of the school of hard knocks, and how to avoid being exploited, by working on your personal integrity, and your sense of humor. More so than most men, Socrates knew life demands a sense of humor, which is something everybody has to figure out for themselves the hard way. Although he paid the ultimate price for the sake of his friends, family, and neighbors, he also knew that the truth hurts for a reason, which is why war never decided the truth and, by keeping it simple, he single handedly changed the course of Western Civilization, from a bar stool! `

Aristotle was another good friend of Plato, but he was a real busy-back-soon type, who never did enjoy schmoozing as much, nonetheless, he intuitively comprehended Three Stooges slapstick, and managed to reorganize all of the sciences in roughly the same way they’re still organized to this day. But, it was someone else in Rome, who had been carefully examining everything he wrote, who discovered that Aristotle’s intuitive grasp of lowbrow slapstick was profound indeed, and he had unwittingly published the foundations for modern formal logic. With the eventual widespread adoption of his new and improved formal “Three Stooges Logic”, the Roman Empire was poised to begin the industrial revolution, but failed to do so, which historians have frequently attributed to their being a slave culture. Unfortunately, in spite of ancient Rome having perfected Three Stooges Logic, a quarter of the developed world still insisting the sun revolves around the earth, the Roman emperors often being as disturbingly insane as they come, and modern presidents now beginning to rival them, nevertheless, few historians have ever dared to compare the Roman Empire and modern civilization, to an enormous flock of brainless chickens. Comparing several billion people to brainless chickens, when they frequently act like brainless chickens, is just asking for trouble!

Chickens are actually smarter than most assume, and not entirely brainless, but the reputation of innocent chickens everywhere has suffered horribly, from frequently being compared to people. More importantly at the time, unlike the traditions of Socrates and most of his contemporaries, Aristotle’s new logic didn’t require asking a lot of unnecessary stupid questions, and eschewed mysticism or anything even vaguely resembling a genuine sense of humor, making it much less likely to get you killed by the occasional enthusiastic lynch mob, the middle class, or the wealthy. Subsequently, his new logic swept the empire by storm, and was widely hailed as a minor miracle and a triumph of modern civilization, and immediately integrated into every existing mainstream cultural institution that was even remotely compatible. However, instead of signaling the start of the industrial revolution, or anything even vaguely resembling an age of science, reason, and enlightenment, a power struggle ensued and the entire Western hemisphere slowly began to change, drastically for the worse! It was as if the fictitious character Surac, of Star Trek fame, had taught his dispassionate Vulcan philosophy of peace through logic, as a more meaningful alternative to the already established schools of lowbrow comedy, and had even managed to successfully reorganize all of the sciences, only to inspire the eventual collapse of the Roman Empire, and a thousand years of religious wars, culminating in the dark ages!

Rome had always tolerated a wild diversity of religions, with Christianity being a notable exception, because it suggested that the Romans were wasting all their time and money, sacrificing animals to the Gods and atoning for their sins, when all they had to do was to practice symbolic cannibalism. The Romans rightfully believed Christianity was a subversive cult, that could ruin their entire guilt riddled economy and way of life, and decided to throw the early Christians to the lions in the coliseum, in order to show them how the lucrative business of forgiveness works, and to teach them how to beg for forgiveness with cold hard cash in hand but, more importantly, to prove to everybody’s satisfaction that it remains far healthier to feed people to animals, than to eat people, even symbolically. Of course, the Christians sued for slander and complained to the better business bureau, but it turned out that the new religion was particularly compatible with Aristotle’s new Three Stooges Logic, and was much more modern, abstract, and aesthetically pleasing than any of the existing religions with, for example, the book of Mathew being written by one of the best selling fiction authors of the day, and the “Sermon on the Mount” still widely considered one of the greatest literary masterpieces of all time.

Italians sure do love their drama and, eventually, they established the Roman Catholic Church which, along with adopting many of the Roman holidays, carefully integrated Aristotle’s logic into their radical new theology of see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, but the aristocracy insisted they compromise on charging for forgiveness, and merely do away with the middleman altogether, by banning witchcraft and animal sacrifice. God might or might not forgive a peasant if they merely asked for forgiveness, but a rich man could always buy forgiveness from the church with cash on the barrel head, and God will bless them. To this very day, wealthy people can still buy forgiveness in almost any court of law, without the need for performing any elaborate, messy, or undignified rituals involving slaughtering the usual innocent lambs, the occasional tedious sacrificial goat, or inanely throwing more credulous fools to the wolves and lions.

Thus began the “Religious Clone Wars”, as all the money floated to the top faster than ever before, squeezing out the middleman at every opportunity, and literally burning their competition at the stake, all across Europe! That is, until they reached Poland, where the men finally put a stop to it, and told the assholes Rome would have to send more soldiers, if they wanted to burn anymore of their women alive. The Polish may be dumb, but they ain’t stupid or wimps, and they all love their mamas. Nevertheless, across Europe, religion increasingly became more of a commercial business, with the Christians building their brand-name by systematically attacking the “pagan” religions, as outdated cheap imitations, that were only in it for the money and, sometimes, had been instrumental in helping to throw the early Christians to the lions. Of course, nobody knows better than Christians, that when you own the monopoly on forgiveness, dead people and dead religions are always so much easier to forgive, with some Christians today believing that its possible to convert dead people, and all will be forgiven. Rather than Aristotle’s new Three Stooges Logic kick-starting the industrial revolution, two thousand years early, the Romans had used it to consolidate all of their religions and various schools of thought, producing their own consecrated Three Stooges corporate takeover Ponzi Scheme, to cut out the middleman whenever possible, and make it much easier for a rich man to get into heaven, and the rest to all get in line, and organize like an enormous flock of indignant chickens.

The Italians have a real gift for political theater, and know their damned chickens, and would eventually go on to invent the Mafia and modern bureaucracy, both for the sole purpose of fighting corruption in government. People still debate to this day which is worse, and generally agree the international conglomerates put them all to shame. Later, Islam would also adopt Aristotle’s Logic, as the entire Western hemisphere slowly began to reorganize, along the same lines as, increasingly larger, flocks of brainless chickens. Eventually, once all the wealth had long since floated to the top, and the religious wars had died down a bit, sometime after the dark ages had finally begun to noticeably recede, it was Galileo of Galilee who became famous for repeating the same mistake as Socrates, of foolishly assuming that the mainstream and the wealthy actually give a crap about the truth, and don’t just pay the truth a lot of lip service.

One of the more enduring legacies of Aristotle’s logic is that conservatives everywhere commonly possess a stunted sense of humor, and Galileo was a widely respected conservative curmudgeon in his day, with absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. Nevertheless, for unknown reasons, the stupid truth had always meant a lot to him, just as it had to Socrates and, as gravely as he could, he showed all of academia how they could drop their balls, open their eyes, and prove to themselves that, just because everybody claims something is true, doesn’t make it so. Galileo’s complete lack of guile or a sense of humor saved his life, and they merely imprisoned him at home and excommunicated him, for daring to challenge the recognized authorities and the prevailing conventional wisdom with the stupid truth. However, after organizing like the Three Stooges for over a millennium, they were too late to prevent him from spreading his radically subversive and, unthinkable, heretical idea of using actual physical evidence, to challenge some of the more insane widespread beliefs of the mainstream hegemony who, of course, normally could not care less about the stupid truth which, obviously, could easily get you imprisoned, tortured, and killed!

Unwittingly, Galileo had instigated an arms race among the chickens by exposing their greatest weakness, that the self-evident truth is the last damned thing the idiots care about! And, when the apple later fell on Isaac Newton’s head and he invented his laws of motion, they were based on the simple observation that the sky isn’t actually falling, and for every chicken pecking away at another one, there is always an equal but opposite reaction. As exciting as all of Europe had discovered it could be to play “Peeping Tom” with the new telescopes being invented, while dropping their own balls off the tops of tall buildings, within a century of Newton’s discovery, someone would figure out how to use his much more powerful “Reactionary Laws of Motion” to calibrate a cannon, so anyone could figure out just how far away they could be, and still hit the target every time. Overnight, the knowledge made every castle in the world obsolete, forcing chickens everywhere to flea the coop, and to begin hotly debating what constitutes physical evidence, and the even more troubling and mysterious, self-evident truth… Yet another grimly humorless power struggle ensued to determine exactly which chickenshit mainstream conventional wisdom would prevail, as new empires rose and fell, eventually leading to the establishment of the modern military-industrial complex, as a direct result of the French Revolution.

The French have always been famous for their fancy cooking, and known for preferring to buy their ingredients fresh every day, and for eating anything that moves, including frogs and snails. And, when Marie Antoinette suggested the peasants eat cake, when they were all starving to death well, naturally, they did what you might expect any farmer would do with a chicken that makes too much damned noise, and cut off her head, along with the heads of many of the more influential academics and authorities, for obviously all being incapable of truly appreciating Fine French Cuisine, and far too stupid to be allowed to live. Without hesitation, whenever possible, they immediately replaced the whole lot with the brightest peasants in the land and, five years later, Napoleon Bonaparte would teach all of Europe the meaning of, “High Tech Peasant Warfare!” Within a decade, in turn, all of the more powerful European nations would each establish their own state funded universities for the brightest and hungriest peasants, many of whom died before the age of thirty, from complications caused by episodic childhood starvation. But, the turning point came with the American Civil War which established, once and for all, that he who has the most starving peasants, food, and guns, wins.

Even before the invention of the steam engine, slaves were so cheap half of them died on the voyage from Africa, and the average slave working the cane fields in the Caribbean only survived for five years. A ten pound bag of sugar came at the cost of some damned poor fool’s life, and the introduction of the steam engine had made imports, of any kind, faster and cheaper than ever before. The struggle between man and machine is as old as the invention of the wheel and, having been raised poor himself, growing up in a log cabin, Honest Abe decided slavery had no future in the modern world, where starving peasants were even cheaper to import, usually paying for their own passage these days, and willing to fight for their freedom and their next meal!

Of course, outside of the modern world, the introduction of the steam engine caused slavery to spread everywhere imaginable, with there being an estimated 350 million slaves in the world today, but the cheap cost of peasants, and the fact they keep migrating towards the best sources of food, largely eliminated the practice in the developed world, as far too expensive, and socially unacceptable at the dinner table. After WWII, the US military realized that all of their potential recruits were suffering from severe malnutrition, and most would not know how to feed themselves properly, even assuming someone actually gave them the money to buy real food. Eventually, inspiring the controversial adoption of minimum wage, food stamps, farm subsidies, vitamin fortified breakfast cereals, and twenty million illegal aliens, as all viable alternatives to slavery in the modern world. To this day, common sense has it that neither conventional wisdom, empirical evidence, nor the stupid truth mean squat, unless you have the food and the guns to back them up, with weapons still being the single largest manufactured export of the largest exporter in the world, the US, which also exports more food than anybody else.

All roads lead to Rome, because the Roman Empire was exporting so many soldiers and weapons, and importing slaves, peasants, war treasures, water, and everything else imaginable, that they could hardly build new roads fast enough to keep up with all the traffic, and had to put former soldiers on the dole just in case anybody, like the Germans, got any stupid ideas about doing a quick smash and grab, attempting to loot the city, using the same roads they had built to haul everything in on. The former soldiers were all drafted, serving for a decade on the average and, often, had their property confiscated by the wealthy while they were away fighting wars for them and, sometimes, could become almost as much of a threat as the Germans. So, the Roman senate wisely decided it was best to keep feeding and entertaining them, since they were still drafting more. As you might expect, among the first technological marvels introduced by the Romans were their cement roads, and their concrete remained among the strongest anywhere in the world, right up into modern times. But, among the Roman Empire’s many other claims to fame, is inventing modern tourism, and creating The Greatest Show On Earth, based on the simple philosophy that, “For the show to go on, all roads must lead to Rome”, and they must build roads faster, and take the show on the road!

The Mongols conquered the world on horseback, including Italy at one point nonetheless, at great expense, the Romans constructed some 250,000 miles of roads, as if welcoming the Mongol hoards and, to this day, capitalism is still all about showmanship, and turning plowshares into swords and super highways, who has the brightest peasants or can import them faster, and can export the most food and high tech weapons. The US is the third most populous country in the world, yet still imports half the geniuses on the planet, and routinely wins half the Nobel Prizes and Olympic Medals. They say Americans love a winner and hate a loser, which is why our military is equal to the next six largest in the world combined, because winning isn’t everything on the battlefield, its the only thing, and everybody who survives loves a winner.

While in office, the war weighed heavily on Lincoln’s conscience, and he discovered the hard way that size does matter but, if you have a large enough military, eventually you will find a winner among all the losers. The US also foots half the bills for both NATO and the UN, and has been called “An enemy you can trust”, because even our money says “In God We Trust”, while all others pay cash! There’s no need to start WWIII or to hold too many grudges when, for all practical purposes, you already own half the damned planet worth owning, and would be hard pressed to export weapons any faster. China has only recently completed building their own national highway system and, in the process, created the worst traffic jam in history, setting their own “Guinness Record for Chinese Fire Drills” which, depending on who you ask, lasted anywhere from nine days to over a year.

India has only recently begun building their own national highway system, and its only considered a traffic jam there if you have to go backwards for longer than half an hour, in Europe they’re still working on digging enormous tunnels and building enormous bridges everywhere, while its extremely difficult to sell high tech weapons to people living in mud huts and tin shacks so, in the ancient Roman tradition, we encourage them all to build roads faster. Star Trek and the Jetsons are still everyone’s fantasy, and your Field of Dreams ain’t nothing but a mud hole, if everybody dies before they can get there. These days, even before invading their worst enemy, the US Sea-Bees and others make plans for building roads the minute they get there, and for organizing emergency services for natural disasters. Thus, ensuring that they can always take the show on the road, and have a distribution system and a surviving population, they can sell more food, weapons, T-shirts, cellphones, and the latest Hollywood movies and video games!

And, when they ran out of new worlds to conquer and new roads to build, just to keep the road crews busy, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot! The chickens constantly complain about the service and that nobody’s in charge around here, and I tell them, “It’s Empire baby, and this train ain’t stopping until she derails!” Rainbow Warriors are often tribal and, sometimes, we refer to civilized people as “Babylonians” because, rather than asking simple questions and cracking stupid jokes, they typically prefer to babble complete nonsense, argue over totally meaningless bullshit, brazenly lie to each other, and erect the most elaborate Towers of Babel imaginable, while frequently running in circles screaming and shouting, “The Sky Is Falling!” and “Off With Their Heads!”

Two thousand years after Aristotle first taught them how to formally organize like chickens, in countries around the globe today, conservative Babylonians, of every nationality and persuasion, remain deeply suspicious of modern science, empirical evidence, and anyone with a well developed sense of humor, or anybody running around asking too many damned questions, while half of them still insist the sun revolves around the earth. All the newest evidence indicates the differences between liberals and conservatives are largely genetic, suggesting that, at least in American politics, the lights are only left on because nobody is ever home to turn them off. An informed electorate that claims the sun revolves around the earth, and votes for Mickey Mouse, is a complete contradiction in terms, and its bizarre, to say the least, to listen to the idiots attempt to justify what they call politics, when their own espoused political beliefs are so vacuous, you can predict how they vote using genetic testing, and the only reason Fox News isn’t labeled fake news, is because they can afford enough lawyers to call a sow’s ear a silk purse, and charge as much as the market will bear.

Of course, nobody ever bothers with genetic testing, because they already know damned well the idiots will believe anything you repeat often enough and vote for whichever clown advertises the most. The very idea their political beliefs even matter to themselves for anything more than cheap thrills, comforting lies, endless distractions, and instant gratification is merely another one of their more popular delusions. Studies indicate that both republicans and democrats hate each other more than they trust their own political parties, and its a grudge match straight out of Professional Wrestling, while their confidence in their own mass media and rigged elections sinks lower with each passing year.

Despite endless complaints about evil governments and evil corporations constantly lying to them, and destroying the fabric of society, there is no demand whatsoever for lie detectors, even though you can buy one built into a cellphone these days. There’s no reason every cellphone, TV, and courtroom in America couldn’t come with its own built-in lie detector and fact checkers, complete with a loud buzzer that goes off every time some damned fool lies, and modern lie detectors are almost as accurate as Newtonian mechanics. But, the truth has always been a hard sell, and conservatives and liberals everywhere tend to view the slightest suggestion that they’re irrational, much less, blatant liars who’re only interested in the truth if makes them money, as a grave insult because, of course, chickens are the masters of acting indignant.

After a century of concerted effort, nobody has ever documented the existence of common sense anywhere in the world and, according to modern science, nobody has any common sense, because there’s no such thing as common sense or conventional wisdom. Many have claimed that Americans don’t have a culture but, as far as anybody can tell, for thousands of years, the entire Western Hemisphere has largely just been making it all up as they go along, believing whatever bullshit happens to sound good to the idiots, or whatever anyone repeats often enough. Westerners are known for being creative and, once you get over about four hundred people, conventional wisdom and common sense can become little more than a popular excuse to lie and spout complete bullshit more often, while Americans aren’t famous for quality products at reasonable prices, but for Hollywood movies, franchises, marketing, and a line of crap a mile long. Unfortunately, all that creativity comes at the price of some of the worst lies deeply dividing the country, and coming back to bite us in the ass, as happened in the American Civil War!

An actual citizen of Babylon once left a message on a cuneiform tablet, dated to within a century after the invention of writing, complaining that the new invention was ruining their children, who had become lazy, and no longer bothered to memorize everything. The US was the first country to adopt universal literacy but, a century and a half ago, 95% of the population was illiterate, and lucky if they had ever traveled two hundred miles from where they were born. Making common sense and conventional wisdom, frequently the best that they could manage and, if Mark Twain is any example, it was also one of the few forms of cheap entertainment available. Forty years of extensive studies concluded that the republican party organizes along the same lines as a flock of chickens, while yet another forty years of studies conducted by neurologists, concluded our neurons also organize like chickens. Further investigation has revealed that our neurons have little choice, due to their vast numbers making attempting to organize in more complex ways, horribly inefficient. Donald Hoffman is a Game theorist who spent ten years studying all the neurological evidence and running one computer simulation after another, only to reluctantly conclude that if the human mind and brain had ever remotely resembled anything like reality, we would already be an extinct species.

Tragically, the moral of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is that, in spite of being the absolute worst liar on the planet, “Big Brother” gained control of the government in George Orwell’s “1984”, because the idiots had been lying to themselves for so long, that they were ready to believe almost anything you repeat often enough, and Three Stooges slapstick, reality TV, and Professional Wrestling are about as sophisticated as it gets, unless you happen to like Televangelists. Thus, comprehending the many profound mysteries behind chickenshit Babylonian bullshit, begins with first grasping the blatantly obvious truth, that the more frequently they lie to themselves, and the louder they demand that everybody else lie to them, the more incoherent they become, the more easily startled, gullible, irrational, and the faster they’ll run in circles screaming, “Off With Their Heads!” For chickens, contentment is both the enemy of the status quo and the enemy of growth and progress, and the only thing Big Brother had to do was to keep offering the chickens something new and exciting to peck at, and war can truly be peace when you’ve never known anything remotely like the truth, want nothing whatsoever to do with the truth, much less real peace, and prefer to keep arguing over how to make such petty distinctions.

Sadly, Hitler’s “Big Lie” was nothing more than yet another pathetic, “Kindergarten-Post-Truth-Big-Lie”, because the chickens enforce the lowest common denominator, believing almost anything you repeat often enough, and progressively becoming incapable of recognizing the simple truth if it bit them in the ass. For example, a strong majority of Americans tend to ignore any evidence they suspect contradicts conventional wisdom, nonetheless, fake news and misinformation increase website traffic, over 40% of the population casually spread misinformation on social media, and over half insist the government and corporations, that they call evil, must lie to them for their own protection, and are usually much too liberal about these things, arguing that see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil and voting for whichever clown advertises the most, or yells the loudest, is the only realistic political compromise possible. Up to 90% of the population are gullible enough to have convinced themselves that they’re better than average at spotting misinformation, or bullshit, while half of them tend to spread a great deal of misinformation, being foolish enough to believe whatever the hell sounds good to them, or just not giving a damned about the truth. With everyone loudly demanding that everybody else lie to them, naturally, Babylonians also tend to deeply distrust their own mass media, which is increasingly commercializing all of the more soothing, calming, thoughtful, intriguing, provocative, titillating, riveting, and galvanizing lies that the mainstream demands, to go along with the recent surplus in computer generated gratuitous violence.

Having no sense of humor worth anyone ever mentioning, Galileo and Aristotle had both failed to take into account the moral of “The Emperor’s New Cloths” that, in the name of common sense, both young and old alike were discouraged from accepting even the evidence of their own senses, much less, from asking too many damned questions, cracking any stupid jokes, or laughing at anything. In ancient times, the tax collector might be the only stranger that some peasants see all year long, and they could easily have their head cut off on the spot for contradicting authorities, or running around asking too many stupid questions, much less daring to laugh or crack a joke, and conservatives still sometimes say, “Children should be seen and not heard”. The Roman emperor Caligula once paraded through Rome naked, and you can bet everybody smacked any little kids that might have dared to laugh, because he was insane enough to never hesitate to rape or kill anyone, just to entertain the mindless mob!

Like warriors on a battlefield in a life or death situation, Babylonians still frequently go to extremes such as deliberately lying to their own children, taking them to churches where the preachers encourage them to blame the whole world for all of their problems, and will even beat them regularly, in order to stunt their sense of humor and make them more grimly determined, vicious, and competitive. If our glorious leader of the free world rode a horse naked on the White House lawn, you can rest assured that countless conservatives would all salute the flag, and smack their kids if they dared to laugh. The liberal half of Babylon is less extreme, but still relies heavily on complete bullshit, sarcasm, blatant lies, and Aristotle’s logic just to get anything accomplished.

As many as a third of Babylonians seldom care about the truth, and will even peck away at their own reflection in a mirror and, sometimes, I tell particularly sarcastic Babylonians, “You cannot attack what you cannot comprehend”. The Irish potato famine, for example, was caused by English landlords raising the price of rent so high that the peasants could only afford to eat potatoes, and a potato blight resulted, causing them to starve by the millions. Dead peasants don’t pay rent, and the English economy was suffering as a result of their own greed, which became known euphemistically as “The Irish Problem”. Johnathan Swift was a popular author and a liberal Englishman, who optimistically wrote a sarcastic letter to the editor, suggesting that it was every loyal Englishman’s duty to eat Irish babies, in order to prop up their economy and, for his efforts, he received several thousand letters from people asking where they could buy their Irish babies and find recipes.

My grandmother used to say, “Sarcasm can be many things, but is never pretty” because, of course, sarcasm is just more elaborate Three Stooges slapstick in the name of common sense, that refuses to acknowledge the blatantly obvious truth, that sharing the truth or a genuine sense of humor, are the last damned things that common sense ever promotes! Regrettably, when you lie to yourself all the time, refuse to share the truth, want nothing whatsoever to do with the truth, and demand that everybody else lie to you, you have sold your own damned soul down the river, and Three Stooges slapstick is your new religion! The moral of the story of Job in the Bible is that, no matter how bad life gets, its flat out impossible to not have faith that there exists a higher truth, than lowbrow Babylonian slapstick and the mindless mob.

An intellectual chicken is a complete oxymoron, and sarcasm often explodes into violence because its just so many chickens trying to sound more impressive, by arguing over who is the better liar, or who is more stupid. For example, our glorious leader of the free world has well over 4,000 blatant lies attributed to him, during his time in office alone, and his proud supporters would reject him immediately if he ever stopped lying. Babylonians like to think of themselves as practical and skeptical but, the truth is, they don’t trust their own dictionary, much less, the truth, and are more interested in believing whatever the hell they prefer to believe, making discussing such things out of the question. Still, chickens make good pets and little kids love them, while reality TV and Professional Wrestling are the Cult Of Personality, that worships corn and how loud you can crow. In West Virginia they still say to this day, “You ain’t nothing if you ain’t a chicken thief!” If ya can’t steal an egg from a chicken, you are the stupid chicken! So, as an experiment, I conducted my own informal online survey for over a decade, only to confirm that well over half the people I was talking to, make up their own definitions for words.

Almost none of those I surveyed either suspected or cared in the slightest, even when informed, that the common dictionary is as common as dirt, merely containing popular definitions, listed in the order of how frequently people use them. In spite of everyone agreeing to answer my two simple questions, most of them complained that my questions seemed totally pointless, even after I explained their meaning and purpose, and complained that I was obviously wasting their time, with many flat out accusing me of lying about the dictionary. Frequently, they demanded I provide extensive documentation and links to back up my claim about the dictionary, and all of them declined my suggestion to read any of the twenty free dictionaries available online, and declined my offer to teach anyone how to use a dictionary and a search engine.

Chickens will peck at anything and seldom care about what noises they make either, unless they happen to believe it might come back to haunt them, and prefer to debate the definition of stupid over discussing the humble truth, like rational adults. I’m sure I could have created sparkly red, white, and blue web pages claiming that Wikipedia and The Oxford English Dictionary are an evil commie plot hatched by militant atheists, now hellbent on censoring the internet, corrupting our youth, and manipulating our elections, with the help of dissident Russian hackers, and it would have garnered a great deal of attention, merely because chickens are always looking for something new and exciting to peck at, while the very idea that a chicken needs to think about what they peck at is absurd! They also tend to be suspicious of everything imaginable, become easily confused if you merely avoid arguing with them, point fingers all the time and, of course, are the masters of acting indignant. But, that’s also why little kids love them, and why they make such good pets, especially if you have a sense of humor, know the Art of War, and don’t take all their indignant posturing personally, or expect a stupid chicken to act like it has half a brain.

Conservatives have declared war on everything but the kitchen sink, because nobody wants to do the dishes, and because chickens can never have enough things to peck at, and will sometimes even go to war with themselves. With continuing progress in robotics, conservatives have started to declare war on the kitchen sink, and the only thing Americans will never declare war on are all the lies, being widely promoted as the solution to all of their problems. Once, a conservative Babylonian attempted to bait me, claiming that I had somehow suggested he was cold and heartless, when I never said anything about him personally, and never so much as remotely hinted at any such a thing. Without reservation, I told him that I didn’t think he was heartless, since I had just met the man, and didn’t even know him, but I recommended that he work on his sense of humor. That conservatives are well known for their stunted sense of humor, and politics without a well developed sense of humor, is like an unhealthy infatuation with an inflatable sex doll, with all of the accompanying ugly lowbrow slapstick, its best to avoid whenever possible.

Calling a brainless chicken a blatant liar, an asshole, or whatever is totally pointless, when all you can do is encourage them to keep arguing over the definition of stupid, or declare war on something new! A heart without a brain and a brain without a heart is the story of La-La Land somewhere over the rainbow, which is why I tell people you have to be smarter than a damned chicken, there really is no choice! A Missouri judge legally declared chickens “Walking Vegetables” and, of course, its totally pointless to call a vegetable heartless or brainless. Will Rogers once noted that, “An onion will make you cry, but there never was a vegetable that could make people laugh.” If it walks like a chicken, talks like a chicken, pecks away at everything like a chicken, then its safe enough to assume that, until proven otherwise, its a damned chicken, and if you are not familiar with contentious chickens, onions, or walking vegetables, I suggest watching just enough reality TV, Televangelism, and Professional Wrestling to get the basic idea.

Both liberals and conservatives alike have attacked everything I say as partisan, even when I tell them that I don’t vote and, after a lifetime of following American politics, I still don’t believe for one second, that anybody has ever been in charge around here! Bonzo the Chimp for President! The idiots demand proof for everything, then reject even their own stupid dictionary and empirical evidence, and elect a president who is a lawyer, real estate agent, reality TV star, and lifelong Professional Wrestling fan credited with no less than 4,000 to 25,000 blatant lies during his time in office alone, including still insisting his predecessor is not a US citizen. In recent years, the chickens have lost all perspective, and the workaholic white population of the US now has the highest rates of suicide, alcoholism, rape, divorce, child abuse, and abortion, and likes to point out that blacks have the highest homicide rates, because all the other demographics indicate white people are the biggest assholes in the country! Their population has been imploding faster than any other on the damned planet, ever since the invention of modern birth control and, me thinks, familiarity doth breed self-contempt and loathing in modern Babylon. If Televangelists loved their audiences and humanity any more, they’d all be passing out Cool-Aide, with studies showing just watching them causes significant brain damage. Considering the republican party would have to wear bed sheets to become more lily white, and genetic testing is the most accurate way to determine how anyone votes, liberals can now help to overthrow the conservative “Moral Majority”, by selling them cheap handguns, porn, and liquor!

All across the country, mortality rates have been soaring through the roof, and the whole affair just seems to be so tragically pointless to me, that you’d swear William Faulkner would give up writing, while if the marching morons kill themselves any faster, in the name of hard work, freedom, and lower taxes, it will have to go in the Guinness book of records. They continue to claim the republican party is a political party, when their own membership overwhelmingly demands a dictatorship, and all any of them will spout is rhetorical nonsense. Mel Brooks himself could never make this shit up, with freedom fighters in the Wild West committing Voluntary Genocide in the name of lower taxes and free enterprise, while demanding a dictatorship and still claiming the sun revolves around the earth! Out of good conscience, I personally can’t defend the right to vote or the freedom of speech of complete idiots, who reject their own dictionary, still insist the sun revolves around the earth, demand everybody lie to them for their own protection, and whose conservative family values don’t appear to promote survival, much less, reproduction of the species. Working yourselves to death, calling your own country evil, and killing yourselves, is just no way to bring back the good old days, unless you happen to be the Hatfields and McCoys!

The popular rock band “Yes” said it best for countless hippies like me, “I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day, so satisfied, I’m on my way!” I’m outta here baby, time to blow this Popsicle stand! Long ago, many of us learned to keep our distance from any of the more insane Babylonians, brazenly strutting all over the place and acting like indignant chickens. Vonstantly complaining about the service, endlessly spouting sarcasm and blatant lies, and seldom questioning how frequently they contradict themselves. There’s just no such thing as reasoning with either brainless chickens, tiny infants, or complete idiots who demand the whole world lie to them, preferring to argue over the definition of stupid. Occasionally, looking for love in all the wrong places, yelling “Jump!” to people on the tops of tall buildings for cheap thrills, attempting to buy happiness on Fantasy Island, trampling each other to death for low-low-low-as-you-can-go prices, voting for Mickey Mouse because he offers the most believable tax cuts, endlessly pointing fingers, and always attempting to sound more reasonable, exciting, and convincing, while refusing to use a stupid dictionary, much less, ever seriously attempting to share their words and play nice.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle em with bullshit and, enthusiastically believing themselves to be clever, brainless chickens will sometimes commonly deny the truth at the drop of a hat, and make endless bogus claims and spout endless bullshit demands, over the stupidest crap imaginable, that they may know absolutely nothing about, as if they were merely two years old. In the US, for example, our glorious leader used a magic marker on TV attempting to prove the weatherman was wrong, and that a hurricane would hit Alabama instead of Georgia because, like any two year old, chickens are usually lucky if they can even vaguely comprehend that the truth actually exists, if you tell them its on sale at Walmart. But you can rest assured his supporters all consider him to be extremely mature, shrewd, and astute, and merely eccentric, because he speaks their chickenshit language, always aiming for the lowest common denominator. In recent years, professional comedians have been complaining that they already have enough material, and can’t compete with reality while, now, our glorious leader is insisting that doctors’ warnings about a deadly pandemic are wrong and, next, I expect him to go on TV and tell brain surgeons how to do their job.

Of course, psychologists keep debating whether he’s suffering from dementia or psychosis, in spite of a quarter of Americans running around claiming the sun revolves around the earth, and acting like spoiled two year olds, constantly throwing tantrums, and our glorious leader himself being a real estate agent, lawyer, reality TV star, and lifelong Professional Wrestling fan, credited with well over 4,000 blatant lies during his time in office alone. One psychologist claimed he fit every criteria for a narcissistic psychopath, but the criteria he listed could also be used to describe Professional Wrestling and, of course, his criteria didn’t include compulsive lying. You would think psychologists had never watched the Beverly Hillbillies or the Marx Brothers, and never had an argument with a two year old. Wealthy people prefer to be called eccentric, rather than insane, but they’d rather you called them insane than a compulsive liar, which is fighting words amongst all the lawyers, bankers, and politicians, who are increasingly difficult to distinguish from each other.

Brazenly accusing a third of the population, and our glorious leader, of all being compulsive liars, who struggle to distinguish reality from Professional Wrestling and, all too frequently, wouldn’t recognize the simple truth if it bit them in the ass, is considered poor manners in even the mass media, which typically have much lower standards for such things, but still retain a healthy appreciation for the power of the mindless mob, to burn them to the ground, salt the earth, and pave right over them, in the ancient Roman tradition for expanding public parking. The mass media reported that only 17% of the capital hill rioters were extremists, yet more democrats than republicans now claim the constitution is irrelevant, and 43% of the population insisted their president should be above the law altogether, and none of the idiots even knows how to use a dictionary! As if an entire political party claiming the sun revolves around the earth, attacking their own government with nonstop empty rhetoric, refusing to share their words and cooperate on anything, and demanding a dictatorship, is never to be confused with political extremism in a democracy. Recently, Americans have been debating whether half the country is now a cult, despite practically the entire republican party demanding a dictator, and the Tea Party trashing out our constitution and government for almost 30 years, because calling them blatant liars that are not worth giving the time of day to, would be a call for civil war! Whenever Babylonians ask me if I need anything, frequently I tell them I have significant brain damage, but I really need a complete lobotomy, and ask if they have an ice pick handy.

With so much love, desire, and respect for the truth going around, even asking simple questions is frequently anathema, making communication more about volume and intonation than anything else, while honesty is only a lonely word because greedy publishers keep printing whatever sells more dictionaries, with the most popular definitions still being the ones people enjoy arguing over the most. The courts keep dragging their feet as well, and refuse to allow anyone to patent or copyright honesty or the truth, driving down the demand even further. Like I said, the truth has always been a hard sell and, for example, even insanity sells much better than the truth if you’re a pharmacist or a bartender, but a recent survey indicated that most Babylonians interpret “rational behavior” as somehow self-interested, and “reasonable behavior” as somehow more fair, balanced, and inclusive.

Freedom isn’t free, and the truth hurts for a reason, which is why it remains such a hard sell, because the bitter pill to swallow is that the price of freedom just keeps going up while, for chickens, its your patriotic duty to vigilantly defend your right to debate the definition of stupid, and who is the best example, which is only common sense as anyone who watches Professional Wrestling or reality TV knows. The meaning of words simply depends upon how pleasant a word sounds to the ear, how easily it rolls off the tongue, how convincingly sincere you appear to be, how persistent you are in repeating yourself, or whoever has the most money, authority, and influence, or just so happens to spout more exciting smack, or yells the loudest, and the very idea that the Babylonian mainstream would ever let mere semantics, the stupid dictionary, or any silly inconvenient truth, ever prevent them from exercising their common sense is absurd! With everybody arguing over the definition of stupid and who is the best example, just knowing the truth, much less discussing it with anyone, can be entirely counterproductive and flat out dangerous in Babylon, where the legal system punishes people for withholding evidence, yet, provides almost no protection for whistle-blowers and, in recent years, has even begun compelling people to testify against themselves, while proudly continuing to provide the public service of supplying the absolute best justice that money can buy, at affordable rates, with special discounts and bonuses for loyal customers, and Wall Street employees.

Now the public is demanding that our glorious leader be above the law altogether, making him the ultimate legal authority in the land and, as a businessman, able to set fair prices for justice, and for worshiping Mammon. He’s insisted he has the right to face his accusers, while congress has already given the president the authority to torture and kill anybody on the planet, or even in orbit, without having to so much as inform anyone. So you know he’s big on justice, but the truth remains the playground of billionaires today, and far too rich for my blood. Once seen, some things cannot be unseen, once heard, some things cannot be unheard, while bullshit along the lines of what I write, is just so much easier to produce, less distasteful, safer, and cheaper. Frequently, I warn people to avoid the truth whenever possible in Babylon, don’t go there, never claim to know the truth if you can help it, avoid getting involved in any Babylonian insanity, because you already know perfectly well, that the mindless mob will believe whatever the hell sounds good to them at the time, and the truth is the last damned thing that anybody gives a shit about!

Sharing their own dictionary, much less the truth, just sounds too much like socialism, or worse still, another liberal fantasy, and the more you can accept that the stupid truth is often flat out dangerous and ridiculously expensive in Babylon, the easier it is to avoid getting involved in any of their more overpriced, self-defeating, totally pointless, and downright ugly lowbrow slapstick. For example, despite it being common knowledge that Fox News is legally entertainment that literally shortens your lifespan, and that Americans have been voting for whoever advertises the most for over twenty years, nevertheless, the current political conflict surrounding the impeachment of the US president has been compared to the civil war! Physicians have been reporting a sharp increase in the number of accidents, suicides, alcoholism, and premature deaths among conservatives in particular, as if George Orwell were broadcasting “War of The Worlds” for the first time, and the idiots believed the Martians were invading.

Meanwhile, for decades, every study done by every major university has indicated that our votes matter less than ever before, and a twenty year study commissioned by Princeton University concluded that, no matter who was elected to congress, only the top 10% of the wealthiest ever got anything they wanted. All the money has steadily floated to the top for over forty years and, if we still have a democracy, it serves “We The Deserving Few”, but there’s no proof whatsoever that our votes still matter in the slightest, or that either party actually represents the interests of the people. Especially, since they all reject their own dictionary, making it difficult to determine who to believe, unless you have a billion dollars, and can believe whatever the hell you want. Which is the same thing that happened when the international conglomerates corrupted, the then widely respected democracy, of the Roman Republic, and established the Roman Empire, by pandering to the same mindless mob that their own entrenched wealth and middle class had promoted.

Julius Caesar was stabbed to death on his own senate steps, for insisting that at least the upper middle class retain a meaningful vote, lending him greater support in opposition to the conglomerates and entrenched wealth, that had taken over the country. “Those In High Places Hate Surprises”, and got him out of the way fast, before he could pull anymore surprises on them. Embarrassingly, corrupting an entire nation of chickens is as easy as offering ridiculous tax cuts, then putting the idiots a few trillion dollars in debt, and walking away with a slap on the wrist, which is also why its illegal to vote for Mickey Mouse or to throw large sums of cash off the tops of tall buildings, because chickens never can resist corn.

Even assuming for a moment, against all the evidence, that anybody’s vote still makes a snowball’s difference in hell as to who gets elected, and who they represent, there’s absolutely no reason to vote or to follow national politics if you aren’t wealthy, explaining why both social mobility and voter turnout are the lowest in the developed world, because at least half the country has already been disenfranchised. Not to worry though, since they’re starting to vote for Mickey Mouse these days, a quarter of them still claim the sun revolves around the earth, and they’re storming the palace with knives and pitch forks for cheap thrills, the simple truth is, their votes never did seem to matter all that much to begin with and, technically, insisting everybody lie to you all the time does not count as an informed electorate. What we need is a Think-Tank to step forward, take the lead, and figure out how to give the American people all of the impartial and objective patriotic lies that they can possibly stomach, you know, educate them and spice things up a bit.

Lamentably, almost every single conservative that I’ve spoken to has confirmed that they know perfectly well their votes no longer matter, but the only solution either liberals or conservatives have ever proposed to me more than once is to, “Vote The Bums Out of Office!” Jesus may have to forgive his political opposition, but never conservatives! Many also know damned well they are killing themselves, and ration their “Booze and Fox News” and donate more to charity hoping to extend their lives. The entire electorate has been gerrymandered to death by both parties, our constitutional rights have been suspended indefinitely, congress has authorized the military to round up citizens like so many cattle, and over 40% of the population now insists that our glorious leader should be above the law altogether, and allowed to commit even high crimes and treason, and has the right to face his accusers because, of course, only a patriotic traitor and compulsive liar who is above the corrupt petty laws of our evil government, can possibly Make America Great Again! Conservatives keep telling me that, if I don’t vote, I shouldn’t talk about politics, and I tell them I’m merely attempting to save taxpayer lives and money, and just don’t see any future in supporting a political system that promotes the highest rates of divorce, suicide, abortion, and alcoholism, and the lowest social mobility, lowest voter turnout, and lowest reproductive rates in the world!

Al Capone once claimed he became the head of the Chicago Mafia, because he was the best liar, and conservatives have always confused the Mafia with a functional government, but even the Mafia requires competition, or its every man for himself! The whole idea its possible to have politicians who are compulsive liars, voted into office in rigged elections, and entirely above the law, yet still somehow considered legitimate political figures, is just too weird for me to wrap my head around. Lynch mob morality begs such fascinating questions as, “Does God need legal rights if he’s already above the law, and can print money? Does the Mafia require special protection from the legal system, if they own the legal system?” Forget about foreign concepts, politics without laws is a Martian concept, invented by lawyers with enough money behind them that the idiots will buy anything they repeat often enough. The only explanation anyone has ever given to me for why they continue to bother to waste their time and sanity watching the news, voting, and arguing over who’s in charge around here, instead of stocking up on guns and ammo, is because they can’t stand the thought of the opposition winning. Ya don’t need a weatherman to know the boob tube was left on too damned long, when the idiots start to argue with their own boob tube, and begin to thoroughly enjoy repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot! Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, we’ve all seen this cartoon before! Ask not what your country can do for you, but how many times can you shoot yourself in the foot while saluting the flag?

Whenever anybody asks for my advice on American politics, I suggest they change the channel altogether, and start watching more educational cartoons like the Simpsons or, better yet, blow up their fucking TV as a public health service recommended by the AMA, and start playing the slots in Vegas baby, because participating in American politics is now officially only for the wealthy, and total losers addicted to reality TV, Fox News, Televangelism, and Professional Wrestling. Get over it already! A quarter of Americans are so stupid that they still insist the sun revolves around the earth, and their idea of politics is running around screaming, “Off With Their Heads", while the other half of the conservative population often call themselves "Independents", but almost always vote republican, and urges them on from the side-lines. Clearly, the will of the people is to declare our glorious leader above the law, and create a Banana Republic, where their votes no longer matter, by spending billions on ever more thrilling, and exhaustively rigged elections, to vote the bums out of office! Don Henley famously sang, “You don’t really wanna know just how far its gone…” but, Hollywood writers are working hard to make it the new norm and, when it comes to American politics, Pink Floyd always said it best for me, “Hello, hello, hello… is there anybody in there?”

During the Occupy protests, the billionaire mayor of NYC, Micheal Bloomberg, arrested 26 reporters in one day, only to get a slap on the wrist from Obama. Even the major news outlets with all their full-time lawyers declined to sue the man, that is, after their accountants confirmed that they could never make money, attempting to sue a billionaire. If money isn’t the law of the land, it remains a wildly popular substitute, and the next best thing if you happen to be a billionaire mayor, or work on Wall Street. However, as Americans, we like to believe we have higher standards, so we make sure all the cops warn any new illegal aliens, not to try to bribe them with petty cash. The mass media is all too well aware that the public could not give a damn about what billionaires do for entertainment, boys will be boys, with few papers even bothering to run the incident as front page news. For over a year, I regularly asked people if they knew reporters were being arrested and, of course, almost none of them did, while only one person has mentioned the incident to me since it happened, and it has largely been swept under the rug and forgotten.

Like I said, Martian politics without any laws or reliable sources for news, or anyone having a clue as what the hell is going on around here, is just too weird for me personally and sounds unhealthy, unappealing, way too expensive and, as far as I can tell, serves no damned practical purpose whatsoever, if you aren’t wealthy. Why should anyone give a damned about a government that is so enlightened nobody even knows how to use a stupid dictionary, a quarter of their own population still claims the sun revolves around the earth, they have the lowest voter turnout in the developed world, everybody calls them evil, and they have to make it illegal to vote for Mickey Mouse? Now Bloomberg is talking about running for president himself while, with the exception of the *Evil Fox News Network*, our glorious leader supports freedom of speech and the mass media and, in the honorable tradition of NYC slum lords, cut another mass media news outlet a deal on their rent, for criticizing him less often, while threatening to pull the licenses of the others.

A record two million women marched in peaceful protest against the election of their new president, but they represented less than 1% of the population, while it is now illegal to vote for Mickey Mouse in Maryland, because his imaginary tax cuts were so much more believable then any of the official candidates and, obviously, politics without a lot of silly laws, where you just have a few simple brand names to choose from, and can pay cash or credit for whatever you can afford, is just a much more attractive option for busy voters today. In practically every election, they always vote for whoever offers the best tax cuts, which is usually the clown advertising the most, and there’s simply no need whatsoever for any inconvenient red-tape, or stupid laws, when you can just sell people their own government, and cut out the middleman. The rest of the country is still debating whether it might be a good idea to at least try to maintain the pretense of rule of law, considering their votes no longer matter, their constitution has been shredded, and over 40% of the country now insists that what the nation requires is a “president”, who is not a dictator, but is somehow above the law, and allowed to commit even high crimes and treason, so everyone has a better idea of just how much their government costs.

As far as I’m concerned, its every American’s birthright to demand the *Glorious Banana Republic* of their choice, where their votes no longer matter and whoever spends more on advertising, arrests more reporters, hires Russian hackers, talks the most exciting Professional Wrestling smack, and promises this, that, and the other thing, gets to become our shiny new Glorious Leader, but I still suggest blowing up their fucking TV, for the sake of their own health if nothing else. Haters gotta hate, and by who and what you hate, by this are you truly known, in an angry flock of chickens! Thankfully, modern science has made it possible, to use Fuzzy Logic and automation, to save the lives of countless brainless chickens around the world. Fuzzy Logic is based on the simple observation that some things, such as jokes, are “partially true” or “partially bullshit” and Oneness Poetry is almost 12,000 years old, while Stone Henge and written language are only half that. Even the Buddha expressed serious interest in the subject, yet the rigorous development of modern fuzzy logic and linguistic analysis, had to wait for engineers and philosophers to became so desperate in the last century, that they were willing to try anything.

Those more familiar with the work of Ludwig Wittgenstein, commonly describe his linguistic analysis as akin to reading a dry auto-repair manual, while those less familiar with his work, often complain it is utterly incomprehensible. Explaining why his linguistic analysis remains so controversial to this day, as simply the result of it being low in entropy, or low in content, making it suspiciously resemble a joke or mysticism, that chickenshit academics can seldom hope to grasp. In the Socratic tradition, this book takes his chickenshit academic linguistic analysis to the next level, leveraging contextual vagueness and the multifractal equation of the Tao Te Ching, to stress authenticity over knowledge. Illustrating according to academic standards, how chickenshit academics with institutionally stunted senses of humor, seldom comprehend authenticity as more than a vague abstraction, and seldom even have a clue how to use a stupid dictionary, much less share the truth, making them easy to exploit and cheap to replace with automation, along with most other occupations these days. Crucially, thanks to helping to set the legal standards, academia remains the most sensible way to begin systematically exploiting any kind of rhetoric or complete nonsense, for fun and for profit, which I cover in extensive detail.

Babylonians can write whatever bizarre history books they can sell at Walmart, next to the tabloids, but academia has already accumulated a mountain of their own evidence that thoroughly condemns them, and academics themselves are now starting to demand the sciences become more sustainable, just in time for global warming. Meanwhile, awareness continues to spread, far and wide, that the entire world ecology is on the verge of collapsing, and all our jobs are about to be automated out of existence, while a quarter of the civilized world still claims the sun revolves around the earth, and our glorious leader who is charged with addressing such problems supports burning coal, and is a reality TV star and lifelong fan of Professional Wrestling who, obviously, thinks academics are way overpaid and full of crap. Forget about reading, writing, and arithmetic, after a century of public education, almost one in four Americans still claims the sun revolves around the earth, because academia is so enlightened and progressive, that they cannot even teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, much less, how to share their words, and play nice more often, even if it kills them dammit!

The only explanation their teachers have ever given to me is that only Quakers and total losers teach children how to use a dictionary, share their words and play nice, which are political and cultural issues. Sadly, watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres was never a substitute for culture, or for learning how to use a damned dictionary, share your words and play nice! Bob Marley sentimentally sang, “How long shall they kill our prophets, while we stand aside and look?” Many might understandably assume that I’m exaggerating the seriousness of the situation, but I remain thoroughly convinced that unless the idiots can agree upon using their own stupid dictionary, at least half the time, and try to share their words and play nice more often, they’ll keep right on killing every damned one of them at the first opportunity, while everybody else stands aside and takes exciting photographs, they can sell to the mass media!

Big Bird is not an evil commie plot, and Jim Henson was practically a saint as comedians go, or both of them might have been lynched right there on Sesame Street, with the cameras rolling, just to teach all the little kids a lesson they’ll never forget! All too predictably, Sesame Street and the UN have failed miserably in their heroic efforts to encourage the public to share their words and play nice more often but, fear not, the latest and greatest supercomputers are being programmed as I write this, with the arcane knowledge of how to use a stupid dictionary, and are about to translate all of these stupid jokes, into rigorous terms that even mainstream Babylonian academics can grasp. Meaning finally, at long last, we can get this over with, and even Babylonian academics will soon be able to safely get more of the punch lines to infantile jokes, older than monuments, in their own lamentably stilted, if still admirably rigorous, grimly humorless, traditional institutionalized fashion. All they have to do is be studious and, if you reward them, academics are very good at being studious, just like their own experimental lab rats, and behaviorists should use each other as test subjects more often, so they can compare their own behavior against that of the rats, and see what they’ll do for the promise of money.

Down on the farm, legend has it that if you feed a chicken, they’ll love you forever or, at least, love your corn, and its quite possible to encourage academics to experiment on each other! Join the Soupy Sales Club Today, ****And Click Here To Win A Million Dollars!!!**** Everybody wants to rule the world, but money rules the world and has a life of its own, and it should be possible to prove it to the satisfaction of even intellectual Three Stooges or, at least, encourage them to pay for the privilege of dying faster. Of course, in the name of free markets and the customer always being right, and careful to use double-blind studies, to determine exactly where the contentious idiots just happen to draw the line between logic and humor, truth and bullshit, and just how often they happen to strongly disagree with their own damned facts and dictionaries.

The truth shall set you free, but only if it doesn’t get you killed! Will Rogers famously complained to his manager that his audiences would only laugh at his stupid jokes if they contained the truth, but academics have extremely stunted senses of humor and, all too often, wouldn’t recognize the simple truth if it bit them in the ass! Making them an excellent choice for a test population, in which to explore the technology and potential new markets. Publishers are always looking for exciting ways to expand their markets, so I give suggestions in another chapter for how to cheaply automate the process, of encouraging the monkey to chase the weasel, while charging them for the privilege of debating the definition of stupid, and erecting more pay walls.

If you can’t steal an egg from a bunch of eggheads who can’t even teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, you are the damned egghead! Capitalism is the foundation of American democracy and, if you ask me, we should make it legal to sell our votes at Walmart and Seven-Eleven, right along with the lottery tickets, so everybody knows just exactly how much their votes are worth these days. Fox News is legally entertainment, because they’ll sue anyone who calls them Fake News, and learning the truth or getting involved in any way whatsoever has never been more expensive, and the pay walls and ghetto walls are going up fast, while greed is a powerful motivator for the wealthy, who eat each other alive at every opportunity, and just love over-educated fools who don’t even know how to use a dictionary, whose votes no longer matter, and whose constitution has been shredded. As every teacher knows, there’s nothing like having a captive audience and, according to their own studies, academics in the wealthiest countries in the world suck at addressing social issues, and would have to deliberately try to do worse, possibly reflecting their inability to reproduce, or to even teach a child how to use a dictionary. As I said, Fox News is legally entertainment, but The Wall Street Bull Is A Sacred Cow, and you can encourage academics to use their own rhetoric to blame each other and the same students they teach, in the name of freedom of speech, and make money merely giving them whatever they demand to hear.

Its already possible to earn a comfortable living encouraging chickens everywhere to blindly attack each other, and spout rhetorical nonsense, but automating the process is still a haphazard affair, that can be made much more systematic and scientifically rigorous, by incorporating AI in particular. According to a report from the future head of Amazon, the US is falling perilously behind in AI, with the Chinese surging ahead, making it crucial to develop the technology as rapidly as possible, within the public domain and private sector, and not rely on any single individual, government, corporation, or academic institution, with a stunted sense of humor, to set standards or hobble free market enterprise. The way to Make America Great Again, is to give them all the analog logic they can possibly use! The problem is, the chickens oppose the development of analog logic within their own academic institutions, while Vaudeville is undisciplined, making the solution obvious. All academic institutions are not created alike, and the clowns can be easily encouraged to compete against one another, while raising more pay walls. Academia is already dividing into public and private, open and classified, free and pay-per-view, and the more lofty the ivory tower, the more stunted their sense of humor. Nothing beats going straight to the source, and seeing just how long it takes them to catch on, while getting paid to entertain yourself, and my work is in quantifying humor in the public domain, that academics can never hope to comprehend.

With all the hot air they spout, encouraging intellectual Three Stooges everywhere to learn how to either share their words and play nice more often, or die trying, could be the single most effective way to combat Global Warming! Thankfully, Three Stooges slapstick is easy to automate, and every branch of the sciences has their own distinctive theories and philosophies, making it possible to turn playing the idiots off one another into an exact science, using their own research and technology. Leveraging the ignorance of the experts against themselves, by merely providing them with whatever they demand to hear, in the most efficient and expedient manner theoretically possible. Talk about putting the scientific method to the test, the more they lie to themselves, the worse their sense of humor becomes, the easier it is to fool themselves, and the easier they are to exploit by the same students they teach Darwinian evolution, and claim should be censored for their own protection.

Much to my shock, among all the other mind-boggling facts that I discovered over the course of conducting my own private research, is that the harder academics or anyone else insists that everything must make sense, the lower their reproductive rates and higher their mortality rates. Our materialistic culture stresses a winner-take-all attitude, but most people can’t afford the rat race, and teens have the highest rates of suicide while, the more money people make, the fewer children they have, and money is by far the single biggest reason people get divorced, and divorce is the most common reason adults commit suicide. Instant Karma’s gonna getcha baby, and it appears that our immune system and reproductive system are yin and yang, and Ebeneezer Scrooge needed Tiny Tim, every bit as much as he needed him. I cover more of the sociological evidence in later chapters, but humans seem to live as long as we do, so that grandparents can spoil their grandchildren, giving their parents a night out once in awhile, and we evolved to live in small groups of normally seven adults, who kept each other more honest. Lending entirely new meaning to the Laws of Thought and Psychology, if you aren’t a chickenshit mainstream academic, afraid to ever go there.

Which, of course, I cover in extensive detail throughout this book but, for now, suffice it to say academia is about to be confronted with the self-evident truth, which is not even remotely like how they prefer to view the world, or themselves, making them a fantastic and largely untapped commercial market, with unlimited growth potential, and ripe for development, but its important to get in on the ground floor with these things. Supposedly, academics are among the more intelligent Babylonians yet, for the better part of half a century, they’ve complained that nobody believes in Darwin’s theory of Evolution, when a strong majority of Americans distrust modern science, almost none of them know how to even use a dictionary, and a quarter of them still insist the sun revolves around the earth. Actually listening to themselves, much less to each other, sharing their words and playing nice, are all too often anathema and entirely counterproductive in Babylon, where you can find the truth on sale at Walmart prices (Made in America and imported from China!) and, sometimes, you’d swear it must be illegal to teach a child how to use a dictionary, much less, how to share their words and play nice. The humble secret behind both Socratic wisdom and Taoism alike, is that the truth is the easiest thing in the world to share while, according to a century of their own evidence, the hallowed halls suck at sharing the truth, and always have.

Richard Dawkins, for example, is a widely recognized leader of militant atheists, and an Oxford evolutionary theorist, who invented his own nonsense word “meme”, convincing millions of his followers to babble totally meaningless bullshit for decades now, of course, in the name of science, reason, and survival of the fittest atheist. Well over a century ago, when it first became common for peasants to learn how to read, the lofty ivory towers themselves capitulated to the madness of the wealthy and the mainstream hegemony, progressively rejecting even their own stupid dictionary and, of course, the flaming idiots eventually bought into their own bullshit hook, line, and sinker, convincing themselves that they could change reality as we know it, by merely inventing new words. Last time I checked, some of them are still running around babbling complete nonsense, decades later, and encouraging others to babble like total idiots, in the hope of saving the planet, by inventing new and exciting, more highly evolved, meaningless scientific sounding gibberish, that can bring humanity together.

Of course, nobody is attempting to inform them that they’ve all been babbling complete nonsense for decades, that only means whatever the hell each individual decides it means. Technically, they actually did manage to change reality as we know it, by pulling the wool over their own damned eyes so hard they fell on their lofty collective asses, but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for anybody to admit they fell on their more evolved fat ass, much less, that they know how it happened and are prepared to correct the problem. These days, academics have so little personal integrity, so little interest in actually encouraging people to share their words, and care so little about the truth, that Oxford never even attempted to inform the fools they’re all spouting complete bullshit and, as far as I can tell, nobody even thought to inform them.

Quite the opposite, academia’s all too predictable chickenshit response has been to declare war on fake news and misinformation, urging congress to censor the mass media and world wide web, so they can continue to invent new nonsense words, and encourage the same idiots they teach to keep voting in rigged elections, for whichever clown advertises the most. Of course, ensuring that anybody with enough money or influence can continue to make up whatever bullshit they please, as they go along. Shakespeare suggested throwing all the lawyers in the sea, but he was used to performing for a rough crowd, and when so-called “intellectual” leaders in lofty ivory towers taunt each other with rhetoric and made up gibberish, as if they were fighting on the kindergarten playground, lynch mobs take the opportunity to throw lawyers in the sea because they decide they can do a better job at making up their own infantile bullshit, or because the Mafia offers more justice than the legal system.

If you can afford it, people lobby publishers all the time, urging them to print their own obviously superior definitions for words, but the publishers usually ignore them, because they can sell more dictionaries if they merely print the most popular definitions, the ones people already prefer to argue over. Rather than an Urban Dictionary, what might be more helpful is an “Encyclopedia of Meaningless Scholastic Rhetoric, Vacuous Arguments, Complete Oxymorons, Nonsense Words, Misleading Statements, Distracting Gibberish, Indignant Posturing, Pies-in-the-Face, and Miserable Failures!” You need a damned score card in order to distinguish our awe inspiring intellectual leaders from the less reputable politicians, bankers, and lawyers they teach and, no doubt, they’ll argue endlessly over the definition of honesty, which is why its so important to document their ongoing insanity in the public domain, anonymously whenever prudent.

Once, an atheist told me the dictionary is not a God, and I told him to tell it to the judge and see if he throws the book at him. Bet you a billion dollars, if he had a billion dollars, the judge wouldn’t throw the book at him. Clarence Darrow once famously declared, “There is no justice in or out of court” but, he was a lawyer, and whether lawyers can actually lie to themselves remains debatable and, with modern medical technology, sometimes negotiable. At any rate, you can still find the word in any damned dictionary and, in parts of Texas, justice means you can’t bring your horse inside church with you to be baptized, but you can shoot a hooker for attempting to steal your wallet, while in West Virginia justice means you can legally buy judges by paying for their elections, and invent any damned hillbilly definitions you prefer.

Equality under the law means one man’s money is as good as the next, so long as the Feds don’t get involved or the mindless mob doesn’t start to riot, with democrats now trying to convince conservatives, that their own Constitution is now irrelevant, and so is rioting, with the government thinking about requiring permits for Civil Disobedience. Considering that the majority of Americans prefer to argue over their own stupid dictionary, that their votes no longer matter, their constitution has been shredded, and almost a quarter of them still claim the sun revolves around the earth, justice is the least of their problems, when its patently obvious half of them are so far out of touch with reality that, all too often, they wouldn’t recognize the simple truth if it bit them in the ass. You know its bad when Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres start to look like just another tourism or real estate Time Share infomercial. Some have warned of an impending Zombie Apocalypse of the Marching Morons, but nature has her own ways of limiting just how stupid people can become, both individually and collectively, and still manage to reproduce, while evolution is no different from anything else in life which, at best, is two steps forward and one back, or else! Of course, that means you can sell the zombies whatever nonsense they demand to hear, easily convince them that mindlessly attacking each other is the socially responsible thing to do, then sell them whatever they might believe might make them more attractive to other zombies, like a hat with flashing LEDs or whatever.

Linguists were eventually compelled to give the word “meme” a demonstrable definition, or it would have gone in the dictionary encouraging billions more to babble totally meaningless bullshit for decades to come and, of course, cite Oxford University and Charles Darwin as sources, compelling Oxford to lower the cost of tuition considerably! Its just so much cheaper and easier, and even politically correct, to invent new nonsense words and definitions, then to actually attempt to teach children how to use a dictionary. Militant atheists have made academia their bastion, and are among the leading contributors encouraging “intellectual” Three Stooges everywhere to assume that they’re all brilliant cunning linguists, when they don’t even have a clue how to use a stupid dictionary. The brilliant babbling idiots have been arguing so heatedly over existing dictionary definitions, that there are no less than 17 widely recognized types of atheism today, including the complete oxymoron “Agnostic-Atheist” which, quite possibly stands for, “Uncertain who’s in charge around here”.

Of course, an atheist once accused me of insulting him by my claiming that an “Agnostic-Atheist” a complete oxymoron, and I had to inform him that I don’t determine what people consider to be a contradiction, nor do I write the dictionary definitions for words, or decide what people consider to be funny, and they’ll have to take it up with the publishers, tell it to the judge, or start urging people to burn their dictionaries, and ignore what’s missing from this picture! Ironically, since I started writing this book and telling people about all this bullshit academic rhetoric, atheists have rushed to remove or update every website claiming there are 17 types of atheism, and are now loudly attempting to deny they ever existed. Exchanging playground taunts was never something I was good at, but I do tend to notice what’s missing from this picture, which is much more valuable if you ask me, while playground bullies are always way too smart for their own good. Again, making them an excellent marketing target, since they’re already the most unpopular minority, and are gullible enough to believe anyone who tells them they are smarter than the rest. Having spent way too much time on the Playground of Life himself, but swearing that he never did drugs, Frank Zappa famously sang, “You are what you is, and that’s all it tis!” Militant atheists have dominated academia yet, ironically, they’re among the most notorious online bullies, and the very idea that they even know how to use a stupid dictionary, much less how to share their words and play nice on the playground, is laughable!

All 17 types of atheism can be traced back to antiquated Soviet Era communist propaganda from the 1920s, designed to be used as a foot in the door for contentious Babylonians, all too willing and eager to argue for the sake of argument itself, and spout any rhetoric or meaningless bullshit for hours on end, merely to entertain themselves. Proselytizing door to door was popular before the invention of television and the internet, and Wikipedia and the Oxford dictionary are both infamous for atheist rhetoric but, since nobody gives a crap about the dictionary except how to print their own versions, all the meaningless rhetoric is just more gibberish for publishers and the mass media to sell to their delusional public. In communist countries, I suppose militant atheists can play Big Brother all they want and print whatever damned dictionaries they prefer, of course, in the name of promoting literacy.

Who needs a dictionary when you can just make up anything you want, and tell all your teachers, or anyone else, whatever they want to hear? In a few famous cases, individuals have gone on to earn advanced degrees, and retire from successful careers, only to have it eventually revealed that they were functionally illiterate, while working memory is the only known reliable measure of anyone’s career potential, which is what you’d expect in a flock of chickens. A study of rocket scientists and brain surgeons concluded they were not smarter than anyone else on the average. Once, just for the hell of it, I encouraged a militant atheist to argue that no less than a dozen two syllable words were all defined wrong in the dictionary proving, to my personal satisfaction, that only a complete idiot would ever waste their time attempting to discuss anything serious with either academics or atheists who, after a century of public education, have so little personal integrity, that they could not teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary if their lives depended on it and, all too often, wouldn’t recognize the simple truth if it bit them in the ass.

Forget about growing up in a rough neighborhood, I was a military brat and grew up in them all, because we moved around all the time. Thankfully, everything I ever needed to know in life I learned in kindergarten, because I’m stubborn, and kept searching for what’s missing from this picture, only to eventually confirm my worst suspicions, that the well is truly bottomless! Piled-higher-and-deeper gains entirely new meaning, when a strong majority of the public swears by their teachers, but deeply distrusts academia, and the response of the ivory towers is to pompously invent their own nonsense words, to go along with all the bullshit terminology and rhetoric they already promote, while complaining about pay walls, and urging the government to censor the internet. Seriously, these fools commonly claim to be more knowledgeable than other people, then proceed to reject their own dictionaries, make up their own nonsense words and bullshit terminology, insist they know better than anybody else, claim to be impartial as they lobby congress and promote communist rhetoric, and are such highly skilled and inspirational teachers, that nearly a quarter of their students still claim the sun revolves around the earth, and its now illegal to join the Mickey Mouse Club in Maryland. Walt Disney would be horrified, and you can write it all off as human nature, or point all the damned fingers you want, but modern academia’s continuing abject failure to so much as teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, does not exactly inspire confidence in the future of humanity, much less, public education!

The whole damned world is falling apart, and the response of the ivory towers is to attack their own dictionary, and anyone who disagrees with them, shooting for the lowest common denominator! Centuries ago, natural philosophy died a slow painful death in the hallowed halls, and was replaced with a series of reactionary philosophies, such as “Scientific Positivism”, which is about as scientific as Scientology, and as constructive and positive as playing Wack-a-Mole with the Three Stooges. Karl Popper invented the philosophy, which has never even met its own criteria for a valid philosophy, and supposedly “objective” scientists are still quoting him and promoting his philosophy as supporting their theories and, apparently, have no problem contradicting themselves, and promoting pseudo-science, that they’ve used for most of a century to deny the physical evidence.

As I explain in great detail, in the following chapters, their lack of integrity and brazen insanity makes it that much easier to see how you can quantify lowbrow slapstick, across scales and magnitudes, making them easy to exploit and cheap to automate. These days, they only call their philosophies natural or scientific, because they taste great and are less filling, fit into their budgets and make a little money but, sooner than academics think, it will be possible to automate any existing academic philosophy, and science, with much better results for Hollywood and the private sector. Spinoza’s philosophy was the only real alternative literally produced in eons, at great personal risk and sacrifice, outside of the hallowed halls, and was merely adopted as an intellectual curiosity. These days, even logistics, such as fuzzy logic, are more often corporate and government secrets, making it difficult to develop new philosophies without consulting with Dr Strangelove, or working entirely outside of the system. Sr Stephen Hawking defiantly declared that philosophy is dead, but he was almost a century late in making that judgment, and missed the faculty meeting where they all broke out their knives.

Supposedly Hawking was a genius, but the idea anybody is in charge around here, or has a coherent philosophy, is laughable, when the chickens are running around faster than ever, claiming the sun revolves around the earth and shouting, “Off With Their Heads!” I’ve met people who attend KKK meetings where, like so many atheist trolls online, they all stand toe-to-toe and spout the most hateful crap imaginable for hours on end, without pausing for breath. Not because they necessarily believe a word of it, but because they love nothing better than dominating and submitting to complete bullshit, of course, usually without a clue as to why they love it so much. Just like so many chickens who would be very sad, lonely, and confused indeed, without their pecking order to give their otherwise pathetic lives meaning. Once I visited an atheist website and went to some lengths to discuss the meaning of, “Agnostic-Atheist”, suggesting that its a contradiction, and none of them ever caught on that its a complete oxymoron, and only one of them even grudgingly admitted that it might be a contradiction. Academics have empowered militant atheists and others to trash out the English language so badly, their own students still commonly claim the sun revolves around the earth and struggle to reproduce!

During the 1990s Southern Baptist churches lost half their congregations, when their preachers started competing for who could give the most vitriolic sermon, just like so many damned roosters competing over who can crow the loudest, and who is the most intimidating. But, they all returned again a few years later, just like the preachers said they would, once the competition died down because, of course, chickens need roosters. Multiple studies, by even the evangelical Bana Group, have established that the social record of fundamentalists is at least as bad as anybody else, if not the worst in the developed world, and only the rare few individuals among them, who regularly use their own two hands in service to their fellow man, actually live up to their own moral standards.

According to their own studies, religious Fundamentalism and Televangelism are now officially synonymous with hypocrisy and brain damage, making them “UnChristian” by the standardss of many, and they also meet all the accepted criteria for a mental disease, but psychology itself meets the same criteria, because they refuse to categorize them as a mental illness that causes brain damage, refuse to teach students how to use a dictionary, refuse to insist they all be warned, and nobody has ever managed to prove the existence of common sense anywhere in the world. Liars are a dime a dozen, but good lies make money, and don’t require a dictionary. Sigmund Freud was the first to popularize psychology as a science and, prophetically, he became a cocaine dealer who specialized in treating the trophy wives of the rich and famous, based on the theory they were suffering from childhood sexual issues.

His psychology eventually went on to become extremely popular with the communist Chinese bureaucracy, thanks to his Psychoanalysis making it easier for them to live with a guilty conscience, just like Freud’s trophy wives. Common sense has it that we’re supposed to listen to the recognized experts, whose own evidence indicates there’s no such thing as common sense, but who refuse to denounce common sense as nonsense, could not teach a child how to use a dictionary if their lives depended on it, have severely stunted senses of humor, invent their own atheist rhetoric and nonsense words, urge congress to censor the mass media and internet for the sake of our rigged elections, invent spectacular failures such as Totalitarian Communism and Freudian Psychoanalysis and, according to their own studies, are infamous for being underpaid workaholics with the lowest reproductive rates, and least satisfying sex lives of any profession!

Physician, heal thyself! Darwin was an academic but, according to their own studies, neither academia nor conservative Americans appear to comprehend the meaning of reproduction of the species, as anything more than a vague abstraction and, like the military, the hallowed halls remain among the most notoriously sexist of any existing institution. It might sound like I’m being too harsh on them, but over the course of my conducting research the trends became all too obvious, that these idiots are killing themselves and each other, and drowning in their own lies all that much faster, the more advanced their technology becomes. IQs dropped noticeably with the introduction of televangelism and, later, the cellphone, while 50 years of studies concluded that, over the last few decades, children’s values and mental health have gone down the toilet altogether, and home schooling has become wildly popular, to the point of public schools closing.

Academics can claim to know what the hell they’re doing but, whatever the hell they’re doing, it doesn’t seem to support mental health or reproduction of the species, in many of the wealthiest countries in the world, while the entire world ecology is on the verge of collapsing, and none of their students appears willing to admit responsibility for the state of the world today either. Never take personal advice from indignant sexist pigs and playground bullies who make up their own nonsense words and rhetoric, who have the absolute worst working hours imaginable, the least satisfying sex lives, lowest reproductive rates, design weapons for the government, and who are paid by the pharmaceutical companies to claim sanity is possible in an insane world. We’re supposed to take their word for it that they have the slightest clue as to what the hell they’re doing, and are not merely spouting whatever the hell they’re paid to spout, in spite of their continuing abject failure to even teach a child how to use a stupid dictionary, much less, address existing chronic and epidemic mental health issues.

Of course, the one thing neither atheists, psychologists, nor fundamentalists will ever recommend is to use a damned dictionary, try to share your words, stop spouting quite so much bullshit, keep paying it forward suckers, try to play nice on the playground more often, and learn how to laugh if it kills you! Not to mention, please feel perfectly free to ignore anything else they have to say, as officially hypocritical, insane, and of dubious value according to their own standards! That’s not to suggest that people don’t have serious mental health issues, or that there is no such thing as worthwhile expert advice, of all manner and variety, but there can be no doubt that both academia and the mainstream have serious mental issues themselves. Including a dysfunctional relationship according to their own standards, increasingly leaving the mindless mob and the mass media to fill in the gaps, making anything they say questionable.

Some might label it a humanitarian crisis, but its difficult to say when they all argue over the definition of a crisis, as their population implodes, typically preferring to blame each other, demand that everybody lie to them, and let the lawyers decide how much anybody’s words are worth. Leaving my “Bullshit Linguistic Analysis” as one of the few remaining ways in which to determine exactly what they’re all attempting to say, how trustworthy anything they say might happen to be, and for analyzing their dysfunctional relationships in depth, for long term market trends, and the best ways to encourage them to invest in their own insanity. Fake news and misinformation attract customers to websites, but the same customers demand that the government they call evil censor the mass media, and protect them from themselves. In America, the customer is always right, and the emerging markets have unlimited potential but, obviously, we must develop the required linguistic analysis outside of the hallowed halls, where its still possible to have a sense of humor, use a dictionary, and call bullshit, bullshit.

Using my Bullshit Linguistic Analysis, anyone can anonymously publish anything demonstrable within the public domain, and its either mathematically and linguistically consistent, describing humanity’s “Collective Ignorance”, or everybody will notice right away. Idiots attempting to criticize the contents, can be told its all just bullshit but, self-evident, mathematically consistent, and demonstrable. In recent years, academia has reluctantly admitted their peer review process encourages enough bad research, that it has become a serious problem. Thankfully, my own work is based entirely on the self-evident truth and demonstrables, and can be improved upon at any time by anyone, of any age, or even a computer, and is enough to drive academic linguists insane, because it requires a sense of humor that their own institutions actively suppress but, increasingly, are exploiting for developing weapons, and for fun and for profit. According to their own standards, the hallowed halls are simply not to be trusted with their own bullshit, and the only people they allow to give them feedback are the same idiots they teach, who still insist the sun revolves around the earth, and that they had the finest education available. Leaving the public domain frequently one of the few remaining places left where anyone can share their words and play nice.

A huge percentage of hippies I know fled from abusive Fundamentalist backgrounds, only to eventually discover that the rest of the mainstream is so abusive and out of touch with reality in general, that the workaholic Japanese and white US and EU populations have been imploding faster than any other on the planet for half a century, with academics having the lowest reproductive rates of any profession and, increasingly, importing every genius on the planet to replace them. They tend to look down upon those with less money and formal education, judge each other according to what they do for a living, how polite anyone is, and how much money they have, while the entire world ecology collapses, and they import geniuses from other countries that provide more funding for higher education, as their own population implodes. Conservatives and academics can deny it all they want but, according to their own studies, their espoused family values don’t appear to support either survival or reproduction of the species, that is, wherever people have a higher standard of living, and easy access to birth control. Again, me thinks familiarity doth breed self-contempt, which is one reason I decided somebody needed to step forward, and suggest that, perhaps, learning how to share their words and play nice more often, can be a really great place to start. One Japanese couple sued their own parents for not explaining the birds and the bees to them, which would have saved them rather expensive consultations with fertility specialists.

A friend of mine was popular with the smallest kids in the neighborhood, because he would always pretend to lose fights with them, and chickens can be miserable just like little kids if they can’t at least peck one another lightly. You could start a whole new school of Psychoanalysis that practices Professional Wrestling smack talk, and might even teach a militant atheist a thing or two. Once I watched a crack whore cuss out a cop for an hour, while he stood there shaking his head in total disbelief, refusing to accept the simple truth, that the truth was the last damned thing she gave a crap about, and I had no sympathy whatsoever for the fool. Chickens usually believe you either buy the truth or force it on people, and he never offered her any money, and was obviously uneducated in the finer points of Professional Wrestling smack and reality TV. Frequently, I tell people, forget about VR, AI is the future, because there never was any intelligent life around here!

They say there’s no agnostics in foxholes, and there are almost no atheists in prison, and atheists tend to be extremely productive and ethical members of society in many respects and, frequently, complain about being the least trusted among believers and nonbelievers alike because, of course, chickens are the masters of acting indignant. Atheists have dominated academia and a strong majority of Americans distrust academics, they’ve rejected their own traditional wisdom philosophies, empirical evidence, and dictionaries, and have become infamous as online trolls, with even agnostics frequently avoiding them whenever possible, and now they’re complaining that nobody trusts them. Its hard to imagine how atheists could possibly go out of their way to make people distrust them more, but they can be surprisingly moral, whenever they aren’t busy trolling people online, aren’t teaching children how to babble complete nonsense, spouting endless lies and rhetoric, lobbying congress, and when they’re the single most distrusted minority in the entire country. Sadly, academics tend to have a high opinion of atheists, and themselves, and their students often say they love their teachers but, in totalitarian communist countries, atheists have shown no hesitation, or remorse whatsoever, over killing or imprisoning anybody who disagrees with them by the tens of millions, of course, in the name of education, morality, evolution, growth, and memsy progress! Anyway, that’s my meme and I’m sticking with it!

During the last century, the communist Chinese government imprisoned believers by the millions in the name of re-education while, today, lifelong avowed atheists in China are converting to Christianity in record numbers. Often pointing out that they can no longer trust their children’s morality in the hands of an increasingly capitalistic government, and Christianity has a proven track record of opposing its own corrupt governments. Worldwide, atheists are working hard to convince people to become more democratic, and capitalistic, supporting their own competition. The “Holy Trinity” is a bit exotic by Chinese standards, but many of them have traditionally believed the human body alone contains 8,000 gods, and the Holy Trinity, being a foreign concept, is not an obstacle to the widespread adoption of Christianity. The *Evil US Government* remains in charge of the most corrupt and religious country in the world today, and other countries have experienced similar social problems that appear to accompany sudden wealth in competitive societies. In stark contrast, as many of the other thriving democracies have progressively adopted more extensive social safety nets, their citizens have put more faith in their own governments, the number of agnostics has more than doubled, and a strong majority identify themselves as merely spiritual or agnostic, with the religious and atheists alike typically relegated to minorities. Indicating that neither one actually supports salt-of-the-earth democratic values, and are, more less, randomly opposing whatever anyone with money or political influence promotes as a threat at the time.

Just as Atheism is bizarrely associated with both totalitarian communism and the wealthy, organized religion is often associated with crime and dysfunctional societies and, never having lived in a communist country, as an agnostic myself, I’m not sure which is worse but, here in the US, we sometimes like to say at least criminals tend to be more creative, and chickens can be as dull as it gets. Communist rhetoric is so shallow you could use it to torture people, and I talk to Chinese people all the time and try not to laugh when they spout the obligatory rhetoric for the censors, and we tend to sympathize with each other’s cultural baggage. Collectivist humor could make an existentialist go permanently cross-eyed, and even the Chinese government knows its best to poke fun at the worst of their own rhetoric, or their censors will never see any of the punch lines coming, but academics struggle to recognize jokes, often confusing them with mysticism, making it that much easier to exploit them.

Note that agnosticism and spirituality support more inclusive salt-of-the-earth humor and values, that the wealthy and powerful tend to suppress, which is why organized religions and academics alike tend to have severely stunted senses of humor, dismiss the importance of humor, and rely heavily on sarcasm, Aristotelian logic, and playing around with dictionary definitions. Sadly, organized religions and atheists alike frequently promote people arguing over the definition of stupid, and sometimes killing each other, rather than sharing their words more often, and sharing more of a genuine sense of humor. Among other things, this book explores how logic and humor express the “Two Faces of Janus”, or particle-wave duality, how anyone can reconcile the two for themselves, and how to automate the process of encouraging personal growth, in ways people have only dreamed were possible.

Socratic humor and Oneness Poetry have survived down through the eons, by often making our jokes as lame as humanly possible, and harder for the higher ranking chickens to recognize. Nonetheless, they killed Socrates for his incredibly lame sense of humor and, eventually, the communists drove the Taoists, with their "Winnie-the-Pooh-You-Scrape-Off-Your-Shoes" sense of humor, out of China altogether, with most Taoists today living in Malaysia. The major religions, still spreading everywhere faster than the rest, all incorporate the most explicit Three Stooges logic imaginable, and severely stunted senses of humor, so they can compete against militant atheists and each other.

Over the last few decades, as entitlements have increased in the US, and all the money has floated to the top, the poor have abandoned church services entirely, becoming famous for sometimes watching televangelists, while they wait in their social security offices. Meanwhile, the struggling middle class, working longer hours for lower pay than ever before, has been attending services in record numbers, praying for more reasonable working hours and, discretely, doing a little tax exempt business on side. In the ancient Roman tradition, academia and religion have become just more mass media entertainment and, frequently, just more reliable places to conduct business while, simultaneously, the US has become the most nepotistic country in the world today, complete with the largest prison population in the history of world, and the prison population increasing and decreasing in direct proportion to the number of hospital beds available in the mental healthcare system.

Poverty is the worst crime of all, with homelessness being transformed into just another industry for exploiting people who already have the highest mortality rates. Half a million chronically homeless include countless psychotics, commonly wandering in and out of traffic, sleeping in doorways and, often, preferring to eat out of garbage cans, while taking hundreds of dollars a day worth of pharmaceuticals, just to avoid being dragged off to a hospital or prison. Many today live in tents and sleep in their vehicles, avoiding the shelters whenever possible, which contain closed circuit TV cameras monitored by the police, and are often filled with hardcore drug addicts, alcoholics, and violent criminals, who barely tolerate each other’s company. Gangs often composed of children have spread to every major city, and every ghetto in the country has been walled in, to increase the property value in the surrounding areas, as all the money continues to float to the top.

Both the republican and democratic parties are promoted by the wealthy and powerful establishment, who tend to encourage fundamentalists and atheists alike to actively eliminate any middle ground between them and, as Socrates discovered the hard way, sudden wealth can easily become a curse. In the military its known as simple, "Divide and Conquer, Hammer and Anvil, Tactics” where, like the Three Stooges, you play Wack-a-Mole and crush anything in the middle flat, which is also sometimes referred to as promoting, “The Law of Contention”. Some say absolute power corrupts absolutely but, in countries with already existing social problems, all you require is sudden wealth, with the wealth flooding the US, off and on since WWII, being more than enough to corrupt the country. Even politically, most so-called "Independent" voters, almost always vote republican, because there is no middle ground to be found anywhere above ground, ensuring the political system constantly swings from one extreme to another, and is funded by entrenched wealth and the oligopolies, with lobbyists spending up to a billion dollars a year, making damned sure congress knows exactly what they want. Contrary to conventional wisdom, fundamentalism is the bastard redheaded stepchild of academia and the mass media, ensuring the Law of Contention remains the rule of the land, with neither one being capable of teaching a child how to use a dictionary if their lives depended on it, and both populations imploding faster than any other.

Fundamentalism arose as a direct result of academics promoting universal literacy and introducing the modern mass media, and the issue is not how the two differ, but how does their dysfunctional relationship promote each other’s rapid decline, and suppress much more viable alternatives. Additionally, explaining why atheists have moved into academia over the same time period, only to urge congress to censor the mass media, reject their own dictionaries, invent new rhetoric and nonsense words, and invent such abject failures as totalitarian communism. My enemy’s enemy is my best friend, and both sides are attempting to push extreme agendas by muddying the waters, whenever possible, to the point of poisoning the very ground they walk upon and, unfortunately, spouting so much hot air and becoming so horrendously destructive, over the last century or so, that their own populations have begun to implode dramatically, with the introduction of modern birth control, and Global Warming now appears poised to begin killing half the planet in earnest, assuming WWIII doesn’t break out first.

“What’s so special about Harvard, Yale, and Oxford men? They confuse themselves even more then they confuse other people, and consistently set the standard for piled-higher-and-deeper. Besides my asking whether anyone made up their own definitions for words, the only other question I asked was if anybody knew the simple distinction between a lynch mob and a democracy and, in over a decade, not a single person even came close to the correct answer, including a class of Harvard Law students. Any stand-up comic smart enough to buy life insurance, or probably Conan O’Brien’s wife, knows the answer, and I give it somewhere in this book, but its obviously not important to make such distinctions and, like I said, knowing the truth can be costly and dangerous in Babylon, if you aren’t a professional comedian, or your family can’t afford life insurance.

The hallowed halls spout so much gibberish, that I had to spend months watching PBS interviews with academics, in order to gain a better idea of all the myriad ways in which they casually abuse the dictionary, and to get a better feel for exactly how the idiots prefer to fool themselves. Basically, they seldom acknowledge the self-evident truth even exists, and have no clue what systems logics are, while I’ve gone to extremes in this book to explain how simple systems logics work, and how to use them to bullshit any academic, tell them whatever they demand to hear, and profit off their unwavering conviction, that they remain objective and unbiased. If you want an “A” in class, reading my poetry alone can help you bullshit any teacher, and, if you want to design bots the Three Stooges will love to argue with, my poetry contains the mathematics and linguistics, and I provide all the details for the physics and logistics work, in order to leverage the ignorance of the experts against themselves in the cheapest, most profitable, efficient, and easy to implement manner. If academics want to reject their own dictionary, facts, philosophies, and linguistic analysis, then its up to the private sector to develop the science and technology, and my work is all in the public domain, but you might be surprised just how much of their most popular bullshit is totally meaningless bullshit, that they will defend with their dying breath. Even academic bullshit can only avoid the light of day for so long and, for anyone who comprehends just how much meaningless bullshit they spout, the extent of the problem is truly staggering, but that’s also what makes it such an exciting commercial market to develop!

They only want to hear what they want to hear, so I can teach their students, governments, corporations, and anyone else interested, how to tell them whatever they demand to hear. How to earn the maximum profit by encouraging intellectual Three Stooges everywhere to argue over the definition of stupid, and how anyone can collate any data and make unique predictions for pies-in-the-face, that academics will never see coming. A recent study indicated that rocket scientists and brain surgeons are not actually smarter than anyone else, and their rigid inflexibility and delusions of superiority, are what make them so easy to automate and exploit. Its officially UnAmerican to join the Mickey Mouse Club in Libertarian Paradise By The Sea on the Chesapeake, because knowing the truth, sharing your words, and playing nice are only considered family values whenever taxes are significantly higher, tuition is way lower, and your sexist workaholic population, raised on Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres, and rushing to grab that cash with both hands, just to pay the next month’s rent, actually has a desire to make babies in their spare time.

Trusting politicians you pay to lie to you, in rigged elections, is widely considered flat out insane, and I know people who regularly donate to political campaigns, in order to ensure they still have their support, and academia will simply have to get in line, with the rest of the chickens, and raise tuition. As all the money has steadily floated to the top, across the country the price of life has steadily gone down the toilet, depending on your state and locality, with Chicago now being declared a War Zone, and the governor of Texas threatening to secede from the union, until the Mexican cartels let it be known that, if he kept up that kind of smack, they’d start to take it personally. Just by random chance, over the years I’ve bumped into several people who go out of their way to drive all the way around the entire state of Texas, as if it were one giant nuclear waste disposal site, inhabited by cannibals and savage mutants, but the marketing potential is unlimited!

Another Oxford academic has gone so far as to declare the New Atheists, “A Betrayal of the Enlightenment”, yet a quarter of the developed world still insists the sun revolves around the earth, begging the question of whose “enlightenment” he’s talking about. The usual wealthy white guys, who are almost always lawyers and bankers heavily invested in the stock market, are still the same ones running around claiming to know everything, and insisting everybody else is full of crap. And, are the same idiots increasingly demanding the right to censor the mass media and the worldwide web, so they can enlighten the rest of us in excruciating detail from their lofty ivory towers, positions of power and authority, and extensive mass media outlets, which can now all be found on the NYSE! *Support The Sciences And The Enlightenment*, by burning your dictionary today, and own your very own cherished family heirloom of *~Conventional Wisdom~*, by investing in reality TV, Face Book, and Twitter! Once, an academic asked me what can be done to avert the impending lengthy series of looming man-made catastrophes, such as Global Warming, now threatening the future of humanity, and I angrily suggested he find out who the hell is teaching all these idiots how to destroy the planet faster!

Call me brain damaged, but either the right hand knows what the left hand is doing, or we’re all screwed and, according to their own evidence, academia could not find their own ass with both hands. The truth hurts for a reason and, worldwide, the mainstream, their teachers, and their institutions of higher learning, have inspired so much confidence in the next generation, that they’ve more than doubled the number of billion dollar self-contained bomb shelters currently under construction, and are making significant progress in developing the technology to colonize Mars, when nobody has even been there yet, and low gravity environments proved decades ago to be seriously hazardous to your health! However, we can all sleep better at night knowing our Glorious Leader will be safe, and is doing his utmost to ensure that more weathermen and physicians know how to do their damned jobs properly, and do as they’re told. With guidance from our Glorious Leader, academia is literally encouraging complete idiots and gullible fools everywhere to systematically erect the Tower of Babel and, I might add, have made tremendous strides in recent years in developing the technology to construct a Star Wars “Death Star” battle station, which is the most popular online request made to the White House and, quite possibly, the future home of humanity.

For their part, the public complains about things like Fox News, but nobody would ever watch it if they merely told the truth. Facebook just censored all of the reputable news outlets in Australia, because reputable news is too expensive, when you can just make up any bullshit you want, and nobody even uses a dictionary. People constantly complain about online trolls, fake news, and misinformation, but most websites that don’t attract so-called trolls don’t get any traffic, and websites are normally designed to attract trolls, and to make it easy for moderators to keep the flames down, so the trolls don’t get carried away, and chase off the same customers they attract. I suppose you could argue that websites are normally designed to troll for customers, and spread fake news and misinformation, but their customers are mostly either fans of fake news and misinformation, or trolls and, of course, nobody can agree upon the definition of a troll, because nobody can agree on the definition of stupid. Some have argued with me that they have an explicit definition for what a troll is but, whenever I’ve explained to anyone who has asked for my opinion about such things that, according to their definition, websites are normally designed to troll for customers, they usually stop talking to me.

Whenever a wealthy individual or a corporation, such as our glorious leader and Fox News, blatantly lies to the public, the lawyers insist it be called “real news” and not be censored, and one study indicated that if you label some things “fake news”, the idiots will automatically assume anything that isn’t labeled fake is real. But, not to worry, once our glorious leader is above the law, he can set new standards and fair prices, establishing a competitive market for deciding what constitutes real news. Similarly, “Trolling For Trolls” could be the newest competitive online video game, with little kids these days spouting the most vitriolic crap imaginable, that could inspire a professional wrestler to change careers. Some website owners carefully tweak the rules for their forums in minor ways, just to encourage the idiots to feel like they always have something to argue about, whenever they start to run out of steam or ideas and, as always, the truth remains a hard sell. Far too rich for my blood, and can’t compete with billions of chickens all enthusiastically pecking away at each other, and endlessly spouting blatant lies and complete nonsense.

Google is working on an AI that will allow the individual to turn the vitriol up and down on command, just like adjusting the volume on a stereo, so the mindless mob can listen to all the juicy lies, complete bullshit, and exciting vitriol they could possibly desire, in whatever polite or impolite terms they happen to prefer at the time. Intel just introduced their own version for online gaming, and selling customized bullshit to complete blithering idiots is nothing new but, the difference is, this is mathematically rigorous customized bullshit, that can be used to construct an AI capable of stealing WC Fields’ lunch money and life savings, never giving a sucker an even break. The music industry, for example, already has an algorithm that allows them to calculate exactly how much money they can make on any song, with popular music today being almost entirely devoid of intonation, as a result of nobody wanting to hear the truth in even the voices of popular singers, who now commonly distort their voices electronically, no matter how talented they are.

The computers are beginning to spit out hit singles, and one dimensional comic book super heroes are breaking all box office records (Hulk Smash!) You can see the same flat, zombie, cartoonish effect in even fashion models, with some of the newest popular music stars and models being entirely synthetic virtual creations, that were never based on any individual and, in at least one case, is theoretically genetically impossible. A classic Barbie doll is so thin she would have to be seven foot tall for her internal organs to work however, soon, improved mathematics and AI will make it trivial to manipulate and customize such images with incredible accuracy, for the maximum bang-for-your-buck, that will make the current music, movie, and porn industry attempts to exploit their audiences for more money, look pathetic in comparison. Facebook is now competing with the porn industry, which has already joined the ranks of major investors and developers of technology with, for example, it now being possible to practice safe sex, and buy a cheap blow-job online, while watching porn in VR, using one of Facebook’s own headsets. They’ve been so successful, that Facebook has changed their name to “Meta” and is now investing heavily in adding VR programming to their websites. With the addition of advanced AI, the future of online porn is quite bright, if you are a Wall Street investor, or enjoy humping lamp posts.

Nothing like a little behavioral conditioning, beat me, whip me, make me write bad checks, then tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies and, only then, give me just the facts I need to know but, the simple fact is, nobody wants to hear the truth! Theoretically, its all the same analog logic and mathematics, and can be used to design a Woody Allen style, “Orgasmitron” that will encourage complete idiots to reproduce even less often but, there’s simply no denying that few things sell worse than the truth, few things are more expensive than the truth, and the more casually they all lie to themselves, the louder they demand that everybody else lie to them as well, and the faster they run in circles screaming “Off With Their Heads!” Frequently raised in such exotic locations as Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres, all too often living sheltered lives in the vast lonely sprawling deserts of suburbia, and giant megalopolises, that blend together like so much concrete play-dough and Lego buildings, the truth tends to haunt chickens, like their own shadow! Nonetheless, only the truth can set you free, whether you wanna be free or not!

Chickens be free! Is Chickenshit Liberation in Three Stooges Libertarian Paradise Never-Ending-Armageddon-Again-and-Again-and-Again! The extra-crispy Mickey Mouse Southern Fried Movie variety recommended by the Colonel himself! That comes with the new spicy hot wings marinated in moonshine, for those extra special occasions, when the lights are only left on because nobody is ever home. Everybody arguing over the definition of stupid, means freedom is your right to shoot yourself in the foot, and freedom ain’t nothin’ but a joke in bad taste, if you never do get the punch lines! The one damned thing, you can be absolutely certain of, is that reality has a nasty habit of imposing itself upon even the most enormous flock of indignant chickens, in the most disagreeable ways imaginable!

The widespread knowledge that we are now confronting Global Warming and are in the midst of the single worst extinction event in the history of the planet, is raising everybody’s red flags to the top of the pole, with all the signs indicating that Babylon is in for an extremely rude awakening. Politics may make for strange bedfellows, but at least they don’t appear to reproduce that often, so its seldom a problem in the long run. Unfortunately, the birds and the bees are already dying, because the insects are dying, the fish are dying, the animals are dying, the plants are dying, and the heatwaves keep getting longer with each passing year, as if everything the Babylonians touch, including each other, eventually withers away and dies.

Everything on the planet from the north to the south pole is dying but, paradise lost must inevitably be regained. Soon enough, the only place anybody left alive will be calling paradise, is a self-contained bomb shelter, or a passing alien spaceship! Researchers have determined that humanity now requires new technology, just to prevent the entire world ecology from collapsing, due to all the damage we’ve already done with our current technology. Nonetheless, the Black Rhino still lives and, in a hopeful sign, a White Buffalo was born in the West, signifying that we may yet have time, and countless Babylonians that I’ve spoken to are fervently hopin’ and a praying, that some new technology will come along, that can prevent them from mindlessly abusing every new technology, at the first convenient opportunity. Believe it or not, such technology is quite possible, and I discuss it in another chapter but, again, you have to be careful what you wish for, especially if you’re a brainless chicken, living in your own Private Idaho!

Once I mentioned to someone studying how to operate nuclear reactors, that Galileo proved over four hundred years ago that heavier objects don’t fall any faster, and he made Homer Simpson proud by stubbornly refusing to believe me. The fool didn’t even ask me how heavier objects could possibly not fall any faster, and summarily dismissed my casual comment, as if he were used to being lied to every day of his life, about even the stupidest crap imaginable. When the Fukushima nuclear power plant started to meltdown, a representative of the nuclear power industry was online, arguing with me and attempting to reassure the public that the industry has a fantastic safety record. That is, until I pointed out that they built a cheap nuclear reactor, based on experimental submarine designs, on the most earthquake and tsunami prone island in the world, threw up a berm wall just high enough to have stopped the last tsunami to hit that spot, and the executives were all indicted five years previously on corruption charges, for violating every safety rule in the book, including stacking spent rods on top of the reactor, because white collar crime might as well be legal in Japan.

Note that I have nothing against either the science or the industry itself, and the Japanese are famous for their attention to details and amazing scientists and engineers but, all too frequently, mainstream conventional wisdom has led to the worst lowbrow slapstick imaginable, and the stupid chickens don’t know their own damned limits! Meanwhile, academics everywhere continue to encourage them, still refuse to use a stupid dictionary, and are now loudly insisting that censoring the internet and mass media is the only possible solution, to the same problems they are generating. Of course, insane Babylonians will do whatever the hell they want and, no doubt, will ignore anything that I might have to say, much more often preferring to take their cues from reality TV and Professional Wrestling, like our glorious leader, but I couldn’t just standby and watch Fukushima meltdown without at least saying something while it was happening.

Michio Kaku is a famous physicist from California, where some of the radioactive waste washed up on their beaches, and he went on TV begging them to entomb the disaster, but Japan’s environmental claim to fame includes hunting the whales and cutting down the rain forest, while it was the American government that encouraged Japan to build the reactors in the first place. So-called geniuses and intellectuals pleading for mercy from the same morons they teach, who have almost no clue how to use a dictionary, and still insist the sun revolves around the earth, is just more bizarre Babylonian theater to me. All the Star Trek fantasies, parallel universes converging, and infinite strings that anybody can pull, cannot save Michio or his millions of fans from their own Do-Do-Kaku, or the radioactive waste while, despite persistent rumors to the contrary, nobody has found a way to escape the Matrix.

Theoretically, somebody, somewhere, will eventually notice that nobody is listening to all of their lies, threats, posturing, and indignant complaints anymore, when they all start to die in record numbers but, according to the latest estimates, you should be able to encourage them to debate the issue, and point fingers, for fun and for profit, for at least another fifty years, possibly amassing enough money to build your own self-contained bomb shelter. A decade after the meltdown, they’re running out of money to even slow down how fast all the crap pours into the ocean, with scientists today now worried all of the world’s oceans may die soon enough, from the relentless onslaught of countless similar insults. Living is rapidly becoming the leading cause of death and, at this rate, even Wall Street has started to notice that the entire world is getting hotter, more radioactive, poisonous, and hazardous to your health by the moment. With all the continuing Three Stooges slapstick, many are now hoping that Artificial Intelligence can save Babylonians from themselves, and over a trillion dollars was invested in AI research last year alone, which has been called the “New Manhattan Project”, but AI is analog by definition!

Millions have rushed to cash in on the newly emerging technology, to empower themselves to organize like chickens in ever larger numbers, and to fight amongst themselves over their guns, money, propaganda and, not least of all, who gets to decide what is socially acceptable, according to conventional wisdom, and who gets to call who a brainless chicken! Playground mobs generally prefer people who are “socially acceptable”, meaning you don’t ostracize or lynch them, and both Fox News and CNBC have purchased their own social networking websites, for determining just who is socially unacceptable, and are enthusiastically preparing for World War III! Just as soon as they finish commercializing the current civil war, which is generating so much excitement in our *Glorious Banana Republic* that it may soon be declared a public health hazard, due to conservatives refusing to be vaccinated, and dropping like flies, while the supreme court appears intent on encouraging them to exercise their freedom of choice, even if it puts the rest of the population at risk.

Without comment, Google intervened when Facebook started censoring the Australian news, offering to pay a considerable amount for the videos for the next three years, with the suspicion being its a war between broadcast news like Fox and internet websites, but a war that Google and the Pentagon simply can’t afford right now, with WWIII threatening to break out! Both democrats and republicans have supported a new bill to allow broadcast news like Fox to charge for what is legally entertainment, and still call it news. Facebook banning Australian news outlets placed pressure on congress to remove a provision for mandatory arbitration, so online websites can still decide what is worthy of their bandwidth, and can enforce their own distinctive variations on see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

When is a joke no longer a joke? Whenever you never do get the punch lines, and chickenshit bullshit is all you ever get for an answer. All of the oligopolies are now heavily invested in AI, while computer scientists are close to constructing the first computer capable of writing computer programs, and replacing their own jobs with an assortment of AI. In fact, their newest neural network could theoretically finish writing my book for me, but it might also fry their stupid computer, because I’m using the multidimensional multifractal equation of the Tao Te Ching, to write this entire book, and it would push the newest supercomputers to their limits, and require at least three years to accomplish, while their linguists are still struggling to categorize Gregorian Chants, and they’ll be lucky if they can vaguely comprehend whatever answers the computer spits out. But, there’s no need for supercomputers, or hiring comedians as consultants, when a home computer will soon be capable of collating any data you want, and even writing a book like this one, by merely copying the same mathematics, substituting whatever specific lexicon and database you prefer.

Intel and Microsoft have already made it possible to replace computer programmers with VR applications, which means you can also easily replace the vast majority of teachers, bureaucrats, and middle management, but the technology will require at least another decade or two to mature, and become dirt cheap. Just in time for global warming, so corporations and governments can cheaply automate the jobs of their dying employees. In the ongoing heroic struggle to conquer the world with AI, physicians are now reporting cases of burnout and fatigue, after rushing for over a decade to develop an AI that can replace them. Fortunately, existing AI have already proven to be significantly better than the physicians at diagnosing patients, and will soon be able to treat the same physicians who are designing them and, hopefully, can also improve the fertility rates of academics in general. Of course, growth and progress seldom occur without the occasional monkey wrench being thrown into the works, and countless AI have already proven to be horribly unreliable, with many of the computer systems constructed thus far, turning out to be utterly worthless for what they were originally designed for, and AI exhibiting surprising behavior including racism and sexism because, in many respects, being analog it comprehends the chickens better than they do themselves.

Like the term “Complete Oxymoron”, I didn’t invent the terms “Artificial Intelligence” or “Banana Republic” but, I support every American’s right to buy as much *Artificial Intelligence* as they can possibly afford, and to come out of the closet and demand the *Glorious Banana Republic* of their choice! Its not like you can force democracy on half the country, when nobody can even agree on what the word means and, after half a century of conservatives complaining louder with each passing year, that the political system, the one they’ve utterly dominated for half a century, just isn’t working for them, all I can say is, I’ve always believed them. Conservatives are still arguing they aren’t getting their money’s worth out of billion dollar rigged elections to vote the bums out of office and, obviously, our political parties have become totally redundant, and an enormous waste of time and money and, to quote the Joker in Batman comic books, “What this town needs is an enema!”

Polite politics are for wimps but, not to worry, our Vietnam draft dodging commander-in-chief and Glorious Leader, (who by some accounts is anything but a mere wimpy mortal, and may already be above the law altogether), has been making so many new friends at the Pentagon, dazzling them with his incredible wit and intellect, and demonstrating how to dispense military justice in his private chain-of-command, and how to spend their considerable budgets on his own, much more worthwhile, personal projects. They say the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys, and the military likes to think they have better taste than anyone in who they choose to share their toys with, including fascist dictators and Banana Republics or, at least, they require intimate working relationships with them. I suspect some of the generals are already drawing up emergency contingency plans, should any obvious opportunity arise, for someone to march the army right over the Potomac, to thunderous applause. We may see a dramatic decline in mortality rates in the DC area alone, if nowhere else, while television ratings and voter turnout could soar through the roof, if our glorious leader becomes the first draft dodging commander-in-chief in US history to be killed by his own troops, for being far too stupid to be allowed to live.

Personally, I’d prefer a functional democracy myself, and was never interested in who shot J.R. either but, shit happens, and you can’t get blood from a turnip! Asking the military to be smarter than the government they work for, and decide for themselves what is legal, and who to put on a pedestal and worship as our glorious leader, above the petty laws of mortal men, is just asking for a world of trouble. Several retired generals have already warned that the military is divided, and we may be facing a violent overthrow of the government, which means its every man for himself! Seriously, the Pentagon had to practically beg congress to put limits on what they can do, since the constitution only appears to be of historical significance these days, and just isn’t raking in the money for the lawyers like it once did.

With all the confusion over voting, some conservatives have suggested that we should make our rigged elections compulsory, and force freedom and democracy on the idiots, but if others continue to insist their own democracy is way over-rated, over-priced, decadent, and the personification of evil incarnate, I can certainly understand why they feel that way. Our glorious leader incited the Capital Hill riot that killed five cops, and has been taken to court for everything from sexual assault, to fraud, and tax evasion, high crimes, and treason, but is still a free man because he’s far too rich and influential to go to jail, and my only only hope here is to save taxpayer lives and money, by urging people to immediately blow up their fucking TV, or come out of the closet and demand the *Glorious Banana Republic* of their choice. In Italy, one province elected a popular porn star to office twice and, evidently, she had quite a brain on her, and they elected her understudy as well but, in my opinion, most Americans aren’t ready for Mini Mouse yet, especially since Maryland made it illegal to vote for Mickey, and Goofy has his own plans…

On the other hand, if they made our *Glorious Banana Republic* official, and gave our glorious leader a crown and a throne or, at least, a really nice uniform covered with shiny metals, despite his dodging the draft, it could help build bridges where none might otherwise exist, eliminate a lot of unnecessary confusion, and the mass media could cover elections much better but, more importantly, it could save millions of lives and billions of dollars by both lowering and raising expectations from Wall Street and the Pentagon alone. Banana Republics present unique challenges to free enterprise and national security, and military intelligence is an oxymoron but, not to worry, our glorious leader has been teaching the Pentagon the ways of the Jedi in his newly formed Empire of the Republic, and the generals are all paying close attention to his awe inspiring example, for just how easy it is to corrupt an already thoroughly corrupt, and easily startled and confused, nation of outraged chickens, and rise above all the petty chickenshit laws of the land.

As exciting as many no doubt find it to follow the endless intrigues and intricacies behind the inner workings of the *New and Improved Evil Empire*, writing about all the political, religious, and academic nonsense in this book was the hardest thing for me to do, because I’d rather explore the intimate details of how hot dogs are made, than waste my time and sanity watching what Babylonians call the news, following what the mainstream considers conventional wisdom, or talking to insane academics who routinely reject their own empirical evidence, wisdom philosophies, and even the stupid dictionary, while insisting they are merely fulfilling their traditional role in society, know better than anyone else what the hell they’re doing, and blaming the same students they teach for the state of the world today, as their population implodes. Despite my telling them I don’t vote and don’t believe anybody is in charge around here, conservatives and academics alike have repeatedly accused me of being partisan and inciting hate, for merely quoting their own uncomfortable facts, and insisting that a mindless mob killing themselves and destroying the entire planet, while storming the palace with knives and pitch forks for cheap thrills, is never to be confused with a functional government. Liberals have turned out to be no better, insisting that honesty and politics don’t mix, and you don’t need a fucking dictionary to censor the mass media and worldwide web.

Many of my friends are former academics, who have nothing good whatsoever to say about working in academia, and gladly left it far behind them, as just another low hanging branch of corporate America. According to their own evidence, its best to take anything academics say with a pound of salt, with up to a third of academic research being extremely questionable, according to their own standards, making my Bullshit Linguistic Analysis one of the few remaining ways to determine just how full of crap both academics and the mainstream are. Anyway, chickenshit soap operas of the rich and famous have always bored me to tears, and my only concern here is in saving taxpayer lives and money by, hopefully, shedding light on how anyone can recognize and avoid some of the more brazenly insane Babylonians, hellbent on going down the toilet faster, and dragging anyone within arm’s reach down with them. Poor William Henley is widely considered to have been a better author than even Shakespeare, yet they burned him alive at the stake for daring to make his Bible more beautiful, then added insult to injury by making his Bible the official version of lynch mobs everywhere.

With literary fans like that, who needs critics? Henley knew damned well who is readers were and, instead of burning books as “Ugly And Demeaning”, these Bible Thumpers burn people alive, while debating the evil nature of aesthetics. Hell, in Texas two rednecks were insane enough to kill a strange black man they had never met, by dragging him behind their pickup truck with a bull chain, and I have to urge black people to avoid Texas rednecks, as infamous for often being mindless vicious animals, that should be locked up in the zoo. A recent study indicated there are perhaps a half dozen states that black people should avoid altogether, because the odds of being shot by even the cops, or imprisoned, go way up. Hopefully, with future studies, we can draw maps of the US that show where its best for black people to live.

The truth hurts for a reason, because its just way too damned expensive, in every way imaginable, and the more Babylonians there are who insist they know the truth and are doing something meaningful, more often than not, the less it pays to get involved. In Ray Bradbury’s book, “Fahrenheit 451” he wrote about a dystopian future, where people burned books at every opportunity, but burning books is just more cheap thrills, if half the population consists of compulsive liars, raised on Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres, and almost nobody gives a crap about the truth. As much as Babylonians might understandably think of themselves as the center of attention, and the leading authorities on everything, one thing you can’t hide is when you’re crippled inside, and this book was never intended for crazy Babylonians, who often love nothing more than debating whether Bambi should have died at the end of the film.

A few have suggested that I should “Do The Right Thing”, like Spike Lee, and defend the honor of Mickey Mouse, attempt to save Bambi, or save the Babylonians from themselves. Thankfully, Disney has already persuaded the courts to make Mickey Mouse immortal, and absolve him of all his sins, extending his copyrights beyond the mere century that lowly peasants must contend with, so they can continue to defend the honor of Mickey, and keep charging outrageous prices for Mickey Mouse products for the next thousand years. More importantly, in their infinite wisdom, Disney has made a strategic move, and is now working with the porn industry which, I’m sure has their own plans for saving Mickey, Bambi and, especially, Goofy. Additionally, we can all rest assured that most Babylonians already have a personal savior and a glorious leader as well, because I’m positive they would nail me to a cross if I tried to save them from themselves. I remain firmly convinced myself that its flat out impossible to prevent the Three Stooges from setting each other on fire, blowing each other up, building cheap nuclear reactors operated by Homer Simpson, or committing suicide any damned way they prefer while, of course, accusing each other of being “Evil Liberal Secular Muslim Commie Militant Atheist Freedom Fighter Corporate Fashion Terrorists!”

Americans have been complaining that their political system isn’t working for over half a century and, in that time, the majority white population, in control of the government and complaining the loudest, has imploded altogether. All the money has floated to the top, mass murders have run around shooting even kindergarten classes, and dozens of men once gang raped women in NYC Central Park in broad daylight, with the news cameras filming them as the cops pulled them off one at a time, while others just kept taking their place. Cockroaches mate like that, but the camera people didn’t work for National Geographic, and they’ve loudly proclaimed a vote of no-confidence in their own government and mass media, while my only civic duty at this point, especially considering that I’ve been disenfranchised, is to suggest that Americans come out of the closet, or blow up their fucking TV, because you already know damned well the insane are running the asylum, and its every lynch mob and billionaire for themselves!

Ancient Rome had nothing on Hollywood writers, PT Barnum, and La-La Land who, as a public service, are the ones teaching all the lawyers, bankers, and academics how to play around with semantics and dictionary definitions, with the latest AI neural network now writing entire books, and about to replace them all. My work includes such things as how banks can exploit their customers for the maximum bang-for-their-buck, how to make unique stock market predictions, and how insurance companies can easily predict who is more prone to accidents and different health problems, by merely analyzing their writing, and can teach the mindless mob how to destroy their own governments, for their own maximum bang-for-their-buck in low-low-low-as-you-can-go taxes! Modern science has already mastered the mathematics of classical beauty, but has yet to master the comedy of fuzzy logic, and the increase in lowbrow slapstick is raising insurance rates for Vaudeville stage and theater. These days, if you teach a man how to fish, you still have to teach him how to cut bait, and when to give up fishing altogether and throw the damned fish back in the water, because its so polluted you would never feed it to your dog.

Scientists are already struggling to invent new technology fast enough to deal with all the current ecological disasters, that we already know about, while nobody has any real suggestions for how to stop the marching morons from killing themselves faster, than modern science can manage to duct tape the ecology back together. Cities in Asia have already begun installing vending machines that dispense cans of fresh air, and both IQ and dementia have proven to go up and down in direct proportion to the amount of air pollution, so they can charge as much as the market will bare, for breathable air. Even the rain has finally proven to be toxic and, so long as the sciences continue to support and promote the public arguing over the definition of stupid, they might as well get it over with, and join all the others repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot, and demand that their governments censor them as well, and protect them from their own evil students, like me! Of course, that requires I first explain to them how they can protect themselves from brain damaged idiots, who write down subversive potty mouth nursery rhymes older than monuments, that dare to question the status quo…

Thankfully, my Bullshit Linguistic Analysis can be used to make unique predictions of market trends, as well as, the cheapest ways to encourage the idiots to believe whatever they hell they prefer, or whatever you want them to believe. Its all the same stupid analog bullshit but, with chickens, its counterproductive to use anything more sophisticated, and its obviously pointless to attempt to discuss anything serious with them. In recent decades it has steadily become patently obvious to the entire world that, if humanity is to survive into the next century, everything must change, but nobody out of eight billion idiots seems to have the slightest clue as to how to even begin to accomplish such a Herculean task because, of course, none of them ever learned how to share their words and play nice.

Sometimes, Deja Vu is that sinking feeling that reality is hitting closer to home than you ever cared to imagine, and you’ve been down this rutted road far too many times before where, past a certain point, it becomes impossible to distinguish the road from the gutter. When scientists first discovered that modern tractors were eroding the topsoil they sent volunteers to teach farmers in the southern US how to easily prevent the problem, and they all laughed at them. That is, until the Great Dust Bowel happened and they were driven from their homes by the dust, in the middle of the Great Depression! The very idea that these same idiots today are anymore willing to listen to reason, or that insane academics have learned anything at all from the experience of the Great Dust Bowl, is absurd when even their own ivy league colleges continue to encourage the idiots to argue over the definition of stupid, and their only solution to such problems is to censor the internet and automate farming. Ask not what academics might possibly do to save the planet, but how can we possibly save the planet from academics? Half the children in the US have recently been diagnosed with lead poisoning, and the plague keeps mutating, while the kids and the elderly are the most vulnerable. In an effort to promote growth and progress, we’ve encouraged wild growth in virtually all of our populations, cultures, industries, and technology, but without so much as anyone even agreeing on their own damned dictionary, while the endless lies are finally beginning to catch up with Babylon, and it breaks my heart to think the kids might all die before their parents.

Regrettably, Rainbow Warrior legends suggest that the Tower of Babel must collapse, in order for the meek to finally inherit the earth and, frankly, I don’t see how they could possibly inherit the earth any other way. At the rate we’re going, there won’t be a planet left to inherit if the Tower of Babel doesn’t collapse soon, while if it starts to collapse any faster, we’ll become an extinct species! Within twenty years commercial fishing will become impossible, there simply won’t be enough wild fish left in any ocean, and within fifty years every wild land animal much larger than a dog will only exist in zoos, and their extinction will destroy entire ecologies. The most recent surveys indicate that anywhere from 20% to 35% of the developed world claims global warming is not a problem, and its obviously pointless to discuss the issue with any of them. Forget about saving Bambi, if the meek don’t inherit the earth you know damned well the rats and cockroaches will and, at this late date in the game, one of the few remaining questions is how to avoid getting dragged over the nearest cliff by the mindless mob, like so many lemmings pointing fingers at each other the whole way down, and still hedging their bets on our Glorious Leader, FaceBook, reality TV, and Twitter!

Babylonians have drunk enough piss and vinegar to fill an ocean, and are drowning under the weight of their own hubris, while just the sheer amount of plastic waste in the environment today is already estimated to be enough for micro-particles to kill the entire planet within decades, by disrupting the food-chain. They say starving to death is actually quite peaceful but, unfortunately, Babylonians seldom bow out gracefully, even when confronted with the inevitable, and our glorious leader has refused to leave the White House after losing his bid for re-election. People remind me all the time that the more things change, the more they stay the same, but nobody will be saying that when the environment collapses altogether, children start dying faster than the adults, and “Soylent Green” is the only thing left that they can afford to eat. The north pole is completely gone in the summer, and algae blooms are rapidly replacing it altogether, while the south pole appears ready to drop an iceberg the size of London into the ocean and Greenland looks ready to vanish altogether, as beaches around the world are infested with swarms of jellyfish, because there aren’t enough wild fish left to eat them.

Around the world, from the north to the south pole, glaciers are melting, while ninety percent of the population lives in coastal regions, and even the ocean currents appear to be changing, as if Mother Nature has reluctantly decided to unceremoniously flush modern civilization down the toilet, just as soon as she’s done with the current pandemic and whatever else she has planned. In the far north tundra, encircling the north pole, rogue fires have broken out everywhere, as if the earth itself is setting signal fires, hoping for rescue by a passing alien spaceship, while Alaska is worried the thawing tundra will release ancient microbes into the atmosphere, and generate even more deadly plagues. Meanwhile, California has declared that they no longer have an official fire season, because the fires never do stop burning. As the snow-pack vanishes in the Rocky Mountains, the mighty Columbia river has been reduced to a trickle, and Canada has signed a controversial agreement to supply the US with water should it become necessary, while a nervous Mexican government has sought reassurances that their own water won’t be cut off.

Canada had no choice but to sign or be invaded when the time comes, no doubt in the name of Manifest Destiny and, once again, in their madness the Babylonians have created their own hell on earth, going to great lengths to ensure it is filled with dying children, plants and animals, polluted water, noxious fumes, sulfur, fire, and brimstone, in the image of their own worst nightmares. Even now, the lemmings are still demanding their birthright to march right over the nearest cliff, pointing fingers at each other the whole way down, while academics with stunted senses of humor continue to reject their own dictionaries, preferring to invent new nonsense words and rhetoric they can use to debate logical fallacies, and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. All too predictably, along with the same idiots they teach, academia has begun to loudly proclaim that censoring the internet and mass media, or a policy of see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, is the only remaining hope for the future of humanity and, of course, they’re receiving all of the research funding they can possibly handle, including f